Mrs. Fitz

by J. C. Snaith

  CHAPTER VIII

  PREPARATIONS FOR THE CAMPAIGN

  One thing was perfectly clear; we were pretty well in a cleft stick.So heartily had we espoused the cause of a much-injured man, that towithhold practical assistance, now it was needed so sorely, was hardlypossible. Yet there could be no doubt that discomfiture and perplexitywere beginning to play the deuce with the Chief Constable's officialplacidity. I also, "a married man, a father of a family, and a countymember," began to have qualms.

  "Three other stout fellows," said Fitz, "who are not afraid of a tightplace and who can be trusted with a revolver, are almost a necessity.The trouble is to find them."

  On many occasions since, I have had cause to review my conduct in thiscrisis. Whether it was that of a sane, judicial-minded, law-abidingunit of society I have never been able to determine. Doubtless I erredegregiously. All the same I shall always protest that Nevil Fitzwarenwas a much-injured man. Moreover, now that the call to arms had cometo him, nature had thought fit to invest him with that occult powerthat makes a man a leader of others. I could not have believed such atransfiguration to be possible. He seemed suddenly to emerge as thepossessor of a steadfastness of purpose and a strength of will whichcommanded sympathy in almost the same measure that his pathetichelplessness had in the first place aroused it.

  "Can you suggest three stout fellows, Arbuthnot? Gentlemen, ifpossible, and chaps to be trusted. Of course they will have to knowthe why and wherefore of it all."

  Under the spell that Fitz was wielding over me I became the victim ofan inspiration. In a flash there came into my mind the three gamestersnecessary to complete the _partie_. They were Jodey, his friend inJermyn Street, "who had had lessons from Burns," and that much-enduringbut thoroughly sound-hearted fellow, the Master of the Crackanthorpe.For an instant I reflected with the Napoleonic gaze of Fitz upon me.And then through sheer human weakness I committed the most signalindiscretion of which a tolerably blameless existence had ever beenguilty. I permitted the names of these three champions to cross mylips.

  Coverdale turned his sombre eyes upon me. They were devoid of anger,but extremely full of sorrow.

  "You old fool!" he said under his breath. "You look like landing usfairly."

  "Well," whispered the egregious I, "we can't leave the poor chap in thelurch at this stage of the proceedings, can we?"

  "I suppose not; but this business looks like costing me my billet. Letus pray God he don't intend to shoot the ambassador."

  "Not he," said I, assuming a cheerfulness I did not feel, in the hopeof minimising my lapse from the strait way of prudence. "He is a verysensible fellow and a devilish plucky one."

  The immediate result of my indiscretion was that I was urged to summonmy relation by marriage, in order that his valuable services might beenlisted. With that end in view, Parkins was sent in search of him.He returned all too soon with the information that he was over at theHall playing billiards with Lord Brasset.

  "Two birds with one stone!" said Fitz, exultantly. "The best thing wecan do is to go over and see them."

  The Hall is not more than a hundred yards or so from our modestdemesne; and at Fitz's behest we set forth in quest of recruits.

  "Nice state o' things!" growled Coverdale _en route_.

  In due course we were ushered into Brasset's billiard-room. The ownerthereof and my relation by marriage were engaged in a friendly butone-sided game of shilling snooker. The latter, in accordance with hisinvariable practice of "putting his best leg first" to atone for thelifelong handicap of having been born a younger son, was potting threetimes the number of balls of his charmingly amiable and courteousopponent.

  "Hullo, you fellows," said Brasset. "Take a cue and join us."

  The presence in that place of the husband of Mrs. Fitz was whollyunlooked-for, but neither of the players betrayed their surprise. Anysurprise they had to display was duly forthcoming later.

  Most people who have mixed at all with their fellows are more or lessfinished dissemblers. But Brasset and Jodey were by no means proofagainst the extraordinary tale that Fitz had come to unfold.

  "Heiress to oldest reigning family in Europe!" exclaimed Brasset, whoseperturbation and bewilderment were comic in the extreme. "In that caseshe had an absolute _right_ to hit me over the head with her crop, evenif she did go rather far in overriding Challenger."

  As for Joseph Jocelyn De Vere Vane-Anstruther, his countenance was astudy.

  "Well, I always said she was _it_," he murmured rapturously.

  "Stand by you--ra-_ther_!" said Brasset. "Only too proud. I've got abeautiful Colt revolver in my bureau. Shot a lion with it in Africa."

  "Then you ought to be able to manage an ambassador in Portland Place,"said I.

  "Ra-_ther_!"

  "It's a go, then?" said Fitz. "I can count on you fellows to give me ahand. We may have to put it across that swine von Arlenberg, althoughof course he is merely obeying the orders of Ferdinand."

  "Yes, of course."

  The two recruits to the cause of the Crown Princess beamed joyfully.They took the oath of fealty, which merely assumed the form ofpromising to dine at Ward's before the event, and promising to sup atthe Savoy after it.

  The sixth person essential to the success of Fitz's scheme was theunknown sportsman of Jermyn Street, who had had lessons from Burns.Jodey was emphatic in his declaration that his friend, whom heproclaimed as "the amateur middle-weight champion of the UnitedKingdom," would be only too eager to seize one of the greatopportunities of his life. A telegram was immediately concocted forthis paladin, who was urged to turn up at Ward's on the morrow at theappointed hour. "Bring a revolver with you. There will be a bit offun going after dinner," was a clause that the author of the telegramwas keenly desirous to insert.

  Opinion was divided as to the wisdom of inserting the clause inquestion. To the shrewd and cautious official mind, as represented byCoverdale, it would be sufficient to urge a sensible and law-abidingcitizen to give the proposed dinner party a wide berth. Personally, Iwas of Coverdale's opinion; Fitz and Brasset "saw nothing out of theway in it," while its author was convinced that so little would theclause in question be likely to deter his friend O'Mulligan, that itwould invest a commonplace invitation to dine at Ward's and sup at theSavoy with a sufficient spice of romance to preclude "the bestsportsman that ever came out of Ireland" from having a previousengagement.

  Youth will be served. Jodey's lucid argument carried weight enough forthe telegram to be sent to Jermyn Street in all its pristine integrity.Coverdale looked rueful all the same, and I felt his gaze of gravereproach upon me. The leader of the enterprise, however, was far fromsharing the misgivings of the Chief Constable. On the contrary, hefelt that the cause of the Princess Sonia had gained three valuablerecruits.

  Certainly, the demeanour of Brasset and of my relation by marriage leftnothing to be desired from the point of view of whole-heartedness.They were only too eager to embrace the opportunity of redressing anotorious wrong. Coverdale and I could by no means rise to theirenthusiasm. We were both over forty, and at that time of life theaverage man cannot evoke that quality, unless it is in the pursuit of apeerage, but in our innermost hearts we were fain to feel that it didthem honour.

  To Brasset's suggestion that we should dine with him that evening, inorder that we might evolve, as far as in us lay, a plan of campaign, weyielded a ready response. Incidentally, it may be well to state thatBrasset is unmarried, and that his mother was spending the winter atSan Remo.

  It was in sore travail of the spirit that I walked back to DympsfieldHouse, and proceeded to hunt for the weapon which was kept in mydressing-room as a precaution against burglars. Ruefully it was takenfrom its sanctuary and examined. Then I went in search of the ruler ofthe household. Having found her pottering about the greenhouse, Ibroke the news that I was dining out that evening, and that on themorrow duty called me to the metropolis, because I feared that my agedgrandmother's chronic bronchitis
had taken a turn for the worse.

  Both these announcements were accepted with more serenity than theinward monitor had led me to anticipate.

  "By all means dine with Reggie Brasset, although I think it is verywrong of him not to ask me. And by all means go to London to-morrow tosee poor dear Gran, and"--here it was that the first small fly wasdisclosed in the ointment--"take me. Now that the weather has gone allto pieces, it is a good time to see the new plays; and I must have atleast two new frocks and one of those chinchilla coats that everybodyis wearing."

  There are occasions when the most reciprocal nature may regard marriageas an overrated institution.

  "But, my dear child," I gasped, "did you not promise upon your sacredword of honour that if you had that mare at the beginning of November,you would not want to exceed your dress allowance before the summer?"

  "Did I?" said a voice of bland inquiry.

  "Did you, _mon enfant_!"

  "But then you see the poor thing has been lame for quite a fortnight."

  It was man's work to convince Mrs. Arbuthnot, delicately, tenderly, butquite firmly, that not for a moment could her demands be entertained.How in the end it was contrived I shall not attempt to explain. Whoamong us is competent to render these hearthrug diplomacies in a justnotation? But by some occult means I was able to effect a compromiseupon terms which only a sanguine temperament could have hoped for. Iwas to be permitted to dine with Brasset and play a quiet rubber ofbridge, and on the morrow I was to go to town to spend the week-endwith my grandmother; in consideration of which benefits, the secondparty to the contract was to spend the week-end with her admirableparents at Doughty Bridge, Yorks, and become the recipient of a sablestole and an oxidised silver muff chain.

  I could not help feeling that such a compact was extremely honourableto the political side of my nature. I had been prepared for pearlearrings or a new opera cloak at the least. There can be little doubtthat tolerably regular attendance at the House of Commons during thecourse of three sessions does not a little to equip a man for the morecomplex phases of civilised life.

  Brasset's impromptu dinner party that evening was a decided success.For this happy result he was not a little indebted to the foresight ofhis amiable and ever-lamented father. The wine was excellent. Eventhe Chief Constable, who looked as sombre as a cardinal and as ruefulas Don Quixote, swallowed the brown sherry with approbation, toyed withthe lighter vintages, sipped the port wine with sage approval, admiredthe old brandy, and told one of the best stories I have ever heard inmy life.

  At the conclusion of this masterpiece of refined ribaldry, Brasset gavea peremptory little tap on the table and rose to his feet.

  "Gentlemen," said he, "I ask you to drink the health of the CrownPrincess of Illyria. May God defend the right! With the toast, I begto be allowed to couple the name of our friend and neighbour, Mr. NevilFitzwaren."

  The toast was honoured in due form.

  "Thank you, gentlemen." Fitz's reply was made with touchingsimplicity. "God _will_ defend the right. He always does. But Ithank you all from the bottom of my heart for standing by me to seethat I get fair play. It's good to be born an Englishman."

  "Hear, hear; quite so," said the Chief Constable.

  Out of the corner of one rueful eye, however, the head of ourconstabulary favoured me with a glance that was at once whimsical andlugubrious. The thought was ever present in that official breast thatthe slightest hitch in a decidedly precarious adventure would befraught for all concerned in it with consequences which he did not careto contemplate.