janet maple 05 - it doesnt pay to be bad

by Marie Astor

  “I know you are,” Ham agreed. “That’s what Tina is here for. From now on, if you’re working undercover, I want you to take Tina along. And that’s not all—we could all learn from her. She’s going to teach us all a few basic self-defense moves today at 4 p.m. It’s going to be a bi-weekly class. Put it on your calendar.”

  “I believe I have something on my calendar—” Dennis began.

  “Then I want you to cancel it,” Ham said firmly. “Tina’s great at what she does—she’s won enough trophies at martial arts tournaments to fill this room. Going forward, whenever you’re going undercover, I want Tina to shadow you. Is that clear?”

  “Crystal,” Dennis said sourly.

  “Great. Now, back to work everyone.” Ham turned to leave.

  “Dennis, Janet let’s go into the conference room and I’ll walk you through the cases we’ve been working on,” Laskin said, grabbing a stack of folders.

  “Good thinking. A team meeting is a very good idea to get everyone on the same page,” Dennis said authoritatively, moving for the door.

  “Great idea.” Janet could barely keep a straight face looking at Dennis. There was nothing worse than a man’s wounded ego. She couldn’t agree more with Ham’s call to hire Tina, although she did think that he could’ve been a little bit more diplomatic about it. But that was their boss—he didn’t beat around the bush and most of the time they loved him for it.

  “You’re invited too, Tina,” Janet called over her shoulder, seeing Tina lagging behind hesitantly, “it’s a team meeting and you’re part of our team now.

  Chapter 4

  At ten minutes to four Janet finished typing her memo and logged off her computer. She eyed Dennis pointedly while he avoided eye contact, banging away on his keyboard.

  “Let’s go.” Janet got up from her seat. “We don’t want to be late.”

  “Late for what?” Dennis muttered over his shoulder.

  “We have a self-defense class at four, remember?”

  “Oh, shoot, I forgot about that. Can you tell Ham I’m tied up? I’m right in the middle of an analysis for a new case. I don’t want to lose my train of thought.”

  Janet walked up to his desk and placed her hands on her hips. “Nice try, but you’re not fooling anyone. I can see your computer screen—you’re just typing gibberish to look busy.”

  He swiveled around on his chair. “Okay, you got me. I couldn’t concentrate all day because I’m all riled up. Ham is being a real pain in the—”

  Janet raised her hand in warning, reminding Dennis he was talking about their boss.

  “Ham’s being a real pain,” Dennis continued. “We don’t need a bodyguard here. And we definitely don’t need a woman bodyguard.”

  Janet frowned. “Oh really? So you don’t think a woman could do a job as well as a man?”

  Dennis waved her away. “That’s not what I meant and you know it. You’re great at your job.”

  “Thank you for that.”

  “I don’t need some girl showing me how to fight. I can hold my own in a fight. It’s downright embarrassing.”

  In case you’ve forgotten, you got your behind handed to you by a woman not so long ago, Janet wanted to say, but she thought it better to hold her tongue. “Tina is a martial arts expert. I talked to her during lunch. And by the way, it was really rude of you not to come.” Peter and Janet had taken Tina out to a nearby Chinese restaurant they often frequented for lunch, but Dennis had declined, saying he had too much work on his desk.

  “I have work to do,” Dennis muttered.

  “So do we. But that doesn’t mean we can’t be social. Like it or not, Ham’s hired Tina. She’s part of our team now. And she’s smart too—instead of snubbing her, you might want to delegate some of your work to her.”

  “She’s a martial arts expert. What does she know about investigative work?”

  “She has a PI license. And like I said, she’s smart. I just asked her to help out with data gathering for one of the cases.”

  “Good luck with that,” Dennis grunted. “Anyway, I’m not going to this circus. If Ham doesn’t like it, he can fire me. Let Tina do all the work if she’s so good.” Dennis crossed his hands on his chest and swiveled his chair, turning his back to Janet.

  Janet sighed in exasperation, wondering how on earth she was going to explain this to Ham. She’d never seen Dennis act this way—Ham must’ve really hit a nerve when he brought up Dennis’s kidnapping.

  Just then there was a knock on the door and their boss appeared in the doorway. “Janet, Dennis, the martial arts training is about to start. Don’t be late.” Ham tapped his watch pointedly. “I’m going to the conference room now. I’ll see you both there.”

  “We’re on our way,” Janet assured him. “We were just finishing up.” Janet waited for Ham to walk down the hallway. “You’ve heard the boss. Let’s go,” she said to Dennis, tugging at his arm.

  “I’m not going,” Dennis said adamantly.

  “Are you guys coming?” Peter Laskin had walked into the office without either of them noticing. “I’m really excited about this.” Laskin looked like a kid on the first day of school. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “It’s kind of embarrassing to admit, but I got beaten up a lot as a kid—”

  “That’s a shocker,” Dennis muttered.

  “It’s the jetlag—don’t mind him,” Janet apologized to Laskin.

  Laskin shrugged. “I don’t mind. I know I’m no super hero.” He pointed at his scrawny frame. “But it’ll be nice to get some pointers to know what to do in a fight.”

  “Make sure to take good notes,” Dennis piped in.

  “Enough already.” Janet tugged at Dennis’s sleeve. “Let’s go. Last time I checked we can’t afford for you to get fired.”

  Dennis got up. “I’m only doing this for you,” he said grudgingly.

  Laskin grabbed a notepad from Dennis’s desk. “You forgot your notepad. You’ll need it to take notes.”

  Dennis’s frown disappeared as he broke out into laughter. “I guess I earned that one. I love you too, man.”

  It was exactly four p.m. when Janet, Dennis, and Peter filed into the conference room. The large table that normally occupied the center of the room had been pushed against the wall, with the chairs being placed along the other wall, leaving ample space for a demonstration. A large rubber mat had been placed on the floor. Ham Kirk and Anne Waters were already there. Tina was seated next to them. Janet saw Ham check his watch as they walked in, and she was glad that they were on time.

  “What’s Anne doing in here?” Dennis whispered into Janet’s ear. “Is she planning to become a martial arts expert also?”

  “Shoosh,” Janet muttered, barely able to keep a straight face as they quickly took their seats.

  Ham got up from his chair. “If we could have everyone’s attention, please,” Ham said loudly, casting a side glance at Dennis. “You’ve all met Tina, but I would also like to say a few words of introduction. At times, our work here at Kirk & Associates turns dangerous as we deal with the less desirable elements of society. As such, we need to be able to defend ourselves when situations turn physical. I am very happy to have Tina on board. Not only is she a martial arts expert, but she’s also a self-defense instructor. Furthermore, she recently obtained her PI license. We are truly lucky to have her and I expect all of you to make her feel welcome.” Ham paused and threw a brief, but pointed glance at Dennis. “Tina, over to you.”

  “Thank you, Ham.” Tina got up from her seat and walked up to the head of the room. Her face was slightly flushed, as she clasped her hands together. “Thank you all for coming.”

  “It’s not like we had a choice,” Dennis muttered into Janet’s ear and she kicked his foot with her heel, hoping Ham wouldn’t notice.

  “It’s truly an honor to be working here,” Tina continued, ignoring Dennis’s snickering. “I’m looking forward to getting to know all of you and learning more about the work that you do.” She paus
ed to take a breath. “Today, I’m going to be showing you a few basic self-defense moves that are good to know should you ever face an attack. I see you’re all dressed in office attire, but you needn’t worry about changing—I’ll keep it really simple. And it will make it more realistic, since that’s the kind of clothing you’re most likely to be wearing during an actual attack, which I hope will never happen.”

  “Hence this whole training is a waste of time,” Dennis buzzed into Janet’s ear and she kicked his foot again. This was going to be a long one.

  “I’m going to need a volunteer,” Tina said. “Don’t worry. I’m not here to embarrass anyone.”

  “I’ll do it.” Laskin got up from his seat before anyone could say a word.

  “Great, thanks Peter.” Tina smiled at him as Laskin stood next to her, his hands hanging by his sides. “Okay, let’s assume the most basic position where your back is to the attacker. So, stand behind me and try to attack me.”

  “I’m not sure how,” Laskin said quietly. “I can’t think of attacking anyone, especially a woman.”

  Tina smiled patiently. “I know. I can tell you’re a real gentleman. But for the purpose of this exercise, let’s pretend I’m about to get into my car and you’re trying to rob me in a parking lot. Put your hand on my shoulder and try to throw me off balance.

  Laskin took a hesitant step toward Tina.

  “Don’t worry. I promise not to embarrass you,” she reassured him.

  “This is going to be good,” Dennis whispered into Janet’s ear, rubbing his hands together.

  “You might want to pay attention,” Janet hissed back.

  “I’d like to apologize in advance for doing anything wrong,” Laskin said, taking another step towards Tina.

  “Don’t worry about making mistakes, Peter. I’m here to teach you,” Tina reassured him.

  Laskin put a timid hand on Tina’s shoulder. “You can push harder than that, Peter,” she urged him.

  Laskin pressed a little harder, trying to swivel Tina around. “You can counter any attack by using the attacker’s weight against him,” Tina said evenly. Then, she grabbed Laskin’s arm and showed how with a few simple, precise moves she could destabilize the attacker and throw him over her shoulder.

  “Wow,” was all Laskin could say.

  “Are you ready to try it for real?” Tina asked.

  “Oh yes.” Laskin got into position.

  He grabbed Tina’s shoulders and in a matter of a few blazing moves she threw him over her shoulder, landing him smack in the middle of the mat.

  “Are you okay, Peter?” she asked, offering him her hand to get up.

  “I’m fine. Wow, you’re good,” Laskin panted, getting up. “Can we go again?”

  “Sure. But this time I’m going to attack you and you’re going to repeat the moves that I just showed you.”

  Tina switched places with Laskin.

  “I’m not sure I got it all,” he said.

  “That’s okay. I’ll go slow.”

  Tina placed her hand on Laskin’s shoulder. He tried to repeat her moves, but couldn’t quite get her over his shoulder.

  “You almost got it. You’re doing really great for a first time,” she encouraged him.

  “I’m starting to get the gist of it,” Laskin said cheerfully. “I just need more practice.”

  “Would anyone else like to try?” Tina asked.

  Anne was about to raise her hand, but Ham beat her to it. “Dennis, why don’t you go next?”

  Dennis got up from his seat. “I’d love to.”

  He walked up to Tina. “But I must warn you—I’m in far better shape than our friend Peter here.”

  “I’m glad to hear it.” Tina smiled. “My job is to help you get even better. This time I’m going to demonstrate how to fend off an attacker from the front.” She stood facing Dennis. “Try and pull my arm to get me off balance.”

  “Do we really have to do this?” Dennis asked. “I’m worried I might inadvertently hurt you.”

  “Don’t worry. I can take a punch,” Tina said briskly.

  “I apologize in advance if I miscalculate my strength.” Dennis took a step towards Tina, but instead of attacking her from the front, as she had instructed, he pushed her from the side. His plan had been to land her on the floor, but she was quicker than lightning as she struck his chest with her forearm and then followed up with a swift kick, knocking him off balance and landing him prostrate smack in the middle of the mat.

  “Excellent work,” Dennis said, lying breathless on the mat.

  “Are you okay?” she asked as she offered her hand to help him get up.

  “Never better.” Dennis got up to his feet and dusted his slacks. “Thank you—that was exactly the effect I was aiming for. Hopefully our colleagues got all the moves.”

  “It’d be helpful to see it again,” Laskin called out. “I didn’t quite get Tina’s moves—especially that last part where Dennis landed on the floor.”

  Dennis flushed, casting a side glance at Laskin. He opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by Ham.

  “That’s enough for today. The hour we had allocated for the training is almost over. Time flies when you’re having a good time,” Ham said jovially. “Thank you, Tina for a very instructive demonstration. It’s clear we all have our work cut out for us.”

  “But I didn’t get to try and neither did Janet. It all looked so dynamic,” Anne Waters sounded disappointed. “I sure would like to learn to punch like that.”

  “You can try next time, Anne,” Ham said. “But please, be careful.”

  “Don’t worry, Anne. I’ll give you some moves to practice at home, so you’ll be better prepared for our next class,” Tina said.

  “I can’t wait,” Anne said excitedly.

  “Excellent work, everybody. Thank you all for your participation.” Ham headed for the door.

  Laskin and Anne swarmed around Tina, peppering her with questions, while Dennis hung around, feigning interest. Janet saw him watch Ham’s back keenly. Once Ham was out the door, Dennis waited a few more moments and then excused himself and bolted out of the room. Janet stayed behind, thinking Dennis might need a few moments to himself.

  Half an hour later everyone finally ran out of questions for Tina, and Janet headed back to her desk.

  “That was something, huh?” Laskin said excitedly as he caught up with Janet in the hallway.

  “It was.”

  “Tina sure whooped Dennis’s butt.” Laskin chuckled. “It’s going to get interesting at the office.”

  Janet suppressed a smile. “I just hope Dennis will let it go. We have too much on our plates for him to waste time on an office war.”

  “I’m sure Dennis won’t let it bother him,” Laskin said in a tone that implied the complete opposite. “Vanity isn’t one of his flaws,” he added with a wink.

  “Good night, Peter,” Janet said firmly, not wanting to encourage Laskin’s sarcasm any further. “Go home and practice your self-defense moves. Say hello to Aileen for me. How’s she feeling?” Laskin’s wife, Aileen, was pregnant with twins—a boy and a girl.

  “Oh, Aileen’s feeling great. We’ve been so lucky. She’s all about decorating now—getting the room ready and shopping for the cutest little outfits.” Laskin’s expression melted into a happy smile. “That’s one of the reasons I’m so excited about the self-defense training. Now that I’m going to be a father, I want to be able to defend my family, should anything happen.”

  “I’m sure you’ll be great at it. You were wonderful today.”

  “No, I wasn’t. But I’m going to keep at it. Good night, Janet. Tell Dennis to lighten up,” Laskin added, heading into his office.

  Janet slowly opened the door to the office that she now shared with Dennis. Right now, having separate offices would’ve come in handy—she could’ve just stayed away and let Dennis simmer down in peace.

  “All ready to go?” Dennis asked, his jacket in hand.

>   “Almost.” Janet eyed her desk, happy to see that Dennis had buried the hatchet for now.

  “Come on, we’ve worked hard enough for our first day back. LaVerne awaits. We have a table at six thirty.”

  “You got us a reservation?”

  “Aha.” Dennis rocked back on his heels, visibly pleased with himself. “And if we move at a reasonable pace, we’ll have time for a drink, which I must say I’m in dire need of after today’s spectacle.”

  “Let’s go.” Janet grabbed her purse—so much for her hopes of Dennis getting over his feud with Tina.

  Just then there was a knock on the door and Tina appeared in the doorway.

  “Not her again,” Dennis muttered under his breath with a groan.

  “I’m sorry to interrupt—” Tina lingered in the doorway. “I see you’re getting ready to leave, but I was hoping I could have a word with Dennis? It will only take a few minutes.”

  “I’ll wait for you downstairs.” Janet moved for the door.

  “No need for you to leave, Janet. I’m sure Tina won’t mind if you stay, being that we all work together,” Dennis added. “Right, Tina? Now, what is it you have to ask me? If you could make it quick please, as we have a dinner reservation.”

  “I just wanted to apologize for earlier. I didn’t mean to knock you down on the floor like that. You surprised me by coming from the side instead of the front and it was a muscle reflex on my part.”

  “That’s okay. Everyone seemed to enjoy it,” Dennis said tartly.

  Tina shifted on her feet. “Look, I’m sorry I pushed you a little too hard, but you didn’t follow the instructions. You could’ve gotten us both injured. I don’t know what your problem is with me, but I’m here to help, not fight. I thought working here was going to be fun, but if it means dealing with your attitude day in and day out, I’m out. I’ll give Ham my resignation right now. So, here, you can be pleased with yourself—you got me to quit.”

  “Tina, wait.” Janet stepped in. “Dennis, don’t you think that’s enough? We shouldn’t be fighting with each other. The real enemy is out there and it’s our job to catch them.”