Soulswap

by Arizona Tape

  A little whimper escaped from my lips as she said my name. It was so soft and different than anyone else who ever used it. It was ridiculous, but I just wanted her to say my name over and over again.

  “What are you smiling about?”

  “Nothing. Just you.”

  A flicker of blue danced through her eyes again. “Me?”

  “Yes, you make me smile,” I admitted, blushing red. That really wasn’t the sort of thing I should be telling people that weren’t my fiancé. But I couldn’t help myself. Sian was just so... So. She was just so.

  I didn’t even have words for it.

  “You look a little worried though?” she asked, lightly touching my cheek. Oh, how I wanted to lean into her touch. But no. Being on a not-date was already dancing on the line.

  “I just don’t want to swap back during the movie,” I muttered, patting my arms. Not that any of that would let me know if I was about to swap or not. I never felt it coming. Well, apart from the headache. When I got a headache, a swap followed. But I couldn’t predict when the headache was coming.

  How many times did I just think headache? Probably a lot. I was giving myself a headache by thinking about it.

  “Hey, how will you know when I’m gone and Ayra is back?”

  “I’ll know.”

  “Yes, but how?” I asked, impatiently shuffling my feet on the velvety carpet of the cinema. Why did they always have a fully carpeted floor?

  “I’ll feel it, Tate. Trust me, I’ll know.”

  “Same with when I swap back?”

  Sian rolled her eyes, but the smile around her lips told me she wasn’t actually annoyed by my questions.

  “Yes, I’ll know. But if you want, we can pick a word or something to do so I know for sure? Would that make you feel more comfortable?” she proposed, throwing a popcorn kernel in her mouth.

  “Actually, it would,” I admitted, surprised that something so simple seemed too easy my mind.

  “Okay... What about... Popcorn?”

  “Popcorn?”

  “Yes, every time you swap into Ayra’s body, you just say popcorn and I’ll know?”

  “That sounds a bit ridiculous,” I giggled, diving into my own bucket of goodies as well. It would be another five minutes before the movie started and waiting to dig in was just an impossible task.

  “Well, what do you propose then, smarty pants?”

  “Ummm... I don’t know. Maybe a secret handshake?”

  “Just a handshake?” Sian asked, the light reflecting dangerously on her sharp fangs. Now that was sexy. And unexpected. So far, she had done a great job of not flirting with me, even though she wanted to.

  I wasn’t very good at relationships and dynamics, but even I could tell. She wasn’t hiding it very well, anyway. The little glint in her eyes, the permanent smile on her lips, the stolen glances and soft touches.

  She was feeling it the same way as I was. And I didn’t mind. Not at all.

  The doors to the theatre swung open and Sian and I found our seats in the far back. Her hand brushed against mine and even though I shouldn’t, I wanted her to intertwine our fingers.

  But she didn’t. So I settled for prepping my knees up against the back of the chair and getting ready to watch a whole movie about a superhero I didn’t like. But hey, if Sian liked him, I’d gladly watch it with her.

  “Admit it, you liked him,” she teased, bumping gently into me as we walked through the rainy streets. I grinned as I let the cold rain fall on my skin. It had been a long time since I felt rain. But in Ayra’s vampire body, I didn’t need to worry about bursting into a dragon. Well, not that I ever did. But you never knew when it would happen. And with my luck...

  “You okay there?” Sian asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

  “Huh?” My eyes fluttered open and I found my blonde standing a metre or two ahead of me. Oops, did I stop walking?

  With a couple of steps, she was right back in front of me. “You alright, Tate?”

  I bit my lip and nodded. “Yes, just enjoying the rain.”

  She gently cupped my face and swiped a stray drop from my cheek. “I do like rain.”

  “Me too,” I voiced, a weight lifting off my shoulders. I hadn’t felt like this in a long time.

  “You look utterly beautiful,” Sian softly whispered, the street lights dancing in her dark eyes.

  “I do?”

  “Yes. Right now, here in the rain... You’ve never looked less than Ayra. And it makes my heart ache.”

  “Why?” I whimpered, not able to hold it back.

  “Because you could leave at any time and there’s nothing I can do to stop it...”

  “Oh, Sian...” Another sigh fell from my lips and I couldn’t help but gravitate towards her. She looked so lost, so sad, and I wanted to take her pain away. I wanted to kiss it better. But I couldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair. But maybe if I just... Leaned in a little bit... Just enough to brush my lips over hers and...

  “Let’s just walk,” she muttered, her jaw clenching as she removed herself from me.

  “Yes, of course.”

  The rest of the walk to her house was quiet and a little tense. And definitely not the end to the night I had hoped for. But then again, I wasn’t even sure what I was hoping for.

  I hesitated at the doorstep, uncertain whether I needed to take my shoes off or where I’d hang my coat. Well, Ayra’s shoes and coat. None of what I was wearing was mine. None in this house was mine either, yet it all felt familiar. Maybe because everything smelled familiar like Sian?

  At least, the coral scent surrounding her was quickly becoming a very familiar scent. My favourite scent.

  “Tate, what are you doing?”

  “Ummm... I’m not sure what to do, to be honest. I don’t live here.”

  “I’m so sorry, I forgot you weren’t—“

  “Ayra. Right?” I finished her sentence, the bitterness rolling from my tongue before I could stop it.

  “Tate...”

  “I’m tired, Sian.”

  Regret flashed across her face as she realised what she just insinuated. She opened her mouth but I turned my back. If she was going to act like I was at home, I’d make myself at home.

  I grabbed the pillow from the bed-settee and slipped in. If I was lucky, I’d swap back to my own body and avoid this whole uncomfortable no man’s land. Not the most mature solution, but hey, these stupid swaps could work in my favour for once.

  With my back turned to Sian, I curled up in a ball and muttered an incoherent goodnight.

  Her bedroom door fell into its lock and I was alone with my thoughts again. I pushed all my doubts and worries to the background as I let sleep overtake me. And for once, I welcomed the darkness.

  Sunlight prickled my eyelids and I yawned, the sleep slowly leaving my body. Ah, morning. My own body, my own house.

  I rubbed my heavy eyes and and pushed myself up from my bed. It was a bank holiday and Devon was supposed to be home. And I was actually looking forward to seeing him. And we really needed to talk.

  “Good morning.”

  I stretched my arms and turned towards the warm voice. “Morning.”

  “Did you sleep okay?” Sian asked, sitting down on the foot of my bed-settee.

  Wait... I was still in Ayra’s body? But I slept?

  “Ummm...”

  “You okay, Ayra?”

  “Popcorn.”

  “What?” Sian looked at me like I’d gone crazy.

  “Popcorn,” I repeated, feeling foolish. For using our silly word and for behaving like such a child last night. I should’ve talked to her about what bugged me, instead of shutting her out. Fuck, I hoped she wasn’t angry with me. Maybe I should’ve pretended to be Ayra. But no, that didn’t seem very honest.

  “You’re still here?” Sian asked, her voice and face lifting as she realised it was still me. Her smile melted the last of my apprehension and the tightness on my chest lifted. She wasn’t mad or upset that I was still
here.

  “Yes, it’s me.”

  “Hi,” she whispered, the corners of her mouth lifting in a grin that revealed all her feelings.

  “Hey.”

  “Did you sleep okay?”

  “Yes, not too bad. Listen, about last night—”

  “I wasn’t very fair to you.”

  “No, I overreacted.”

  “It was just a long day. Body swapping must be tiring?”

  “It is a little, yes.”

  “Maybe you just need a little pick-me-up?” she smiled, a flicker of playfulness dancing in her eyes.

  “Like?”

  “Some special yogurt?”

  I perked up, the thought of blood waking me up immediately. “Yes?”

  “If you want, I can make you breakfast,” she proposed, looking rather happy to be spending the morning with me. And even though I wished I was back with Devon last night, I couldn’t lie. I was rather happy to see Sian again. Heck, I could get used to this.

  “What time is it?”

  Sian pointed at the clock at the wall. “Close to noon, sleepyhead. Should’ve known you weren’t Ayra.”

  “Oi!”

  She laughed and held up her hands. “Hey, I’m not judging. But Ayra is very active in the morning.”

  I hid my face in the blanket and threw my pillow at the amused vampire. “Whatever.”

  Sian snickered and poked my leg. “Let’s have breakfast, yes?”

  For the first time in a long time, I quite happily got out of bed and followed the blonde into the kitchen.

  A sharp flash of pain shot through my head and I grabbed my head.

  “No!” I exclaimed, right before everything went dark.

  Chapter 14

  “Tate, Tate, did you see it? Did you see it?”

  Huh? What was going on? Oh right, I swapped back. Just as I was about to have my tasty yogurt as well. How unfortunate.

  “Tate? Earth to Tate!”

  Ah, Devon. And water. Lots of water. Aha, he must’ve taken Ayra to the lake. What was he on about though?

  “Hi?” I murmured, opening my eyes so I could take in my surroundings. Yes, I was definitely at the lake.

  “Oh my goodness, you were so beautiful.”

  “Thank you?”

  “I can’t believe it, but I saw it. With my own eyes!”

  “Saw what?” Oh no, Devon was in one of his enthusiastic crazes. I wondered what he was so happy about this time. Last time, it was a baby bunny. And as cute as it was, it definitely didn’t warrant Devon jumping up and down on the side of the road.

  “You! I saw you! Oh, you were magnificent. Your wings, and your tail. Oh your scales.”

  “What?”

  “What? Did shifting make you lose your memory?”

  Shifting? Tails? Wings?

  Wait...

  “I’m so happy for you, Tate! It finally happened! And right before you come of age as well. Oh, this is so perfect!”

  “Slow down... I was an actual dragon?” I asked, wondering if I fell into another universe. Or another dream. Or maybe I bumped my head and I’d gone crazy for real this time.

  “Yes! A big, blue dragon!”

  I frowned. “A dragon dragon? Like you?”

  Devon hugged me affectionately, tears of joy streaming down his face. “An actual freaking dragon. Oh, Tate, your parents will be so proud!”

  “Oookay?” Was this real? Did I actually shift into my dragon form? Well, not me. Ayra... Ayra who’d only been in my body a couple of times. Ayra who wasn’t even a dragon. Ayra who apparently figured out how to shift?

  “Can you do it again?”

  “Uummm...” I wasn’t even the one doing it in the first place, there was no ‘again’. But I couldn’t tell him that. His whole face was beaming and he looked so happy for me. I could tell from his eyes. He was over the moon excited for me. And here I was, going on non-dates with another woman and even forgetting I was a dragon.

  More guilt washed over me as I gently pushed Devon away. I needed to tell him the truth. This couldn’t wait any longer.

  “Tate, if you figure out how to hold your form longer, we can fly together! Oh, we can explore the oceans and lakes. I’ve always wanted to do that with you,” Devon wishfully dreamed, his eyes glazed over in such glee and excitement.

  “Devon, listen, I need to tell you something—”

  “It can wait! Let’s try again! Come on, come on.”

  “But.”

  “You did it once, it should be easier the second time! Please, Tate! I want to see your dragon again!”

  “I... Fine...” I gave in, trying not to burst his bubble. I’d tried this so many times, what was one more disappointment, right?

  “You know what to do, or do you need me to walk you through it again?”

  “I’ve done this hundreds of times, I know what to try,” I snipped, immediately regretting my choice of words. Ayra probably hadn’t known and Devon must’ve told her what to do. For the hundredth time as well. Gods, he was a patient man...

  I waded deeper into the water, stretching my limbs. How odd. Both our bodies felt exactly the same. At least, on the surface, they did. But whereas I could feel something ancient and magical simmering deep inside of Ayra, this body just felt... Plain.

  I drew in a deep breath, brushing my fingertips over the surface of the lake. If I did this right, a tingle should spread through my body. At least, that was how shifting was always described to me. A tingle, and then a rush, and then an explosion. Like a powerful wave crashing over you, consuming you, empowering you.

  All I felt was... Nothing. A little bit of a cold breeze playing with my hair. But no rush, no excitement, and certainly, no shifting.

  “It’s not doing anything...”

  “Try again, you did it once, you can do it again.”

  “It’s not working, Devon...”

  “Try harder.”

  I waved my arms in the air and splashed some water up. “It’s not happening.”

  “Again, Tate...”

  “Devon.”

  “Again!” he bellowed, surprising both me and himself. “Fuck, I don’t know where that came from. I’m sorry,” he quickly apologised, his hands clamping over his mouth. But it was too late.

  “No. I’m done.” I clenched my jaw and Devon nodded in silence. He knew we were done talking. We had been here many times before. Without looking at him, I waded to the shore. I dressed in silence, and I couldn’t help but wonder what Ayra was thinking when she took this from my closet. She really, really liked putting herself in uncomfortable clothes. But at least, they were my clothes.

  Without waiting for Devon, I slumped to the car. I just wanted to go home and curl up in a ball to cry. At least, now I knew it wasn’t my body that was wrong. Ayra could shift and bring out the dragon inside of me. And she clearly made Devon smile, while all I did was make him angry and frustrated. So yeah, it was just me that was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Everything about me was wrong.

  “Tate...” Devon tried, but I stubbornly turned away from him. I didn’t want him to see me cry and I certainly didn’t want him to comfort me. Not him...

  At least it was nice to be back in my own house, with my own stuff, and my own computer. I avoided Devon’s disappointed eyes as grabbed my headset and disappeared behind my screen.

  I really wanted to check my inbox and I needed to find a way to communicate with Ayra. Maybe I could make a new user on my laptop that she could access? I hovered my fingers over the keyboard as I thought of a password that she could figure out. The keys rattled as I danced over them.

  Sian

  Yeah, if she couldn’t figure that out, she really had no business living my life. I disabled all other functions for the new user and wrote a quick note in the memos. That would have to do.

  I clicked the screen away and logged in on my regular account. I desperately wanted to talk to the guys and raid a couple of villages. If only to get my mind off things. And to release
the frustration and disappointment I was holding pent up inside.

  I played until the night fell and my eyes stung from being chained to the screen for so long. Exhausted, I pushed my chair back. I heard Devon rumble in the kitchen, but I couldn’t be bothered to see what he was up to. Him and his midnight snacks... I just wanted to sleep and swap bodies again. I wanted to see Sian, even if I couldn’t be with her yet. Just being in her presence was enough.

  I curled up in a little ball on my side of the bed and hid under my blankets. Maybe if thought of her enough, it would trigger a swap.

  Sian. Sian. Sian.

  Chapter 15

  I yawned the sleep out of my body and snuggled a little deeper into my pillow. Oh morning, thou art my greatest foe.

  Oh wait. It was morning. Sian?

  With as much energy as I had in my heavy body, I veered up out of the bed.

  “What are you doing?”

  I turned to find Devon grumbling in his pillow. Huh? No swap?

  I poked the figure in my bed and was answered with a very caveman-esque grunt. Definitely male, definitely Devon. What a shame.

  “Why are you up so early?” he groaned, rolling on his back.

  Early?

  I glanced at the clock. Seven? In the morning? That couldn’t be right. Why was I up so early?

  “Tate, what’s got into you?”

  I pulled the blankets over me as a tent and burrowed back into bed. Nope, seven was too early to do anything. And definitely if there wasn’t a blonde vampire to play with.

  Disappointed that I was still in my own body, I threw up the blankets, and flipped on my stomach. Bah. What a stupid morning. What if I visited Sian in my own body? Would that work?

  I perked back up.

  I didn’t really do anything during the day. I could just travel to her, right?

  Oh fuck, I didn’t know where she lived. Or what city we were in. I never actually asked cause I was too busy dancing around Blondie.

  Ugh. What. An. Idiot.

  Angry at myself, I smacked my own forehead and fell back into the bed.

  “Okay, that’s it. What are you doing?” Devon groaned, pushing himself up against the headboard and snagging the blankets away from me.