Massive in Lapland
Page 10
Alan smiled and crept out from behind the rack.
‘No, son, you can’t set that off.’
‘Why not?’
‘It’s irresponsible, that’s why. This is a hotel. You set that off and you’ll have fire engines all over the place. What if there’s a real fire somewhere and the fire brigade are here investigating your false alarm? Don’t you know the story of the boy who cried wolf?’
‘Do you know the story of the Exorcist?’ Alan shot back. ‘Look, it’s going to be fine and I’ve got to do it before Sarah gets down here.’
Frankie watched as Alan purposefully strode toward the fire alarm. ‘Alan!’ He called after him.
‘What now?’
‘I thought of another diversion,’ Frankie said,
‘What’s that?’
‘This,’ Frankie said, and pushed Alan backwards into the Christmas tree.
*
Sarah stood in the doorway between the lifts and the hotel reception open mouthed as Alan appeared to throw himself backwards into the giant Christmas tree.
Unsettled by its collision with Alan, the tree began to sway from side to side. Sarah could see Alan frantically crawling away just as the tree finally tipped over, crashing down on Santa’s sleigh. The impact forced Santa to fall off the sleigh which in turn pulled the reins that he was holding taught, resulting in the reindeers being pulled over with a crash.
An eerie silence followed. Sarah stepped forward, looking for Alan among the mess. She stopped, she could hear a buzzing sound. Suddenly hundreds of Christmas lights, generously displayed around the reception and the Christmas tree, began to pop as they blinked off.
Alan lay on the floor, not daring to open his eyes. The smell of pine was overwhelming, and he was pretty sure he had been harpooned by one of the Christmas tree branches. He pushed the tree away, spat out a mouthful of pine needles, slowly got to his feet and took in his surroundings.
‘What the bloody hell did you do that for?’ he shouted at Frankie. Oblivious that it looked as though he was shouting at himself. Frankie merely shrugged and grinned.
The Christmas tree, the centre piece of the hotel’s reception, lay on its side, broken baubles and tinsel strewn across the floor. Santa appeared to have been garrotted by his reindeer reins and the reindeers had been scattered like pins in a bowling alley.
Alan brushed debris from his shirt and glanced around the reception area. Several onlookers gaped open mouthed at him. A small child cried into his mother’s side, whilst Païvi appeared to be wrapped in tinsel. The postcard rack had been knocked over by one of the stray tree branches. Alan ignored the glares and walked over to the rack, baubles crunching under his feet, and picked it up. He positioned it as best he could and attempted to put some post cards back in their holders.
‘Don’t worry, son. I’m sure if you put all the postcards back, no one will notice the rest of this mess.’
Alan glared at Frankie. ‘You…’ he was interrupted by a flash as the overhead lights blinked off.
‘Right, that’s the lights nicely fused,’ Frankie said helpfully. ‘Credit where credit’s due, when you cause a diversion you really cause a diversion.’
‘Do you think Sarah noticed?’ Alan asked.
‘There’s your answer,’ Frankie said, gesturing across the gloomy reception area as Sarah dragged two suitcases over a fallen reindeer towards the exit.
‘OK,’ Alan said, ‘Time to make ourselves scarce.’
‘Better go now then,’ Frankie said looking over Alan’s shoulder. ‘That receptionist you fancy is on her way over with a broom and judging by the look on her face she may not be looking to use it to sweep up.’
*
Alan, Sarah and Fredrik sat at a table in one of the airport’s many coffee shops. Frankie sat sulking at an adjacent table, having been ignored by Alan since leaving the hotel.
‘So you left Pekka unconscious on the floor?’ Fredrik asked Sarah.
‘I gave him a pillow and a duvet, made him comfortable…’
‘Comfortable and warm, but still unconscious on the floor. Funny way to treat your finance,’ Alan smirked.
‘I’ve got an idea,’ Fredrik said. ‘I’ll make an anonymous call to the papers, tell them that Pekka is in a hotel sleeping off a massive hangover. By the time he wakes up the press will be all over the story and you’ll be back home.’
Alan nodded. ‘Nice one.’
‘What are you going to do now?’ Sarah asked. ‘Now that Pekka is about come out of hiding?’
Fredrik shrugged. ‘Carry on as before. More videos of Alan.’
‘Didn’t you know I’m massive in Lapland?’ Alan said.
‘That’s our flight,’ Sarah said as the public address system announced a flight to Heathrow airport was now boarding.
‘Thanks for everything,’ she said and gave Fredrik a hug as they left the coffee shop. ‘If you’re ever in England look us up.’
Fredrik smiled as Sarah stepped back and he turned to Alan.
‘Nice to finally meet you.’
‘It was certainly an interesting experience,’ Alan shook Fredrik’s hand.
‘Be careful Alan, there’s a storm coming.’ Fredrik said quietly. ‘Keep your friend close. You’re going to need each other.’
‘What? Sarah?’ Alan asked puzzled.
‘No, not Sarah,’ Fredrik said. ‘The old man.’
A shiver ran up Alan’s spine. ‘Sorry?’
Fredrik stepped back. ‘ Alan. Maybe see you soon.’
‘What did he say to you?’ Sarah asked. ‘You’re looking very confused.’
‘Nothing…I always look like this. He just wished me good luck,’ Alan mumbled. ‘Come on, we have a flight to catch.’
*
Alan tried to watch the in-flight film, though he was struggling to follow the plot. Sarah sat next to him, nose in a book, while Frankie, still being ignored by Alan, sat in a vacant seat across the aisle.
‘Cheer up,’ Sarah said. ‘It wasn’t that bad.’
‘Sorry?’ Alan replied, finally giving up on the film.
‘I know you’re disappointed no one was actually laughing at you, but it was a great experience. And you’ve been well paid.’
‘No, I know. It was fine. I was just thinking of something else.’
‘Something I have to ask though,’ she said.
‘What’s that?’
‘Your diversion in the hotel.’
‘What about it?’
‘Why did you throw yourself into the tree? That could have been dangerous. Why didn’t you just set the fire alarm off?’
‘I couldn’t do that,’ he replied. ‘That would have been irresponsible.’
‘Well it was a brilliant idea,’ Sarah said patting his hand.
Alan turned to Frankie who was glowing red with indignation, and winked.
HAPPY CHRISTMAS
If you have enjoyed reading this book please take a couple of minutes to leave a review on amazon or contact us through our website; www.edwardswaller.co.uk.
If you would like to read more about Alan and Frankie the following books are also available;
Fat Kid Stuck in a Flume (Alan and Frankie Book 1)
Buying Llamas off the Internet (Alan and Frankie Book 2)