Chasing Alys

by Morgana Bevan

  “It’s okay, Alys,” Ryan whispered, leaning his forehead against mine. I met his gaze, momentarily confused. He stared back at me with a calm, understanding expression. “Your dad has to come first. Of course, I understand that.”

  “How did you know?”

  “You were frowning at me. It wasn’t hard to guess where your mind went.”

  “I really do want to go.”

  “I know, but the situation’s changed, and I’d be a terrible boyfriend if I forced you to go on tour when your dad needs you more.”

  “We’ll be fine.” I stroked his clean-shaven cheek. “We’ll talk every day – calls, video calls, constant pictures. You’ll wish I’d lost my phone by the time you come home.”

  His lips quirked, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Never. I’m going to need every single one to keep me sane sharing a bus with those two.” He tipped his chin towards Jared and Emily, who still quietly bickered in the corner.

  I winced. “You have my sympathies.” On a normal day, I would have laughed, but I wasn’t capable of it today. All amusement was swallowed up by the painful hole in my heart.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  “We could cancel,” Ryan said the next night. He should’ve been packing, but he was stalling and pacing the room instead.

  “You can’t.”

  “Okay, postpone. We’ll still tour, just not right now.”

  I sighed, stepping into his path and catching his arms. “You can’t postpone. You can’t cancel. Your label will go ballistic, and your fans will be disappointed.”

  “I’ll deal with it.”

  “And what about Matt? Your manager already hates me.” Ryan opened his mouth to argue, and I pressed a finger to his lips. “What would it say to him if you tried to cancel something important every time I had a problem?”

  “Nothing. He’s paid enough to—”

  “Look after the best interests of the band. Cancelling your first headline tour wouldn’t send a good message.”

  Sadness overtook Ryan’s features. “Skipping out on my girlfriend at such a shit time doesn’t send a good one either.”

  I glanced at him sharply. “I’m not going to hold it against you. You got two extra days – that meant a lot to me.”

  Ryan frowned. “It wasn’t enough.”

  It had taken my father two days to wake up. He was sedated, but thankfully all his memories were intact. He didn’t appear to have any physical damage either, but the doctor recommended a slow start and cardiac rehabilitation. He wasn’t pleased when ordered to stay away from alcohol and red meat. For a man who’d just had a cardiac event, he put up a good fight. He lost, but it took a while.

  “You’re going to Oslo tomorrow,” I said, telling the equally stubborn man in front of me the facts. “You’re going to do your job and when I can, I’ll join you.” I forced my voice and expression to harden.

  “I don’t want to leave you, Red.”

  I didn’t want him to leave either, but I couldn’t watch him destroy his career for me. It was only a couple of months. I could do it.

  I’m sure threats were made to make sure both Ryan and Jared were on the plane and ready to play. I wasn’t asking why Jared had stuck around – I had enough going on without getting stuck in that mud.

  James and Dan arrived in the morning to drag them into a waiting black car. Had I not been torn up and watching my dad for a single twitch, I might have found the whole scene funny.

  “Just give me a bloody minute.” Ryan shook off James’s grip as he tried to usher him into the car. He caught my hand, tugging me into his arms. “Call me whenever you need.”

  I propped my chin on his sternum. “Thank you.”

  “Doesn’t matter what time or if I’m just about to go on stage,” he said, conviction hardening his voice. “If you need me, call.”

  My gaze jumped to the guys, helplessly hovering nearby. If he didn’t get in the car soon, they’d miss their flight and Matt would blow his lid.

  “I promise I will, but it’s time to go, music man.”

  Going up on my tiptoes, I kissed him as hard as I could. His arms tightened around me our connection deepened. Throats cleared around us, but they barely registered as I sank into the delicious sensations he triggered. We ran too hot for a goodbye kiss. The only way this ended was with a cold shower.

  I broke the kiss. We were both gasping for air. Ryan stared back at me with fire in his eyes.

  He cleared his throat, a sheepish edge softening his desire. “I guess I’d better go before I drag you back upstairs.”

  I smirked. “I’m not sure we’d get that far.”

  Ryan chuckled. “Probably not.”

  His arms fell from my body, and he stepped back. I felt bereft for the loss of his heat. The guys sighed and loaded into the car. Ryan backed towards the car, refusing to break eye contact.

  “Remember, I’ll video call you at ten tonight.”

  I nodded. The small smile on my face didn’t reach my eyes. I was going to miss him. If there was a moment I wished I could be selfish, this was it. I didn’t want him to leave.

  I watched the car drive off, my throat tight with unshed tears.

  Emily delayed starting her new job with the band a week but ultimately, she had to meet up with the guys in Berlin. A weaker person would have gone with her… No, I don’t want to follow that thought.

  I’m not weak and I’ll get through it.

  Were there tears when she left me and in the weeks that followed? Sure. Life was hard and I decided to cancel my eight-month coordinator role. I’d never cancelled a job before. I felt insanely guilty for wanting to do it and for pulling out. Of course I cried with all that. Was I scared? Hell yes.

  Dad had his rare moments of angry frustration, and his outbursts were not something I wanted to see ever again. After a month of therapy and enforced lean eating, he was back on his feet, acting his normal self and attempting to lock me out of the house. I’d take him alive over a job or traipsing around Europe any day.

  Looking after my dad and fielding Ryan’s calls helped stave off any anxiety I’d expected to feel – what with Ryan thousands of miles away with beautiful, overly excited groupies just waiting to pounce.

  Part of me wanted to prove I could do it, survive a six-month tour without him. Prove that I trusted him beyond any shadow of a doubt.

  “Maybe you should go,” my father said when I mentioned it to him over dinner nearly a month later.

  “It’s not that easy,” I spluttered.

  “What’s difficult about it?”

  “I need to be here in case anything happens.”

  “Then I’ll get Phil Roberts to look after me.” He placed his cutlery on the table and fixed me with a look that had once cowed me into spilling all my secrets. I wasn’t five anymore, but still, the look gave me pause. “You deserve a break, Alys.”

  “I don’t need a break from you, and Emily’s dad shouldn’t have to take care of you. That’s my job.”

  “Yes, you do, and yes, you should. I’ve not been the easiest person to live with the last few weeks.” He reached across the table for my hand, squeezing my fingers lightly. “I’m doing a lot better thanks to you, but I’m not blind. You miss Ryan, love. I’m sure Phil can help me for a week or two.”

  Staring into his determined eyes, I couldn’t deny that a break sounded lovely. I was tired. Caring for my father was harder than making a high-end TV drama. I couldn’t fathom how, but it was true.

  I also missed Ryan a lot.

  We had video calls daily unless his schedule prevented it, but even then, we were constantly texting. Still it wasn’t the same as wrapping my arms around him and feeling his heat comfort me.

  Yet every time I thought about seeing him again in person, my throat closed up. We got so hot so fast. What if separation had actually put the fire out? Emily had laughed at that logic too.

  But if there’s one thing I’d learnt about myself through all this, it was that I
didn’t like the unknown. Delaying seeing Ryan for another five months, until the tour ended, because I was afraid it might not work wasn’t good enough. If it wasn’t going to work, I wanted to know yesterday.

  So, cutting the excuses off at the knees, I packed my bag, checked into my flight, printed my boarding pass and willingly allowed Emily’s dad to drive me three hours to Bristol Airport.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  In Rome, Emily met me at Arrivals with a brightly coloured sign. Her screams echoed through the terminal and turned every head in the vicinity as she threw herself at me. A policeman tensed, his fingers flexing around his terrifying machine gun.

  “Uh, Em…maybe cut the theatrics?” I whispered, trying not to move despite the fact she was bouncing up and down with her arms around me.

  “Geez, nice to see you too!” she huffed, releasing me with a frown. She turned on her heel and started for the terminal exit without a word.

  “I’m so happy to see you, but I don’t want to die before I get to Ryan.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You spooked the police, Em.”

  From the corner of her eye, she assessed my concerned face for a hint of a lie. She didn’t find one.

  “Evans definitely wouldn’t have forgiven me if my surprise backfired like that. Imagine it, flying you out for him, just to get you killed in the airport.” Horror laced her words. Despite talk of my death, she’d relaxed, so I’d take it.

  “I don’t need to imagine it, thank you very much,” I said, my tone dry. “He doesn’t know I’m here?”

  “Not unless you told him?”

  I shook my head. We’ll blame anxiety and a partial wish to surprise him too.

  “Only Matt does.” Her eyes danced as she silently laughed at me. “You remember Matt, right? The manager you thought had mafia connections?”

  Butterflies swept through my stomach. I’m not sure if they were nervous flutters or excitement for surprising Ryan. Not trusting my voice, I nodded and Emily continued, oblivious to my jitters.

  “He knows. I wasn’t great keeping track of where we were, so he helped me get your flights sorted. He’s actually a really nice guy when you get to know him.”

  “Good to know. How are things with Jared?”

  She waved the question off with a careless gesture. “Eh, let’s not ruin the mood.”

  Before I could respond, she handed my suitcase off to a taxi driver and ushered me into the back of a white car.

  “Ryan is going to freak out when he sees you. He’s been such a lovesick fool for the last month. The guys are about ready to throttle him.”

  I laughed, the tension easing slightly at her confession.

  Soon after, we pulled up outside a beautifully ornate hotel. I got lost staring at the artfully crafted stone moulding. Emily tapped my shoulder, and I shut my mouth with a snap. She paid the driver, took my bag and grabbed my hand.

  “Time for gawking later. We’ve got a reunion to stage first. The guys are going to kiss my feet when I unveil you!” She laughed, giddy.

  She raced me through the lobby and into the lift, her eyes searching the corners like a hawk in case one of the guys happened to see us. I was ushered down a long, plushily carpeted corridor in silence. We stopped at the end of the hall, and she made quick work of the lock before glancing left and right and shoving me into the room.

  “You’re getting far too into this secret business.”

  “Hey, I’ve got favours to claw in, and getting you here was not easy. I deserve to see jaws drop! Give me this, Alys. It’s been a hard month without you.”

  Fair enough.

  Emily decided that for this reveal, I needed to be decked out. She started with my hair. Tutting at the effects of airplane-dry air, she shoved me into the bathroom for my second shower of the day. It was blow-dried and straightened, then product was added to return the bounce the straighteners stole.

  When I walked back into the room, wrapped in the fluffiest towel I’d ever felt, Emily handed me my phone with a frown.

  “I silenced him for you. Daft man is trying to ruin his surprise.”

  Confused, I unlocked my phone and checked my messages. While I’d been in the shower, Ryan had called and sent ten messages, all of them wonderfully soppy and desperate to hear my voice. My heart might have melted. Matt had lined up interviews after the show, which meant he’d have to miss our standing video date. He wanted to call after sound check.

  The last message was from me, or Emily, shutting the suggestion down. At least she was nice about it.

  “Golf? Was that the best you could do? My dad doesn’t even play golf.” I laughed, placing my phone on the nightstand and ignoring it.

  “He doesn’t know that.”

  Shrugging, she forced me into a chair and began her attack on my face. I was exfoliated until my skin turned raw. If it could talk, it would have screamed for mercy. I know I did.

  “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  But the way she said it made me frown. “What’s been going on, Em?”

  She pulled a face. “Is it that obvious?”

  “You’ve not been hiding it that well.”

  She nodded, the corners of her lips tipping up a little as she considered me. “I really am glad you’re here. I’ve missed you, but also, I guess having you around would have kept me out of trouble.”

  “What happened?”

  “Nothing, because I’m a professional.” She switched to applying mascara while her focus turned inwards. I snatched the wand from her before she could get anywhere near my eyes. There was no way I’d let her do that in her current state. Emily crossed her arms, then sighed. “Jared just keeps trying to start something.”

  “Like another fling?”

  “I don’t know. I haven’t let him get far enough into his little talk to find out.” Despite her perplexed expression, she chuckled. “Every time he gets drunk, he tries to sit me down for a heart-to-heart. I don’t want to be wrapped up in a player, especially not one I have a duty of care towards.”

  “Are you sure?” I remembered the way they’d sat together in the waiting room for my father. She’d wanted him by her. Did she really want nothing to do with him now? I didn’t buy it.

  She chewed her lip, considering my question while applying my foundation. When she finished, she set the brush down and sat back.

  “There are these moments where he’s the perfect friend and the sweetest, most thoughtful person I’ve ever met. He gets up early every morning, despite his hangover, and sightsees with me,” she said, awe radiating from her words. But the joy on her face quickly shattered. “And then he gets drunk and picks a groupie out of the crowd.”

  What an utter dickhead. My heart hurt for her.

  “Have you changed your mind about what you want?”

  “I don’t think so, but I can’t be his friend either. I need him to stop toying with me.”

  “Maybe you should get away.” As much as I’d hate to lose my best friend for a couple more months, she deserved a break too.

  “I can’t. Contract.”

  “I mean after the tour. You’ll have some money saved from all of this.” I gestured to the room. “Go travel for a bit and remember how to enjoy yourself.”

  “Maybe,” Emily said.

  She distracted herself by attacking my hands and feet. I argued that no one would see my toes because I would not be setting foot outside in open-toed heels. It was February in Rome. There was snow on the damn ground! Anyway, it fell on deaf ears and polish was applied.

  A knock sounded while we bickered.

  We froze, our eyes flying to the door.

  “Emily, are you in there?” James called from the other side. He sounded amused. How loud had we been?

  With her eyes narrowed in suspicion, Emily held her finger to her lips and approached the door with stealth. Raising up on her tiptoes, she peered through the peephole.

  “Are you alone, James?”

&nb
sp; “Why?”

  “Just answer the question.”

  “Yes.”

  She cracked open the door and peered out.

  “Geez, what did Jared do now?” he muttered.

  “Nothing. What do you want?” Suspicion screamed in her tone, and I winced for James. I had a clear picture of the glare she was likely levelling at him. She’d thrown it my way one too many times over the years.

  “Uh, I was just going to check if you’d eaten. I’m going down to the bar with Dan. Didn’t expect this reception, though.”

  There was a pause. Emily cleared her throat. “Sorry. It’s just been a weird day. Not feeling too great. I’m good for food. I’ll probably just order something up and meet you guys at the venue.”

  Silence followed her declaration, and her grip on the door tightened.

  “Is someone in there with you?”

  “Who the hell would I have in my room, James?”

  “I just thought I heard two voices before I knocked.”

  “Television. Duh!”

  A pause hung in the air. Finally, James spoke. “Alright. I’ll catch you later.”

  Emily shut the door and turned back to me. One look at my incredulous expression and she burst out laughing.

  “Did you have to be such a bitch to him?” I asked.

  “He was being nosy. I have to keep them on their toes,” she whispered, her eyes flicking to the door like she thought he’d still be out there. “Now, let’s get a move on. I’ll order room service while you get dressed.”

  She dismissed me and reached for the phone that sat on the nightstand. It took me a moment to react. I hadn’t really brought Emily-approved clothing. Mid-winter in Europe where the snow gets to be six feet deep and last for weeks was not party dress weather. If only my best friend was as sensible.

  I pulled out all my pitiful options and she sat there, ordering food while tutting at me.