The Honorable Choice (Victorian Love Book 2)

by M. A. Nichols

  “This is your home,” he repeated as Ruby rested her head against his.

  How true that statement was. Conrad spoke of the brick and mortar building, but Oak Hall was not her home. It was Conrad’s embrace. Her sanctuary. And as much as Ruby had no desire to face the others downstairs, she knew Conrad wished for her company—no matter how he tried to convince her she did not need to join them for dinner.

  “All will be well, as long as you are there,” she murmured, and Conrad’s arms tightened around her before the pair moved towards the door.

  Conrad offered his arm to her, and Ruby took it as they descended the stairs. Her heartbeat increased with each step, and she felt Conrad tense as though they were entering a battle. The parlor was already empty, and all eyes turned to them as they entered the dining room.

  The gentlemen and ladies all gave greetings, and Conrad steered Ruby towards an empty seat between Vincent and Mrs. Ashbrook and across from Miss Goodland; her brother-in-law’s eyes were filled with sympathy and an apology, and his betrothed gave her a smile and a nod, as though she understood perfectly how much Ruby did not wish to be here and felt the same. Mrs. Ashbrook gave Ruby a bright smile she could not return.

  “You are not alone,” whispered Conrad as he pushed in her chair.

  Though Vincent could not have heard the words, he gave Ruby a nod of agreement while Conrad took his seat beside Miss Goodland.

  Mrs. Ashbrook leaned over and gave Ruby’s hand a squeeze. “I am so pleased you joined us.”

  Sucking in a deep breath, Ruby nodded, giving another brittle smile, and Mrs. Ashbrook’s own faltered, her brows drawing together before retrieving her knife and fork.

  The dinner was every bit as uncomfortable as Ruby had anticipated. Of the seven people, only three attempted true conversation. Ruby and Conrad remained silent, and though Vincent and Miss Goodland offered a few polite words, it was Lucas who dominated it, with Mr. and Mrs. Ashbrook providing all the appropriate reactions to his stories and adventures from their places at the foot and head of the table. As Lucas was on the other side of Vincent, Ruby was spared looking at him, but he never ceased speaking. No matter the topic, he had something to say, his voice like a razor scraping against a dry chin. His tone was light and impervious to the tension in the air, which pressed on Ruby.

  Though well prepared, the food left no impression as she went through the motions of eating, and the saving grace was having Conrad sitting across from her. Any time she lifted her gaze from her plate, he was there to meet her eyes with an encouraging smile, giving her a surge of strength to withstand another few minutes.

  “It would be so wonderful for the wedding to be during holidays when Nathaniel is home,” said Mother, turning her gaze to Vincent and Miss Goodland. “I am certain Dottie and her family will attend, and then we will have everyone together to celebrate.”

  Ruby’s stomach twisted, her shoulders hunching before she realized she was doing so.

  This was to be her life. In the abstract, she’d known Lucas would make appearances, but the last few hours had given her a clear picture of what living among the Ashbrooks would be. Even assuming Lucas did not remain in Greater Edgerton after he took what he needed, he would flit in and out as his mercurial mood dictated. And Ruby would stand as the silent shadow at the edges of their family.

  Weeks spent finding her footing among these people were erased in a heartbeat. Ruby was a mere daughter-in-law, and Lucas would always outrank her.

  “Pardon me,” Ruby whispered, her voice catching. Placing her serviette beside her plate, she stood. Forcing her throat to cooperate, she spoke with more volume. “I fear I am not feeling well and need to lie down.”

  Ruby was at the doorway just as Conrad arrived by her side. His touch at her elbow was gentle and his gaze heartbroken, but she found no comfort in it.

  “Do not leave on my account,” she whispered. “I am merely tired and not feeling up to tonight.”

  “Ruby…”

  But she shook her head, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze, and fled to her bedchamber.

  ***

  Sitting in his preferred armchair in the library corner, Conrad watched Mother read aloud to Father before the fire while Vincent and Miss Goodland sat together on the sofa, only half-listening to the tale. Lucas had chosen a place to one side of their parents, playing the role of dutiful son and looking unaffected by the whole scenario. The scene unfolding in their library had all the appearance of a usual evening at home. Perhaps an untrained eye would not see the falseness clinging to every word and smile, but even if Mother and Father acted as though nothing were amiss, unease clung to this familial moment.

  Though the fireplace blazed, filling the room with heat, Conrad felt cold.

  He missed Ruby. Even if all were right in the family, this evening would not be enjoyable without her curled up at his side. It was foolish to sit here when he’d rather be with Ruby. But Mother and Father were so preoccupied with this farce that Conrad could not bring himself to leave. A few more minutes of filial duty, and then he could escape.

  But when Lucas stirred himself, pain stabbed at Conrad’s temple in warning of the headache that was coming. Coming to Conrad’s quiet corner, Lucas thumped down into the seat beside his brother with that lazy air he always affected when he was on the hunt for elusive prey.

  “You are a good man, Conrad,” he said, tapping his fingers along the arm of the chair. “I think back on what I did, and I cannot understand what possessed me to behave in such a manner. When I ran, I didn’t think about what would happen to the family, and I am ashamed that my responsibility fell onto your shoulders. But then, you were always the better brother, and no doubt, Ruby is better off having you instead of a useless lout like me.”

  Conrad did not reply; there was no point. Outsiders might be forgiven for thinking Lucas’s words sincere, but Conrad knew better. There was little he could do to avoid the coming conversation, so he simply waited as it moved through its inevitable steps.

  Dropping his gaze to the floor, Lucas’s expression fell. “I suppose I deserve your censure. I’ve hardly been a good example to you, Vincent, and Nathaniel.”

  Mother glanced up from her book, her gaze falling to the pair of them, and there was no mistaking the delight gleaming in her eyes. Conrad’s heart twisted in his chest, wishing he could give her what she so desperately wanted, but there was no healing the breach between the brothers as the one who’d caused it refused to accept responsibility for the fracture.

  “Whether you believe it or not, I am sorry for what I’ve done,” Lucas continued. “There were so many times I wished to return home, but I couldn’t bear the thought of facing you all. But when I heard about the fire…”

  Lucas’s voice broke, and he turned his face away.

  Words sprang to mind, and Conrad wished he had the heart to say them. If Lucas had been worried about anything, it was likely the loss of his inheritance. But giving voice to that accusation would only pain their parents, and Conrad was tired of this never-ending war.

  Clearing his throat, Lucas straightened and cast a glance in Conrad’s direction. “I wish to make things right with you and Ruby—”

  “Do not speak to her.” Conrad’s eyes narrowed on his brother, his tone cold and firm. “You have done enough damage, and you will not importune her any further for the sake of fluffing your own ego or playing the part of the remorseful son to our parents. I am done with your games and will not allow Ruby to be swept into another of them.”

  There was a subtle shift in Lucas’s expression. A tightening of the muscles and hardness to his eyes that belied the false sentiments he was spouting earlier.

  “Mother claims you and Ruby are happy together,” said Lucas. His tone was warm, but there was a touch of curiosity to it that sent a shiver of apprehension skittering down Conrad’s spine. “For my part, I hadn’t anticipated such a plain and prudish woman to be so…eager…but she proved quite entertaining.”

&n
bsp; Conrad shot to his feet, glaring down at his brother, who held up his hands in placation. Conrad’s fist squeezed into a ball, and his arms shook as he fought against the urge to plant it in Lucas’s face.

  “Boys?” Father rose and watched the pair of them, and Conrad sucked in several deep breaths as though that would dispel the murderous rage demanding he exact retribution on Ruby’s behalf.

  Turning on his heels, Conrad marched to the library door, but Lucas called after him with that pleading whine of his that wrapped their parents around his finger. When he didn’t stop, Lucas gave chase, reaching him before Conrad made his escape. Grabbing his brother by the arm, Lucas stepped closer, his expression all contrition with a worried brow and pleading eyes that played to their parents’ sympathies, but his words spoke of his true feelings.

  “I need money,” he whispered. Conrad glanced at the others watching them, but not a one was close enough to hear. “If not for that I wouldn’t need to bother you and your dear little bride ever again.”

  “But what about the fire?” Conrad asked with mocking innocence, and Lucas narrowed his eyes.

  “Use your influence with Mother and Father to increase my allowance,” he whispered.

  “Do you think we have money to spare at present?”

  “Then I suppose I shall simply have to stay here, as I cannot afford to live in London,” replied Lucas with a sickly-sweet smile. “And it would be nice to be around for the birth.”

  Conrad threw off Lucas’s hold on his arm and stepped to him, his expression hardening as he glowered at his brother. “If you so much as speak to Ruby again—”

  “And you’ll what, brother?” Lucas cocked up an eyebrow. “Upset our dear parents?”

  Fairly quivering with the need to pummel that smirk from his face, Conrad sucked in air through his nose, letting it out in a shaky breath. His jaw ached, his teeth groaning as he clenched it, but before he could do something foolish, Conrad turned away and marched out of the library without a backward glance.

  Chapter 26

  The hallway was empty, which suited Mary; otherwise, they’d see her staring at a closed door. She’d stood thusly for several minutes, her hand raising and then falling away, and it took several more false starts before she gathered the courage to knock. Hearing movement from inside the bedchamber, Mary took a breath and met Ruby with a smile.

  “How good to see you,” said Mary, forcing the strain from her voice. “It feels like an age since we have spoken. Have you been unwell?”

  Mary knew the answer before it was spoken, but she couldn’t help herself. It was difficult to know what to say as Ruby watched her with wary eyes.

  “I’ve been tired.”

  That was all the reply Mary received, and Ruby did not move to invite her in. Silence surrounded them, and Ruby shuffled, turning as though to close the door again.

  “It is so tragic that Conrad’s christening gown was lost in the fire, but as I said before, I found other things of his in the attic,” said Mary. “I thought we might go through them together while our husbands are out on business. The trunks are laid out in the parlor.”

  Ruby glanced in the direction of the parlor but did not move. “I thank you, Mrs. Ashbrook, but perhaps another day.”

  Mary’s expression fell, and her heart sank. “It has been three days, Ruby. It is not good for you to lock yourself away like this. And when you do emerge, you hardly speak a word.”

  Leaning into the door, Ruby’s gaze fell to the floor.

  “I know how uncomfortable it must be for you,” said Mary, “but surely, you can see that hiding is not the solution. It will only prolong the discomfort we all feel. I am disgusted with what Lucas has done, but he is asking for our help to change, and we have a duty to do so.”

  Ruby’s posture stiffened, her muscles tightening, but still, she did not speak. Her expression gave the impression that the lady wanted nothing more than to shut the door, and Mary’s heart shriveled, leaving behind a hole in her chest.

  “Please, Ruby,” she murmured. Mary’s expression pinched together, and her hands itched to draw the poor young lady into an embrace, but there was no mistaking the coldness emanating from her. “Can we not all forgive, heal our family, and try again?”

  For several long moments, Ruby stood there, her gaze holding Mary’s. There was so much of the lady’s heart shining in her eyes, and Mary’s own ached at the sight of the hurt, betrayal, sorrow, and distrust she found there.

  “Ruby…”

  But the lady stepped around Mary. “The weather is quite fine today, and I wish to take the air.”

  “I could join you—”

  “No, thank you,” came the quick reply before Ruby disappeared without a backward glance.

  *

  Only the barest bit of self-control kept Ruby from running down the hall and out into the cold. Pausing just long enough for the footman to gather her things, Ruby threw on her jacket, bonnet, and gloves, not caring whether they would be enough to guard against the cold.

  The sunlight blinded her as she stepped out into the world, but Ruby hardly countenanced it. The sky was clear and a bright shade of blue that one only finds on the finest of winter days. The air had a bite to it, though the sun and her brisk pace kept her warm as she hurried along without thought as to where she was going. Ruby simply needed space.

  She took in an icy breath, forcing it in and out in an effort to keep the emotions threatening to spill out under control. Catching sight of their park, Ruby veered towards it, not stopping until she reached the bench she was coming to think of as hers and Conrad’s. She dropped down onto it and watched the passersby wandering through the green space.

  Forgiveness.

  Ruby had heard many a sermon on the subject, and in the abstract, she understood and accepted the principle, but when it came to Lucas, it was elusive and unfathomable. If only it was as simple as striking a match or making the decision to do so, but Ruby’s heart felt ripped in twain, and no amount of stitching would set it to rights again.

  It reminded her of the old tree in Mr. Johnson’s field near her family’s home. Lightning had struck it one summer’s eve, ripping free one large branch and burning several others. With some work, the tree had been cleaned and salvaged, but it always bore the wound of where those branches had been. The scars sealed over, but they never disappeared, forever displaying what the tree had lost.

  How does one overcome such an indelible wound? Her heart had only begun to heal when Lucas reappeared and reopened it once again.

  And Mother—Mrs. Ashbrook.

  Ruby curled inwards, one hand wrapping around her middle and the other covering her eyes. This family was not her family. No matter their claims of love, Mrs. Ashbrook cared only about helping Lucas, even at Ruby’s expense.

  “I see you are out and about.”

  Ruby sucked in a breath, but the rest of her froze as though time itself had halted, holding her in this awful moment. An eternity passed as she sat there, hoping his voice was nothing but a waking nightmare. Yet when Ruby straightened, Lucas stood before her.

  Not long ago, Ruby had thought his smile the finest thing to see, but it wrenched her heart and soured her stomach to see it now. Lucas slipped onto the bench beside her—Conrad’s seat—and Ruby shot to her feet and stepped out of reach.

  “Don’t be foolish,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “I have no designs on you.”

  Ruby tried to gather her strength and glower at him, but her hands trembled. “Then what do you want?”

  “Simply to congratulate my sister-in-law,” he said with a smirk and an arch of his brow as he rose to his feet. “You’ve landed yourself in a nice situation here. Conrad dotes on you.”

  His tone had her spine straightening. “Do not mock him. He is honorable and good.”

  “My saintly brother? I wouldn’t dream of mocking him,” he said, though every word was laden with disdain. “But I’d hardly say he was honorable. Foolish, more like. He cho
se to fall on his sword rather than doing the intelligent thing and paying some desperate fellow to take you off our hands.”

  Ruby’s throat tightened, making it difficult to speak, but she managed a quiet, “You are despicable.”

  Lucas’s brows shot upwards. “That is a rather harsh condemnation, my dear Ruby, for this is all on your head. It was your prudish morals that made the marriage pretense necessary. If you had simply accepted it was naught but a bit of fun—like any other lady would—then I would have won my bet and been on my way, with none the wiser. But, no, you had to be married, and then your parents caused all this uproar with my family.”

  He moved towards her, and instinct drove her back a step. Lucas would not hurt her. He would not. Or at least Ruby did not think it likely. However, his eyes were as hard as she’d ever seen them, and Ruby shook at the scorn filling them.

  Lucas huffed and sneered. “If anything, you should be thanking me. Before I met you, no man gave you a second glance—or even a first glance—but now, you’re married with a child on the way. I could’ve simply done the deed and abandoned you at the inn, yet I did you a kindness and gave you a few weeks to play the part of the happy bride—and a manner in which to force my brother into matrimony.”

  Ruby shrank from him, her body trembling as each of his words struck her heart like a fist.

  “You are disgusting,” she whispered.

  Lucas snorted and leaned closer until she felt his breath on her cheek. “Call me what you will, but you were an easy conquest. My friend chose you as the object of our wager because he thought you too cold and rigid to be easily swayed, but you fell into my arms with little effort. A few weak compliments and a little attention, and you were ready to leap into my bed. You feign modesty and virtue, and I expected to find you stiff and unyielding, but you were as vigorous and eager as any doxy I’ve bedded.”

  His words spread over her like sap, sticking to her and coating her until she could not breathe—tainting her and her child.