And Then You Dance

by Heather A Buchman

  “I’ve got to be inside you Renie. I need to be. I want to fill you, join with you, never be separated from you.”

  “Hurry,” she answered, and again their pace changed. They were lost in each other, delirious as they quivered together.

  Billy reached up and held her face in his hands. “You and me, forever—for the rest of our lives.”

  “Billy,” she whispered, half hoping she wouldn’t wake him. She wanted a few minutes to look at him. They hadn’t talked about when yet, but soon Billy would be her husband. They would spend the rest of their lives together, as friends, as lovers, as soul mates. They would be partners, companions on life’s journey.

  Tomorrow their journey would begin. And the first step would be meeting his daughter. The little girl Renie had been so afraid to share him with. She prayed she’d have the strength to let those fears go, and learn to love her without hesitation.

  He told her, in all his promises tonight, that he understood. He promised to pay attention to her, to listen, to plan special moments for the two of them. And most importantly, he promised not to leave her.

  Her brain told her it was a promise he didn’t have power over, but her heart knew that Billy understood how great that fear was for her. The more they talked about it, gave it words, the more that fear would distillate.

  Her love for him was something pure, the essence of who she was. Acknowledging, rather than burying, her feelings would bring them closer together, instead of driving them apart. She should have trusted Billy would know that. He knew how she felt, he knew what to say, he knew how to comfort her. All those months she’d gone without his comfort, when it was the thing she needed more than air, or sustenance.

  Billy was awake and studying her. “You are so lost in thought. Every memory I have of you there is a component of it that involves me wonderin’ what you were thinkin’. There is always somethin’ goin’ through this beautiful head of yours,” he stroked her hair and moved it away from her face. “I want to be the man who gets the rare and special privilege of being the recipient of your thoughts. The one you trust enough to share them with. To get the gift of you. Will you let me be that man?”

  “You are that man Billy. Every thought has been yours, because they are all of you. All my life you have been the voice, the face, the smile in my head. Even when I couldn’t talk to you, I heard you. And I felt you. I never doubted that you loved me. Not ever.”

  “We talked about us tonight Renie. We need to talk about Willow. I need to know how you’re feeling, what you’re thinking.”

  “I don’t feel as afraid. I’m not as worried about how I’ll share you with her, because I know there will be a part of you that you keep just for me.”

  “Always. There will always be a part of me that is for you alone. And if we give Willow brothers and sisters, there will still be a part of me that belongs to you. In the same way that no matter how many people I have to share you with, I know there is a part of your heart you’ll keep separate for me.”

  “You know me so well. You know the perfect thing to say. Don’t you?”

  “It isn’t so much that I know what to say, it’s more that I know what to feel. I can feel you. When you’re scared, I feel it. When you’re worried, I feel it.”

  She smiled and started to speak. He put his fingers on her lips to silence her.

  “That’s how it’s always been for you, hasn’t it? Even when you were a little girl, you knew how I was feeling.”

  “Yes,” she answered simply.

  “That’s why I’m grounded when I’m with you, because you do that for me.”

  “I do.”

  “I want to be the person who grounds you.”

  “You do Billy. You’re the only one who ever has.”

  “We need to talk about Jace too.”

  “Oh Billy, it isn’t necessary, we’re—”

  “Friends. I know. You’re good friends. Jace is a good guy. And you know, he’s also family, in a weird and convoluted third-cousin-in-law way.”

  “Why are you talking about him as though you know him?”

  “Because he called me.”

  That made her pay attention. “He did?”

  “Yep. He did. That’s how good of a friend he is to you.”

  “Oh.” Her brow furrowed, and she started to tuck her hands under her legs. Billy took her arm and pulled one back out.

  “Listen to me.” He put his hand on her chin and turned her head, so she was looking into his eyes. “There wasn’t anything Jace said to me that I didn’t already know. He cares enough about you to want to make sure of it.”

  He winked then. “Before he gave me his permission to ask you to marry me.”

  “You’re kidding.”

  “I am…a little,” he laughed. “I talked to your mom too.”

  “That explains the conversation she and I had this morning. She was apologizing for not being a better mother to me.”

  “Oh no,” he shook his head. “I gotta tell you, she was a nervous wreck. I thought sure she would blow the whole surprise because she was.”

  “And that explains even more.”

  “Hey, can we go get into a real bed?” he said, changing the subject. “If we sleep on the floor all night, no matter how romantic it is, I won’t be able to move tomorrow. You gotta remember, I’m a lot older than you are. And you’re the one who’s gonna have to take care of me.”

  “I’ve had fantasies about you sneaking into my bedroom Billy…let’s see if we can play out some of those tonight.”

  Billy was up in a flash. “You wanna play out fantasies sugar, I’m your man.” He kissed the side of your face. “I’m your man no matter what,” he said more seriously.

  “Before we go to sleep, I promised I’d text your mom. And if I don’t, she’ll make Ben crazy ’cause I’m sure she’s pacin’ the floor wondering what’s happening with us. This next part is important. Are you paying attention?”

  “Yes Billy,” she rolled her eyes at him.

  “How do you want to handle things with Willow tomorrow? Do you want them to come back here, and bring Willow with them? Or would you rather you and I go to the house.”

  “I don’t know. What do you want to do?”

  “I don’t think it matters.”

  “There.”

  “You’re sure.”

  “Yep. Positive.”

  “How did you go from not knowing to being so positive?”

  “’Cause you bought a house. And even though I’m not sure why you did, I’m guessing it’ll be our home at least part of the year.”

  “Yeah, still not following what this has to do with Willow.”

  “Let’s christen our new home together, the three of us. As a family.”

  “I like it.” He leaned over and kissed her. “I also bought it so we could have a place near your mom.”

  “I know.”

  “I want our family to grow Renie. There isn’t anything I want more than for us to have another baby. I want to start working on that right away.”

  “Maybe we should stop talking and start working on those fantasies I mentioned then.”

  ***

  Renie woke up to the sounds of Jake and Luke clomping down the stairs to throw their stuff from their “camp-out,” in their bedrooms, they were arguing about something on top of it.

  “Jeez, have they ever heard of inside voices?” said Billy.

  “You better get used to a lot of noise if you’re serious about us adding to our family.”

  “You know what I realized?”

  “What’s that?”

  “We’re both only children.”

  “You just realized it?”

  “No, that’s not what I mean. I mean I don’t have any experience with sibling rivalry, and that kind of shit. Do you?”

  “We’ll buy books.”

  “Yeah, I bet my mama’s already thought of that. You should see all the books she bought me after I brought Willow home. And she was
on my case every minute to make sure I read ’em too.”

  “Billy?”

  “Yeah baby?”

  “Let’s go. I don’t want to wait anymore.”

  He got up and hugged her. “Sure, of course, we can go as soon as you want.”

  She got up and pulled a duffel bag out of her closet. She started pulling stuff out of drawers and throwing them in the bag. “We can come back and get more later, but for now I want to have enough clothes with me, so we don’t have to worry about it for a few days. Oh. Wait.”

  Wait? What was wrong? Shit. He’d just started to get comfortable. He pulled her into a hug, and rested his chin on the top of her head. “Tell me.”

  “It isn’t Thanksgiving yet. Maybe you need to get back to the ranch. I didn’t think…I’m sorry.”

  “Everything you assumed was right. We aren’t goin’ to the ranch, until we decide we want to. I’m not on a timetable. Okay? Willow’s here, you’re here, that’s all I need in life. Doesn’t matter where we are as long as we’re all together.”

  Ben was in the kitchen making breakfast when they came upstairs. “Well good morning,” he said.

  “Good morning,” they both answered.

  “I hear congratulations in order.”

  Renie held her hand out for Ben to see her ring. The smile she had on her face melted Billy’s heart. That was happiness right there. If happiness had a look, it was on Renie’s face.

  The ring had belonged to Dottie’s mother. The art deco designed featured a single, round, two-carat diamond in the center, ringed with eight small sapphires. Between each of the sapphires were small round diamonds. On the outside were diamond-filled leaf patterns.

  “Wow. Gorgeous. And you picked that out all on your own Patterson? Didn’t think the cowboy had it in him.”

  “You throw that word around an awful lot for bein’ pretty close to one yourself Rice.”

  “Oh stop. Are you two going to spend the rest of your lives calling each other by your last names? That’ll be as annoying as it is confusing.” Renie put one hand on each of their shoulders. “And Ben, the ring belonged to Billy’s grandmother. I’ve never seen anything this beautiful. I’m so honored to have it.”

  “Yeah, okay, it’s nice. I’ll give you that,” answered Ben. “But, I’m not very happy with him right at the moment,” he said with a growl.

  “Why the hell not?” Billy answered with an equal amount of indignation.

  “I heard all about your proposal last night. Put me and the little song I wrote for Liv when I proposed to shame.”

  Renie hugged Ben. “Your proposal to my mom couldn’t have been more perfect, and you know it.”

  Ben smiled at her. He said a lot with his smile. When you were given the gift of one, you knew he really liked you.

  “Ready?” Billy asked.

  “Yep, let’s go. Bye Ben. Say goodbye to the boys for me too. They’re downstairs fighting, and I don’t want to get in the middle of it this morning.”

  “Wait, what? You’re leaving? I made breakfast.” He waved his hands over the huge breakfast he had just finished preparing.

  “Sorry Ben,” said Renie. “We’re having breakfast at home this morning.”

  “Good luck with that,” he mumbled. “You don’t have a refrigerator let alone anything to eat breakfast on.”

  “Oh…yeah…I guess I left that out Renie. We don’t exactly have anything in the house yet. We just have the house.”

  “Then we’ll have to stop and get coffee and some of your favorite pastries on our way home.”

  “See?” Billy said to Ben. “See how she is? And she’s mine. All mine. She’s perfect, and she’s all mine.”

  Ben rolled his eyes but smiled as he waved them off.

  Chapter 22

  “Well, hi there,” Liv said softly when Billy and Renie walked in the back door.

  “Is she asleep?” he asked.

  “Just dozed off,” she whispered.

  Billy took Willow out of Liv’s arms. When he did, she rubbed her face against his chest. “Dadada,” she murmured and smiled. Her voice sounded so sleepy, but she picked up her head and looked straight at Renie.

  “Bah,” she said and then continued on with an unintelligible string of babble.

  Renie got closer to Willow and her daddy. “Hi,” she said softly.

  Willow tucked her face into Billy’s chest again, then turned and gave Renie a shy smile.

  Not knowing what her reaction might be, Renie took a deep breath, and held her hands out to see if Willow would come to her. She didn’t even hesitate.

  Billy thought he might pass out, he’d been holding his breath so long. He watched as Renie walked over to the blanket Liv had spread out on the floor that was covered with Willow’s toys and books. She sat down, still holding Willow in her arms, and picked up a stuffed monkey with one hand.

  “Who’s this?” she asked.

  “Mun,” Willow answered taking the monkey from Renie’s hand. She held it up to Renie’s lips. Renie gave the monkey a kiss. Then Willow brought the monkey to her lips and kissed it too.

  Billy turned to look at Liv, who was trying to wipe the tears away before anyone noticed. They were falling from her eyes too quickly for her to catch them all.

  He put his arm around her. “Thanks,” he said.

  She rested her head on his shoulder. “They’re beautiful,” she answered.

  Willow put her head down on the pillow and stretched her little body out. She patted the pillow. “Seep,” she said pointing at the blanket.

  Renie stretched out right beside her. She tucked her arm under Willow’s head; the baby snuggled up against her.

  “You okay?” Billy whispered.

  Renie nodded her head.

  He put a blanket over the two of them, and then kissed each of their foreheads. He went back to where Liv was standing, near the back door.

  “That was a little slice of heaven, watching that,” he said while Liv gathered her things.

  “It’ll take time, but if you let them get to know each other on their own terms, it’ll seem like no time at all.”

  “Okay, Grandma,” he winked at her.

  “And no interfering. As soon as you start telling Renie how to act around Willow, it’ll blow up in your face.”

  Billy laughed out loud. “Because I’ve always had luck telling Irene Fairchild how to act. Give me a break Livvie.”

  “I’m just saying, let her learn the way you did. You had time alone with Willow to figure it out. I’m not saying you should leave them alone, just be sure to give them enough space.”

  “You done?” he smirked.

  “No. I’m not. You screw this up Billy Patterson, and I’ll tell your mother.”

  He kissed Liv goodbye and came back to where his girls were stretched out on the blanket. He snuggled up on the other side of Willow, who had drifted off to sleep. “Can I join you?” he whispered.

  Renie nodded again, and then closed her eyes. Billy closed his too, dozing, but shaking himself awake every so often; to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. Willow had her head on Renie’s chest, her little arm tucked into Renie’s side. He could tell by their breathing that they were both sound asleep.

  When he woke up, the two of them were in the kitchen. He wasn’t sure how long he slept, but he was starving.

  “Find anything good to eat in there?” he said to them.

  Willow came running at him and jumped on top of him, smiling and covering him with kisses. She stopped, turned toward Renie and held out her hand. “Bah,” she said.

  “I’m dying to know what Bah means,” she laughed. “I think it’s her name for me.”

  Billy looked at Willow, and then pointed to Renie, smiling at her. “Mama,” he said. He pointed back at his baby girl, “Willow.” Then back at Renie, “Mama.”

  “Bah-ma,” Willow answered.

  “Okay,” he said. “Bah-ma. We’ll start with that.”

  He looked back at Renie who a
ppeared unfazed.

  “You okay?”

  “Yes Billy,” she rolled her eyes at him. “I’ve grown accustomed to your no-holds-barred approach to things. Willow and I met an hour ago, and you’re introducing me as ‘mama,’ why wouldn’t I be okay?”

  The look on her face told him she was kidding, or at least not mad at him.

  “I’m starving. Are you as hungry as I am?” he asked.

  “More.”

  “Wanna have dinner with me?”

  “Who’s cooking?”

  “You are.”

  Renie laughed. “Then we better go shopping. I’ll need a stove, a refrigerator, pots and pans…”

  “Maybe we better eat out for the next couple of days.” He picked up Willow. “Or go to Grandma’s house. Wanna go to Grandma’s house Willow?”

  “If you’re referring to my mother, I can’t wait to see the look on her face the first time you refer to her as ‘Grandma.’”

  “Too late.”

  “Huh?”

  “While you and Willow were sleeping, we had a conversation. I snuck it in to see how she’d react.”

  “And?”

  “I don’t think she even noticed. She continued right along with the lecture she was in the middle of givin’ me.”

  Renie held out her hands and Willow maneuvered over to her. “Let’s go see Grandma then. And Grandpa too.”

  “Oh I’m gonna love this,” said Billy. “Grandpa Ben. This is gonna be good.”

  “She likes you,” Billy said on the ride to Ben and Liv’s.

  “I like her too.” Renie turned around to look at Willow who had dozed off in her car seat. “She’s easy to like.”

  “So are you.”

  She was very easy to like. Easy to love too. But the likability part, Billy believed that was what Willow was responding to.

  Even when she was a little girl, Renie had a sense of calm about her that soothed everyone around her. He hadn’t been worried as much about how Willow would respond to Renie. He had been more worried about how Renie would respond to Willow. So far, it was good.