Broken and Beautiful

by Ryan, Kendall

  “This is going to take hours for me to put together,” he says, once we’re alone and standing in the master bedroom. I hope you’re ready for a late night. I might not be leaving here for a while.”

  “I’m okay with that,” I admit. “I’d rather you didn’t anyway.” It’s true. I sort of want him to stay. Until it’s time to go to bed anyway. “I’m going to run next door and see if Veronica wants to have some wine and help me unpack. Be right back.”

  I hurry and take off, so I don’t have to see the look on his face at me wanting him to stay. I don’t know how he feels about that and I’m not sure I want to know. I just want to pretend that he wants to be here as much as I want him to be.

  All it takes for Veronica to agree to help is a bottle of wine and two clean glasses to drink them from. “You’re lucky you’re my best friend and you have wine. Lots of fucking wine. Holy shit, you alcoholic. Ten bottles?”

  “I didn’t buy them,” I answer above my glass. “Jensen did.”

  “Well, damn. He asked me what kind of wine you liked. I didn’t expect him to buy you the whole damn case.” She pokes her head out of the walk-in closet, most likely to see if Jensen is listening, before she turns back to me. “He seriously let you paint the bedroom the color you wanted? I’m so damn jealous. I wanted to paint ours maroon and he flat out told me no. Jerk.”

  “Then paint it maroon,” Jensen says from outside the door. “And yes, I can hear every fucking word you two say in that closet. It’s not sound proof and you’ve already finished off a bottle of wine. You’re not whispering anymore. More like shouting about my dick and how good I fuck Cami. I heard that shit too.”

  “Well, shit.” Veronica rolls her eyes, while pouring another glass. “I seem to forget how to be quiet after a few glasses. I need to remember that.”

  We both burst out in laughter when Jensen pokes his head into the closet with a cocky grin. We’re both buzzing and enjoying ourselves, and for once he seems to be enjoying himself too, even though he’s been stuck putting my bed together for the last hour.

  “Bed is put together. I’ll put the drawers in the dresser and nightstand after a cigarette break. Try not to talk too much about my amazing sex skills when I’m not around to listen. Got it?” With his eyes on me, he pulls out a cigarette and places it between his perfect lips. I can’t pull my eyes away until he finally walks away.

  “Holy shit, Cami. You have it bad for him, don’t you?” She sits straight up on her knees, as if she has to get higher to say this next part. “And he totally has it bad for you. Look what he’s done for you. He doesn’t do things like this for anyone. Not anymore anyway.”

  “Not since Katherine?”

  Veronica clears her throat, before standing to her feet. “Yeah. Has he told you about her yet?”

  “No. It’s like he doesn’t want to talk about her. I just don’t understand what could be so bad. I mean he’s still there for her kid even though she doesn’t seem to be around. Clearly, she’s the bad guy, right?”

  Veronica’s face turns white and my heart drops. “You need to ask him about her again. You have the right to know what happened, but it’s not my story to tell, Cami. Make sure he tells you before you get in too deep with him. I’m not saying he’s a bad guy, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t think differently. That can keep him from being a good one. Just… just talk to him. Okay?”

  “Okay… I’m really nervous now. Should I be nervous?” I stand up and grab the wine from her hand when she hands it to me.

  “I don’t know, Cami. But I think I should go. I’m suddenly feeling queasy.”

  I feel queasy myself the moment I’m standing alone in my new closet. The one I was very much enjoying before the conversation I just had.

  “Everything good?” I look over to Jensen standing in front of me now. “I ordered a pizza. Hope you like pepperoni.”

  “I do.” I force a smile and tell myself to forget about what Veronica said for the night. Jensen has worked his ass off for me today, and I don’t want to ruin the night by forcing him to talk about his ex. “It’s my favorite.”

  By the time the pizza arrives everything is together and put away. Veronica and Peter said I could borrow the TV they had in their guest room until I can pick one out, so Jensen hooked it up and I connected it to Veronica’s Wi-Fi, so I at least have Netflix to keep me entertained until I can set up cable service.

  We’re in the middle of eating pizza and watching TV when Jensen pulls out the contract for me to sign. “Here’s what you’ve been waiting for.”

  I sign it and push it back to him, excitement filling me. “Looks like you’re finally my landlord.”

  “Maybe I want to be more,” he says, surprising me. “But I need to know what you want, Cami. I need to know that you can handle it if things get ugly and don’t work out. I can’t…” He exhales and runs a hand through his hair. “I just need to know that I won’t break you.”

  “You won’t,” I say without thinking. “I won’t let you.” I say it, hoping to believe it myself, but I’m not very convinced. “All I know is that I want you too, Jensen.”

  “Good. I was hoping you’d say that.” He pulls me into his lap and pulls the blanket that I borrowed from Veronica’s guest bed down on top of us. Tomorrow I plan on shopping for a few things. Like I told Jensen, I didn’t want anything I shared with Douglas. Blankets included.

  I don’t know when it happened or how, but next thing I know I’m falling asleep beside him, and the last thing I remember before everything goes black is how good and safe it feels being in his strong arms.

  Jensen

  Waking up beside Cami feels so much better than I imagined. I never planned to spend the night last night with her, but knowing it was going to be Cami’s first night alone in a big house, the thought of her sleeping alone bothered me.

  I had this need to protect her and make her feel safe. It’s a feeling I haven’t had with a woman in a long time, and one I was afraid I’d never have again. But Cami is different. Fuck, how she is different. She has me feeling alive again. It’s terrifying, yet something I want more of. So much fucking more.

  “You stayed the whole night?” Cami sits up and tiredly looks around. “When did we get to my bed?”

  “About three in the morning. I thought you’d be more comfortable here.” I climb out of her bed and grab for my jeans. “Want some breakfast? I have to run to the office real fast. I can drop some off afterward.”

  She shakes her head and joins me beside the bed, wrapping her arms around my waist. “Or you can just grab some on your way back here? I’d rather eat breakfast with you, Jensen. Unless you’re busy.”

  I had a whole day of work planned, and skipping out on it isn’t something I usually do, but when she looks at me the way she is right now, like she wants me around, my fucking chest aches at the thought of leaving.

  “I don’t have shit to do. Not shit that can’t wait, at least.” I cup her cheeks and pull her in for a kiss, feeling the need to kiss her. I’ve been feeling it a lot lately I’m learning. “What are you in the mood for… other than me?”

  “I knew you were going to say that.” She laughs and playfully pushes my chest before walking away to search for something to wear. “Glazed donuts. Lots of them.”

  I nod and button my jeans, before reaching for my shirt with a grin. “I know just the place.”

  When I arrive with the donuts, Cami is freshly showered, sitting on the couch with wet hair. My dick instantly hardens at how incredibly sexy she looks wet, but I push down on it, not wanting this moment to be about sex.

  She looks up at me and excitedly jumps from the couch to grab the box of donuts from me. “Thank you! I swear I could eat about a dozen of these by myself.”

  I smile, loving how happy and grateful she is over something as simple as a box of donuts.

  “Here.” She holds up a donut. “You better have one, because I can’t promise they won’t all be gone within minutes. I’
m stingy when it comes to donuts.”

  “I’m stingy when it comes to you,” I admit, pulling her to me. “I tried to avoid it, but I can’t help myself when it comes to you.”

  “Then don’t,” she says gently. “I like spending time with you, Jensen. I wanted you to stay last night, and when I thought you were leaving this morning, I was missing you before you could even walk out the door. I know it sounds silly, but it’s true.”

  “Shit, Cami.” I grab the back of her neck and press my lips to hers, loving the way she tastes. This woman just keeps surprising me by making me feel more and more with each moment we’re together. “I wanted to stay last night too. I didn’t think I would, but I did.”

  She takes the donut she’s still holding and hands it to me. “So the guy that works nonstop is taking a day off. Does that mean Hell has frozen over?”

  “I’m pretty sure it did the day you walked into my life.” I take a bite of the donut, thinking of all the shit I thought would never happen again before she came storming into my fucking life proving me wrong. I could make a whole damn list.

  “What does that mean?” she questions.

  “It means a lot of shit has happened that I never thought was possible. Like the fact that I’m here right now and don’t plan to leave anytime soon. I want to be here. With you.”

  “I like that.” She smiles and takes a bite of her donut. “Because I was hoping you’d stick around for a while.”

  “Good.”

  I was hoping you’d say that.

  ***Cami has been settled into the house for over a week now and I have yet to sleep in my own bed since that first night we fell asleep together on the couch.

  It wasn’t planned this way. I never expected I’d be spending so much time at one of my own rental properties, but falling asleep with Cami in my arms has been the best sleep I’ve had in a while. Being with her feels so natural now that the thought of not being with her terrifies the fuck out of me.

  We’ve eaten lunch and dinner together every day, have slept together every night, and have woken up beside each other every morning. I know this is a dangerous game, because the moment she finds out what happened to Katherine she’s going to look at me the same way the rest of this town does. With judgment.

  Katherine had a lot of issues. Ones that I tried to fix over and over again after I broke her to begin with. The first time I broke her we were seventeen. We dated for three years and I loved her with everything in me, which made the thought of ever hurting her crippling. My fear of that made it hard to be happy together. We had a lot of trust issues, so I let her go before something worse could happen. She was my first relationship and we were both young. I thought it’d be easier that way, but it wasn’t. Not for her, and I wish I would’ve known that back then.

  “Did you seriously cook dinner?” A smile spreads across Cami’s face when we walk into my house to the smell of lasagna wafting through the air. “I didn’t even know you could cook.”

  “I can do a lot of things,” I say with confidence. “I’m pretty fucking good at most of them too. Especially cooking. My mom taught me everything she knew about cooking when I was twelve. Now sit down.” I pull out a chair for her to sit, before grabbing the plates to set the table.

  “Where are your parents now?” she questions while I’m cutting the lasagna and fixing the plates. “You haven’t brought them up. Do they still live around here?”

  I shake my head and walk away to grab a bottle of her favorite wine. I figured we’d need a stock at both places now. “They retired a few years back and moved to Florida. Bought a house near the beach and they’re loving life more than ever.”

  “That sounds amazing. I’d love to be like them some day. Be madly in love and spend every day together just enjoying the easy things of life. Maybe have a few grandchildren running around. I’d love that. Do your parents have any grandchildren?”

  Exhaling, I take a seat and look across the table at her. “No. I’m the only child. Now eat.”

  Instead of giving me attitude, she smiles and digs into her food. Apparently, she’s so used to me being demanding that it doesn’t bother her anymore.

  “This is amazing! I love your mom already for teaching you to cook like this. I may never leave now.” She looks up and clears her throat, looking nervous. “I didn’t mean that. You don’t have to worry.”

  “I’m not,” I admit. “And you’re a pretty damn good cook yourself. Those were the best tacos of my life.”

  She smiles and goes back to eating, clearly satisfied that I finally admitted to loving her damn tacos. I should’ve told her sooner, but I was having too much fun pissing her off and getting under her skin.

  After dinner I have her pick out a movie while I throw everything into the dishwasher.

  “Thanks for dinner,” she says from the kitchen doorway a few minutes later. “Do you have any Aspirin or anything for a headache? My students were extra loud and hyper today, and since I came straight here, I haven’t taken anything yet.”

  “You’re welcome for dinner.” I walk over and gently press my lips against hers, pulling her into my arms. “I’ll check the kitchen drawer. Get comfortable and wait for me on the couch.”

  My heart skips a beat when she wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me in for a kiss. I could get really fucking used to her wanting to kiss me every day.

  In fact, I have, and I’m not sure I can do without now.

  * * *

  Cami

  Despite my pounding headache, I can’t stop the smile on my face as I disappear into the bathroom and close the door behind me. I have to admit that it’s been a long time since I’ve been this giddy about someone. Everything Jensen does fills my stomach with butterflies.

  A lot has changed over the past nine days that we’ve spent every free moment we have together. He’s shown me the side of him that I knew existed under all of the assholeness he was hiding behind. This sweet and caring side that I long for now. After the way things started, I never thought the day would come where I’d completely fall for him, but I have. I have fallen for him hard. There was no stopping it no matter how much I fought it, and I did. I fought it hard and lost.

  After washing my hands, I look in the mirror, realizing it’s a medicine cabinet. I don’t know how I missed that the other times I was in here, but relief hits me. “Ah ha! Please be in here.” Opening it, I move around items in search of some painkillers. Jensen didn’t seem too confident that he had some in the kitchen.

  I spot a little white bottle in the back, hiding behind a prescription bottle, so I go to reach for it but stop when I notice the name on the bottle in front of it.

  Katherine Smith.

  My heart pounds as I reach for it, because I know being nosey is wrong. I shouldn’t be snooping through Jensen’s things, but I’ve spent some time wondering about his ex and where she is. I just haven’t brought her up again, because things have been so good this past week. So damn good, and I didn’t want to ruin it by asking him to talk to me about something he clearly hasn’t been comfortable enough to talk to me about yet.

  Exhaling, I hold the bottle in my now shaky hand as I read the label. I recognize the name right away as something taken for severe depression. I know, because my dad was on medicine for a while after my mom left him. He only took it for a week before he tossed it and began drinking.

  I swallow as I run my hand over the label. The date on the bottle is from almost two years ago, so clearly, she must’ve left these here when she took off, right? Why else would he be holding onto it?

  “What the fuck are you doing?” My heart stops when I look behind me to Jensen’s angry face. It reminds me too much of the first time we met. I was hoping to never see that look on him again. Especially when looking at me. “I asked what the fuck you’re doing. Give me that.” He snatches the bottle from my hand and punches the wall, making me jump. “You have no right going through my shit, Cami. Fuck!”

  “I was looking for
painkillers. I didn’t mean to—”

  “Get the fuck out,” he demands, backing me against the wall with hate-filled eyes. He seems like a different person right now. Surely not the Jensen I’ve grown to know recently. “You need to go, Cami. You should’ve never touched my personal shit. This…” he shakes the bottle in my face, before squeezing it so hard that the plastic cracks. “Is none of your fucking business. None!”

  Angry, I push him out of my face. He has no right to treat me this way. “Don’t you ever yell in my face again, asshole. Ever!” I push his chest again to give me some space. “Tell me what happened to her. Fucking talk to me. You can’t just come into my life, make me fall for you, and then push me away without telling me why. Now tell me!”

  “You were never supposed to fall for me, Cami. That was never the fucking plan!” he screams, throwing the bottle across the room and then slamming his fist through the wall for a second time. “I said go. Don’t make me say it again.”

  “Tell me what happened to her, Jensen. Why did she leave? I’m not leaving here without answers first. You can be an asshole all you want, but I at least deserve an answer.”

  “She didn’t,” he says stiffly, looking over to meet my eyes. His eyes are dead, no life to them. “She’s dead. Now get the fuck out of my house and my life. You can let yourself out.”

  I can barely breathe as I walk away, and the moment I step outside, I fall against the door, fighting back tears. My heart is beating faster than it has my entire life. I will not cry over Jensen. I will not allow him to break me. I told myself I wouldn’t do this, but as I’m driving away I physically feel my heart breaking in two. Not only for me, but for him.

  She’s dead?

  How?

  What happened to her?

  He said he broke her. He told me so himself.