Rogue

by Karen Lynch

  Chris held out a hand. “I don’t know who you are or why you keep coming to our aid, but thank you.”

  I grasped his hand and squeezed it. “Anytime, Cousin.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Show him,” I called to Eldeorin.

  Chris’s eyes widened, and his mouth worked like a fish out of water. Behind him the injured warrior stared at me in shock, while Jordan smiled like the Cheshire cat.

  “Jesus Christ! Sara?”

  I smiled at Chris. “Hi.”

  “How is this possible?” He blinked as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. “It’s... it’s been you all along? How did you...? The faerie.”

  I nodded and he muttered something under his breath. “All those vampire kills, the demons.” He paled. “Vancouver? That was you?”

  “Yes.”

  Chris let out a string of swear words, something I’d never heard him do. He looked at Jordan, who gave him an innocent smile. “You knew about this, didn’t you?”

  “Yes, and I am behind it one hundred percent.”

  “Of course you are.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I knew the two of you were trouble together.”

  I laid a hand on his arm. “Jordan knew about this, but she wasn’t involved. It was all me.”

  “Somehow, I’m not surprised. Do you want to tell me how you came up with this crazy scheme?”

  I explained how it had started out as training, but after a while it became something more. “I couldn’t stand to see our people getting hurt, not when I could do something about it.”

  “You shouldn’t have risked your life like that.”’

  I folded my arms across my chest. “Now you sound just like Nikolas.”

  “That’s because I...” He stared at me. “Nikolas. Jesus, he’s on his way here right now.”

  “I know.”

  Chris groaned like a man in pain. “He is going to flip. You know that, right? Are you sure this is the right place to tell him something like this?”

  I didn’t think any place was the right one to tell Nikolas what I’d been up to, but it was time to come clean to him. I’d been trying for weeks to get up the nerve to tell him the truth, and I wasn’t going to stall anymore.

  “Maybe you should wait until you –”

  A door slammed open, and I gave Chris a small smile. “Too late.”

  Chapter 19

  Surrounded by demons, I couldn’t see Nikolas when he entered the building, but I felt his presence through the bond. If I could sense him, then he was sensing me too, and he was probably as confused as hell. That was going to end in about ten seconds.

  A dark raw energy filled the air, and the crowd parted like the Red Sea as Nikolas stalked toward us. Chris suddenly moved in front of me, blocking me from Nikolas’s view before he reached us.

  “Chris, what the hell is going on here? And why do I feel –?”

  I stepped out from behind Chris. For one endless moment, Nikolas stared at me like I was an apparition. And then his eyes darkened and his nostrils flared dangerously. I could feel the fury rolling off him, and I wasn’t the only one. Every demon in the room began to put distance between them and us.

  Chris put an arm in front of me. “Take it easy, Nikolas. She’s unharmed.”

  I was about to ask my cousin if he had a death wish when Nikolas growled, “Move, Chris.”

  “Shit,” Chris muttered as he faced his best friend, who was a few breaths away from going into a rage. The last thing I wanted was for either of them to get hurt, so I pushed Chris’s arm down and moved in front of him. I didn’t flinch as I met Nikolas’s thunderous stare. He might get loud and scary, but he would never hurt me.

  “Nikolas.”

  He held out a hand. “Come here.”

  I blinked at him. “Listen, I know you’re upset, but you don’t get to order me around.”

  “Sara, I’m trying very hard not to lose it,” he ground out. “I need to...”

  Understanding filled me and wordlessly I went to him, finding myself enfolded in his tight embrace. He wasn’t shaking like the last time I’d seen him in a rage, so I knew he was in control of his Mori at least.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” he demanded in a low voice.

  I took a deep breath, which was hard to do with my body pressed against his. “I came to help Chris and Jordan.”

  “Help them?”

  “I didn’t think you’d get here in time. I had to come.”

  Easing his hold, he looked at me. “How did you get here?” He looked around, and I knew he was searching for Eldeorin, who was probably hidden behind a glamour. “I’ll kill him.”

  “No, you won’t.”

  “The hell I won’t.” A muscle ticked in his jaw. “He’s supposed to be teaching you, not putting you in danger.”

  I pushed against him and he let me go, but I had a feeling he wouldn’t allow me to go far. “I asked him to bring me.”

  “And he should have said no. You could have been killed.”

  “Look around, Nikolas. Most of the demons on the floor were put there by me. The team was in more danger of being killed than I was.”

  I saw the disbelief in his eyes as they flicked to the dead demons, and it hurt. “You did this?”

  “Yes.” My own anger rose. “And it’s not the first time.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean I’ve killed a lot of demons and vampires.” A storm brewed in his eyes, but I refused to look away. “All over the country.”

  It took several seconds for my words to sink in. Nikolas’s face grew stony as he stared at the dead demons again then looked at Chris and finally me. “Iisus Khristos! Please, tell me you’re joking.”

  “I wouldn’t joke about that.”

  A string of Russian curses exploded from him, and the air around us seemed to thicken with his anger. I felt Chris move closer to my back as demons scattered, some hiding in stalls and most running flat out for the exits.

  Nikolas closed the distance between us and grabbed my arms in a strong but painless grip. “What in God’s name were you thinking? Do you have any idea what could have happened to you out there?”

  “I wasn’t alone. Eldeorin was with me every time,” I tried to explain.

  “And that makes it okay?” Fury blazed in his eyes. “You’ve barely begun your training. You have no business being in any of those places.”

  “You had no problem with Jordan coming here.”

  “Jordan’s been training since she could hold a sword, and she can –”

  “Can what? Defend herself?” I shouted as heat suffused my body. I’d expected him to be angry, but his lack of faith in me cut deeply. “I’m never going to be like Jordan or any other warrior no matter how much I train, Nikolas. But I’m strong, a lot stronger than you give me credit for. You saw what I did in Vancouver. Eldeorin was with me, but over half of those kills were mine.”

  He let out another expletive. “That was you in the backyard?”

  “Yes.”

  “All this time.” His jaw clenched. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because I knew you’d react this way. Eldeorin told me I had to learn to use my power as a weapon, and he was right. I needed this. I’ve been trying for weeks to tell you the truth, but I didn’t know how. I almost told you today, but you got the call to come here.”

  When he didn’t respond, I continued. “It started out as training, but then I realized I could make a real difference.”

  He let go of my arms. I’d expected him to be furious, but the look of betrayal on his face sent a sharp pain through my chest. “I can’t believe this. How could you keep this from me?”

  “I didn’t want to. I hated not telling you.”

  He made an angry sound and turned away from me.

  “Nikolas?”

  “I need a minute, Sara,” he said in a hard voice.

  I felt a rift forming between us as if it had been carved with a blade, the
same one that was piercing my heart. I swallowed painfully and watched him walk away from me. I’d done this. It didn’t matter that I’d hated keeping a secret from him, or that I’d had no choice in whether or not to participate in Eldeorin’s training. I should have had the guts to tell Nikolas when this all started. He would have been angry, but at least I would have been honest with him.

  I flinched when the door slammed behind him.

  No one spoke.

  After a few minutes, Jordan came to stand beside me. “He’ll be back. He just needs to blow off some steam.”

  I let out a shaky breath. “I should go and give him some time to cool down.” I looked up at Eldeorin who, for once, wasn’t wearing his cocky smile. “Will you take me home?”

  He nodded, and I turned to the stairs.

  Chris put up a hand to stop me. “You should stay. He’ll be back, and he’ll expect you to be here.”

  “I’m the last person he wants to see right now.”

  Chris shook his head. “Trust me, Sara. You are the only person Nikolas will want to see when he calms down.”

  I felt Nikolas return before the door opened. Chris quietly stepped aside as Nikolas drew near. His face was still hard and his eyes were impossible to read.

  “Just tell me you’re done with this.”

  “Done?”

  “No more rogue... vigilante ... or whatever.”

  I hadn’t thought about what would happen once my secret was out. Eldeorin and I hadn’t talked about how long he would train me or what would happen when he was done. At the same time, I thought of all the people out there who needed my help. “What if this is what I’m supposed to do, just like you’re supposed to be a warrior?”

  “It’s too dangerous.”

  “It’ll always be dangerous, Nikolas. I was there in Vancouver, remember? You and Chris put your lives in danger all the time. Soon Jordan will be a warrior and she will too. Are you going to hold her back and tell her it’s too dangerous for her?”

  He swore again and raked his hands through his wet hair. “I don’t want to hold you back, but every instinct I have is telling me I need to keep you safe.”

  Instinct, not feelings. That’s what this all came down to. I had no doubt that Nikolas cared for me, but his emotions, his actions, were driven by the bond, not something deeper. I’d suspected it for weeks, but I hadn’t wanted to admit it to myself. Maybe that was the real reason I hadn’t told him the truth. I’d been avoiding this confrontation and having to come to terms with reality.

  “I understand.” I took a step back, noticing for the first time how quiet the place was. So quiet that I was sure everyone could hear my heart breaking. I wondered numbly if faeries had a cure for heartache.

  “Where are you going?” Nikolas asked when I turned toward the stairs again.

  The pain in my chest threatened to suffocate me, and I needed to get away before I broke down. “I’m going home. I can’t do this anymore.”

  “Can’t do what?” he asked, his voice harsh.

  “Love you,” I said so softly it was little more than a breath.

  A hand closed over mine and tugged me around to face him. I stared at his chest as I blinked away the tears that threatened.

  Nikolas’s other hand lifted my chin and forced me to look at him. His eyes locked with mine, and my breath caught at the raw longing and hope swirling in their gray depths.

  “You love me?” he asked hoarsely.

  Two hot tears ran down my face. “Yes.”

  His mouth claimed mine with a fierce tenderness that made my heart want to explode in my chest. Nothing else existed for me in that moment but him, and my hands slid behind his head, pulling him closer. I let down the wall in my mind and my Mori crept forward, its joy melding with my own. Mine, it whispered possessively.

  My knees threatened to buckle by the time he finally pulled out of the kiss. His thumbs wiped away the wetness on my cheeks. “Ya lyublyu tebya.” Before I could ask what the words meant, he framed my face with his hands and gave me a smile that was as devastating as the kiss. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  He kissed me again, his lips gently possessing mine until I felt drugged from the essence of him. When it ended, he crushed me to him as if he feared I might disappear. I wrapped my arms around his waist to let him know I was going nowhere.

  “I wasn’t sure if you...” My voice broke.

  “And I didn’t think you were ready to hear it,” he replied huskily. “I was waiting for you to say something, to let me know you felt the same way.”

  Nikolas loved me. My heart expanded as it absorbed this wondrous knowledge. “How... long?”

  He loosened his embrace, and I tilted my face up to look at him.

  His fingers grazed my cheek. “I was lost the first moment I saw you at that club in Portland. I just didn’t know it yet. Before I even knew who or what you were, I was drawn to you. At first, I told myself it was my responsibility to protect you. But the more time I spent with you, even when we were arguing, the more I knew what I felt for you was anything but duty.” His smile dimmed. “I don’t think I knew how deep my feelings were until that day you traded yourself for Nate. That ride from Portland was the longest of my life.”

  I had trouble forming words. “I’m sorry I put you through that.”

  “I know.” He touched the hair at the side of my face. “Your courage is one of the first things I came to love about you, and I should have known you’d do anything to protect Nate and your friends.”

  “And you.”

  His arm tightened around me and neither of us spoke for a long moment, until I remembered that we were in a room full of people. Heat rose in my face at the thought of having an audience for such a deeply personal moment.

  “They left,” he said.

  “What?”

  “Chris and the others. They went outside.”

  “Oh,” I breathed.

  He released me and led me to a bench in the now empty building. I sat at one end, and he surprised me when he lifted me into his lap and wrapped his arms around me. I rested my cheek against his shoulder as he stroked my hair.

  “I was so busy trying to push you away that I refused to admit I felt anything for you at first.” My fingers toyed with the front of his shirt. “I didn’t know for sure that I loved you until Thanksgiving, but I think I started to fall for you at my apartment the night of the storm.”

  “Was it my mad cooking skills?”

  I laughed softly. “It was the first time I saw a different side of you, and you weren’t bossing me around for once.”

  “We’ve come a long way since that night.”

  “Yes, but you’re still trying to boss me around.”

  “And you still make me want to tie your ass to a chair to keep you out of trouble.”

  “Ha, you can try.”

  He sighed deeply. “Sara, I hate the idea of you out there fighting, and I doubt I’ll ever be okay with it. I don’t think any male would be okay with the woman he loves putting herself in danger.”

  The woman he loves. Heat pooled in my stomach and I wanted to kiss him again. Instead I said, “Do you know what it’s like for me when you go away on a job, especially with the way things are now? I don’t sleep, and I spend every minute praying we don’t get word that you’re in trouble – or worse. It’s torture. That night we heard you were under attack in Vancouver, I almost lost it. I almost lost you. Seeing you in danger kills me.”

  “I never thought about how hard that was for you,” he admitted. “I’ve spent my whole life being a warrior and not much else. Before you, I didn’t have someone waiting for me when the job was done or worrying about my safety.”

  “This is new for both of us, and we’re going to have to learn to deal with it.”

  “Something tells me you’re going to cope with this a lot better than I will,” he grumbled.

  I reached up and touched his jaw, and when he looked down, I smiled at
him. “We’ll figure it out together. Knowing us, it won’t be easy, but I’ll try if you will.”

  “I’ll try, but I can’t promise to have any civil words for the faerie.”

  I’d forgotten all about Eldeorin, and I had a feeling he’d left with the others.

  “I’ve had a few choice words for him myself. At first I didn’t like his idea of training because he pushed me out of my comfort zone. He always had more faith in my abilities than I had, and he kept pushing until I believed in myself too. He’s been a good mentor and a friend to me, and he always has my back.”

  “You like spending time with him.”

  I smiled at the note of jealousy in his voice. “Sometimes, but I like being with you more.”

  He tilted my face up and kissed me again. “Good answer.”

  I glanced around the market, my eyes landing on the dead demons and the empty stalls. As much as I wanted to stay there in Nikolas’s arms, we needed to let the vendors get back to their businesses. “I guess we should get this mess cleaned up.”

  He set me on my feet. “I’m sure Chris has already called for a cleanup crew. We should probably put one on speed dial for you.”

  Before I could make a retort, Jordan’s voice rang through the building. “Hey, is it safe to come in now? We’re freezing our butts off out here.”

  “All good,” I called back.

  “Thank God!” She sauntered into the building and grinned at us. “Well, you two look disgustingly happy. And it’s about damn time.”

  “Amen.” Chris came up behind her, smiling. “I called in a crew to help with this mess.” His gaze flicked to me. “I told them they might need extra guys.”

  Nikolas chuckled, and I rolled my eyes as I left him to check out the damage. There were eleven dead demons, plus the two ranc demons I’d knocked out. There was also a lot of water, broken glass, and six of the black creatures that had been in the tank. Surprisingly, the creatures were still flopping around on the wet concrete. Resilient little buggers, whatever they were. I was going to have to reimburse the owner for destroying his tank. I hoped he wasn’t too ticked off by the mess I’d made.

  Demons began to trickle back into the building, most of them vendors who had to see to their businesses. I went around and talked to some of them, assuring them we were going to take care of the damage we’d done to their market. I found the fish vendor, a droopy-eyed sheroc demon, who was only a little put out by the loss of his tank. He said it was worth it to get rid of the gulaks.