Chasing Alys

by Morgana Bevan

  Her eyes widened as the realisation set in. “I think the last stranger to buy me a drink was Oliver,” she shouted, her sad eyes downcast. “I’ll go apologise.” She straightened her posture and started to push past me.

  I caught her arm again. “Better not. Just don’t do it again.”

  Emily nodded, but her attention was fixed on the dance floor, her heeled foot tapping in impatience. She hadn’t been herself since I’d returned from the supermarket. In fact, she hadn’t even noticed my frazzled state after my run-in with Ryan. She’d kept fidgeting instead. Before I’d been able to question her or give her the Rhiannon album, she’d latched onto dressing me.

  “Did something happen while I was out today? Did Oliver call?”

  “He can’t call. No phone,” she bit out, pulling at her arm once.

  “Did he stop by?”

  Her expression shifted. The calm impatience slipped, and for a second her eyes shone with unshed tears. Before I could comment, she got it under control and turned away.

  “I’m fine,” she said, draining half of her wine to prove it.

  “So, he did stop by?”

  She nodded.

  “What did he want?”

  “It doesn’t matter. I’m fine. Can we dance before I lose my buzz, please?” Her tone was hard and her face set firm as stone. She wasn’t fine; I’d used that lie far too many times not to see the tremor of pain beneath the veneer. But what could I do? Arguing and insisting she unload wouldn’t help either of us.

  I released her arm and forced my face to relax. Emily watched me through narrowed slits. I took a deep drink and nodded towards the dance floor. Message received, she smiled and stepped into the crowd, barging between yet another hand-holding couple. They looked curiously happy until Emily forced them apart.

  The closer we got to the dance floor, the louder the music became. A noughties pop-punk song blared out of the speakers, and the crowd started singing drunkenly along. Men spun their partners or shuffled them in circles to some internal music. I couldn’t remember what it was like to be so absorbed in another person that the music disappeared. Watching their smiling faces, my chest felt hollow.

  My parents used to look at each other like that, like there was a secret only they knew. They’d spent most of my childhood absorbed in their work, but every now and again, I’d catch them staring at each other with moon eyes. Despite everything, I still wanted someone to look at me with that kind of affection.

  Emily grabbed my hand and pulled me roughly onto the dance floor, snapping me out of my wistful moment. She pushed her way to the centre of the crowd, barely mindful of the wineglass I cradled to my chest.

  Lights strobed and Emily laughed, singing the words back at me. She held her glass aloft. Alarmed, I pulled her arm down before it went over my head. That would definitely ruin the look.

  It didn’t take long before someone plucked up the courage to butt in. A kind of familiar, tall, rake-thin guy wearing a Fleetwood Mac shirt inserted himself between Emily and me. The only silver lining for five-inch heels was that I could see around him. She’d stopped dancing and blinked up at him in disbelief. But soon a look of astonished delight crossed her face and she started to move with him.

  Mission accomplished. Maybe I’d get these shoes off sooner than I’d hoped. I shifted from foot to foot as I tried to ease the pinch in my toes. I didn’t need to look down to know that they were cutting my feet. It was probably time to do a wardrobe clear out; I hadn’t worn these black stilettos since Halloween for this very reason.

  How bad would it look if I walked out barefoot? I couldn’t see any glass on the ground.

  “I hope you weren’t thinking about leaving.”

  I almost groaned. I certainly didn’t need to turn around to identify who was talking.

  “Twice in one day? I’d call this fate.”

  “Or you’re stalking me.”

  Ryan laughed.

  I crossed my arms and eyed him. “First my dance class, then the gig and the supermarket. It’s a reasonable conclusion.” My serious expression slipped as I spoke, and I found myself mirroring his grin before the last syllable fell from my lips.

  “I should ask you the same question.” He scanned my outfit, his eyes lingering on the low V cut that threatened to reveal my bra to all. His smile faltered; he looked stunned.

  Swallowing hard, his eyes met mine. “Have you changed your mind since this morning?”

  I wish. “No.”

  “Too bad.” He leaned down to my height, but because of my footwear, he didn’t have far to go. “I think the universe is trying to tell us something,” he said against my ear.

  There was heat in his eyes when he stepped back, and I followed him, drawn to it.

  I pressed a hand to his chest and leaned on my tiptoes until our cheeks grazed. “I’m not a big believer in signs,” I shouted over the music.

  He smirked as I dropped back to my heels and pulled away. “Somehow I’m not surprised.”

  My brain fixed on the quirk of his lips like it had never seen an arrogant man smile before and needed to memorise every detail for future torture. Sound dulled as I watched his eyes darken. The crowd around us blurred into the hazy background.

  Slowly, he lowered his face, tilting his head. Time slowed as I waged a battle with my conscience. What was the worst thing that could happen if I let him kiss me? One kiss wouldn’t hurt, even if I would be knowingly leading him on. Yet maybe knowing how his lips felt against mine would stop my mind from constantly wondering. Maybe it would be terrible and problem solved. But watching his lips quiver as he swooped toward me, I doubted it.

  “Sorry,” a girl said, bumping into my back and knocking me forward. My head collided with Ryan’s nose, and he groaned in pain. The bubble burst and I was free of his spell.

  “Are you okay?” I watched him test his nose. It wasn’t bleeding, so that was a win.

  “It’s fine. Probably won’t even bruise in the morning.” His smile returned, and his head dipped, intending to pick up where we left off.

  I took half a step back. I’d have gone further, but the crowd had closed in on us. I needed to distance myself from Ryan before the sex-starved side of my brain took over.

  “That the friend you mentioned?” He gestured over my shoulder with his beer bottle.

  Emily’s wineglass had disappeared, but she was happily grinding against the stranger who had interrupted us. At least she’s enjoying herself. She’d had a small wobble when I’d tried to leave the house in my boots, but otherwise, she hadn’t shed a single tear all day. I wasn’t sure if I should congratulate her resilience or worry about her burying painful emotions.

  “She doesn’t look too bad tonight. Jared’ll make sure she forgets all about her ex.”

  I’m sure he will. Then he’ll leave her in the morning and I’ll have to pick up the pieces when she realises she isn’t made for one-night stands.

  Rather than agree with Ryan, I drained my glass. He immediately freed me of it then deposited it and his empty beer bottle on a table at the edge of the dance floor. The couple sitting at the table looked less than impressed.

  The music changed to a Fleetwood Mac song, and Ryan held out his hand. His eyebrows rose, seeming to dare me to run away. Not one to back down from a challenge, I placed my hand in his and let him pull me close. His hands rested on my hips while mine crept up around his neck. I should have been pushing him away, not leaning into him.

  He mouthed the words to the song. “How fitting,” he said, his breath heating my ear. “I can assure you your friend will be going home happy.”

  “You’ve got quite a bit of faith in Jared, haven’t you?”

  He pulled a face. “I try not to think about his sex life – makes it easier to look him in the eye at practice.” His hands moved from my hips to my back, and he pulled me tight to him. He watched me for a moment, waiting for me to push him away, I imagined. I didn’t. I threaded my fingers together behind his neck inst
ead, relishing the heat of the skin hidden beneath his long hair.

  “What would you do if you had enough money not to need a job?” Ryan asked. The question caught me off guard, and I blinked up at him. “C’mon, Alys. It’s a simple question.”

  “I just didn’t expect it.”

  Ryan smirked. “I’m full of surprises. So, what would you do?”

  I chewed my lip, considering options. It wasn’t hard, really. “I’d buy a house near the beach in a country with lots of sun.” Ryan laughed and I frowned. “You asked!”

  “I didn’t expect you to give the perfunctory response I’d expect from every Brit.”

  I shrugged. “You’ve been out there. The cold makes me want a holiday.”

  “Good point. Forget going back to Glasgow. Greece sounds much better.” He stepped back and started ushering me towards the door.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, laughing as I dug in my heels to stop his progress.

  “Fixing the weather.”

  “I appreciate the attempt, but I kind of need to stay in the country.”

  Ryan glanced over my shoulder, and his smile fell. “Probably right. I’ll have to take a rain check.”

  I placed my hands around his neck again and we went back to dancing, the mood slightly subdued.

  “How about you? What would you do?” I asked, trying to bring back the teasing gleam in his eyes.

  To my disappointment, he kept his serious mask in place. “I’m already doing it.”

  I frowned. “Dancing in a club?”

  He leaned down, his breath ruffling my hair. “Dancing with you.”

  Someone stopped next to us and cleared their throat before tapping Ryan on the shoulder. “Sorry, man. It’s time.”

  Ryan nodded, and I watched as the guy walked away. He was yet another tall, good-looking sod, except this one was a fellow redhead. Do all of Ryan’s friends have great genes?

  “I’ve got to go, but please don’t rush off on me tonight,” Ryan said, pressing his mouth to my ear again. His lips brushed against my hair, and despite the separation, heat flushed through me.

  Don’t rush off? Hell, the only thing I wanted to do was leg it down the street before I lost all control and jumped him.

  “Please, Alys.” I’d been staring towards the door, making my plan entirely too obvious. Had I gone to acting classes as a child, I’m not sure I’d be in this situation. My poker face would be next level, and no one would be able to pre-empt my escapes. They might even believe my lies.

  With his friends standing impatiently nearby, I agreed. It took him a moment, but he accepted my promise and wandered off.

  “Do you have any idea whose arms you just had around you?” Emily appeared at my side, her voice high and excitable.

  “Ryan. The guy I mentioned this morning.”

  “I should have known!” She slapped her forehead a little too dramatically. “You didn’t see Rhiannon play, did you?”

  “No, I’m pretty sure I left before they went on.”

  Her smile grew and her eyes flicked towards the stage behind me. The “I know something you don’t” glimmer in her eyes worried me.

  The music faded out and the sound of someone tapping a mic filtered through the noise of the crowd chatting in the sudden silence.

  “Tonight we have a surprise for all you lovely people,” a man shouted, trying to pump up the bar. “This is the second time these boys have played Wales, even though they’re all local. So, play bloody nice. I give you… Rhiannon!”

  “Hey, Cardiff!” A familiar but amplified voice said. My stomach about hit the floor. “This is a little impromptu for us, but we had so much fun at our gig down the road last night, we decided to stick around for another hit.”

  Slowly, I turned to face the stage. Soft lights bounced off Ryan, making his skin glow like the god he thought he was. All I could do was stare with wide eyes at his smirking face. The bloody lead singer of Rhiannon!

  Without further fanfare, the band started up, and Ryan began to sing, his gaze fixed on me. Quickly, he lost himself to the music. His body bounced with the beat and his eyes closed on the higher notes. Song after song, Rhiannon commanded the attention of the room, feeding the gathered people with their enthusiasm. Ryan moved around the stage with an exuberant energy that kept the crowd hanging on his every word.

  Absorbed in the music, he serenaded the room. Women flooded the dance floor, and when his eyes caught mine, I understood why they flocked to him. I understood why they would throw themselves at him the first chance they got. It would be the norm for him anywhere he went.

  The watchful crowd at the dive bar started to make sense. They had all known who he was and curiosity had led their attention to me.

  My head pulsed. Lights blurred around Ryan, and I floated. White noise filled my ears and little black dots danced across my vision. I yearned for the blissful ignorance back. I hadn’t appreciated it, and part of me had wanted to give in to him. But how could I now?

  “I can’t pick you up off the floor in this dress. Breathe!” Emily ordered, her voice distant and muted. A sharp pinch made me gasp, drawing in much-needed air. “Are you back?”

  I nodded, my eyes flitting towards the exit.

  “Good. Your lips were turning blue!”

  Chapter Ten

  The atmosphere in the bar continued buzzing even though the DJ had taken over. Women hung around, some shooting covert looks at Ryan, while others were more brazen with them. He stood before me, his energy subdued for the first time since I’d met him. I could almost believe he’d fed all of it to the crowd and exhausted himself.

  “What did you think?”

  I couldn’t lie. “You guys were great!”

  He studied my face before his eyes dropped to my heels. The pain had become unbearable two songs in, but some stupid part of me didn’t want to move from the spot where he’d left me. I’d made a promise and I didn’t want to break it. Of course, I should have revised that promise as soon as he’d started singing. My logic was flawed, but my feet hurt too much for me to care.

  Ryan held out his hand. I gave mine to him, hoping he wouldn’t drag me back onto the dance floor. Instead, he led me through the crowd to a roped-off table in the back of the room. The action sent a signal to his hangers-on, and most of the women zeroing in on him turned away.

  The pressure eased on my feet as soon as I sat. I sighed, resisting the urge to kick off my heels. I’d definitely be walking down the street barefoot if I gave in.

  “Better?” Ryan asked. He sat on the edge of the seat next to me, his brows pinched with concern.

  I nodded. “I’m throwing these in the bin as soon as I get home. Can’t risk Emily digging them out again.”

  “Interesting filing system.”

  I shrugged, smiling. “I need to try something. My normal methods aren’t doing a great job protecting me from badly planned Halloween costumes.”

  “Why was it badly planned?”

  “Well, I didn’t expect to be wearing it in November, and definitely not three years later.” My tone was dry and filled with disappointment in myself. I’d known this was a possibility when I’d bought the dress and the shoes, but no, I’d still gone along with Emily’s Bond girls’ theme.

  “Ah.” Ryan’s lips twitched as he considered me. I couldn’t hate him for laughing. I’d be laughing tomorrow. “I have a suggestion for you.”

  I groaned. “Do I want to know?”

  He shrugged. “Locks are great things.”

  I laughed. “You think a lock would keep Emily out?”

  “It would make it difficult for her to raid your wardrobe.”

  I shook my head. The idea that a lock would deter my determined best friend from trying to be helpful was laughable. She’d just launch a sneak attack when I wasn’t expecting her.

  “If it’s any consolation, you look incredible.”

  My laughter dried up at the serious look he gave me. It was a compliment I’d expect f
rom him, and yet it still filled me with warmth despite the predictability of it. For a couple of minutes, we said nothing, just sat there smiling at each other. For those moments, there were no obstacles stacked against us. We could just revel in this fascination.

  But we couldn’t hide from reality. Or at least I couldn’t.

  “You know this doesn’t change anything,” I told him.

  His smile faded, his expression turning watchful. He clasped his hands together in his lap.

  He’d leave Wales tonight and I’d probably never see him again. I didn’t need my overactive imagination to provide any disaster ammunition to convince me to step away. The thirty or more women avidly and openly watching us had been enough to remind me of my most pressing concern. He would never be short of opportunities to cheat. I’d seen it too many times.

  “If anything, it makes it a harder no for me.”

  Ryan couldn’t have missed my pointed glances earlier at the women staring at him, but he hadn’t so much as peeked from the corner of his eye.

  “Do I need to serenade you? ‘Cause I will. I’ll happily get back up there.” He turned in his seat towards the stage.

  I caught his wrist. “You have a beautiful voice, but it wouldn’t change my mind.”

  “I could write you a song?”

  I blinked, stunned speechless. He couldn’t be serious. He looked serious, but we’d only just met. Why would he want to write a song about me?

  When my brain fired back up, it pointed out that if I dated him, I’d end up in his songs whether I liked it or not. Every argument, every accomplishment, every feeling. He would never be mine alone. His fans would know far too much about me.

  I should talk to Emily about their fans. My eyes scanned the room, searching for her. No! That will give her the wrong idea.

  “What do I have to do to convince you?”

  “It’s not what I need right now. We wouldn’t work.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Not for certain, but I’m not looking to get involved with anyone right now. Especially not someone leaving for Glasgow tomorrow.”