Whispers of Hate

by Sanchit Garg

  The next day, I was still mad at him and just wanted an answer, but Nandana had stopped me before and told me to give him time, so I did that.

  I went to the shop alone, but I had told Nandana to be cautious of him. I don’t know if she did that or not, but I was afraid. I didn't want him to be the one, but all the signs lead straight to him. Blaming him was the best solution, the best reality there could be, but he was still my brother. So, I just wanted him to tell me why he did it, and I would have forgiven him. If it was something that I did to hurt him, I was ready to give my life if it meant he could be happy again. But what about Nandana? This thought made me dispute myself. My life was, not just my own now. A lot of other people were attached to it, and I just couldn’t go wherever and get myself killed without all of them telling me that it was okay.

  Two days passed and I had cut short on the shop hours, closing it by 3 pm in the evening instead of the usual 5-6 pm. I went late too, opening it at 10 am instead of the usual 8-9 am. It was that I wanted to stay at home and protect all of them, but who was going to earn our bread and butter.

  Once home, I walked up to Nandana.

  “Did you give him some food?”

  “I called out to Mohan, but he didn’t reply. So, I just placed the food on the ground and told him from the other side of the door that his food was lying outside. Half-an-hour later, I went to check, and it had disappeared. It couldn’t have gone anywhere else, so I think he’s okay. He just needs some time to come out. You know how he is. Maybe he’s hurt and thinking about why you blamed him. Can you go and check him out in an amicable tone?”

  “Okay. I will try to.”

  I walked towards his room, and as she said, I tried to be reasonable and peaceful. So, I just called out to him in a soft voice. But, he didn’t reply back. I banged on his room’s door 2 to 3 times and called out to him again, but neither did he reply nor did he open the door. I got a bit angry and just walked away.

  Seeing me, Nandana inquired, “What happened?”

  With a poker face, I replied, “Nothing! He didn’t reply! He didn’t open the door.”

  “Okay! Let him be. Maybe he needs more time.”

  The next day, I went to work as usual, but I came back a bit early and walked by his room. The food plate was still lying outside his room. So, I walked up to Nandana.

  “He didn’t eat his food today?”

  With a gloomy face, she replied, “No! He didn’t. The plate has been lying outside his room for an hour or so. I called out to him, but he didn’t reply as usual.”

  “Maybe, he is asleep. Let the plate be there, for the time being, if he feels hungry, he will eat it. Cold food won’t hurt him. Not eating food won’t hurt him either. Plus, he has the best room with an attached bathroom and toilet in his room. He has everything that he needs in one place.”

  Two hours later, I went back to his room’s door and banged on it as the plate was still outside. No one replied, and I started to walk back when Mohan banged back from the inside, but it felt heavy, so heavy that I could feel myself getting dizzy. I just walked away knowing that maybe he was still angry or that he was just doing this so that he didn’t have to explain himself and could walk out easily.

  At night, before going to sleep, I sat beside Nandana on the bed.

  I appealed, "Nandana, what do I do? I am so disconcerted."

  "There’s no right or wrong way. But I know that whatever you would do, it would be the right thing. I have faith in you. Just ask for help whenever needed. Don't do everything on your own."

  "Yes, I know. But it's so hard to do that."

  "My emotions always frightened me, but being with you makes me less afraid of them. So, it's not so hard. You help me de-stress myself, and I help you speak out all your thoughts. It's not talking about things that make them scary."

  I nodded, and we went to sleep.

  I woke up in the middle of the night due to a scratching sound coming from somewhere. Nandana was asleep. I looked around, and there was a man's shadow peeking from the outside of the windowpane of my room and scratching on the glass.

  I pinched my eyes hard and looked closely at it.

  It was Mohan.

  He was grinning mysteriously.

  I got outraged. What right did he have to be there and gawk at us with his gloomy face? Weren’t things bad enough?

  I wanted to shout at him, but instead, I stood up from the bed and walked outside of the house to catch him red-handed. I unlocked the front gate and went to the location from which he gawked at us, but he wasn't there anymore.

  How is this possible? I looked around, and there was no one besides me. With a dejected face, I walked back inside the house and towards his room.

  I tried to push it inside, but it didn't budge. What!!! He couldn't have come back inside. There's only one path to go in or out.

  Just what is going on, and who was that?

  I locked the front gate and walked back to my bed. I looked at the windowpane, and no one was there. With a confused face, I went back to sleep.

  It was Sunday, so I was at home all day. Around noon, Nandana walked up to me.

  “Mohan still hasn’t eaten anything. I took the breakfast to his room’s door two hours ago, but neither the breakfast nor the previous night’s dinner was eaten by him. Just what is he doing? Can you please do something? I’m scared now, he has never done this before.”

  “He would be okay. Don’t worry. He reacted yesterday by thumping on the door, I think he’s trying to show anger so that we beseech him to come out and overlook everything. Don’t fall into his trap.”

  She nodded.

  At night, before going to sleep, I walked towards my mother’s room. I was about to enter inside, but I stopped at the open gate. I peeked inside to see that Nandana had already put mother to sleep. I just looked at her for a few minutes, I wanted to cry seeing her like this, but I couldn’t. So, I walked back to my room.

  Sometimes, I feel it so much that when the bad actually happened, I got cold at the moment as if nothing happened. Well, it already happened way back in my mind. I had already cried and was hurt by that, way before anything else happened.

  Monday evening, after I came back from work, Nandana reached out to me.

  She was panicking, “I am honestly scared now. A trap or not, can you please do something. He’s my younger brother too. So, don’t hurt him. Just try to get him out of the room.”

  I was furious, “Okay! Now, I would show him my strength and get him out.”

  I walked towards his room and stood outside the gate. I banged on the door as hard as I could and yelled out to him to open the door, but he didn’t. I kept on shouting and banging, but there was no response. I brought my left ear close to his room’s door, touching both of them together, but there was still no sound from the other side. In a fit of rage, I finally decided to break the door.

  If he wants to do it the hard way, then that’s what he’s going to get.

  I moved a bit back from the door and with all the force in my body, rushed towards it. The door vibrated a little, but then nothing happened. I tried this again, nothing much happened, but I knew that it just needed a few more attempts.

  This time, I moved back as much as I could, to generate sufficient kinetic energy and release it all on the door. I rushed hard towards the door, and it opened. It just opened. It felt as if the latch broke. But the happiness on my face was precious, like a child who topped in his class. My eyes had closed that instant. I opened them, but then closed them again. The scene in front of them was not to be seen.

  Nandana shouted, “It’s open. You stay here now. I would go first and talk to him.”

  I implored, “No! You stay here. Don’t come near me.”

  “Why? But I want to. “

  “Please, Nandana! For once, just listen to me. You are not to come close to this room for the time being. I am begging you. Please promise me.”

  She was frightened, “What happened? Why don�
��t you want me to go inside? Just what is inside? Mohan’s okay, right? Please don’t make me promise anything.”

  I walked towards her, “Something bad has happened, and that something is not to be seen by anyone else, not even me. But I just did, so you can’t. Put your hand on my head and promise me that you won’t. Just promise me.”

  She was already dead scared, about to cry at any moment. So, without saying anything more, she just touched my head.

  “I promise you.”

  Hearing this, I went inside the room and shut the door from the inside. Well, the latch was already broken, so I couldn’t lock it. But Nandana had already promised me, so she wouldn’t come inside. I knew she wouldn't. She didn’t lie. At least she has never lied to me. And I, a lot. I just lie to her almost every day, to her, to everyone else. I am a liar.

  I turned away from the door, and Mohan was in front of me. Well, what was left of him, because I already knew that he was no more. There was no helping him now. I just knew it. The main thing was that he couldn't have done this on his own. It wasn’t possible for him to do what was done to him. But, he didn't have any outside help. Am I to blame for this? I must be. He’s dead like this, which means he wasn’t the one who killed everyone. He kept telling me he wasn’t the one, but I didn’t hearken to him at all. Now, there’s one more death on my hands.

  he Ghost! Ghost! It’s the Ghost! These words kept flashing inside my head, and I felt so afraid and helpless. What does it want from me? Why doesn’t it kill me and get away with it? I am the one it wants, so please kill me.

  I had conflicting emotions, I wanted to cry seeing him like this, I was despising the scene, and I was scared of the ghost. I didn’t even know how long he had been dead? And was he the one who banged back on the door yesterday or someone else? It felt peculiar.

  I looked around the room, and there were scratches on the wall and on the inside of the door as if someone was trying hard to get out somehow or maybe something else. I looked at Mohan. He was lying lifeless in a pool of his own blood and just out of reach of his inanimate hand, laid a knife with a dark residue. It looked as if it was blood, but it was too dark to be human. I walked closer to his body. It was mutilated. His bright, sunken eyes looked out of the hollows of his face. His right wrist had a cut from where the blood would have come out, but his left wrist had a finger impression as if he held his hand for something or someone else did. His body was down in a star shape as if he cut his hand and just laid down in that fashion doing something, or maybe someone stretched his limbs from one extremity to the other. But his face, it was covered in blood and not just that, there were some bruises, and it looked kind-of-damaged. It all felt like he just couldn’t have done this to himself.

  As I was running my eyes around his body, they caught a strange thing. The book! It was the book that went missing from my closet that day. So, did he steal them? But, what about the first one and the other one that was in my closet? The book was lying open with the cover facing towards the ceiling. I picked it up by sliding my hand below it as to not disturb the page he was on. I turned it and brought it near a readable distance.

  The words- “RETURN” were written in blood. What to return? How do I return it? I can’t make sense of it. I never took anything from him or anyone else. Hell! Life, on the other end, has taken a lot from me. So, what to do? I suddenly forget about it, not able to make sense of anything and started searching his room for the other two books.

  In his room, which was now in a total disarray, was a single bed, a table, a bookshelf and a chair which was now lying overturned. There were also faint scorch marks on one side of the wall. I looked at his table, and there it was, the other book from my closet with a note beside it. But, the first book was more important, and these were kind of supplementary and didn’t matter much. I checked his bookshelf, his bed, under the bed, but that one wasn’t here. If it’s not here, then who took it away? Not Mohan, not Nandana, not anyone else? Then who except the ghost? Do the words, really mean a thing? Did the ghost kill him because he was reading the books? Did he just kill himself? Or did I made him murder himself?

  I unfolded the note, and something was written on it, but this wasn’t in blood.

  I didn’t do anything. I promise to GOD. I didn’t, and I never could. But I would make everything right. All I ever wanted was for everyone to be happy again. I knew you were going through a hard time on your own, I could see it on your face, but you never told me anything. No one believes in me. But this one time, I would let you know that I can do it too. I can unlock the mystery by myself and then, you all would have a little faith in me. I would make you tell me that I am a good…

  The note ended half-written. It felt as if he wanted to write some more, but he didn’t or couldn’t. I cried while reading the note. Clearly, he was not the one to be imputed. But then what do I do now? I can’t take this anymore?

  I only have Nandana and Mother left, and I can’t let anything happen to them either. I need to find a way out soon. I walked out of Mohan’s room without bringing the books and closed the door behind me. Nandana was still standing near the gate, waiting for me to speak up.

  I spoke, “First thing tomorrow, I'll share with you everything I know and saw today. I owe you that much, and with what's waiting on the horizon, you at least deserve to know the truth. I can’t keep you in the umbrae now. This has turned out to be way bigger than me.”

  She nodded in teary eyes.

  I went back to sleep in my bed, but I couldn’t. How could I, after what I had just seen.

  This was too much to think of with my little brain. I kept on thinking hard, and then something clicked my mind. I didn’t do what the Babaji told me to do. I need to sell the house, not sell it, but give it to charity. It looked like I needed to go back to that place, back to the village where the house was. But I don’t want to leave these two here alone. I don’t have any more men to take care of them. With how my mother was now, it was just Nandana on her own. Why the hell am I hurting her again and again with my thoughts and tasks? I need to ask her, but I can’t take her or mother back to that place. I don’t want her to get the thoughts again and end up losing her like before if the worst comes to fruition.

  I may have slept what little I could, and when I woke up, Nandana was sitting on the bed, deep in her thoughts, pondering about something. I called out her name, but she didn’t listen at all. I stood up and walked out of the room. Mohan’s body was still lying in his room, and I had to do something about it. I couldn’t hold a funeral for him, because that would have raised a lot of questions and, I couldn’t let Purnima know what happened to him or else she would break. I needed to take his body at night, somewhere I could get it burned, so he could be put to rest, just like my father. But I needed to do that without anyone else knowing about it. I needed to plan for it during the day.

  I was standing in the hall, thinking about it, when someone touched me from behind. I was scared- Who could it be?

  I turned back to see Nandana looking at me with dead angry expressions.

  I requested, “What happened?”

  “I am waiting. Don’t you think it’s time?”

  “Yes, I was going to. Let’s get ready first.”

  She yelled at me in an exasperated tone, “No! I need the answer now.”

  “Okay! Okay! I don’t know if it’s true or not. That's just how I feel about it to be. I believe something other-worldly is involved with what is happening to our family. Previously, I thought Mohan was killing everyone, but after seeing him dead in the most obnoxious way, I am now sure that it couldn't be done by a human. Jai, Amira, Father, Mohan and Mother, partially, all I believe to be the work of the devil and I think it would kill more unless I do something. Remember when I asked you about the books? Now I know what my mother was pointing at. She must have already known that Mohan was to die next. So, that’s why she cried for her baby.”

  “Yes, I do! You know, I never forget anything.”

 
“Yes, I know! So, I found the two books in Mohan’s room, and the one other is still missing. The day I missed it…”

  No! I still can’t tell her everything. What if she gets scared to hell? No! I can’t.

  “The day I missed it, I don’t have much memory of it at all. I think it held some clues to this mystery. And, that day when I went to the city, it was not to make a business deal, but to find the three books and to meet a Baba.”

  “You know, I hate you. How much I wanted to go to the city, but you just snubbed me. Like I didn’t even matter. When did you start hiding things from me? You know I believe you. I have always believed you.”

  “I know you do and I am really really sorry for whatever I have done till now. But everything happened way too fast, and after that, you had your episode. I had to be extra precautions as to not make you remember anything bad. I was trying hard to get everything back to normal without anyone knowing about it and see how it ended. You have every right to hate me, so please hate me more.”

  A tear dropped down my eyes.

  I continued, “I just don’t know how and why everything started. All those deaths in the village and now, here too, it’s like a disease spreading to our family. Is it something that I did, I just don’t know. I don’t know what to do to get everything back to normal. As if I ever would be able to."

  She wiped off the tears from my eyes, “Hey! I believe in you. You would never harm anyone, and it’s not your fault. We will get it sorted out. No matter what life throws at us or what anyone else throws at us, we will prevail. Together we will. Just wait and watch. I know our kids will never come back, but we won't let anything bad happen now. I will help you. Now, you don’t have to do everything by yourself.”

  “Hmm! There is a lot more to tell you, but discussing it won’t help at all. We don’t have a lot of time on our hands, and we need to act fast. I need to go back to the village to do something.”