by S. J. Sylvis
Hayley nodded. “Go! We will catch up tomorrow. Just as long as you're safe.”
Piper forced a smile at all of us and slowly trudged over to her car. Once she got in and started to pull away, never once looking at the four of us, Hayley turned and faced me. “What the hell happened in there? She seems...”
Everything inside of me was wound tight. “Empty.”
Hayley nodded, placing her hands on her hips. “You two have a lot of explaining to do.” She let her arms fall to her sides. “But for now, let’s just go back to Eric’s and give her some time.”
Eric was the first to walk over to my Charger. “And let’s not forget we just broke a fuckin’ window in that trailer. We need to get going. Now.”
Christian cracked his neck. “Yeah, it’d be a shame if that fuck came at us…”
Hayley started to climb in the back of my car. “You don’t want to pick a fight with a guy like Tank, Christian.”
“I’m not scared. I was giving him one more sly glance in your direction before I knocked his teeth in.”
She rolled her eyes, ready to retaliate, but I interjected as I began pulling onto the highway. “I’ll drop you guys off at Eric’s.”
“Where are you going?” Christian asked.
Hayley’s head popped in between Eric and me up front. “Ollie. Her parents are home, and they’re pretty strict. I’ve met them once, and that was plenty. You can’t just walk through the front door like usual.”
I shrugged, flipping on my blinker. “Who said I’m walking through the front door?”
For a moment, she stayed quiet, but then she began shaking her head. “No. You cannot climb into her window! Her room is on the third floor! It’s not like Pete’s house when your brother climbed in and out of my window every night.”
Christian snickered. “I still climb through your window.”
Hayley turned back. “And it’s on the first floor now. Not the second. Piper’s room is way up high, and also”—she turned back to me—“she probably wants to be alone.”
There was a ding in my chest, and I almost reached out and rubbed it. “Being alone is the last thing she needs right now, Hayley. Piper’s always alone.”
“That’s—”
“True,” I finished her sentence. “It’s true. Her parents are never home, and even when she’s hanging with you or the group, she’s alone. She has secrets. And we just walked right into one.”
Hayley slowly sunk back into the backseat with Christian and didn’t say anything until we got to Eric’s.
When I parked the car, silence filled the car until she finally said, “You’re right.”
I nodded. “I know I am.”
We all sat in my Charger, letting the beat from my music ring out around us.
Hayley took a deep breath before placing her hand on the door handle. “Go make sure my best friend is okay, and then tomorrow, after lunch with your dad, we’ll all meet and figure out what the hell is going on. Piper doesn’t need to be alone, and I should know that better than anyone.”
I watched in the rearview mirror as Christian grabbed onto her hand. Hayley smiled softly at him, and they climbed out. My brother shot back through the door before shutting it. “Don't think I forgot about what you said to Dad earlier. I know when something is eating at you, Ollie, and I will beat it out of you if I have to.
“I’d like to see you try,” I answered back, playing it cool, but deep down, I was sweating like a motherfucker. Why couldn’t I have kept my mouth shut with my dad?
Hayley pulled Christian farther toward the cabin, and I waited for Eric to climb out. He kept his eyes forward, looking out the windshield. “Do you know what you’re doing, bro?”
No.
“Of course. I always have a plan. Don’t worry about it. Just keep—"
His lip curled. “Just keep my mouth shut. I got it.”
I dipped my head, and as soon as he slammed the door, I threw my Charger into reverse and headed right toward Piper.
There was no way in hell I’d be able to get her sad eyes out of my head tonight. There wasn’t enough alcohol in the world to drown that out. So, going to her was inevitable.
Chapter Twenty-One
Piper
What made parents good parents? The question was certainly subjective, but it was one that I couldn’t quite answer. Were you good parents if you simply provided shelter and food for your child? Or did it go further than that? Did it make you good parents if you read bedtime stories to your child every night and put bandages on their scraped knees? I really wasn’t sure.
I didn’t consider my parents to be bad parents, but I didn’t consider them to be good ones, either. They provided me with a house to live in, clothes to wear, a car to drive, and I had a housekeeper who stocked my fridge weekly—although, I never really saw her. They put money into my account, and even though they watched my spending incessantly, they still gave me an allowance nonetheless, so they weren’t bad parents. They just weren’t the loving kind. They never had been. Maybe that was why I had such a hard time letting other people in.
But Ollie.
He was finding his way in more and more lately, and I liked it.
When his hands wrapped around my body as he pulled me out of Tank’s trailer, I felt safe. I felt okay. Like I wasn’t alone. Seeing his face after being crammed in a bathtub, hiding, was like holding onto a lifeline. I didn’t know when it had happened, but my feelings of annoyance and anger toward Ollie had changed to something else entirely. I liked how I felt when he looked at me. I liked how I felt when he was worried about me. But then, of course, I got in my car, and everything came rushing back to me—the slimy feeling I had talking to my brother, the shame that went through me seeing Hayley looking so wounded that I hadn’t told her I had a brother and that I was struggling with something. I felt like a terrible person who kept trying to save someone who wasn’t even worth saving.
God, that made me feel even worse.
“So, yes, brunch tomorrow with your father and me before our flight? We’d like to talk to you about your college acceptance letters.”
I stared at my mother as I sat lost in thought. Her long fingers drummed over the counter as she waited for my approval. Her red hair was tied into a loose bun at the nape of her neck, resting right above a dainty gold necklace my father had given her for their fifteenth anniversary.
“My college acceptance letters aren’t even in yet, Mom.”
She rolled her eyes. “Well, we already know you've been accepted to Stanford. Marcus called to let me know weeks ago.”
“What?” I squeaked, jumping up from the chair.
She waved me off. “Oh yes, you know our friend Marcus Kellens. He’s on the admissions board. Once he saw your name, he immediately put it in the acceptance pile.”
Disappointment came crashing down. “So, I cheated my way into a good school? Because you’re friends with Marcus?”
“Of course not.” My father walked in and began rummaging through the fridge for something. His shirt was unbuttoned at the top, and his dark-brown hair was rustled on his head, probably from running his hands through it during the conference call he was just on. “You’re accepted because of your hard work and dedication—something you obviously got from me.” He glanced at my mom and smirked. She rolled her eyes.
I always found it funny how my parents could work so well together in a business sense, but when it came to family dynamics, they lacked severely. I wondered if it was how they were raised. I had only met my grandparents a handful of times before they’d passed. Jason and I were younger, so I didn’t remember much from the meetings, but I knew they weren’t anything spectacular. There were no baking-cookies-with-Grandma memories in my childhood. There were no baking-cookies-with-Mom memories in my childhood, either.
“Your father is right about one thing: you are dedicated and a hard worker. We are so proud of you, Piper.” Her hand reached out and grabbed onto mine, and I was shocked. My eyes g
lanced down. When was the last time we had even touched? “Thank you for making the right choices.”
And there it was. That achy feeling I always got when my parents came around. It didn’t matter the situation or where we were, there would always be an underlying insult thrown at Jason buried underneath a compliment for me. Thank you for making the right choices. If only they knew I was showing up at illegal street races and sneaking into trailers during my spare time.
My throat was tight as I removed my hand from my mother’s. I gave both of my parents a brief goodnight before all but running up the stairs and down the hall.
Once I was safely tucked behind my bedroom door, I rested my head against it and took a steady breath. There were times that I’d wished with all my might that my parents would come home from their business trip so I wouldn’t be alone. But now, as I grew older and the resentment grew bigger, I found myself wishing that they’d just stay away.
Not only did I not know Jason anymore, I didn’t know my parents either. Our family was broken into puzzle pieces that no longer fit together.
I continued to rest my head against my door, willing my thoughts to stop for just a second. The night was young, but I felt like I’d lived an entire lifetime from the moment I woke up to now. I was mentally exhausted.
Just as I pushed off from my bedroom door, I heard a small ding from the balcony. I spun around and looked past the glow of my bedside lamp and zeroed in on something glowing outside.
What is that?
Another ding.
My feet padded over the soft carpet, and as I got closer to the door, my heart jumped like I’d been shocked. The glowing was waving back and forth, and when my eyes adjusted, I almost fell backwards.
The door swung open, and the cool night air wafted around me. “Ollie! What the hell are you doing on my balcony?! How did you even get up here?”
Panic rushed to my chest as I grabbed his hand and hurriedly pulled him inside. I shut the door quickly and ran over to my bedroom door and locked it.
When I spun back around, Ollie was casually sitting on my bed with his cheek lifted. My stomach fluttered. Something inside of me sparked from seeing Ollie in my bedroom.
I crossed my arms over my black tank, playing it off. “What is it with you Powell boys? Climbing into girls’ bedrooms whenever you feel like it.”
Ollie’s deft fingers ran through his light hair, making it even more unruly. It was a good look for him. Way too good. “I needed to make sure you were okay.”
I wanted to cave into him so badly that I felt it in my very core. Something softened inside of me, and that vulnerable feeling that I kept pushing away was creeping back as I stared at him from across my bedroom. He was sitting perfectly still on my white comforter, wearing the same dark T-shirt he had on earlier. His blue eyes were drinking me in, watching my every move. His face was relaxed, not a trace of playfulness on his features. He appeared cautious—probably waiting for me to lose it again, like a few hours ago.
My eyes dropped quickly, feeling embarrassed about earlier. I walked over to my desk and opened up my calculus book. “Ollie,” I started, flipping through the pages for the lesson I needed to study. “I am perfectly fine. Thank you for helping me earlier, but things are okay now.” I shot him a soft glance, and he was now leaning forward on the side of my bed, his arms resting lazily over his legs with a look on his face that made me shift on my feet. It was the I-can-see-right-through-you look that made me want to hide.
“Why do you do that?” he asked.
I glanced back at my book, focusing on the numbers so hard they started to blur. “Do what?”
“Why do you hide from me? Pretend you’re okay when I know damn well you’re not?” There was a bite to his voice, and I popped my head up, staring at the wall above my desk. “Do you thrive on being alone? Do you like not having anyone in your corner? It has to get lonely, right?”
A protective shield of anger was falling down in between us. My nostrils flared as I straightened my spine. I suddenly wanted the old Ollie back. It was a defense mechanism, I was sure, because the old Ollie who teased me and flirted only to turn around and flirt with someone else didn’t do this. He didn’t spit the truth at me. He didn't make me feel so seen.
My hair was a blur of red in front of my face as I spun around in my chair. “I could ask you the same question.”
His gaze never left me, but it did narrow. “I do have someone in my corner.”
“Who? Did you finally tell Christian about your dad?” He had my full attention now, and just like that, my anger had vanished. I tucked my hair behind my ear and waited with hopeful eyes.
“Nah.” He smirked. “I’ve got you.”
An exasperated sigh left me. “Just because I’m the only person who knows your dad isn’t really your dad, doesn’t mean I’m in any way helping you, Ollie. I’m not in your corner.”
His jaw ticked before he asked, “Why do you think I’m here, Piper?”
“I don’t know. To check on me, which is pointless because I. Am. Fine.” My words came out sharp and fast, like knives being thrown at the wall. I could feel myself closing up again, becoming angry at myself for doing just that.
Part of me relished in the fact that Ollie was in my bedroom. That he cared enough about me to climb up a tree and jump onto my balcony to make sure I was okay.
But the other part of me was panicking that he saw me. The real me.
“You’re not fine. And neither am I. I’m here because I don’t want to be alone either, Piper. Do you know how fucking hard it is to go home to an empty house, knowing there are secrets buried all over the place? Do you know how much it kills me to wonder if I have another sibling out there? How much guilt it causes me to even have that thought? I have to bite my tongue every time I look at my father, knowing he likely knows that I’m not his son. And the worst part is that I want to know who my real dad is. What does that say about me?” Ollie was up on his feet now, pacing back and forth in my bedroom. “My life is good. I mean, yeah, I lost my mom, and that shit digs deeper than deep, but at least my dad is starting to come around. He asks about my grades, where I want to go to college; he’s making an effort to have dinner with Christian and me on the weekends. And here I am, wondering about my real dad. I should just be happy with what I’ve got.” He ran his hand through his hair and tugged on the ends. “I feel guilty. Confused.”
I stood up and rested my back along my desk, watching him unfold. “Why do you feel guilty, Ollie? You shouldn't feel guilty.”
He shot me a long glance, the edge of his jaw profound in the soft glow of my room. “Do your parents ask you those types of questions? Do they ask where you want to go to college? Do they care? Why are they okay with you being home alone all the time?” I went to stop him, but he continued on. “Do they know that you’re in line to become valedictorian?” How does he even know that? “Do they ask about Jason? Do they even ask about you?” He shook his head angrily. “My dad isn’t the best, but he’s better than your parents. That’s why I feel guilty. I should just be thankful I have him. I shouldn’t be digging into the past, but I can’t seem to stop.”
It was like a slap to the face with every question he asked, but seeing Ollie all worked up had me ignoring every single one. I felt selfish. I was so focused on my own shit with Jason and Tank that I forgot Ollie had his own shit, too. He was good at downplaying it, putting his focus on something else to hide, but Ollie needed someone.
“Hey,” I whispered, walking over and taking his wrists in my hands. He paused, his eyes latching onto mine. “Take a breath.”
“No,” he answered sharply. “I don’t like this. I don’t like feeling like shit is spiraling out of control. I don’t like seeing you sad. I don’t like knowing you’re alone all the time, and I hate that you push me away. You push everyone away. I see you, Piper. I’ve seen you for months.”
“I see you too, Ollie,” I whispered, gazing up into his eyes. I felt like he was sucking
my soul into his. We had a connection, and we’d had that connection since the Wellington Prep party. Sharing secrets connected you with someone. I saw that now. “You’re doing the same, Ollie. You’ve pushed everyone away so you don’t have to deal with your own stuff. You’re trying so hard to help me so you don’t help yourself.”
He turned away, but my nails dug into his wrists. “You’ve pushed everyone away, and I’ve done the same.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as his arms slowly relaxed in my grip. Our eyes locked again, and I could see the way his walls were crumbling. Just like mine. The more time I spent with Ollie, the weaker they grew. “Then maybe we should just stop.”
My voice was soft as I took a step closer to him, our body heat melding together. “Okay.”
His hands moved to my waist, my grip on his wrists never lessening. “Okay then,” he whispered. His lips slowly fell apart with the words, and I couldn’t take my eyes off them. A hot wave started from the top of my head and melted all the way down my body.
I watched his mouth move. “Let's make a deal.”
I blinked, hoping my eyes weren’t betraying me as I looked back to his. “What kind of deal?”
His grip on my waist tightened, and the feeling it gave me didn’t go unnoticed. “You fill Christian and Hayley in tomorrow and let us come up with a plan to get us both, and Jason, out from under this mess with Tank, and I’ll tell Christian what I've been hiding.” I began to nod my head. Sounds reasonable. “But I need you to do something for me first.”
Anything.
“What?”
His gaze was fiery. His pupils dilated as he took his hand off my waist, mine falling from his wrist with the motion. His touch was soft as he tipped my head back. “Tell me what happened in that trailer, because I’m going fucking crazy not knowing why you were crying.”
The words I’m fine were on the tip of my tongue, but I stopped myself and let myself cave. “My brother came in the bathroom when I was hiding.”