And Then You Dance

by Heather A Buchman

  “I’ll call you when he’s leaving.”

  “Are you flying over with him?”

  “Not this time honey. Ben is flying over with his dad. I’ll call you when I know more.”

  She called Billy. “I miss you too much. I’m coming back.”

  “Wait. What? You’re comin’ back? Really? Shit. That’s great!”

  “Monarch Pass is closed.”

  “You are such a brat.”

  “I’m still coming back, so you better retract that insult Patterson.”

  “I’ll be waitin’ here in bed for you. Ready and willin’, by the way.”

  “When are you leaving?”

  “Our flight’s this afternoon baby.” His voice got soft to match the tone of hers. “I’m so sorry about this.”

  “Don’t Billy, don’t be sorry.”

  “Aw, don’t cry honey. God, just hurry back here. But Renie, be safe, okay.”

  “I will. I’ll be there in a minute.”

  She was crying, and he didn’t have any idea what to do about it. His life was one big Charlie Foxtrot. He wasn’t riding, he was in love with Renie Fairchild, and he might be a daddy. Shit.

  He was lost in thought when he heard the back door open. God he was happy she was back. He wished more than anything that he could take her to Texas with him. With Renie by his side, he could face anything life threw in his direction.

  “You lit a fire,” she said as she took off her coat and tossed it on the chair.

  He sat up and looked her in the eye. “I love you Renie.”

  She climbed on the bed and snuggled up against him.

  “No, wait, that isn’t supposed to make you cry.” Why was she crying again?

  “It’s okay,” she said. “I’m glad you love me Billy.”

  “You are?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Does that mean we’re gonna make it through all this.”

  “I’m not sure what it means, but I guess so. One way or another.”

  “Oh no, it’s gonna be one way darlin’, and that’s with you and me sharin’ sheets on a regular basis.”

  At noon, Renie’s phone rang. It was her mom.

  “Hey Mom, Ben on his way?”

  “No honey, they’ve been at the airport waiting for the weather to clear. It doesn’t look as though it’s getting any better. I’m so sorry sweetheart. We’ll have to wait until tomorrow.”

  “It’s okay,” she answered, knowing her disappointment hung heavily on her words. “We’ll talk in the morning then. Bye Mom.”

  “Bye sweetheart. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “What’s up?”

  “Weather. They can’t fly out today.”

  “I’m sorry. I know you wanted to see your mom. I feel as though it’s my fault that I talked you into stoppin’ here.”

  “You saved me. I might have been stuck on the pass if I hadn’t stopped.”

  “Thanks for makin’ me feel better about it. I wish you could…”

  “What?”

  “I know I’m a selfish prick. You know I’m a selfish prick. I can’t imagine doing anything this big without you with me.”

  “You’ve done lots of big things without me.”

  “But this doesn’t feel like me Renie. This feels like us. Whatever I find out in Texas affects us. Both of us. Us together.”

  “Billy—”

  “Please Renie. Please go with me.”

  She put her head on his chest, right above his heart. “Okay.”

  He held her tight and closed his eyes, saying a silent prayer of thanks.

  “Dottie still needs to go with us Billy. I can’t go with you if Dottie doesn’t go.”

  “My mama will still go with us darlin’. Don’t worry.”

  He knew he should tell her she didn’t have to go, but now that he’d talked her into it, he didn’t want to risk saying anything that might change her mind. It wasn’t just that he wanted her with him; he needed her with him.

  It cost him a fortune to get her ticket, and theirs, at the last minute, but he would’ve paid ten times more to have her with him.

  Renie sat next to him. Dottie sat across the aisle.

  “I didn’t realize we were flying first-class Billy.”

  He often flew first-class and even if he didn’t, he would’ve this trip. He was about to ask his mother and the love of his life to help him bring his baby girl home. He didn’t need a paternity test, he felt it in his bones; he was Willow’s father.

  He closed his eyes, wishing he could sleep, but knew he wouldn’t.

  He lifted the armrest that was between the two of them and brought Renie closer to him. “Sleep darlin’. Get some rest.” He knew she was asleep before he finished his sentence. He doubted she’d gotten any more sleep than he had the last couple of days.

  Dottie looked across the aisle at her son. The worry and tension that had been so evident on his face yesterday had softened. She knew he was still feeling it, but having Renie with them made such a difference.

  His life had changed so drastically in the last few days. He’d gone from a carefree cowboy to a man ready to accept that he’d found the love of his life standing right in front of him. Now he was facing the biggest responsibility of his life. Billy knew the baby was his; she felt it as much as he did. He’d accepted it the minute Earl Johnson told him, in South Dakota.

  ***

  The Johnsons suggested they meet at the hospital the next day, which was a few minutes away from the airport in San Antonio. Billy had gone the afternoon before and given the lab what they needed to run the test.

  They were waiting in the lobby when he walked in with Renie and his mother. Sophie Johnson was holding the baby.

  Dottie knew as soon as she looked at her, it didn’t matter what any lab or doctor told her. That baby was a Patterson.

  Renie saw it too. Billy saw it in her face. He watched her, afraid to look away, afraid he’d miss something. Her look went from shock to…something he didn’t have words for. But when he looked at Willow, he hoped Renie was feeling the same thing he was. It was indescribable.

  Sophie Johnson couldn’t take her eyes off Billy. After he came back from South Dakota, her husband told her Billy was the baby’s father. He’d known it the minute he looked in the boy’s eyes. Willow was the spitting image of her daddy, including her pale blue eyes. Roxanne had big, brown eyes. Willow had his dimples too.

  “Here,” said Mrs. Johnson. “You hold your girl.”

  Billy hesitated, not sure what to do. Willow started kicking her legs, leaning toward him.

  “Hold tight Billy,” said Dottie, smiling through her tears. “She’s a squirmer…like you.”

  “Why don’t you have a seat son?” Earl Johnson motioned. “Your mama’s right. Willow’s a squirmer.”

  Billy could hear him, understood what he was saying, but he couldn’t move. He and Willow stared at each other, as though they were looking in a mirror. He was sure that any minute his heart was would burst right open. When he did look away, it was at Renie. He had no idea what the expression on her face meant.

  It was as though all the air left her body when Billy took the baby in his arms. And she watched him fall in love. In that moment, she realized she would never hold his heart the way she hoped she would. She’d dreamed of this day for the two of them, but in her dreams they were falling in love together with their baby. Not the baby Billy had with somebody else.

  What was she thinking coming with him? She wasn’t any part of the scene playing out in front of her. She was a bystander, and not an innocent one. She was a damaged bystander, witnessing the cause of the worst pain she could imagine.

  When Dottie rested her hand on Renie’s back, she flinched, as though the touch burned her.

  “Renie?” Billy was walking toward her, with the baby.

  “Billy—” Her voice caught in a sob. “I can’t. I can’t do this.”

  She felt the walls closing in on her. She couldn’t breathe. All
she knew was she had to get away from this…Billy and his baby, as fast as she could.

  She turned and ran out of the hospital. She jumped into the cab parked outside the entrance. “Take me to the airport,” she said. “Hurry.” The cab sped away.

  She couldn’t bring herself to look back to see Billy, standing outside the door, baby in his arms.

  Chapter 8

  Pooh was in the trailer, and Billy was almost ready to leave. He was waiting until Willow woke up and had breakfast before he did. There hadn’t been a day since he brought her home that he wasn’t there when she woke. He didn’t want today to be the first. He hoped instead it would be tomorrow. That would mean he would still be in Crested Butte, and if he were, it would mean Renie had agreed to see him. If she hadn’t, there’d be no reason for him to stay.

  He’d never wanted anything more in his life than he wanted Renie to talk to him again. He didn’t care if she didn’t love him anymore. He’d accept it, although he’d still love her for the rest of his life. It wouldn’t be fair for him to ask the same of her. She was young; she deserved to have all the fun someone her age should have. She shouldn’t be tied down, taking care of someone else’s baby.

  If he knew she was doing that, having fun, dating, staying out too late, laughing…the way he knew she loved to, he’d be happy.

  He never meant to break her heart. Never. He was as shocked as anyone to find out his one night stand had resulted in a baby. He still didn’t know how it had. He’d always been so careful. But now it didn’t matter. Willow was part of his life, the biggest part of it. And he wouldn’t trade her for anything. Not even Renie.

  — • —

  When Renie got out of the cab, Liv almost didn’t recognize her. She looked as though she’d been crying for hours and the expression on her face…Liv didn’t think she’d ever seen her look that way.

  She was walking toward the front door, but it wasn’t the person Liv knew as her daughter. This girl had no life in her; she was beaten down in a way that made Liv’s heart break.

  “Renie? Are you okay? What are you doing here?”

  “I don’t want to talk right now Mom. Is that okay?” When Renie started to cry, then sob, Liv didn’t know what to do other than put her arms around her and hold her tight.

  “I’d like to go lie down.”

  “Go ahead honey. We’ll talk after you rest.”

  Renie went downstairs and closed the door behind her.

  Ben was in the kitchen waiting when Liv turned around.

  “What happened?”

  “I don’t have any idea.”

  “Can you call Billy? Or Dottie?”

  “I’ll try. But Ben, I cannot imagine what could have happened. I’ve never seen her this way.” Liv started to cry.

  Ben led her into the bedroom. “Come here.”

  Liv couldn’t stop crying herself. Renie’s heart was broken; there could be no other explanation for her behavior. But, Liv had known Billy Patterson a long time, and she couldn’t imagine anything he could do that would break Renie so completely. As much as she wanted to know what happened, she couldn’t bring herself to make the call to find out.

  ***

  Dottie told Billy that she’d be back in a few minutes to help with the baby, she needed to go home and grab a couple of things. When she walked in the back door, Bill was sitting at the kitchen table waiting for her.

  “How is he?”

  “Devastated.”

  “She just left?”

  Dottie let her husband hug her, the way she usually hugged everybody else. She needed his comfort.

  “She’s twenty-three years old Bill. It’s hard to remember she’s so young. She’s usually the wisest old soul in the room. When it comes to Billy, she’s a young woman in love, and she was completely unprepared for this.”

  Dottie let go. “I need to get back up there, but I want you to do somethin’ for me. It won’t be easy, but I need you to call Liv, and tell her what’s happened. I can’t. Billy needs help with that beautiful little baby. Come up to the house after you talk to Liv, and meet your granddaughter.”

  “Okay, honey. I’ll call Livvie. Don’t you worry, this will all work out eventually.”

  Dottie patted Bill’s cheek. “So certain everything will work out. It’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you Bill Patterson.”

  ***

  Ben picked up Liv’s phone when it rang and looked at the screen.

  “It’s Dottie,” he said, handing it to her.

  “Hi Dottie,” she answered.

  “No Livvie, not Dottie. Bill here.”

  “Oh. Hi Bill. Is everything okay with Dottie?” Bill never called her.

  “Dottie’s fine, but there are things I need to tell you Livvie. Have you talked to Renie? Do you know anything of what’s happened?”

  “I tried to talk to her, but she wouldn’t talk back. So no, I don’t know anything.”

  Fifteen minutes later Liv ended the call. She’d done nothing but listen, so Ben still didn’t know what was happening. When she told him, he put his head in his hands. “Jesus,” was all he said.

  Every time Liv went to check on Renie, she was still asleep. She came upstairs a little after noon.

  Liv stood and pulled her into a hug.

  “Did you talk to Dottie?”

  “I did honey.”

  “Good. Now you know. We don’t have to talk about it.”

  “We don’t? I think we should.”

  Renie pulled away from her and walked to the window that looked out at the ranch.

  “I don’t ever want to talk about Billy Patterson again Mom. Not ever.”

  “Okay Renie. I understand that you’re upset about this, but the Pattersons are family. You and Billy will get past this.”

  Renie didn’t even look at Liv. She went straight back down the stairs to the bedroom, and closed the door. This time she locked it. Liv didn’t see her again until the next afternoon.

  By that point, she was so worried she asked Ben to see whether he could get the door unlocked so she could check on her.

  “I heard noises in the bathroom a few minutes ago,” Ben told her. “She’s fine. Well maybe not fine, but we don’t have to break into her room yet.”

  Liv went downstairs and knocked on the door. “Renie? Can I come in?”

  No answer.

  “Please honey. Let me in. We don’t have to talk about…anything.”

  “You can come in Mom. It’s open.”

  Liv sat down on the bed and pulled her daughter closer to her. “I’m so sorry baby.”

  Renie put her arms around Liv and cried. And cried. She cried so hard that Liv started crying too.

  Her breathing evened out, and Liv knew she’d fallen back to sleep. It was for the best. After she got more rest, maybe she’d be ready to talk about it.

  A week later, nothing had changed with Renie. She still didn’t want to talk about Billy. She didn’t seem worried about school either, but Liv was.

  “Honey, I’m not sure how to say this. I want you to know you can stay as long as you want to, but do you think you should get back to school?”

  “No.”

  No? That was it? “Have you been in touch with any of your professors?”

  “No.”

  Liv thought she might pull her hair out. “Renie, you are not a child. You have a responsibility to contact your professors and let them know when you’ll be back.”

  Renie didn’t answer her. She got up from the table, went downstairs and closed the bedroom door.

  Ben was around the corner, listening. “Want me to talk to her?”

  “You better, but not right now. Maybe the next time she decides to come out of exile.”

  “She doesn’t know what she wants to do yet.” Ben told her. “This is worse than we originally thought Liv.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “We should try to get her to talk to someone.”

  Ben had been in rehab a year
before he met Liv, to quit drinking. There was a therapist he knew in town that he thought Renie should meet with.

  “She’s sinking deeper into depression Liv. I’m worried about her.”

  He asked Liv to let him be the one to talk to her about it. Renie was against it, in fact, she was furious with him, but Ben insisted. As hard as it was for Liv to let him handle it, she did, and Ben got Renie to go. He went with her, and then a few days later, he went with her again.

  “Renie we need to talk about school; you need to decide what you want to do.”

  “I’m not going back.”

  “You’re sure.”

  “Positive.”

  This wasn’t the first time Renie had taken a break from school. She took a semester off when Liv broke her neck in her accident.

  “You can start up again in the summer and still hold your place in the vet program this fall.”

  “No Mom. I’m not going back. Ever.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous—”

  She was up and gone before Liv finished her sentence.

  “I don’t even know her,” Liv cried to Ben later.

  “I told you the other day, this is much worse than a breakup Liv. Renie has sunk into depression.”

  “She’s never…”

  “Renie has done a fan-freaking-tastic job of hiding her feelings for years Liv. Years. She has spent her entire life in love with Billy Patterson. I didn’t see it, not that I would, but you didn’t either. Now she’s decided that her life will never be what she imagined it to be, she can’t see past that. She has no idea what the rest of her life will look like, and she’s not ready to try.”

  “I don’t know how to help her.”

  “She has to work through this on her own, for herself. All we can do now is be available to her when she needs us. That, and I’m coming down hard on her to keep talking to the therapist. That I’ll be an asshole about, because I feel strong she needs it.”