by Tania Sparks
The rest of the afternoon at work runs smoothly and before I know it, it’s just after six o’clock and my shift is over. It’s a bit odd that I haven’t heard from Richard yet and I wonder if he arrived and had just made his way up to my hotel room. Butterflies churn in my tummy. The conversation I’m about to have with Richard fills me with dread.
As I head up to my room, I start thinking, what if my thoughts about mine and Richard’s relationship being over has clouded my judgement about Ash? Would I have been so sure about Ash if I had thought Richard was still in the picture? I know for sure that I wouldn’t have gone as far with Ash if I had been involved with someone else. I deplore cheaters. A month ago I had believed that I loved Richard, but when he asked for a break I had been so convinced our relationship was over. I’m confused.
But then I start thinking about Ash. I can’t deny that we have an over-whelming pull towards each other – but is it just lust and us both remembering what we had together seven years ago? Could we make it work? or will I be left devastated again if Ash decides he made the right decision to leave me seven years ago and does the same thing again? My thought processes are going back and forth like a see-saw. Is what I have with Ash real? Is my relationship with Richard really over?
After much deliberation, I can’t get over the fact that what Ash and I have together feels right, it feels real. I need to follow my heart. We need to find a way to make it work. I need to speak to Richard and tell him it’s definitely over. In my mind it was over a month ago. But I still feel trepidation settling like a stone in my stomach.
When I get to my room there’s no sign of Richard. That’s strange. I decide to change out of my work clothes and jump in the shower, maybe the hot water will help calm my nerves. I stand under the hot streaming water and although it’s relaxing, it doesn’t do much to calm my anxiety. After spending a good half an hour trying to drown my angst, I turn off the water and step out of the shower. I wrap a warm fluffy white towel around me. It’s a quarter to seven and my phone chirps indicating I’ve received a text message. I pick up my phone. It’s from Richard.
My flight got delayed! I’ve just arrived and I’m in a taxi on my way to you now. I have a special surprise for you baby. But because I’m late I’ll have to pick you up in the lobby and we’ll go straight there. Dress casual. See you in about twenty minutes. Love you. Richard xx
WTF! So much for breaking the news to Richard in the privacy of my hotel room! And what’s with the ‘love you’! Any nerves that my hot shower calmed are now back coursing through my body with vengeance. This is going to be really difficult. I don’t know what else to do, so I simply text back see you soon.
I continue to get ready, putting on my skinny black jeans, boots and a red backless halter neck. I put my hair up in a messy knot and put on some make-up and red lipstick. At just past seven I make my way down to the lobby.
When I exit the lift I see Richard passing his luggage to the concierge as he asks them to take it up to my room. He’s wearing dark blue jeans and a plaid shirt. He looks as good as ever, but it’s not until this moment that I notice he looks very ‘corporate’. But then again over the past few days I’ve been spending time with a group of musicians who have a very different look, so I guess anything in comparison would look ‘corporate’.
As I get closer he spots me and a big smile spreads across his face. He strides up to me and picks me up by my waist, lifting me from the floor and swinging me around. He places his lips on mine and gives me a quick kiss. “Hi Princess, I’ve missed you, but if we don’t hurry we’re going to be late.” He grabs my hand and drags me out the doors towards the waiting taxi. He holds the door open for me as I get in and he shuffles in behind me.
He gives the driver instructions to take us to Bottom of the Hill. Why do I recognise that name? It sounds familiar for some reason. Richard turns towards me and grabs both of my hands in his. “I’ve missed you so much Eve. The past month has been just awful without you. I’m so sorry. This time apart was the dumbest idea I’ve ever had, I don’t know what I was thinking. I think I just got scared.”
I’m stunned. I haven’t even said a word. I stammer a bit, what do I say to that? so I say the only thing I can think of, “Richard, we really need to talk!”
“I know Eve, we can talk when we get back to the hotel tonight, but right now I have a really great surprise for you.” He reaches into his jeans pocket and pulls out two tickets holding them in front of me. I’m not sure what they are but seeing the confused look on my face he explains, “I know you really like that band Oblivion...” My heart plummets as I realise what the surprise is and why I recognise the name of the place Richard has instructed the taxi driver to take us to. Richard has the biggest smile on his face as he says, “They’re not really my cup of tea, but I know you love them, so I bought some VIP tickets to their show tonight! It’s at a small intimate venue and there were limited tickets, so I thought you’d really like it.” He continues enthusiastically, “I managed to get seats right in the front row too!”
Holy shit! There’s no way Ash isn’t going to see me sitting with Richard if I’m in the front row, and I’m not going to get a chance to have my talk with Richard until after the show. Crap! I’ve still hardly said two words to Richard the whole time. He’s just so pleased to see me I guess his enthusiasm is stopping him from realising that I’m stunned into silence. Just then my phone chimes with an incoming text. It’s from Ash.
All sorted with your ex Angel?
I text back Not yet!
Almost immediately my phone chimes again WTF do you mean not yet, what’s the problem?
I don’t know how to respond. Richard’s looking at me with a concerned expression “Everything alright Eve?” he asks hesitantly.
“Umm, yeah.” I respond without even looking up to him. I just sit there looking at my phone. Before I get a chance to respond my phone chimes again.
Damn Angel, please don’t tell me you’ve changed your mind about us!?
I need to respond to Ash before he has a meltdown. So I text him back.
I haven’t changed my mind Ash. Just a complication. I’m on my way to your show. I’ll be there in about five minutes.
He texts back, I’ll let Pete know you’re on your way. You by yourself?
I text him back, No Richard’s with me.
My phone chimes again with Ash’s one word response, Shit.
We pull up to the venue and I jump out while Richard pays the taxi driver. Richard gets out and immediately wraps his arm over my shoulder pulling me in tight to his side. As we get close to the entrance I notice Pete waiting by the doors. We line up in the queue and Pete starts walking towards us with a slightly confused look as he glances back and forth between me and Richard, which makes me feel extremely uncomfortable .
I shrug out from under Richard’s arm and clasp hold of his hand instead. Pete is now standing directly in front of us. “Hello Eve.” he says squinting his eyes at me.
“Hi Pete.” I reply rather awkwardly.
Pete thrusts his hand towards Richard, “Richard I believe?, I’m Pete, band security.” Richard looks rather puzzled as he shakes Pete’s hand.
Pete moves his gaze to me and says, “You guys don’t need to wait in the queue Eve, follow me, I’ll take you through.”
We follow Pete as Richard whispers in my ear, “How does the security for the band know you by name Eve?”
I shrug and answer the only way I can think of, “They’re staying at the hotel.” Well it’s not a lie!
“Oh.” Richard replies still looking rather baffled.
As we get inside I know that I really need to speak to Ash before this whole night turns into a complete and utter disaster. I tap Pete on the shoulder and ask him where the bathrooms are. He points to a corridor and I promptly excuse myself. As soon as I get inside I lock myself inside a stall, take out my phone and call Ash. He answers on the first ring.
“Angel, where are you?” he says d
esperately.
“I’m here.” I reply.
“Where’s here?”
“I’m here at the venue, I’ve locked myself in the bathroom. I needed to talk to you without Richard being around.”
I had expected to give Ash the run-down on the phone, but to my surprise he replies, “I’m coming to find you.” and the line clicks off. Within a few seconds I hear a kafuffle and a gruff voice tells everyone to clear out of the ladies bathroom. I presume it’s security of some sort. Everyone shuffles out and when it’s quiet I undo the lock and peek around the edge of the stall door. The security guard has disappeared and the bathroom is empty except for Ash standing with his back against the locked door and a cocky grin on his face. Still peeking around the side of the stall door, I rake my eyes from his face slowly down his body and back up again. He’s dressed in ripped black jeans, a band t-shirt and black work boots. He has a looped chain around his hip, a couple of leather wrist bands, some chunky rings and a chain around his neck with an Oblivion pendant on it. His jet black hair is spiked up and his sapphire blue eyes are burning with intensity. He looks hot! I step out and as soon as I’m out of the stall, Ash rushes towards me and presses me against the wall with his hips, his lips crash into mine as his hands encircle my waist. He kisses me roughly, his tongue exploring my mouth and his hands grasping and stroking over my ribs, waist and hips. It feels like he’s staking his claim, and I suspect that’s exactly what he’s doing! “Tell me you’re mine.” he rasps while his mouth is still consuming mine.
I pull away slightly to catch my breath. I hold my hands up to cup his face, “I’m yours Ash.” I reply assertively.
“Then why they fuck is he here with you?” he questions.
I explain to Ash about Richard’s delayed flight and the fact that Richard and I had come straight here and that I hadn’t had a chance to talk to Richard yet. Ash doesn’t look very pleased. But his angry look soon morphs into something else that I can’t quite make out. It looks like apprehension and is so out of character from his normal confident, cheeky demeanour. He’s standing in front of me, we’re toe to toe, his head is lowered looking down at our clasped hands. He sighs heavily.
“Angel, please choose me.” He pauses and I can see the cogs turning in his mind. “Look I know I can’t offer you the white picket fence...I know I can’t be the sort of man that kisses you goodbye every morning, goes off to his job, works 9 to 5 and comes home for dinner every night…I know I can’t offer you that sort of life. My life is busy at best, chaotic at worst. I’m on the road a lot. My life is public, I’m always in the spotlight, everyone’s always vying for my attention………Angel, I know your life with me would not be quiet.”
His focus moves from our clasped hands and he gazes intently into my eyes and the longing and desperation is now apparent. “But Angel, I tried to survive without you for seven years, I couldn’t do it! I missed you all the time, every single day, every single minute. Without you nothing is worth it. Everything - all the fame, all the money, all the music - none of it’s worth it unless I have you to share it with. You know we’re meant for each other. We’re supposed to be together.”
My heart’s pounding, this devastatingly stunning man is standing in front of me pouring his heart out. I can’t say a thing, I’m awestruck at the vulnerability he’s expressing. I’m literally speechless. All I can do is squeeze his hands tighter as moisture starts to pool in my eyes. He bends is knees so he’s slightly crouching and is now eye-to-eye with me. “Angel, please believe me when I tell you I can offer you a good life. I want to show you the world and I want to share my life with you and I want you to share yours with me. We’ll be happy together. It won’t be quiet, it won’t be your typical ‘American-happy-families’. But it’ll be great. It’ll be an adventure…we can handle anything as long as we’re together, that’s what’s important, us together, that’s what matters.” He raises one of my hands and places it on his chest with his hand over the top holding mine firmly in place. I can feel his heart thumping strong and fast as he whispers, “Angel, I feel it deep in my soul, we’re meant to be together.”
He grabs both of my hands and positions them around his neck and then secures his arms around my waist. He pulls me in tight and a shiver runs down my spine, my body instantly reacts as warmth starts to spread and tingles of desire start to build. Ash always has this effect on me. It’s not just his body, but his words, his soul and his sincerity that makes me weak at the knees. I know for sure that now I have this man back in my life, I should keep him as close as I can, I should not let him go this time. But I also need to be cautious, my brain is trying to figure out how this would work. How would I fit into his rock star lifestyle? One thing I do know for sure is that if Ash was to leave me again I wouldn’t survive that heartbreak a second time, it would destroy me.
Embracing me firmly he continues his desperate declaration, “Fuck Angel, I see how you react to me. I feel your body heat when I’m close. I hear your breath hitch when I hold you and I see goose bumps appear when my fingers glide over your skin. Angel…I see the joy on your face when I make you laugh and the way your eyes twinkle when you spot me from across the room…I see you Angel. Everything feels right now we’re together again. I’ve been given this opportunity to have you back in my life, I won’t waste this chance. Please Angel…please choose me.”
I place my hands on either side of his face and kiss his lips softly. Our lips are still touching as I whisper to him, “Ash, I choose you. I’m yours. Always have been. Always will be.” I pause and crane my head back so there’s a few inches between us. Looking into his eyes I plead, “But Ash please, I beg you, don’t break my heart again. It would kill me.”
He pulls me into a tight hug and holds onto me burying his face in my neck and whispers, “Never, Angel, I’m not ever letting you go again.” We stand holding onto each other for a long time, delighting in the warmth of each other’s embrace. Suddenly we’re startled by a loud knock on the door. “Ash, you in there?” It’s Pete.
“Yeah man.” Ash responds without letting go of me.
Pete replies, “You need to get the fuck out here, you go on in five.”
“Shit.” Ash responds as he loosens his grip on me. We’ve obviously been in here longer than I thought, that seems to happen a lot when we’re absorbed in each other! Ash grabs my hand and we walk back towards the bathroom door and he unlocks it.
As we step out Pete looks us both up and down and smirks, “You might want to fix your lipstick Eve!” I pull out my mirror compact and take a look at my face. My red lipstick is smeared all around my mouth. Ash leans over and gently wipes it clean with his thumb. I lean over to him and wipe the lipstick off his lips as we both grin at each other mischievously.
It’s not until then that I notice the lobby area has emptied out and everyone’s obviously already made their way to their seats. I mumble to Ash, “Shit, Richard’s going to be wondering where I am.”
“It’s okay,” Pete responds, “While you were ‘otherwise engaged’… I took Richard on a backstage tour then showed him to his seat. I told him you were getting a ‘special tour’” He chuckles shaking his head slowly with a sly smirk. Pete holds out his hand to me, “Come with me Eve, I’ll take you to your seat. Ash, get your ass backstage, you have less than two minutes.”
Ash gives me one last passionate kiss then Pete drags me towards the doors and Ash rushes off to the backstage area. Pete directs me to my seat. As I sit down next to Richard, he smiles at me and says, “I was starting to wonder if you’d make it, did you enjoy your special tour?” I nod at him and thank the heavens when the lights immediately go out and the crowd starts to chant, leaving no room for further conversation.
Everyone’s standing and chanting, “O-bliv-ion, O-bliv-ion, O-bliv-ion.” The sound of the electric guitars screech and the whole stage explodes to life, smoke and lights blaze across the stage and we can instantly see all of the band. Cody is at the back going wild on his drums.
Scott and the three guitarists are all standing at the front of the stage, bent at their waists, coarsely thrashing their guitars in a heavy beat while they thrust their heads up and down. After a minute or so, Scott straightens up, grabs hold of his mic and his raspy voice propels through the auditorium. Each of the band members move to different areas of the stage. The tempo is heavy and they sound incredible.
I glance over at Richard and although he’s looking comfortable I can see that it’s really not his thing. I look back up to the stage and can see Ash’s eyes scouring the crowd, no doubt looking for me. He continues to look around, then our eyes lock on each other and a smile flicks across his face. But as quickly as it appears it vanishes as his focus moves to Richard standing next to me. Ash is scowling and I can see him sizing Richard up as his eyes travel over him from head to toe. A roguish grin spreads across his face as he shakes his head from side to side and returns his gaze to me briefly with a smug smirk before returning to his performance and darting across the stage. He leans against Nikki so they’re back to back as they thrash out their song. I get the distinct feeling that Ash doesn’t see Richard as much of a threat. They’re certainly two very different men and now I can see them both so close to each other the contrast is blatant. Richard is clean-cut, with short neat brown hair, brown eyes and a very GQ type of look with his dark blue jeans and plaid shirt which is tucked in tidily. Whereas Ash is the complete opposite with long spiky jet black hair, ripped black jeans, a torn band t-shirt and lots of jewellery. They are certainly polar opposites in both looks and personality.
The concert continues through many of Oblivion’s hit songs. Occasionally Ash looks down to me and smiles or winks. Although the crowd is smaller, the enthusiasm is off the charts. Everyone knows the words to all the songs and they chant along with the band. Richard tries to keep up and although I know it’s not really his thing, he still seems to be having a good time. I’m having a fantastic time! I’m singing along to all the songs and I’m jumping around like a maniac. Every now and then I see Richard looking at me with a huge smile on his face, he’s obviously glad I’m enjoying myself. Oblivion have been playing for quite a while so it must be coming towards the end of their set and the boys take a few seconds to look out over the crowd and appreciate the moment. Scott leans into his mic and says in a very sombre voice, “You guys are so fucking amazing!” The crowd all hoot and holler. Scott waits until the cheering dies down and continues, “Hey, I know there’s only about a thousand of you here tonight, but you must be the most fucking enthusiastic crowd ever, from up here if feels like fucking forty thousand!” There are more cheers and hollering.