Broken and Beautiful

by Ryan, Kendall

  “Fuuuck.” I slammed a fist against the steering wheel, causing the horn to let out a sharp blast, the driver in front of me shaking his middle finger at me. The traffic loosened, and I wheeled around the vehicles as they picked up speed, dialing Donato as I drove.

  “Daniel.”

  “Get your brother under control,” I said tightly before hanging up.

  He needed to hurry the fuck up before Vinny Salvatore got me killed.

  * * *

  “Muriella,” I called as I stepped into her apartment. I’d spent the last three days holed up at the Connecticut farmhouse of my lawyer, stewing over the conversation with Vinny just before I left and the inconvenience of being out of the city. To say my mood was sour was an understatement, but Zegas had finally finished what I’d put off, the result in my hands.

  She didn’t answer, so I ventured into the kitchen, where she was most likely to be. She was unloading clean dishes from the dishwasher.

  “Are you ignoring me?” I asked. The silent treatment was an extreme for Muriella.

  Again, no reply. She wouldn’t even look at me, just kept running a dishtowel around and around a plate. She was angry with me about Vivian. I sighed, wishing I could make her understand, knowing it was a lost cause. “I need you to do something for me.” Something in my voice must have gotten through to her, because she jerked her eyes to mine. I held out two envelopes, one with her name written on it, and one with Vivian’s.

  She set the plate and dishtowel on the counter. She took the envelopes from my hand, examining them. “What?”

  “If something happens to me, I need you to see to it that Vivian gets this. You’ll know when the time is right to open them. Until then, you need to keep them safe.” The contents of the envelopes were only meant for Vivian and Muriella. I reminded myself this was just another step toward preparing for the inevitable, as a lump formed in my throat. I couldn’t remember a time I’d cried as an adult, but I was close now.

  “Is that why you’re behaving this way? Is something wrong?”

  I brushed off her concern. “I should have taken care of these matters a long time ago.”

  “You want her to have this, you give it to her yourself,” Muriella said with more bite than she’d ever used toward me. She tossed the envelopes on the counter as if they were nothing.

  “This is important.” I spoke firmly.

  I’d seen her angry before, but not like this. She came around the island, her mocha eyes blazing, and was in my face in a nanosecond. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to watch a man you admire—love—more than anyone on this Earth destroy his life? And you’re doing it on purpose.” She stuck a finger in my chest. “I don’t know what’s happened to you, but I’m tired of tiptoeing around this for your benefit. You can’t destroy Vivian, but you’ve come about as close as it gets, and if you don’t fix it, I will never forgive you. We are a family, Daniel. You promised you would always protect us.”

  “What do you think I’m doing?” I asked, running a hand through my hair.

  “Being a fucking idiot.” My mouth dropped open in surprise when she swore. “Vivian taught me there’s a time and place for that word and believe me, this is it.” Her gaze was frosty as she looked up at me, putting a hand on her hip. “You can lie to yourself. You can keep lying to me. But you love her. She is your heart and soul. Your whole life. She’s had you since the first time you saw her—”

  “Stop. Just stop,” I commanded, holding up a hand.

  “No. That’s the problem. We’re letting you behave this way, and I won’t any longer. You’re splitting up the troops, and you know it’s a tactical error.” She was speaking in a language I understood, and I admired her fight, but the most sacred rule was simple: know your enemy, know yourself.

  She didn’t know the enemy. I had to fight this battle alone. “This is how it has to be.”

  Disappointment filled her eyes, and she laughed bitterly. “This is how you choose for it to be. If you can look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love her, I’ll let it go.”

  I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.

  “You can’t do it.”

  I gave the slightest shake of my head. “I don’t have the right to ask anything of you, but I need you to do this for me.”

  “I will always be grateful to you for saving my life. But you’ve broken my heart.” She touched her throat. “This is the first time I feel like I don’t belong here. You gave me a home, and now you’ve taken it away.”

  She picked up the envelopes and walked out of the room. I stood there, at a loss. I’d counted on her being upset with me but never considered I might actually lose her.

  Maybe this was for the best. It wasn’t fair to make her stick around for what was coming.

  As soon as I was back upstairs in my empty apartment, I turned on “Black” by Pearl Jam. I had listened to it on repeat for days on end. As Eddie Vedder sang, the words sank into my soul.

  Visions of Vivian with someone else clouded my brain. Her smiles, her looks…all for another. Pain ripped through me, all of it playing over and over in my head as I imagined her being the sun in someone else’s sky.

  Why couldn’t it be me? Why couldn’t I take what I wanted? I’d always done it before, never let anything get in my way.

  But God, this woman deserved more than I could offer her, given what I had to do.

  The red light of the security system lit. Vivian. I cursed myself for the foolish thought, yet I couldn’t stop hoping.

  When Francisco Angelone appeared in my doorway, I straightened.

  “All that security you pay for is shit,” he said, striding across the hardwood floor of my study. He dropped into a chair across from my desk as if he’d done it a thousand times.

  “Get out.” I eased my finger to the trigger of the shotgun underneath my desk. A few times, I’d felt the piece was overkill. Vivian thought it was absurd, though she’d wanted to take it out for target practice. Now, I was grateful for my paranoia.

  “I haven’t heard from you. I’m assuming you have news for me.” Angelone crossed his legs, resting his ankle on the opposite knee.

  “Are you having financial problems? Can’t get your own deals? Is that why you came to me?” I smirked like I knew something he didn’t.

  The corner of his mouth twitched, the only sign of his irritation.

  “As I’ve stated, it’s time for you to pay your debt to me.” One shoulder lifted and lowered, his eyes indifferent. “For what you did, I’m letting you off easy. Take this deal, Elliott. It’s a no-brainer.”

  “I can’t let you in on a deal that doesn’t exist.” Denial was my only friend right now.

  Angelone shot to his feet and pounded on the edge of my desk. “You will cut me in, goddamn it!”

  Lazily, I lifted my eyes to his blazing ones. “I am not at your mercy.”

  His gaze narrowed on me. “We’ll see about that.”

  “I suggest you leave now.”

  “This isn’t finished.”

  “It most certainly is.”

  Palms flat on the center of my desk, he leaned forward until I caught the stench of stale cigars. I tightened my finger on the trigger of the gun.

  “Let me in, and I’ll make Donato’s mess go away.”

  I straightened. He had my attention. This was a deal I could take. Giving him half of the profit from the canary diamond was nothing if it solved my other problems. Except Vinny had stolen the goddamn thing and I had no room to negotiate.

  I flashed him an insincere smile. “No.”

  He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes as if he didn’t understand me. Angelone was certain he’d found a way to make me bend to his will, yet I’d refused.

  “You want to be head of the family,” he surmised, eyes glimmering with interest. “I’ll be damned. You’re going to let him sink.”

  “We both know it’s impossible for me to take over.”

  “Nothing is impossible.”

>   I leaned back in my chair. He was so far off base it was almost laughable, but I wouldn’t set him straight. Whatever rabbit trails he wanted to chase were fine as long as they were nowhere near the truth.

  “For the last time, get out of my house.”

  He reached in the front breast of his pocket and laid a piece of paper in front of me. I made no move and he unfolded it, smoothing down the crease.

  “Who is this?” I asked, though I knew exactly who was in the photograph.

  “Head of the FBI New York division.”

  “Never pictured you as sentimental. He the one that put you away?”

  “He owes me.” Angelone stabbed at the photograph with his index finger. “I can make Salvatore’s problem vanish like that.” He snapped his fingers in front of my face.

  I sniffed, my brows pinched together. “You can tell me anyone owes you. Doesn’t make it true.”

  “It’s true,” he insisted.

  “If it were, I’d think you’d want to save that trump card for yourself.”

  Angelone shrugged. My head spun. Who the hell was in control of the feds? The good guys or the bad?

  “I wish I could say it’s been a pleasure getting reacquainted, but I’ve never been much of a liar.”

  “You’re a fool,” Angelone spat at me.

  “And you’re a desperate, desperate man.”

  He shook his fist at me. “I’m sending you straight to hell, Elliott.”

  “I’m already there,” I said honestly.

  With a final glare, he shoved off the desk and stalked to the exit. I watched the monitors to make sure he left. Then I leaned back in my chair, relishing the feel of holding power over someone else, though it was hollow. Perhaps I shouldn’t have provoked him, but he’d enjoyed every second of fucking with me when I was fifteen. I was more than happy to return the favor.

  My phone danced across my desk. Damn me for hoping it was Vivian again.

  “It’s tomorrow. My inside guy can’t stop it.”

  “What do you need from me?” I asked, my stomach clenching at Donato’s news. I rummaged in my desk for an antacid, though I knew it was useless.

  “He tried to get the charges lessened, but it’s felony murder.” Donato’s inflection was no different than any other time he spoke. His calm did nothing to settle me.

  “I thought there’d be more time,” I mused, more to myself than him.

  “Valentina will have something for you. Come by tomorrow,” he commanded.

  “How’s she taking it?”

  “Prison is a possibility that’s always on the table.” In other words, his wife was handling it just as he was. Tough and with dignity.

  “I’ll come by,” I promised. “If I come up with something to get you off, who do I need to call?”

  “Stay away from this, Daniel,” he warned. “Don’t come see me. I won’t have you anywhere near this.”

  “I’m not going to sit here and do nothing while you rot on my behalf,” I grated out.

  “Not your decision,” he replied stubbornly.

  “I need a name.”

  Donato inhaled sharply. “Joe Alvarez,” he finally relented on a sigh.

  “I’ll get you out of this,” I vowed. And I would. I owed it to Donato. I just thought I’d have more time before I had to pay up.

  29

  Vivian

  Eight Years Earlier

  Daniel loaded up the back of the SUV with our luggage while I did a final sweep of the condo to make sure we hadn’t left anything behind. He was just closing the hatch when I came out the front door.

  “I’m going to miss this place,” I said, looking back at the structure with longing as he held open my car door for me.

  “I enjoyed it myself,” he said before securing me inside. I smirked to myself thinking of his kisses last night after we’d returned. He’d enjoyed more than the condo. We both had.

  I dropped my purse on the floorboard and buckled my seatbelt while he jogged around to his side. “It’s a big day,” he said when he’d slid into the driver’s seat.

  “Christmas Eve,” I all but shrieked, and he gave me a taken aback look. “It’s my favorite day of the year.”

  “Why?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. I just always liked it.”

  “Better than Christmas?” he asked incredulously.

  “Better than Christmas,” I confirmed. “I think it’s the anticipation.”

  Daniel seemed to soak in that nugget of information and then reached for my purse, rummaging through it until he produced the Madonna CD.

  “Are you feeling all right?” I asked, holding my hand to his forehead as if testing his temperature.

  He popped the disc into the player. “Should I go back to being an asshole? I’m very good at that.”

  “You’re going to have a hard time selling me on that one, Princess,” I said, eliciting his knee-jerk shake of the head.

  “You ready?” he asked, seeming almost as excited as I felt. I loved this animated side of him, and I was bound and determined to figure out how to keep him that way most of the time.

  “Let’s go.” I fist-pumped the air, making him laugh as he backed out. “Goodbye, Queenstown. But not forever.” I waved to the lake and the town as we passed through, resuming our journey.

  It was mid-afternoon when I saw it: my mountain, up ahead in all its glory. The sky was overcast, but it didn’t ruin the view. I grabbed the picture from my purse, unfolded it, and held it up to the windshield. A perfect match.

  “Stop the car,” I commanded and then added, “Please.”

  Daniel pulled over, and I leapt out, rushing around to the front of the car. I clicked picture after picture while Daniel leaned against the hood, one leg crossed in front of the other, his aviator sunglasses shielding his eyes.

  “It’s magnificent. So much better in person,” I said. “Will you take my picture, please?” I held out the camera and he took it, our fingers brushing during the exchange.

  I posed, and he played photographer. “Take off your sunglasses,” he said.

  I flagged down an approaching car, and it rolled to a stop behind us. A man in jeans, a T-shirt, and a baseball cap climbed out.

  “You having a bit of car trouble?” he asked, appearing friendly enough.

  “I’m sorry to trouble you, but would you mind taking our picture?” I gave him my super bright smile, and he beamed back.

  “Sure. You two on holiday?”

  “We are. Thanks so much for doing this,” I said, taking Daniel’s sunglasses off. He slipped an arm around me, and I leaned into him, sneaking my arm around his waist.

  “On three,” the stranger said, holding up his fingers as he counted. He took several pictures, and on the last shot, Daniel kissed my cheek, making me laugh with delight.

  The stranger went on his way, and I climbed up on the hood of the car, letting my feet dangle off the front. “Mind if we stay a while?” I asked.

  “This is what we came for, right?”

  The front end of the car dipped when he joined me, our knees touching as we took it in. I couldn’t believe it. There were thousands of mountains all over the Earth, and this one probably wasn’t even the most spectacular, but I was in awe. It was my mountain. I was grateful to be in its presence. I’d looked at that picture day after day for so long that actually being here in the flesh was just surreal.

  “Thank you.” I didn’t take my eyes away from the snow-capped peak. My hand found its way to Daniel’s thigh.

  “You’re welcome.” He placed his hand on top of mine.

  “Not just for this.” I motioned at the mountain. “But for all of it. I—I—” I glanced at our joined hands. “This means so much to me. Being here. What you’ve done…I won’t forget that, Daniel.”

  “I did this for you, but I think I’m the one getting the most out of it.” He squeezed my hand.

  Time seemed to freeze as we sat there, soaking in the moment, reflecting on somethi
ng that was bigger than both of us. I felt small, like I’d somehow been lucky enough to get a spot, no matter how long or short, on this planet we called home. Even if I accomplished everything I set out to do in life, it wouldn’t compare to this.

  “I’m ready,” I said, hopping down off of the car, feeling somehow cleansed.

  When he was on the ground next to me, I jumped him and he caught me, my limbs going around his neck and waist. His mouth on mine sent a jolt rocketing through me so I felt it in my toes. We groaned at the same time, and I dove my hands into his hair, tugging while holding him in place.

  Daniel slipped his tongue in my mouth, the sparring between us no longer verbal, but physical, as if our mouths had been waiting for this chance since we’d met. A car blared its horn as it passed, but I was lost. Daniel captured my mouth like it belonged to him, explored it as if he’d never have another chance. I was so hot, my body a flame that burned just for him. I wanted to mark every inch of him. I’d never wanted anyone to be mine, and I certainly hadn’t wanted to belong to anyone. I’d had no idea feelings like this could be conveyed through a kiss. When we finally broke for air, we looked at one another.

  “Fucking hell,” he murmured in wonder, looking as dazed as I felt.

  And then I wanted his mouth once more, another taste of the raw passion between us. Sweet Mother Mary of all things holy—now I completely understood addiction, obsession, and sheer madness. He made me feel all those things with that gorgeous mouth. I licked, nipped, and grazed, out of control and powerless to stop. Daniel used his tongue and teeth expertly, eliciting sounds from me I’d have sworn were made by someone else. I bit his lower lip and he groaned, didn’t hold back or try to play it cool.

  “If I had known this is what that mountain would do to you, we’d have flown straight here,” Daniel said against my lips.

  “It has nothing to do with the mountain.”

  I was telling the truth. He did this to me. I wasn’t going to deny it.

  “Kiss me like that again, and I won’t be held responsible for what I do after that,” he warned, eyes sparkling with wicked delight.