Love Me Like You Do: Books That Keep You In Bed

by Fields, MJ

  “Okay.”

  He kisses my head and we drift off to sleep, wrapped in each other’s arms, the way we’re supposed to be.

  * * *

  Trevin

  I can’t believe I'm here, with Lily. I wondered if I’d ever get the chance to see her again. She kept telling me to give her time, but I couldn't stay away any longer. The need to see her got too intense. I hopped on the first flight I could get to head straight to her.

  I’ve been lying here, with her asleep on my chest for what seems like hours, and I finally feel grounded again. Without her in my life, the fear of floating away into oblivion wears on me.

  I hear my phone vibrate, but I ignore it. It’s not until the third call that I slide out from under Lily, trying not to wake her up and reaching down to see who’s calling.

  Seeing Arnie’s name, I glance at the clock to find it’s two in the morning. I step outside to keep from waking Lily, and after taking a deep breath, I hit the answer button thinking this can’t be good.

  “Arnie, what’s up? Everything okay?”

  “Trevin! Yes! Everything is more than okay! I just got the call of a lifetime. This is it, man. This is your shot! Not only will the album be listed as number one on the charts tomorrow morning, but Oz Fest just called! They’re touring Australia and the lead singer of Cut Throat just went into rehab. They want Escape Velocity to join the tour, immediately!”

  I sit silent, not sure what to say. This is huge news. Huge. This is the break we’ve wanted, the one we’ve worked for. Being on the Oz Fest tour would get us the notoriety we need, and with the album being number one, this is it. We've finally made it.

  “Hello? Are you there, Trev?”

  “Yeah, sorry…fuck, are you kidding me?”

  “No, I’m not, kid. Here we go. Are you ready to be back in the spotlight?”

  I sigh, running my hand down my face, not sure how I feel about this. This is everything I’ve ever wanted, and I’ve worked so fucking hard for it, but that leaves Lily dangling in the air. I know she won’t go on tour with me. And we haven’t even discussed anything about us yet.

  I hear Arnie speaking, but I don’t fully comprehend any of it until he screams my name, “Trevin!”

  “Yeah, fuck, sorry. What?”

  “Were you listening? We need to leave in a few hours. Where are you?”

  “A few hours? I, um…I can’t. I’m up visiting Lily in our hometown.”

  “Fuck you, you can’t. Get your ass to the airport, now. You’re not passing this up. I’ll set up a private plane to come get you. We don’t have time for anything else. You have to leave now. We need to be on the flight to Australia in three hours or we miss the next show.”

  I do the math in my head, an hour to the airport from here, an hour flight, then I still have to get all my things. I don’t have time to talk to Lily. I try to stall. “But my stuff…”

  “I’ll get it. The guys are packing all your gear, and I’ll go to your house to get the other things. We don't have time. Whatever you don’t have, you can buy. It’s Oz Fest, man. Get your head on right and get your ass to the airport, now!” he screams into my ear before hanging up.

  I hit end on the phone call and look into Lily’s room. She’s still fast asleep and I’ve never been so torn in my life.

  I know she’ll understand. She’s been there with me every step of the way, and this is the opportunity of a lifetime. I just wish it wasn’t happening right now. I can only pray she’ll understand why I had to leave with everything unsettled between us.

  I don’t even have time to think about it, though. I have to go. Now. I’m the leader of this band. I’ve brought these guys together and I can’t let them down. I know I won’t leave if I wake her, so I decide to write her a note, praying to God she’ll understand.

  Lily,

  Please know I love you more than anything in the entire world. I got a call at 2am with an offer to join Oz Fest in Australia. The only catch was we had to leave right away. You know this is a huge deal for us, for the band, for you and me. Please forgive me for not waking you up, but I knew I wouldn’t leave you if I did. Know that I want to be here with you and I’ll be here again the second I get back.

  I love you forever,

  Trevin

  * * *

  Lily

  Confusion of waking up in a cold, empty bed rattles my brain when I open my eyes. For a second, I think it was all a dream, but the ache between my legs reminds me it was all too real and Trevin really did come here for me.

  The first genuine smile wraps around my face in a while and I get up out of bed to go hunt down my man. Praying that it will be just like old times and I’ll be greeted by my shirtless god making me breakfast in the kitchen.

  When I sit up and see a note sitting on my nightstand a feeling of despair tightens around my stomach, clenching my insides and stealing my breath as I reach down to pick it up.

  I feel like every ounce of happiness I have ever felt was just ripped from me and I crumple the note, throwing it across the room before I turn back to my pillow and cry like I never have before. Absolutely astounded that he would leave like that, in the drop of a hat when his other world beckoned. Showing me where I truly stand.

  Twenty-Five

  Another life is made

  Another life is craved

  Another life is going to fade

  Because another life is made.

  - Trevin Allen

  Lily – One month later

  “Morgan, you have to look, I can’t.” I walk out of the bathroom. I don’t need a stick to tell me I’m pregnant. I already know.

  “You’re pregnant.” The pain is visible in her eyes.

  I sit down, letting out a big sigh, covering my eyes with my arms crossed over my face.

  “Can I ask who the father is?”

  I look at her and she shrugs, giving me an apologetic look, but she’s right. I never told anyone Trevin showed up that night, or more importantly, that he left without saying a word.

  Just a fucking note.

  “It’s Trevin’s.”

  “Wait, what? How? You told me you guys were over.”

  “We are. I wasn’t sure what we were but he showed up about a month ago saying all the right things, and I was so desperate to have him back we had sex, not even thinking of the fact that I missed my appointment to get my shot. The dates got messed up with me moving here and switching doctors. I had so much on my mind I just forgot. I called this morning to make an appointment, and they said I was well over a month past due. When they said I needed to take a pregnancy test, I just hung up. Knowing exactly what the sickness I’ve been feeling lately was. I just called you over here for support—for confirmation of what I already knew was true.”

  “Okay…so what happened after he was here?”

  “He left, just like that. In the middle of the night he got a phone call to join Oz Fest and left without even trying to wake me up.”

  “Ouch…”

  “Yeah, ouch… The pain of waking up alone was enough to finally cut ties with him completely. It just proved my point that we’re two different people with different priorities who aren’t meant to be together.”

  She sits down, holding my hand and looking directly into my eyes. “But maybe you’re not that different, and this baby is showing you that you are meant to be together.”

  “No.” I sit up straight. “He’s a rock star for God’s sake. I’m a junior high student teacher living in the same small town we grew up in. I tried to live his lifestyle, and I was just becoming someone I didn’t want to be. It will never work.”

  “Will you keep the baby?”

  I look at her, shocked she would even ask. “Of course I’ll keep the baby.”

  “Then you have to tell him.”

  “No. I told him not to contact me. He needs to live his life, touring the world. God knows where he even is right now.”

  I leave out the part that he’s called me every day,
sometimes two to three times a day. I was able to avoid them for the first few weeks but he finally caught on and called my parents on a night I happened to be there. They convinced me to talk to him, but it just made everything worse. He begged me to forgive him, saying he was coming home, quitting the band and leaving it all behind.

  My anger over him ruining everything we fought so hard to get fueled my fire and I told him if he did, he would have no chance of ever seeing me again. That’s exactly what I didn’t want. I would never ask him to sacrifice music for me. I couldn't live with myself if he did. But that hasn’t stopped him from trying. Every time my phone rings, my heart sinks. It’s getting harder and harder to hit the ignore button, but I think he’s finally starting to get the message.

  “You know this baby changes everything though, right?” Morgan states very matter-of-factly.

  “Does it?” I get up, turning on my computer to show her the latest video I found about Escape Velocity. The video was taken by a concertgoer at a recent show, so it’s grainy, but you can’t miss the message. “Come watch this.”

  She gets up, sitting in the chair closer to the computer as we both watch Trevin alone on stage with a microphone stand in front of him. He begins with, “I’m going to play something brand new for you all. Everyone has loved and lost, and sometimes, after a while, you begin to realize that you have to say goodbye, even though you’ll be theirs forever. This song is called Forever, I hope you like it.”

  Tears start to fall down my face as the low beats of the drum start off in the darkness behind him. Trevin doesn't have his guitar for this song, so he grabs the microphone, holding it like it’s the only thing keeping him from drifting away as he leads into the song. He sings about what is wrong with him and how he can’t get over me. The chorus of the song repeats over and over about how his feelings are forever, but what gets me the most is him talking about having one last kiss before letting me go.

  When the song is over, he mumbles into the microphone, “I’ll love you forever, Lily,” before walking away and off the stage.

  “Are you kidding me right now?” Morgan asks. “That was a love song. For you. Only you. Why are you saying that? You need to call his ass right now.”

  “Did you miss the part where he said it was time to let me go?”

  “Oh stop, that’s because you are cutting him off.”

  “And he’s moving on. This is what’s best.”

  “No, it’s not. And if you don’t tell him then I will. I’m not going to stand by and watch you ruin this just because you’re being stupid.”

  Morgan’s always had a give-it-to-me-straight attitude, but right now, I’m not in the mood. I know she doesn’t buy the line I’m telling her but she needs to back off. I can’t handle any more stress. I keep telling myself that what I’m saying is true and it’s getting me through the day. So far none of this feels real and if I keep my emotions in, maybe all this pain will finally go away.

  Instead of spilling my heart to her, I bite back, protecting my damaged soul for just a little longer. “This is not your decision!” I pause, taking a deep breath. She doesn’t deserve me being mean to her. “Besides, he’s on tour for a few more months anyway. Let me get used to the fact that I’m pregnant first. Then I’ll decide what I’m going to do.”

  * * *

  The next day, I’m sitting at my desk waiting for the students to change classes. My mind has been anywhere but on my classes today so I don’t notice Mason, one of my more outgoing students, until he walks up, placing a magazine cover on my desk.

  “Hey, Ms. Pace…are the rumors true? Did you used to date Trevin Allen from Escape Velocity?”

  I look up, shocked a student would know anything about my personal life. “Um,” I say, not quite sure I want to confirm any information for my students.

  “Well, I know he’s from here and you guys are about the same age, but when I saw this cover, I knew it had something to do with that tattoo you have on your wrist.”

  I instinctively cover my wrist with my other hand. I’ve tried to keep it hidden by bracelets or watches while I’m teaching, but I know they’ve all seen it.

  I glance at the magazine cover to see a picture of Trevin leaning in toward the camera with his signature one eye raised, mouth open, rock star pose, but this time, he’s holding up his wrist pointing directly at my name that’s written on his tattoo.

  Mason looks down, seeing the inside of my wrist and the name Trevin sticking out from my hand.

  “It is you! You’re the girl he wrote Forever about. Man, Ms. Pace. That’s awesome. How come you broke up with him? God, I’m such a big fan. Do you think I could meet him? Will you get back together with him?”

  He continues to shout out everything he can think of as I close my eyes with every emotion flooding through me, but I try to keep my cool. “Come on, Mason, that’s enough about my private life. Now go sit at your desk so we can get class started.”

  He walks to his seat, whispering to every person he walks by and showing them the cover of the magazine. Just what I want—my entire class knowing my rock star past. I can’t imagine what they must think of me. I’m sure they all think I’ve partied and done drugs—they’ll never take me seriously now.

  Twenty-Six

  Two souls bound together to form one.

  No matter what you say, we’ll never be done.

  I’ll fight for you, for us I’ll pray.

  In my heart there’s no other way.

  - Trevin Allen

  Trevin – 6 months later

  I am so glad to be home. My life has been one concert after the next, traveling from city to city, country to country, and even though I’m ready to crawl into my own bed, I have something more important on my to-do list—I’ve got to get Lily to talk to me.

  There wasn’t much I could do from the road. She’s consistently ignored my phone calls, saying the way I left her was the straw that ended it all, but she won’t be able to ignore me at her doorstep. She told me if I left the tour, she’d never speak to me again, so I finished it out, I fulfilled my obligation—now she has no choice.

  All I want is her. Even after that fucking song. Man, that song blew up after I played it live. I thought it would help me heal, help me through the pain of not having her with me, but it didn’t. Every time I sing it, I just want her more. She’s my forever, but the only thing I was wrong about with that song was that it was time to let her go. I can never let her go.

  I had a private plane waiting on the tarmac the second I landed to take me straight to the small commuter airport in our hometown that’s full of more hobby pilots and Cessna planes than private jets, but I didn’t care. I was not going to wait one second longer than I had to before I could see my girl.

  I ring her doorbell and am overwhelmed with questions that flood my mind when the sight of my sweet Lilies appears with a belly three times her normal size.

  “Trevin…” She trails off, looking down at her stomach and back at me with surprise written all over her face.

  “Lily, what the fuck?” I can’t even think straight. So many questions come up like bile ready to fly out of my mouth.

  How is this possible?

  Am I seeing things?

  Who’s the father? Oh fuck. Who. Is. The. Father?

  She goes to shut the door, but I stop it faster than she can slam it and step inside. “You’re pregnant?”

  “Go away, Trev. It’s time to let me go, remember?”

  Me? Go away? Is she kidding me right now? How in the world does she think I would just walk away after seeing her like this? I need answers and I need them now.

  “Stop it!” I hold her face between my hands. “No, it was never time to let you go.”

  My brain starts to mentally do some math, trying to figure out how long I was gone, and guessing—even though I have no clue about pregnant woman—how far along she is. I’m just praying my intuition is right.

  When my eyes bounce from her belly to her face
in rapid succession, I choke on my words. My voice cracks when I say, “Please…tell me it’s mine.”

  She doesn’t say anything, just looks away. Excitement and fear intertwine with every breath I take as I wait in anticipation.

  “Please!” I beg. “Tell me it’s my baby you’re carrying.”

  She looks up and our eyes meet. When they fill with tears, my heart overflows with happiness, but she remains quiet.

  “It is, isn’t it?” I smile bigger than I’ve smiled in the past year knowing that my girl, my best friend, is carrying my child.

  She places her hands on my wrists, pulling them away from her face, stating, “Yes, it’s yours.” And then she walks away.

  I grab her, pulling her into me. “We’re having a baby?” I lean in to kiss her, but she stops me.

  “No, I’m having a baby. You have a rock band to tend to.”

  “Fuck that. No I don’t. Everything has changed now. You’re moving back to LA with me. We’re doing this together. I want to be with you, Lily. I want us to have a family.”

  “No, Trevin. You can’t just barge in here, thinking just because I’m pregnant I’ll come running back to your life. I’m not going back there. What, just so you can leave me in the middle of the night again? That doesn’t work, Trev.”

  “I thought you would understand. I couldn’t wake you because I would have never left, and I couldn’t miss out on that opportunity. Come on, that was the big break we”—my hands move back and forth between her and I—“were waiting for.”

  “I know, Trev. I get it. But it just proved why I left in the first place. We are two completely different people. I like my life now—the slower pace. I’m me again. I’m dancing again. I can’t do that and travel with you on tour all the time.”