Her Second Forever

by Joanna Sims

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No,” he said in a harsh whisper. “I’m sorry. I’ve never...” He looked around to make sure no one was listening. “I’ve never done anything like that before.”

  Lee’s brows furrowed. “You’ve never done anything like what before?”

  There was no way Colt was about to confess that he was a virgin. There had been nothing virginal or inexperienced about Colt’s performance in the bedroom. If anything, he had taught her several things in their one encounter.

  “I’ve never made love without protection.” Colt examined her face so closely. “I’ve never risked getting anyone pregnant before in my life. And I just want you to know, if you get in a family way, I promise I will be there for you.”

  Lee didn’t realize that she had been holding her breath. She let it out quickly on a bit of a sigh. It was hard not to be touched by Colt. The way he looked on the outside—and his reputation for childish stunts—simply did not match the person she had gotten to know.

  “Thank you, Colt,” Lee said quietly. “I appreciate you saying that. Shayna’s right. Your mom did raise you to be a gentleman.”

  Colt broke into a smile at the mention of his mother. “Lilly expects that of all her boys. I really want her to meet you.”

  Lee’s stomach twisted tightly. “We should have been more careful.”

  “You’re right,” he agreed easily. “But sometimes—in the heat of the moment...”

  “We don’t make the best decisions.” She nodded. “But you don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

  “I’m not going to abandon you, Lee.”

  “Thank you,” she said again, “But I can’t—” she swallowed hard a couple of times, fighting to bring the words that were so difficult to say to her lips “—get pregnant.”

  Her sentence hung in the air between them while Colt stared at her face. It was as if he needed time to process her words and change the direction of his thinking, like flipping a switch from on to off.

  “You can’t?” he asked, as if he wasn’t quite sure he believed her.

  She shook her head. “No. I can’t.”

  Colt stood up. “Then I’m sorry, Lee.”

  He joined her on the bale of hay and she found that the heat from his body, the feel of his cotton shirt against the skin of her arm was oddly comforting. He seemed to sense how difficult the topic was and he had moved closer to her without giving mind to the distance they had silently agreed to keep between them since he had left her house.

  He didn’t say anything. He was waiting for her to continue.

  “We tried for years.” She glanced over at his profile. “Michael and I wanted a family. That’s all I ever wanted and when we couldn’t get pregnant, it was devastating.”

  Colt was listening to her intently. His eyes were forward, his hands quiet and resting on his thighs.

  “They called it infertility unspecified—but all that really meant to us was that we couldn’t have a baby.”

  Colt looked over at her and their eyes met. “We had just started the in vitro fertilization process...” She broke the gaze and looked out the barn door to the green grass in the fields and the peaceful image of the horses grazing in the pasture. “And then the accident.”

  She felt Colt reach for her hand. She resisted the urge to pull away from him. Colt didn’t deserve that kind of rejection from her—not in this moment when all he wanted to do was give her some comfort.

  “I’m sorry,” he said simply. And it was enough.

  “It was a long time ago.”

  “You still feel it like it was yesterday,” he said.

  That brought her eyes back to his, still surprised at his apparent sensitivity. “Yes. I do.”

  Together they sat in silence. She didn’t want to talk about her struggle with infertility anymore. The fact that she hadn’t been able to have a child with Michael—to have a tangible piece of him that Boot and she could hold and touch and love was still a source of deep pain. The doctors had never been able to pinpoint the reason behind her difficulty with conception. Between them, they had all the necessary elements but no baby. Losing her leg after the accident had been easy compared to losing Michael, knowing that he had never fulfilled his dream of becoming a father. Lee had always felt responsible for that. It was her failing—her cross to bear.

  “Hey—do you want to see what I did to fix the windows?” Colt asked. “They don’t leak even a little bit now.”

  Lee laughed and that laugh was exactly what she needed to move on from the sadness of the past. “Of course, I would love to see what you did with the windows.”

  Colt stood up, still holding her hand, and helped her up. They walked into a nearby stall and he proudly described his handiwork to her.

  “If you look here, you can see where I built a whole new frame for the window—the old frame was completely rotted so I had to replace it.”

  Lee found that she enjoyed listening to Colt describe his work to her in a way she never enjoyed listening to other handymen. Boot tried to describe his work process to her and she felt like falling asleep it sounded so boring. Somehow, listening to Colt talk on just about anything sounded interesting to her ears.

  “Then I caulked all the edges and filled in any gaps with caulking and weather seal so it’s in there nice and tight.” Colt pushed open the window. “I also replaced the hinges so you can open these windows with just one finger.”

  “Super cool,” she said, realizing that she sounded a bit like a teenage groupie watching her boyfriend’s band practice.

  They walked out of the stall and back into the aisle.

  “Thank you, Colt. For everything you’ve done for us so far.”

  Colt smiled at her with those even white teeth of his. He looked like he could walk straight off a Western movie set with those good looks of his. So handsome.

  “I feel good being here,” he said. “I like who I am here.”

  “I like who you are here too,” she admitted honestly.

  They walked together toward the barn entrance, their time alone coming to an end. There was a sense of sadness that this private moment was over between them but Lee knew that it was risky for them to be spending too much time alone on the property. Anywhere, for that matter.

  “I can see that we have to be careful.” Colt stopped at the barn’s entrance.

  “Yes,” she agreed.

  She could feel his eyes on her profile, so she looked up at him.

  “Until I’m finished with my hours,” he continued, “we have to keep our relationship...”

  “Professional,” she said firmly.

  He gave one nod of his head. He looked off into the distance. “But when I’m done...”

  “Why don’t we cross that bridge when we get to it?” she was quick to ask, wanting a reprieve from dealing with what was so obviously between them. She felt it. She knew that it was there. How to handle it was beyond her ability to process at the moment.

  “No, Lee,” Colt said, “We need to cross it now. “I’ve been thinking about things and I see now that this thing between us is kind of tough for you to navigate. It’s not as simple for you as it is for me. I get that.”

  Lee waited for him to continue because she could see that he was determined to say his piece.

  “While I’m still working off my hours, we’ll just be colleagues. Friends.”

  “Friends without benefits.” The light tease came flying out her mouth without thought.

  He smiled at her again and she liked it.

  “But when I’m finished with my hours, I am giving you fair warning now that I’m going to ask you out on a date.”

  She opened her mouth to protest but he shook his head to stop her. “A proper date. You’ll say yes and then I’ll pick you up at your house like regular folk do.”


  “And I’ll say yes?” she countered. “Don’t you think you should ask the question first and then let me do the responding?”

  “That’s fine. We can do it your way.” Colt tugged the brim of his hat down lower over his eyes. “But you’ll say yes, Lee. Because you love me the same as I love you.”

  * * *

  On Sunday, Lee, Boot and Gilda took Colt through the training given to volunteers. Gilda taught him how to take the lead position with the horse. Even though he had a lifetime of experience leading horses, he’d never done it with a child with a disability on board. The responsibility to ensure the safety of the horse and the rider felt heavy to Colt.

  “Because our horses are led by so many different people,” Gilda told him, “we want them to be led in exactly the same way across hands so it’s easier on them. They thrive on consistency and knowing what the expectation is. The signals we are giving them should be the same.”

  “Watch how Gilda is synchronizing her pace with Apollo. She’s walking at his shoulder and when his hoof drops, her foot drops. Perfect control,” Lee explained.

  On his other side, Boot added, “What’s most important to remember is that the therapist is in charge. Listen for the therapist’s instruction. If she wants you to go left, you go left. If she wants you to stop, you stop.”

  “Gilda!” Lee called out and waved her hand. “Bring Apollo back this way, please.”

  “We’ll always have two side-walkers,” Lee told him. “The therapist will take one side of the horse and you will be on the other, if you aren’t leading. It can be really tiring to side-walk a rider who isn’t independent, so we might have you side-walk more than you lead.”

  Lee had Gilda lead Apollo, a palomino draft horse, over to the mounting ramp to show Colt how to assist riders onto the back of the horse. Some of the riders were in wheelchairs, which required a specific method of transferring safely onto the horse.

  “Once the rider is on the back of the horse,” Lee said from Apollo’s back, “The side-walkers need to be in place and the leader needs to be ready to walk-off immediately. Any adjustments to the equipment or the rider must be done away from the ramp.”

  With Boot leading Apollo, Lee pretended to be a rider while Gilda and Colt side-walked. They taught him the proper hand placement on the rider’s leg or foot and then they showed him several dismounts, including an emergency dismount. Boot and Gilda performed that maneuver while Lee held the lead rope and explained what Colt was watching.

  Boot lifted Gilda off the horse, under the armpits, and then dragged her quickly across the ground and safely away from Apollo.

  “How often do you have an emergency dismount?” Colt asked, not liking the idea of having to do that with any of the riders he had met.

  “Not too often,” she explained. “Usually once or twice during a summer session. It could be due to a rider’s behavior or the horse’s behavior. Either way, the rider must be safely removed from the horse and the leader will remove the horse from the rider’s parameter.”

  Colt nodded his understanding. While Lee was deep in her explanation, Colt could see Boot and Gilda over Apollo’s back. Boot offered Gilda his hand, which was expected, but their hands lingered as did their gazes. How Boot looked at Gilda was exactly how he felt he must look at Lee. It was so obvious that there was something deeper than friendship between Lee’s father-in-law and the Austrian manager.

  “Thanks for the lesson.” Colt gave Apollo a pat on the neck when the lesson ended. “You’re a good instructor.”

  Gilda led Apollo back to the barn, leaving Boot and Lee behind with him. Boot stared after Gilda before he said, “Well, I’ll be heading back to my shop unless you need me for something else.”

  “Thank you, Boot.” Lee gave him a quick hug. “That was a huge help.”

  Colt offered Boot his hand. “Thank you.”

  Boot grasped his hand firmly, gave it one shake and then slapped him on the back. “You’re gonna do just fine.”

  They watched Boot walk away and when he was out of earshot, Colt asked Lee, “Do you think something is going on between Boot and Gilda?”

  Lee’s shoulder’s tensed immediately and her brow furrowed. “I know they’re really good friends.”

  “I think it’s a little more than that.”

  “No.” His companion shook her head, her ponytail swinging emphatically. “I’ve asked Boot about that before and he said that he believes you only get married once.”

  “I didn’t say anything about marriage.”

  It wasn’t difficult to read in Lee’s facial expression and tense body language that the idea of her father-in-law dating bothered her.

  “Either way.” Lee started walking and he followed. “Boot doesn’t intend to date anyone.”

  “Would it bother you if he did?”

  Lee glanced over at him with a frown. “I’ve only ever known him with Melissa ‘Mama’ Macbain.”

  “Times change,” he said gently, sensing that her resistance to the idea of Boot moving on was somehow closely connected to her own resistance to moving on.

  Lee’s frown deepened. “It would be weird to see him with someone else. That’s all. Just like it would be strange for Boot to see me with someone other than Michael.”

  Colt stopped in his tracks and Lee kept on walking. When she realized that he wasn’t keeping pace with her, she stopped and turned around to face him.

  “So, I’ll see you tomorrow?” she asked. “You’ll have your first rider at eight o’clock.”

  It was always so easy for Lee to default to the program, particularly when she wanted to avoid a topic.

  “I’ll be here.”

  Lee’s smile never returned to her face. “I’ll see you then. It will be good to have you in the arena with us.”

  Colt stood in the middle of the arena, watching Lee walk away from him. He had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever Lee spoke about her late husband. Michael’s ghost was ever present. Colt knew how to compete and win. But how in the world was he going to be able to compete with the memory of a man Lee had loved and lost? A man enshrined as perfection in her mind. How was he ever going to truly win Lee’s heart?

  Chapter Ten

  “Come here, my son.” Lilly Hanging Cloud Brand held out her arms for her son. “I am so happy to see you.”

  Colt’s mother was a full-blooded Chippewa Cree Native American who had been raised on the Rocky Boy’s Reservation near the Bear Paw Mountains in Montana. Lilly was a kindhearted, spiritual woman who had raised eight children—seven boys and one girl—on the sprawling Sugar Creek Ranch with her husband, Jock Brand. Colt had gotten his blue eyes from Jock but the rest of his looks—from the blue-black hair to his straight, prominent nose and his chiseled cheekbones—came from Lilly and the Chippewa Cree Nation.

  “I’m happy to see you, Mom.” Colt leaned down and kissed his mother’s soft cheek. Lilly was a beautiful woman with long pin-straight hair, black with strands of silver, and brown-black eyes.

  “You look so well, Colton.” Lilly reached up and touched his face. “Better than before.”

  It was a high compliment from his mother. She had never approved of his antics or his drifting from one mess to clean up to the next. Of all her children, he had been the son who had spent the most time with her on the reservation and she had always expected him to represent their people with dignity—not end up on the six o’clock news.

  “Before we go to the others—” his mother took his hand and tucked it under her arm “—let’s have a little chat, you and me.”

  Colt escorted his mother to her sewing room—this was Lilly’s own private space in the opulent ranch house. When Jock had made his fortune, he’d insisted on building a house that would showcase his wealth. Lilly, always the bending reed of the family, agreed to the building of the mansion but insisted that she ha
ve a space in this house where she could keep herself grounded in her traditions.

  “What are you working on now, Mother?” Colt sat down in Lilly’s room, always fascinated by his mother’s creativity.

  Lilly’s grandmother had taught her the traditions of making clothing and footwear and Lilly handcrafted items in the tradition of the Chippewa Cree and then sold the items so the funds could be used for the betterment of the reservation.

  “I am making Callie’s engagement dress.” His mother smiled softly. “She wants a jingle dress like Savannah wore for her wedding.”

  His eldest brother, Bruce, had renewed his vows to his wife, Savannah, in an historic home in downtown Bozeman, Story Mansion, several years back and Lilly had made Savannah a traditional wedding dress for the occasion. Callie had always admired their wedding photograph when the family gathered in the main house at Sugar Creek Ranch, as they were tonight.

  Colt stretched out his legs and crossed his ankles, feeling relaxed and comfortable in his mother’s private space, surrounded by her reams of brightly colored material and beads.

  “So—” Lilly sat down across from him and leaned forward, her face keen with interest “—what is this change I sense in you?”

  Colt smiled at his mother. Nothing about him had ever escaped her notice.

  “I’m feeling good about myself for the first time in a long time,” he confessed. “I don’t know how to explain it really, other than I feel like me finally. Like the old me was the imposter and now this person is the real deal.”

  His mother studied him for several long seconds before she said; “You were always my most sensitive boy.”

  “Whenever I took you to the reservation, the spiritual leaders would all say to me that you were special. That you had a special soul.”

  “You’ve never told me that before.”

  “It wasn’t the right time,” Lilly said. “But now I think you can understand it.”