Dear, Carson McDermott (The Dear letters Series Book 1)

by King Ellie

  “Fuck, Carson…” was all that came out of Katerina’s mouth.

  I bit her earlobe only releasing it after she yelped,

  “As I was saying, baby… I’m not goin’ to kill you. But this pussy, holy fuckin’ shit, my fuckin’ pussy, I’m gon’ tear it apart over and over. I’m going to kill this pussy then give it mouth to mouth so I can bring her ass back to life to do it all over again.”

  “Oooooh, Mr. McDermott,” Katerina called out to be not even focusing on her head hitting the wall. Fuck, I should really support it.

  I shook my head trying to get out of the haze, but it was no use. I swear my toes were curling right now. I gripped her jaw hard, holding her head against the wall.

  “Look at me Lil darlin’.”

  he opened her eyes and I knew I fell harder than I did the first time I slid inside of her.

  “Mr. McDermott is my father. You know who the fuck I am.”

  I bit her bottom lip as I bent my knees slipping out of her until I reached the tip of my dick and then when I slid oh so sweetly yet as if I was brawling’ with her, I knew she came. Her eyes fluttered but I didn’t stop, I refused to fucking stop until she gave me what I asked her for. She opened her eyes again, focusing on me,

  “I love you Bubba, my Carson.” She said so softly, the opposite of how I was fucking her.

  I grunted as I laid my forehead on hers,

  “I love you too, Kitty Kat. I’ll forever love you, darlin’.” I came so hard that I was so sure I became cock-eyed.

  Chapter 17

  Carson

  When I was scoping out the place. It felt weird to be back in Tennessee. I thought I would see my mom and Ricardo in Hawaii but no, they were here in Nashville. I remained inconspicuous as I followed Ricardo around making sure to lower my cap so that he couldn’t see my face properly. I paused as he entered a hair salon in the mall, I figured he was getting my mother or something like that. My heart began beating rapidly because I knew something was off, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I didn’t have to wait long for me to see the woman who didn’t want me as she exited the salon. She was still as beautiful as I remember her. From the dark curls that she had in the signature French braid that I learned from her. She smiled at Ricardo and I wondered how they could be so happy when they ruined my life.

  I watched them for a second as they stood there, a couple of feet away from me talking about something then somebody bumped into me. I didn’t get a chance to see who it was except for a kid who had a head full of dark brown curls that reached his shoulders.

  “Scuse me, mister,” He said but he didn’t look back as he continued to run where I had just been looking.

  He was tall so I figured maybe he was in his teens. I shrugged. I was about to turn away from my mom and her husband, but something made me freeze at this moment. Then all hell broke loose as the kid ran up to them,

  “Mee-Maw, PawPaw! Look what I got from the machine!” He yelled.

  He paused as if realizing he dropped it. He frantically looked everywhere as my mother and her husband paid him no mind. It was as if they were in their own world. I looked on the floor and saw that he dropped a football keychain. I picked it up so that he could come to get it. Which he did but when I stretched my hand out to give it to him, my entire body trembled.

  The kid was a spitting image of me. From the eyebrows to his cheeks and the worse of it all; his amber eyes. I was visibly shaking at this point. I felt like I had seen this kid somewhere before but where? I didn’t have to wait long before my mother yelled his name out.

  “Jude! Come on, let’s go!”

  “Okay, mee-maw!” he yelled out. He peered up at me, he was so beautiful and then he furrowed his brows just like Katerina did when she was confused. “Sir, ya think I could have my keychain back?” He asked.

  I didn’t even know how I did it, but I reached out trying my best to hand it to him. My soul hurt so much; I wasn’t thinking straight. He smiled, showing me, all his teeth and I wanted to cry so badly.

  “Thank you, sir, I gotta go add it to my collection for my daddy! He used to play football!”

  “Jude!” Ricardo yelled out this time and I saw a wave of fear in his eyes so palpable, I wanted to kill Ricardo right now.

  “Uh… Gotta go!” He didn’t even take the keychain as he ran to where my mother and Ricardo were.

  I snapped out of my shock and began to walk towards them but then I felt as my brother wrapped his arms around me.

  “No Bubba, not yet,” Beau said but I was lost.

  “No!” I roared out not giving a damn if they saw me.

  In hindsight, I could see how much I was ruining the mission, but I didn’t care. I tried to get out of the hold that Beau had me in, but he had the advantage this time because I wasn’t thinking. I saw as my son, my precious baby who was supposed to be dead, walk out of the mall with the two people who ruined my life. They kidnapped my son. They took him from me. I couldn’t hold it in as I raged. I knew people were watching Beau and me as if I needed to be checked into a mental institution, but I didn’t care. I wanted my child back in my arms. They took everything from me. How could they do this to me? I screamed as if I was being burned alive. There was so much in me that wanted to escape. I wanted to kill them in such a way that I knew I had never done before.

  I don’t know how we ended up on the ground, but I was in Beau’s arms as he rocked me back and forth. He didn’t care that people watched us, all he cared about was me.

  “Shhh, it’s okay, Carson. I’m here. We’re here. This ends. It’ll end.”

  I was going to rip out every organ that was in Ricardo’s system because the fear that I saw in Jude’s eyes was the fear that I once had before my father rescued me.

  ****

  I blame myself. I should’ve checked his body myself. When I opted for the closed casket wake, I should’ve opened it one more time just to make sure that Jude was in there. I remembered what the paramedics and the hospital said, they told me that my child was unrecognizable, and I didn’t have the heart to put Katerina through more when I went to check the body. She was already suffering from the car accident, but Jude got the worst of it all. The doctors gave me the clothes he was wearing that day or rather what was left of it, his little chain that we got him for his birthday and even dental records showed that it was Jude.

  Was I that distressed that I couldn’t see that it wasn’t my child laying on that coroner’s table? Or did I ignore the coroner himself? I racked my brain as I sat there in the car with Beau. I hadn’t said a word ever since I flipped out at the mall.

  I ended up being escorted to the hospital but halfway there, I threatened the paramedics and they let me out. Beau was following with his truck; he didn’t question me as I got out of the ambulance. Instead, he nodded at me and we drove off while the paramedics wondered what the hell to do. I sighed thinking about the way my child looked at me. He looked so hurt as I did. Of course, I didn’t see any apparent bruises on him, but I didn’t have to. That faraway look in his eyes, I recognize it with every picture I’ve seen of when my dad took me. It took me so long to get that expression out of my eyes. I could only imagine how much he endured throughout these years. Seven years was how long I was away from him. The guilt ate at me because I didn’t search into this as I should’ve. I was pulled out of my thoughts as I heard my father’s voice blast through the car speakers,

  “what the fuck did you just say, Bear? Jude is what!” I didn’t have to be in front of him to know that he was seething.

  “Yeah…” Beau said as he glanced my way for a second before looking back at the road.

  “Go get him!” My dad yelled. “Turn that fuckin’ truck aroun’ and get my grandson or else I will put a bullet in your ass, Bear. I will shoot you if you don’ get him away from those fuckin’ monsters.”

  My dad’s accent was full-blown when he was mad. Beau sighed,

  “Cross is on it. She’s getting their address as we speak. Th
e address that they are registered under isn’t theirs. They don’t live there, pop. I’m gon’ get him. He’s my nephew too, remember? I never got the chance to meet em’, I gotta make it up to him now. Just, trust me okay?” Beau knew how to talk our father down a lot.

  “Fine. How’s your brother doin’? Where’s Bubba?” He was worried.

  “He’s out of it, dad.” If Beau called him dad, it means shit was bad. Did I seem that bad? I could hear everything and look around, but I couldn’t get myself to speak. Something was wrong. “He…Dad, Carson hasn’t spoken. He’s doing what he used to do when he was younger. He’s withdrawing. We need to find Jude soon.”

  “We’re on our way.” Before Beau could say anything. My father hung up. I wanted to ask who “we” is, but I didn’t have it in me to ask.

  My mind ran a mile a minute as we pulled up into the garage of where we were staying. I got out and walked through the garage into the Livingroom. As I turned, making my way towards the dining room where everything was set up, Katerina ran up to me. She was frantic,

  “is it true?” she peered up at me. She had been crying. I could see it from the red in her eyes. “Is he?”

  I wanted to answer but I was so out of it still. I reached into my pocket and I gave her the football keychain. She dropped to her knees gasping for air. The way that she reacted triggered me. I would’ve never hurt her like this. If I could, I would’ve saved her from all this. I didn’t even know what happened but next thing I knew, I was in the living room throwing the furniture. I ran to the flat screen hooked up to the wall and I raged. As I punched it repeatedly, this time tears ran down my face as I screamed.

  “WHY! WHY ME? I’M GON’ KILL YOU! I’M KILLIN’ EM’ ALL!” I could hear myself screaming but I felt so detached from myself.

  ARGHHHH! I roared feeling like someone was snatching my heart out of my chest. Everything just hurt so damn much. In the back of my mind, I wanted to be here. Be coherent, at least to soothe Katerina’s pain but I couldn’t. I felt like I was going to lose her all over again, but I didn’t know who I was at this moment. Who was Carson? I didn’t know anymore. I was stripped of everything because my mother and her husband decided to ruin me. They took everything from me.

  I yanked the tv off its hinges on the wall and threw it, I was in a blind rage. I don’t remember the last time I lost it like this but then I heard Beau as he screamed.

  “Katerina! No!” He yelled.

  I didn’t turn in time to see what I had done but it was good that I didn’t because I felt her small arms around my waist.

  “Baby, please…” She begged me. She was crying again.

  I laid my forehead on the wall,

  “I swore I would never make you cry. I made you a promise an’ I fuckin’ broke it.” I tried clearing my throat so that my voice would stop breaking but there was just so much turmoil in me. “I did this to us. I couldn’ protect you or our Jude. I let em’ do this to us. I’m so sorry, darlin’. Fuck!” I screamed as I hit the wall once more.

  “My Bubba,” Katerina’s sweet voice called out to me. I felt her lips on my back. “No, you didn’t make me cry. You didn’t do anything but love me and Jude. You did your best. We won’t let them hurt us again, baby. I won’t allow them to do this to you. To make you like this. Look at me,” she softly said.

  It took me a minute but when I faced her, her eyes widened from the tears on my face. The last time she saw me cry was Jude’s funeral. She stood on the tips of her toes while I leaned down closer to her so she could touch my face. The moment her hand made contact with my cheek, I shut my eyes. I leaned into her touch,

  “I’m so sorry,” I said one more time. I knew which Carson this was. This was the one who was abused for years as a child and all he could do was blame himself and apologize. I thought I got rid of him, but he was just hiding like he always did.

  “Don’t you dare apologize. Open your eyes, look at me Carson, please.” I could never make this woman beg me for anything. I opened my eyes meeting her that reminded me of the first time she told me she loved me. “We, you and I are going to bring our child back home. He is ours, not theirs. They don’t get to touch my child or kidnap him. We are McDermott’s, ya hear me? We will eviscerate them, show them that we have no mercy and there are no second chances. We don’t wait for karma because we are fucking karma. You hear me?”

  I sniffled, as she wiped the tears from my eyes. I did the same to her then I sighed, forgetting about my bloodied knuckles. I pressed my forehead on hers.

  “I hear you. Everything ends. I am revenge.”

  ****

  I don’t know how or when I fell asleep, but the constant ringing of my phone woke me up. I didn’t want to pick it up, but I moved away from Katerina and reached out for it on the nightstand. I looked down at the missed calls, I had about fifteen of them and as I was about to call the number back, the number popped up on my phone again.

  “Hello?” I picked up.

  “You’re my father, aren’ you?” A small voice came through, and I was shook.

  There those tremors were again. I needed to get my shit together. It was silent for so long, I thought he hung up. I cleared my throat,

  “Hello? Hello?” I said one more time.

  I stood from my bed not even aware that I was getting dressed as I made up my mind. No more. I was getting my child no matter what. I didn’t care if Ricardo or that hateful woman knew of my presence. I didn’t care about it all. I wanted my child.

  “I’m here,” His little voice came through as a whisper. “I saw you first, ya know. PawPaw and MeeMaw leave me outside a lot while she’s gettin’ er’ hair done so I watch, ya know. I observe. I saw you following’ PawPaw but then you turned my way and I recognized ya from the pictures on the internet.”

  I was shocked.

  “You know me?”

  He giggled and I swear I fell in love with his little giggle. I fell to my knees clutching my chest because I couldn’t believe that I was hearing my son again. I thought I would never hear him again. I thought that we lost him for forever.

  “Course I know who you are,” he said.

  “How?” I couldn’t even finish my sentence.

  “How did I get ya number? I stole your wallet when I ran into you and I was hopin’ for a card or somethin’ which ya had. I did it on purpose. I knew I wasn’t wron’. I memorized every single feature on your face. There’s no way that I was wron’.”

  I heard him sniffling and I ached to comfort him.

  “I’m comin’ to get you. Where are you?”

  “Huh?” He asked. “Ya really wan’ me? Ya don’ wan’ me to fuck off?”

  I narrowed my eyes at his foul language. Who the fuck was cussin’ around my child?

  “Where’d you learn to cuss that way? And who talked to you that way? Who told you that I wouldn’ want you?”

  I stood again not wanting to wake Katerina up. I exited the room and made my way downstairs.

  “Well, Mee-maw said that’s why I’m with ‘er and PawPaw. She said y’all were busy wit’ life and I needed to never bother wit y’all. But I couldn't’ resist. I saw you today and I jus’ wanted to meet you. That’s all. Please don’ be mad. Don’ tell em’ or PawPaw is gon’ lock me up in the dark closet again.”

  I sucked some air in and I swear it sounded like I was hissing. I didn’t think about a damn thing as I took the keys off the table and charged outside. I heard rustling behind me, and I knew Beau was following me. I didn’t care as I jumped into my truck.

  “Where are you?”

  “Well, I’m at the bar down the road. Mr. O’Dowd lets me come in an’ spend the night ere’ if both MeeMaw and PawPaw are drunk out der minds. I snuck out the windo’ cause PawPaw was hollerin’ and fixin’ to give me a second whoopin’ for causing a ruckus in the mall when I bumped into ya.”

  I shut my eyes as I gripped the steering wheel for fear I was going to smash my phone.

  “What’s the name of the bar
?” I asked, still not able to say his name out loud. I swear I was still dreaming.

  “Oh, hold’ on,” I heard muffled conversations in the background and Beau was in the truck with me now, looking at me with a face full of confusion. Then Jude came back.

  “He says is called O’Dowd’s.”

  “I’m comin’. Don’ go anywhere, ya hear me?” I didn’t mean to sound so stern, but I wanted him to know I was coming.

  “Well, I wasn’ goin’ back to the house. I was fixin’ to run away tonigh’ I got enough money saved up from workin’.”

  I growled. I threw the phone at Beau who caught it and put it to his ear as I took his phone putting in O’Dowd’s on his GPS.

  “Hello?” Beau said into the phone and as soon as he heard who it was, he turned to me with a wide-eyed expression.

  “They’re dead.” Was all I said as I put the truck in reverse.

  It didn’t occur to me earlier but now it did, I didn’t even bother putting shoes on. I was driving barefoot to get my son, my ten-year-old son who worked at a fucking bar because he wanted to run away from the abusive fucks that took him from me.

  Chapter 18

  Katerina

  I woke up the moment I heard noise coming from downstairs. I shot up out of bed not sure what was happening, I quickly got dressed throwing on one of Carson’s shirts and ran downstairs. My heart couldn’t take any more of what was happening around us. No more surprises. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I saw Beau coming in.

  “Where’s Bubba? He’s not in bed. Did he leave?” My heart couldn’t stop beating like crazy.

  I really didn’t know what to think at all. Beau didn’t say anything, but he moved out of the way and what I saw had me backing back up the stairs. In Carson’s arms was a boy. He was asleep but my trembling hands recognized him without having to be told who it was. I could never forget what my child looked like. He was mine. I held him in my arms after giving birth to him. I sat down on the stairs as I took in Carson’s appearance as well. He had on his basketball shorts, a tee-shirt, with his hair up and barefoot. His face was unreadable but those eyes, his eyes told me everything. There was anger, sadness, joy and a mixture of all sorts of emotions swimming in those amber eyes.