And Then You Dance

by Heather A Buchman

  When he came back out of the kitchen, her eyes were closed. He’d give anything to be able to read her thoughts. He’d spent most of his life wondering what Renie Fairchild was thinking. Now he knew why.

  “I’ve never done this before either.”

  She opened her eyes and raised her eyebrows.

  “The girlfriend thing, I mean.”

  “Girlfriend?”

  “Relationship? Is that better?”

  “Not ever?”

  “Come on. If I had, you would’ve known about it. I would’ve talked to you about it.” He was glad he never had. But then, there hadn’t been any women in his life worth talking about.

  When he was on the road, plenty of women were interested in keeping him company. But, he almost never slept with a woman more than once. There had been a few here and there, girls who followed the riders from rodeo to rodeo, but they never lasted longer than a week. He wouldn’t let them travel with him, and when they gave him shit about it; he walked away and never looked back.

  “Maybe I had more important things to deal with, more important things to be doin’. You don’t win a national championship if you’re not focused.”

  She still wasn’t talking.

  “I want this with you,” he said softly, almost a whisper. It wasn’t like him to be quiet, or still. Billy rarely stopped moving, but he sat next to her, so still.

  It spilled over to her. It was that way between them. They shared feelings.

  “Do you want it Renie?”

  She did. It’s what she’d always wanted. But now that it was a possibility, a reality, she wasn’t sure she could do it. What if it didn’t work out between them? Then what?

  “Fuck Renie, answer me.”

  She jumped at his drastic change in tone. “I don’t know.”

  Billy got up and started to pace. “Why the hell not?”

  “What happens Billy if it doesn’t work? We have to take that into consideration.”

  He sat back down and pulled her into him. “Tell you what, we’ll be ourselves, be the way we’ve always been, but let’s see where bein’ intimate takes us.”

  “I have to think about it Billy, without you here.”

  “Nah, if I’m not here you’ll get weird about it. Like you did with Pooh.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You moved her. What the hell was that all about? You think I was gonna let you get away with doin’ something like that?” He laughed and shook his head.

  “No, I guess not,” she laughed too.

  “I’m goin’ home in the morning, which means I’m gonna sleep here with you tonight. And when you come down this weekend, you’re gonna sleep with me.”

  “What if I don’t come down?”

  “Then, I’ll come back here.”

  “Don’t you need to get back out on the road Billy?”

  “Not ready yet.”

  Renie fidgeted on the sofa, moving further away from him. “Wanna talk about it?”

  “Not really.” He ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah, I guess I do. My heart isn’t in it. I can’t explain it any better than that.”

  “Hmm.”

  “What’s that mean? You got an opinion, which you always do, don’t be shy about tellin’ me what it is.”

  “The best thing would be for you to get back out there. The longer you don’t, the easier it’ll get for you to convince yourself you’re done.”

  “What about us?”

  “You can’t use ‘us’ as an excuse Billy. Get back out there. Ride. Compete. It’s what you do.”

  “Don’t wanna.”

  “Get over it Billy. Turn your attitude around.”

  “What about us?” He asked for the second time.

  “Again, we aren’t an ‘us.’ Get back out on the road and do what you do. I’ll be here when you get back.”

  “Come with me.”

  She’d been to many rodeos Billy competed in, but not because she was there for him, or with him. He asked her to go once, the year he won the national finals in Las Vegas. But, he hadn’t really invited her; she and her mom went more as part of the family.

  “I can’t Billy. I’ve got too much work to do here. I have labs due, and I have to study. This gets harder every year. And as much as you have to focus, so do I.”

  Billy abruptly stood and pulled her up with him. “I want your body next to mine Renie, and I want it now.”

  “Billy—”

  “Now Renie. Don’t argue with me.”

  He kissed her lightly. “I want you,” he whispered. He put his hands on the small of her back and pulled her closer to him, his tongue licking over her lips, her breasts pushed into his body. He shifted to bring her pelvis into his.

  She made a sound, a whimper, and kissed him back. Her hands came up and ran over his chest. She was so tender, so loving. It almost brought him to tears. She had so much love within her for him it spilled out through her lips, her hands, her pores. Renie breathed love for him.

  “I want to be inside you,” he murmured. His lust for her overwhelmed him. He put his arm behind her knees and carried her into the bedroom.

  He set her gently down on the bed, and before she moved away from him, he unbuttoned her shirt. His hands moved to her wrists and undid the buttons there. Lifting her, he pulled her arms out of it. She had a turtleneck on. His hands reached under it, but instead of pushing it up and over her head, his hands found her breasts instead. Her nipples were hard, through the sheer fabric of her bra. He pulled at it, and put his hands on her skin.

  Renie put her hand against his cheek, her fingers trailed down to his neck, inside his collar, and over his collarbone, over the scar there. He’d broken it, nine years ago. She remembered. She remembered everything about him.

  His hands still on her breasts, he stared at her. She closed her eyes. And then she smiled. Billy moved to take her turtleneck off. He’d run out of patience. He wanted her naked against him.

  He reached around and unfastened her bra; she shimmied out of it. His lips found hers, and he kissed her as he kneed her legs apart. His mouth left hers and traveled to her neck and then her shoulders. He licked over her collarbone, as she had run her fingers over his. His lips found her nipple, and he sucked it in. She gasped and arched against him.

  He groaned as he switched to the other breast, teasing her with his tongue. Her hands moved to her jeans, and she started to unfasten them. His hands stopped her.

  “I want to do it,” he said, lifting himself away from her. His hands finished what they stopped hers from doing, dragging her jeans down her long legs. He slid down further and put her legs over his shoulders. Her hands went to his hair as he rested his head against her. He nuzzled her, breathing in deeply and groaned again.

  Renie lay there, still, almost holding her breath.

  His mouth trailed kisses over her, “I want you to fall apart for me Renie. I want to watch you fall apart.” She gripped the sheets and did as he asked her to.

  Renie continued to watch him as he stood and took off his clothes. He reached behind her where she saw he left a box of condoms on her headboard, right next to the picture of them. It brought a smile to her face.

  “Stocked up today,” he said as he ripped one open.

  “I want you,” she murmured.

  Billy’s jaw locked, his shoulders tensed and his gaze went from heated to scorching. He drove into her hard and fast while she continued to watch his determined face. She saw everything in his face. Billy loved her.

  When they came together, it emptied her mind of any thoughts other than how it felt to be this close, this inseparable from him. She held onto him, refusing to release her hold. His gaze came to hers as he held her as tightly as she held him.

  She’d be tired the next morning, but he couldn’t stop himself from waking her throughout the night. He’d drift off, but then her body next to his would wake him again. He couldn’t sleep through his body’s pull to her. He wanted to kiss her everywhere
. When he trailed kisses down her side, from the soft skin under her arm, down her waist, to her hips, she giggled. When his lips moved across her pelvis, she groaned. He loved the sound of her—giggling, groaning, screaming in pleasure. He wanted all her sounds, all her love, all her everything.

  Renie made him promise he’d go out on the road the next weekend. As much as he didn’t want to, he knew she was right. He needed to get back out there and figure out why his heart wasn’t in saddle bronc riding anymore. Was it winning the championship? Had once been enough, and now the fire was out? He didn’t care about competing. He’d been competing all his life, and now he didn’t care. He couldn’t understand it himself, how could he explain it to her or anyone else.

  Something pulled at him, telling him it was time to move on to the next chapter of his life, he just didn’t know what it was.

  His second night in Rapid City, South Dakota, at the end of a less than impressive ride, Billy found out what the universe had in store for him.

  Chapter 6

  “I’ve been thinking about what you said.”

  “About Pooh?”

  “Yeah. You’re right. I’m sure Renie misses her like crazy. Too damn stubborn, always has been,” he mumbled.

  This went way beyond stubborn, thought Dottie.

  Billy looked out at the meadow, where he’d spent most of his life watching Renie Fairchild ride her horse. He’d give anything to see that sight again. He wiped a tear away. He knew his mom saw it, but he was beyond caring whether anyone knew he cried. He cried a lot about his broken life.

  “What about Willow?”

  “What about her?”

  “Will you take her with you?”

  “Do you think I should?”

  “Let me think on it.”

  Billy knew it might be a day or two before she’d get back to him. She liked to think things through; she wasn’t impulsive like him and his dad.

  Two days later Dottie walked into his kitchen. Willow was in her high chair, and Billy was trying to get her to eat scrambled eggs, which she was not in the mood for.

  “Hey Mama,” he said, getting up to kiss her cheek.

  “How’s my beautiful girl?”

  Willow reached out her hands for Dottie who picked her up.

  “Leave her with me and your daddy.”

  “You don’t think I should take her?”

  “I don’t, and neither does Liv.”

  “I wish I understood.”

  “Me too. We all do. No one could’ve predicted this reaction from her.”

  Billy paced back and forth in the kitchen. Pooh tied them together. He knew she’d have to come and get her horse eventually, or send someone to do it for her. If he did this, and she wouldn’t see him, he’d be cutting that tie himself.

  “You have to prepare yourself Billy. In case it doesn’t go the way you want it to.”

  “I already know how it’s gonna go.” She’ll refuse to see me. There he went again, getting choked up. He reached his hands out for Willow who was all too happy to come see her daddy.

  — • —

  “Billy Patterson?” the old man said.

  “That’s me. What can I do for you?” Billy answered, turning toward him. He was struck by the serious expression on the man’s face.

  “It’s about my granddaughter,” he said. His voice faltered. “And my great-granddaughter.”

  Billy wasn’t sure what to say. Was the man looking for an autograph? It had been a few months since anyone had sought him out for one.

  “Son,” he said, putting his hand on Billy’s shoulder. “I have something I need to talk to you about. Can we go somewhere more private?”

  There was something about the way the man spoke that made Billy pay attention.

  “Sure,” he said. “Come with me.”

  Billy was familiar with these grounds. There was a break room off the main barn he doubted anyone would be using. It would give them privacy to talk.

  He opened the door and switched on the lights. “Have a seat,” he said, motioning to the table in the middle of the room.

  The man moved slowly. He reached in his back pocket and took out his wallet. He pulled out a photo and handed it to Billy. “This is the only picture I have of Roxanne with her baby.” A tear slid down his cheek as he said it.

  Billy recognized the girl in the photo. Roxanne—yeah, he remembered her. He’d hooked up with her a couple of times. Sweet girl. Billy got a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach.

  The man swiped his hand across his cheek, brushing the tears away. He took a deep breath.

  “Roxanne was in a car accident two months ago on her way home from the store.” The man paused. “She said she’d be gone a few minutes. But my wife, she doesn’t believe in anybody ever leaving the house, even for a few minutes, without a kiss goodbye.”

  The man was openly crying now, trying to catch his breath to continue. Billy put his hand firmly on the man’s shoulder.

  “She would’ve told you, eventually. I’m sorry she didn’t get the chance to do it herself.”

  The conversation had taken a turn Billy didn’t understand.

  “Willow is a sweet baby, but my wife and I are in our eighties. It’ll break both our hearts, but we want what’s best for this little girl. Roxanne’s mom died when she was a little girl herself, and we raised her. Never knew who her daddy was. I guess that’s why she was so set on making sure that when the time was right, Willow would know you. I believe she was working up the courage to tell you.”

  Billy stood and walked to the other side of the room. Was this man trying to tell him that Roxanne believed he was her baby’s father?

  “Roxanne?” he ventured, wishing he didn’t have to ask the question.

  “She didn’t make it,” the man barely managed to answer before his shoulders hunched over, and he cried again.

  Billy paced, not knowing what to say. He studied the photo. Why did Roxanne believe he was the baby’s father? They’d been careful; he was sure of it. He was always careful.

  Renie…no, he couldn’t think about her, although his hand was on his phone, longing to call her. It was his first instinct. But, he needed to deal with this news on his own.

  The old man was watching him. “I guess you want proof.”

  Billy didn’t want to be an asshole. The man was telling him his granddaughter passed away. He couldn’t bring himself to doubt what the man was telling him, as much as that was how he was feeling.

  “Listen…” Billy started to say, not knowing what he’d say next.

  The man reached into his jacket pocket and drew out a letter. The return address on the envelope appeared to be from a law firm.

  “I understand you might have questions. You call me when you’re ready to ask ’em. It tells you in the letter how to reach me.”

  Billy wanted to stop the man when he rose and walked out of the room, but he couldn’t bring himself to.

  He sat down in the chair the man vacated and stared at the envelope.

  An hour later, he hadn’t moved. Every time he went to open the letter, he tossed it back down on the table instead.

  This was the fourth rodeo in the last six weeks he registered to compete in, and the first one he’d shown up for. He wondered if the man had gone to the other three looking for him.

  He put his head in his hands. He longed to call Renie. She’d help him figure out what he was supposed to do next. There was something telling him not to.

  Instead, he got in his truck and started the seven-hour drive home. It would take him close to five to get to Fort Collins. He’d decide then whether to stop and talk to her about it.

  It was one in the morning when he drove by her exit. It wouldn’t be right to wake her up over this. He decided to drive home and talk to her in the morning. He still hadn’t opened the envelope.

  ***

  Renie logged onto Twitter and saw on RodeoChat that Billy hadn’t placed either Friday or Saturday night. He’d pro
bably head home early Sunday morning. And when he got there, she’d be waiting for him. It’s what she would’ve done anyway, before things had changed between them.

  She loved her horse, no question, but if it hadn’t been for Billy, she wouldn’t go and see her as often as she did. Pooh was the excuse for her visit, Billy was the reason.

  When she got to the house a little after nine, Sookie was sitting at the kitchen counter reading the newspaper. She knew Sookie; he’d worked for her mom last year. She sat and talked to him for a few minutes, and then went downstairs to the room she usually stayed in. The one that had been hers all her life. If Sookie hadn’t been there, she might have gone in and crawled into Billy’s bed. Probably not, but she might have.

  ***

  Billy got home just after 2:00 AM and saw Renie’s car, and Sookie’s truck. God, if there were ever a time he regretted telling Sookie he could stay at the house, it was now.

  What was she doing here anyway? He hadn’t texted her last night, and she hadn’t texted him either. He bet she worried about him, since she hadn’t heard from him. He often texted after he rode. And he would’ve, if Roxanne’s grandfather hadn’t gotten there when he had. After that conversation, he hadn’t known what to say to her, so he didn’t say anything.

  He went inside and went straight downstairs to her room, instead of to his. As selfish as it was to wake her, he needed her. He took off his clothes as quietly as he could, eased into the double bed, and wrapped himself around her.

  She murmured, turned so her body faced his, but didn’t wake. And he didn’t go to sleep.

  It was after seven when she finally woke. Billy thought he’d go crazy waiting for her to.

  “Hi,” she said, her voice heavy with sleep.

  “Hi,” he answered.

  “I didn’t expect you until later this morning. When did you get in?”

  “Couple hours ago.”

  She opened her eyes wider. “How come you came home in the middle of the night Billy?”