Her Second Forever

by Joanna Sims

  “Dessert.” She dropped a kiss on his chest before she laid her head on that spot.

  He chuckled, his eyes closed, his arm possessively around her. She was so comfortable that she could have drifted off to sleep in his arms. When her phone chimed, she almost ignored it.

  Have you told him?

  Darn Tessa!

  Lee sent her sister a severely frowning emoji and then put her phone facedown on the nightstand.

  “Everything okay?” Colt murmured groggily.

  “Uh-huh.” She didn’t want him to move—she wanted him to stay right where he was.

  Then Colt’s phone chirped.

  Lee sat up. “Darn it! Why is everyone bugging us tonight?”

  “Bad luck,” Colt said, checking his phone. He groaned in frustration. “I’ve got to go. Gabe’s got a flat on his trailer out by Four Corners. We all drew straws and I’m the closest brother to him.”

  Maybe this was for the best. His truck was still sitting in her driveway. Perhaps she was being ridiculous—she hadn’t completely abandoned that possibility about herself—but she just wanted to get through the celebration at the end of the summer session before her relationship with Colt became public property.

  Lee slipped on some loose clothing while Colt got ready to go. She grabbed her crutches from the side of the bed and followed him out to the living room.

  “So, we’ll see you tomorrow?” Colt asked before he kissed her.

  She nodded. “Are you on the schedule for a half or whole day?”

  “Half.” He knelt down so he could pet Chester one last time. Colt and the chubby cat had developed a bond and Chester always sought out his attention now. “A whole day is tough with everything piling up at the ranch.”

  She was about to respond when she heard Tessa’s special chime sound on her phone. She simply would not give up.

  They kissed one last time before Colt left to help his brother. Lee moved over to her phone, grabbed it, sent her sister the text, I will! followed by five red-faced cursing emojis.

  “I will,” Lee grumbled as she tossed her phone onto the bed. “I will tell Colt. Tomorrow.”

  Her day of reckoning with Colt was upon her. She knew that nothing would ever be the same between them again and she dreaded that change. Absolutely dreaded it.

  * * *

  “You hungry?” She held up bags of food she’d stopped off to buy on her way to Sugar Creek. She felt almost completely healed from her fall and she had been able to use her old prosthetic all day without any difficulty. She walked with a slight, barely noticeable limp with this prosthetic but all she really cared about was being back on her feet and back at Strides.

  “Absolutely.” Colt greeted her at the door fresh out of the shower, shirtless, barefoot, with his jeans zipped but still unbuttoned.

  Lee set the food on Colt’s small dining table, glad that he couldn’t see how nervous she was on the inside. All the way over to Sugar Creek, Lee’s stomach was in a knot. The longer she had waited to tell Colt about her plan, the harder it seemed to tell him. Now it felt like she had been keeping something from him. That hadn’t been her intention—she had been following Boot’s advice and seeing if the relationship was going anywhere before she unloaded all of her baggage. For Lee, this relationship had so much potential. It was unexpected—certainly—but that didn’t change how she felt about Colt. He wanted to be a part of her life—he actively worked to be a part of her life—and she could see a future with him. She could see herself marrying him, and that was something she had really never believed would happen to her again. She had always believed that each person, if they were very lucky, was entitled to one forever. How could she be so lucky—what had made her so special—that she was entitled to a second forever?

  They laughed, as they always did, while they shared the meal she’d brought with her. When they were finished, they went outside to the porch and sat down on the swing facing out toward the pastureland. Mack and Prince were grazing together at the top of a hill, their tails gently swishing back and forth, their ears twitching every now and then to flick off a pesky fly. Lee took a steadying breath, wishing the news she was about to share with Colt didn’t seem like she was about to throw a stick of dynamite into the relationship they had been steadily building since the moment he walked onto Strides of Strength’s property.

  “Colt?”

  “Hmm?”

  “There’s something that I want to share with you.” Lee looked over at him.

  “What’s that?” He was checking his email on his phone.

  “Could you put your phone down for a minute?” she asked. “I need to tell you something important.”

  Colt turned his phone over and put it facedown on his leg. “There. You have my undivided attention.”

  “Thank you.”

  Lee turned her body toward him. “I don’t think I’ve been very fair to you, Colt. I thought I was doing the right thing—giving us time to see where we were going without oversharing. Boot thought it was a good idea...”

  “Boot thought what was a good idea?”

  “But sitting here today, I’m not so sure. Boot’s from a different generation—I mean, he actually thought Instagram was a new way to send a telegram. So talking it through out loud, I’m really beginning to question taking his relationship advice.”

  Colt had a question in his eyes and she could see that he wanted her to get to the point. “Remember I told you when I met you that I had plans...?”

  He nodded. She could tell by his concerned, curious expression that he had picked up that this discussion might be more serious than the many others.

  “Before the accident, Michael and I were having difficulty conceiving—I told you that,” she said, feeling that swell of pain that was still so strong whenever she tapped into the memory of the accident. “We had already started the IVF process... My eggs were extracted, fertilized and now they are frozen, just waiting for me to implant them.”

  “Wait.” Colt stopped pushing the swing back and forth with his booted foot. “What do you mean they’re ready for you to implant?”

  Lee lifted her chin defensively. “I made a promise to Michael. Before he died. That I would continue with the process.”

  “What are you trying to say, Lee? That you’re planning on having Michael’s child?”

  Her arms were crossed in front of her body now. “Yes. That’s what I’m saying. It’s taken me years to save up enough money—after the accident, I was in the Grand Canyon of medical debt.”

  Colt’s brow was furrowed and he was looking at her like she was something odd he had never seen before in his life.

  “You’re planning on having Michael’s baby? Now?”

  She nodded. “That’s always been my plan. I tried to tell you that.”

  Colt stood up and moved away from her. “Well,” he said, looking out at the horizon. “You didn’t try hard enough.”

  Lee waited for him to continue.

  Colt turned back toward her, his expression angry now. “Jesus, Lee. That’s not something you wait to tell a person.”

  “Maybe not,” she agreed. “In hindsight.”

  “In any frickin’ sight! All this time, you’ve known that you’re going to have your late husband’s child? In what universe does it make sense not to tell me that?”

  Lee stood up now too. “I didn’t know if you and I were going anywhere other than the bedroom.”

  That was honest, even if it sounded harsh when given voice to.

  “You knew I wanted more than that,” Colt said angrily.

  There was tense silence between them while Colt gathered his thoughts. “You’re really going to do this?”

  She nodded. “I made a promise to my husband.”

  “Is this about a promise or is this about what you want? No one, not even Michael, would h
old you to that promise.”

  “It’s what I want,” Lee said. “It’s what I’ve always wanted.”

  “Even now?” he asked, and she knew he was really asking, After me?

  “I love you, Colt. But the desire to bring Michael’s baby into this world is still there. I can’t just flip a switch and turn that off. It’s been part of me for most of my life.”

  Colt stared at her as if seeing her for the first time. The way he was looking at her made her feel nauseous inside. She wasn’t going to be able to have it both ways—this was, as she’d always suspected—an either-or proposition.

  “Now what, Lee? You drop this bomb and now what?”

  “You could be with me.”

  “Be with you? Do you mean go through this insanity with you? Hold your hand while you have Michael’s child? What about a child we could have together? What about building a family with me?”

  “Why do I have to choose?” she asked, frustrated. “Why do I have to choose?”

  Colt stared at her, shook his head, went into the house and then returned with a small box in his hand. He held it out to her.

  Lee slowly opened the jewelry box and then covered her mouth with her hand. “Colt.” She reached into the box. “You found it.”

  “I promised you that I would do my best to find it and I did. It took me several trips back to the mountain, but I finally found it last week.”

  Lee took her locket out of the box. It had been freshly polished. She closed her eyes and held it close to her heart.

  “And, you got it cleaned up for me.” After a moment, she opened the locket to ensure that her wedding picture was still there.

  Colt was standing stiffly before her, his face grim. “Yes.”

  Lee clicked the locket shut, slipped the long chain over her head and then looked up at Colt with tears of gratitude in her eyes. “Thank you.”

  “There have always been too many people in this relationship, Lee. Always. I know you love Michael—I know you will always love Michael—of course you will. But I expected a real shot with you—a real seat at the table. But you just can’t do it. You can’t be with me without still being married to him. I can’t stay with you—raise Michael’s child—and pretend that your whole heart is with me. That would be a damn lie, Lee. You know it and now I know it too.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  “So, you made a mistake. Who doesn’t? There’s no sense beating yourself up about it for the next fifty years,” Tessa told her though the speaker on her cell phone.

  She was driving toward Strides. It was the final day of the summer and usually she was elated at this point. And part of her was elated. The riders had made great progress during their time in the program. Gail, as she always did, had choreographed a performance for the parents that allowed all of the riders to participate in a way they normally didn’t have the opportunity to do. There was always a wide variety of food donated by the local restaurants and Callie, who was an accomplished cook, had spent the last week preparing baked goods to serve for dessert. The summer had been a triumph in all aspects but one: her relationship with Colt.

  After she told him about her goal to use the fertilized eggs and bring Michael’s child into the world, her relationship with Colt came to a grinding halt. It was so close to the end of the summer session, and he knew that she wouldn’t be able to train a replacement for such a short length of time, so he had agreed to continue volunteering. But he refused to even speak to her about anything that wasn’t related to the riders or the program. He had completely shut down and closed himself off from her. Colt was a very sensitive man—that sensitivity could turn very cold, very quickly.

  “Would you do anything differently?” Tessa asked.

  “Of course I would. I wouldn’t let my libido set the agenda. I couldn’t seem to control myself around him.”

  “You’re in your thirties, which means you’re at your sexual peak and you haven’t gotten any in nearly a decade. Who wouldn’t be a raving lunatic in those circumstances?”

  “Maybe.”

  “No. Definitely,” Tessa reiterated. “A sexual peak is no joke.”

  That made Lee laugh. At least nothing had changed with her sister. She could always count on that.

  “I guess not,” Lee said. “I just wish that I hadn’t screwed things up so badly with Colt. I really miss him.”

  “You could always just forget IVF and focus on Colt.”

  It wasn’t that Tessa’s suggestion hadn’t crossed her own mind more than once—it had. In fact, weighing her choices was all she could think about in her downtime. Every time, she landed on the side of continuing with the process. It wasn’t just a promise that she needed to fill—a box she needed to check—she wanted that child. She had dreamed of that child—a boy with Michael’s unruly curly hair and his lanky body. A girl with his soft brown eyes and sharp intelligence. Who was this child? She had dreamed of meeting him or her for so very long. And now that she was right at the starting line of the last leg of the marathon, she should quit to go in a totally new direction with Colt? Perhaps someone else would make a different choice. Her choice was the child she had always planned to have with Michael.

  “I’ll call you later, Tess,” she said into the speaker.

  “Love you,” Tessa said.

  “Love you too.”

  * * *

  Colt had considered not showing up for the final day of the summer session. Seeing Lee now hurt like someone was cutting him with a knife. He wanted to leave Strides for good and focus all of his attention on getting over his relationship with Lee. It was the only thing he could think to do—bury his head in ranch work and reintroduce himself to his friends.

  “Good afternoon, moms and dads, therapists and volunteers!” Gail Allen stood on the stage that had been erected in the music room for her pleasure, dressed in her Sunday best. “We are so thrilled to have you here with us today.”

  Most of the riders were on the stage. Many of them were making noises, swaying and walking in circles. Each of the participating riders had a volunteer with them to facilitate their participation. Abigail’s mom was sitting on the ground in front of the stage, ready to help her daughter with her important task of ringing a bell at a key moment in the song.

  Gail sat down at the piano, which had been donated by a local family and began to play the song she had been practicing with the riders all summer long. The students, with a little help from their volunteer friends, sang the song in their own special way—sometimes with words, sometimes with sounds that were word-like, all the while ringing their bells. Gail was at her happiest, as evidenced by her shining eyes and wide smile, when she was sitting behind a piano, singing with the riders.

  Colt did his best to focus on Gail and her summer choir, yet his attention was inevitably pulled to Lee. She was standing near the stage, clapping her hands, smiling proudly. To his eyes, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. That hadn’t changed even if their relationship had. He still felt like a cartoon character that had been hit over the head with a frying pan, and he was stumbling around with stars and birds flying around a giant bump on his skull after Lee told him about her appointment with the fertility clinic. How could he have seen that one coming? How could anyone see that coming?

  “Thank you so much for a wonderful summer.” Lee took her place on the stage to address everyone who had participated in the program. “I am always so humbled by the courage and determination of our riders and the dedication of our therapists and volunteers. I count myself blessed for having known each and every one of you and I am so grateful that we were all brought together by grace. I love you all.”

  Lee led them in a round of applause, and Colt was reminded, once again, of Lee’s talent for inspiring people just by her own determination and will to make lives better for others. Standing before them, a woman who had overcome tragedy to t
riumph, she had built this place with grit and willpower and sheer stubbornness. And Colt admired her for it. But it was also that same stubbornness that wouldn’t allow her to let go of her past with Michael and embrace a future with him. That was also true. As if to emphasize his point, he saw Lee reach for the locket around her neck and hold on to it tightly.

  “Are you staying for lunch?” Callie had found her way, as she tended to do, to his side. He put his arm around her shoulders.

  “I don’t think I can, sweet pea,” he said, his eyes still on Lee. “Not today.”

  “B-but I made your favorite cookies.”

  “Salted caramel?”

  She nodded.

  “Well then. Why don’t we sneak into the dining room so I can grab a couple to take with me?”

  Liking the idea of sharing a secret with him, Callie walked with him to the dining room, which was decorated with congratulatory balloons and festive ribbons. Some of the volunteers had agreed to miss the presentation so that they could help the restaurant staff who had delivered the donated food set up the lunch spread for the riders and their families.

  “I—I’ll get you a b-baggy,” Callie said. “Wait here.”

  “Okay, boss lady.” He always had a smile for his niece, no matter what. One of the best things that had happened to the Brand family was Callie’s adoption.

  “Here.” Callie had returned with a plastic Ziploc bag and was speaking in hushed tones. “Open it for me.”

  Callie stuffed as many homemade cookies she could get into the bag. “I—I’ll get another b-bag.”

  “No.” He laughed, zipping the bag shut. “I think I have enough.”

  “Okay.” She hugged him. “I-if you say so.”

  He kissed the top of her head. “Thank you for thinking of me, Callie. I love you.”

  “I—I love you too, Uncle Colt,” Callie said, still holding onto him. “Do you know what?”