Logan drove for about twenty minutes on the main highway before taking a detour down a dirt road. Channing scanned his surroundings, seeing no signs of civilization. Billowy clouds of dust flew up outside his window, making him wonder what in the world there was to do out in the middle of nowhere. Coming to a stop at the end of the road, Logan killed the engine and unfastened his seatbelt.
“What are we doing?” Channing asked as he took in the beautiful desert landscape that was lit only by the light of the full moon.
Logan reached in the back seat and grabbed a couple of blankets, and placed his hand on the door handle.
“Come on.” He motioned with his head as he opened his door.
Channing shrugged and stepped out. Walking around to the back of the truck, he watched as Logan lowered the tailgate and hopped up onto the bed. He then spread out one of the blankets and set the other one aside.
Extending his hand down to Channing, he waited. “Hop up.”
Channing took his hand, and Logan pulled him onto the truck bed.
“What are we doing?” Channing asked again as Logan laid down, pulling Channing down with him.
“Stargazing.” Logan grabbed the other blanket and pulled it over them.
“Cool! I love star gazing.”
Channing remembered him and Tommy taking his telescope out in the pasture by his house when they were kids, playing a game they made up called ‘Name the Constellation.’ The loser had to do whatever the other told them to do for a day, which usually meant the winner putting the loser in the most embarrassing situations possible. Channing cozied up next to his boyfriend, lifting Logan’s arm and putting it around his neck. He gazed upwards as billions of bright tiny specks sparkled in the sky.
“That’s the Big Dipper.” Logan pointed up as a slight breeze whispered through the valley.
“That’s the Little Dipper.” Channing pointed before snuggling as closely to Logan as possible.
A few moments later, Channing slipped his hand up Logan’s shirt and began rubbing his chest. He loved the feeling of the manly hair beneath his fingers. Logan turned his head towards Channing and kissed his lips gently at first, but became aggressive quickly. Soon their breathing intensified. Channing slid his hand down until it reached the waistband of Logan’s jeans. With a bit of force, he worked it under waistband until he held Logan in his hand. He wrapped his hand around Logan, causing him to gasp as he began moving his hand up and down.
“Oh, God, Chan.” Logan gasped between short breaths.
Channing’s mind filled desire and thoughts he’d never acted out. It was his first time to ever touch another guy in such a way. The feelings of desire overwhelmed his senses as he watched Logan’s face twist up in pleasure. Logan could feel himself building fast and grabbed Channing’s hand to stop him. He gently pulled it away and sat up. Throwing the blanket aside, he lifted Channing’s shirt over his head before removing his own.
Channing felt the cool night air hit his naked torso as Logan leaned down and began kissing his chest, working his way lower and lower. Reaching Channing’s navel, Logan raised his head and smiled as if asking his permission to proceed. At first, Channing felt a momentary twinge of nervousness at the prospect of Logan seeing everything up close but realized that so far nothing about his body had diminished Logan’s desire for him. He put his arms behind his head and gave him an encouraging smile. Logan proceeded to unbutton Channing’s jeans and pulled down his zipper. Pulling back his underwear, Logan leaned down and took a ready Channing into his mouth.
“Oh, God, Logan!” Channing felt the heat from Logan’s mouth as he arched his back. Immediately he felt himself climaxing. No! Not yet! He screamed for his body to stop, but his hormone-filled, fourteen-year-old body had a mind on its own. “I’m—”
He couldn’t stop himself from spilling forth, nor could he keep Logan from taking all of him, though he wouldn’t have wanted to stop him.
A few moments later, Logan pulled off, raised up, wiped his mouth, and smiled down at Channing. “Um…I wasn’t expecting that.” He laughed.
Channing put his hand over his face to hide his embarrassment. He had never had such a problem as an adult.
“Oh, God Logan, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know it was going to happen—"
“It’s okay.” Logan pulled Channing’s hand away. “Don’t feel bad.” Logan glanced down at the crotch of his jeans then back up at a frowning Channing. “I jizzed my pants.”
“What?” Channing’s eyes bulged. “Just now?”
“No, when I felt…you know? In my mouth?” Logan shrugged as his face turned red.
Channing tried to be sympathetic, but a snort snuck out. He put one hand over his mouth to stop himself from laughing, concluding that having gay sex for the first time was a mind-blowing experience for both of them.
“I’m sorry—" He snorted again, this time clamping both hands over his mouth.
Logan laid back down and started chuckling. The chuckling finally turning into full-blown hysterical laughter for both of them. Soon, both boys were rolling around the bed of the truck, half-naked, their laughter filling the otherwise silent Arizona desert.
Chapter Twelve
Lounging on the bed in Cam’s room, and with nothing else to do, Cam and Channing found themselves watching old reruns of Mystery Science Theater 3000. The old comedy TV show where a janitor is trapped in a satellite orbiting Earth by mad scientists and forced to watch old B-movies with robot pals he built. Obviously, a ridiculous show—which equates to comedy gold for teenage boys. Cam and Channing found themselves discussing which character in the old television show was the best. Channing championed the merits of Crow T. Robot, to which Cam wholeheartedly agreed.
“Hands down,” Cam said. “You gotta go with Crow.”
Glancing out of the window along the side of the bed he occupied, Channing thoughtfully stared at the neighbor’s flashing Christmas lights. It wouldn’t be long before everyone was celebrating their chimneys being turned into Slip-N-Slides by the fat guy in a red suit, rosy cheeks, and eight tiny little reindeer who pulled his overburdened sleigh. Some people would look for any reason to throw a celebration. A home invasion was as good a reason as any, Channing supposed. Cam cleared his throat, pulling Channing from his thoughts.
“What time’s Logan get off work?” He asked.
“He’s on ‘til nine.” Channing sighed longingly, anxious to see his boyfriend. “Mr. Akron’s giving him all the extra hours he wants since it’s Christmas and all.”
Since Thanksgiving, Logan had been working at the small neighborhood grocery store as a stocker to earn some extra cash.
Cam nodded.
Channing’s thoughts returned to Christmas as he looked at his son lying next to him. While he had left his life as Brandon Daniels behind and rarely thought about his former life, the holidays made him feel nostalgic for the few good times he had in that life. His mind slipped back in time to Cam’s little face lighting up on Christmas morning as his eyes fell on what Jolly Old Saint Nick had pulled from his big red bag.
“You are coming to my house for Christmas, aren’t you?” Channing asked.
“I don’t know.” The thought of the empty chair at the end of the table where his father used to sit filled Cam with sadness. “Mom wants us to drive down to Tucson and spend the day with her family.”
Channing’s heart sank. “Dude. You can’t miss Christmas.” The thought of his first Christmas without Cam there made him want to lock himself in his bedroom and not come out until New Year’s. “Dad’s wanting to try out the turkey fryer he bought on Black Friday.”
“Uncle Tommy with a deep fryer. Now that should be fun.” YouTube videos of Butterballs on fire and hot grease exploding from giant pots ran through Cam’s head.
“I know, right?” Channing laughed.
Cam’s attention was diverted by the rogue robot on TV pulling the siding off a house. Crow quipped “Habitat Against Humanity.” Cam burst out laughing. Channing faked a la
ugh as he thought of the unopened gifts lying under the tree, unclaimed after the carnage of Christmas paper was cleared.
“So, you’re coming, aren’t you?” A possible ‘No’ being the cause of his own Hard Candy Christmas.
“I don’t know, man.” Cam shrugged. “I don’t think I can handle being at Tommy and Kathy’s without Dad there.”
Channing was taken aback. Cam rarely mentioned his father anymore, and for him to make that statement seemingly out of the blue, took him by surprise. Maybe Cam is thinking of the same memories of Christmas that I am, he wondered.
Channing’s mind scrambled for ideas that might entice Cam to stay in Phoenix.
“We’re going to watch Christmas Vacation after dinner. Corb and Logan are coming over, too.” Channing offered, hoping his son couldn’t resist his favorite Christmas movie and a Burkhart/Daniels Christmas Day tradition.
The image of Tommy dressed in his boxers and bathrobe, holding a beer and burping ‘the shitter is full’ popped in Cam’s head.
“Uncle Tommy does do a great Cousin Eddie.” Cam laughed.
“I can’t wait to see it.” Channing lied, recalling Tommy’s childlike glee when he opened the ‘Cousin Eddie Trooper Hat’ he gave him for Christmas the previous year.
“So, what do you want for Christmas?” Channing had been wracking his brain on what to get Cam for at least a week, his possible choices being an Apple Watch, or a pair of Airpods.
“Haven’t really thought much about Christmas this year.” Cam lied. He’d been dreading this Christmas since he saw Mr. Green next door staking the inflatable Santa and Reindeers to his front lawn.
“Besides, Christmas is for kids anyway.”
“I suppose.” Channing shrugged.
Cam’s mind continued weaving through his childhood Christmas memories. One particular memory stood out from the rest.
“What are you smiling about?” Channing elbowed him.
“Oh. I just thinking about one Christmas when I was little.” He was pretty sure he was four because that was the year his father was gone a lot on business.
Channing’s mind shot immediately to the Christmas he almost missed his flight home from that horrible on-site software installation in Denver.
“What happened?” Channing asked.
“So, when I was little, I had these DVDs of this show called Farmer Troy. It was basically videos of this farmer dude and his animals. There was this one episode I was obsessed with called Farmer Troy Builds a Pig Pen.”
Channing knew immediately that the memory that had come to mind was the one that Cam had thought of, too. He recalled frantically searching the airport gift shop for a toy to surprise his son with. Just when he was about to give up finding the perfect gift, a light from the heavens above shined down on a cellophane-wrapped box with a farmer on a red tractor pulling a trailer full of smiling farm animals. Little did he know; it would become his educational video hell of forced repeated viewings.
Channing chuckled.
"Anyway,” Cam continued, “for Christmas that year, I asked Santa for—"
“A pig?” Channing shouted as he played the role of the unknowing friend once again.
“No.” Cam paused for the dramatic effect. “A pair of post-hole diggers.”
“Post-hole diggers? What the hell?” Channing burst out laughing as he remembered the Mall Santa sharing the ridiculous gift request with him and Marcia, the underpaid old man in the hot suit chuckling that Cam made his day.
Cam laughed. “I was going to dig me some holes!”
“Oh, God!” Channing grabbed his chest. “Did you get ‘em?”
“Yep, sure did.” Cam nodded.
Channing recalled the look of pure elation on his son’s face when he raced into the living room Christmas morning and saw the gardening tool leaning against the tree with a big red bow on the handle.
“I made Dad take me outside before I opened another present.” Cam laughed uncontrollably. “We dug up the whole fucking back yard!”
“Stop, dude!” Channing recalled the look of sheer terror on Marcia’s face when she opened the back door two hours later and saw her perfectly manicured lawn looking like a World War I battlefield.
“Oh, my God! Mom almost shit a brick!” Cam’s eyes ballooned in an exaggerated impression of his mother.
Channing rolled over, not realizing he was near the edge of the bed.
Cam saw Channing’s eyes bulge, then a loud thump echoed from the opposite side of the bed.
“Dude. You okay?” Cam asked before hearing the word ‘ouch,’ followed by more laughing.
“Yeah!” Channing replied as he pulled himself back onto the bed. “Your mom seems kind of like a buzzkill.” He laid back down next to Cam.
“She is. Dad was way more fun. Dad and I used to gang up on her. We pulled some pretty good pranks.”
“Seriously?” Channing remembered the day he and Cam convinced her they were getting two goats as an environmentally friendly alternative to a mower. They’d keep them tethered to a tree that would limit their grazing range to the front lawn. They had even chosen the names for the goats: Billy and Joel. Marcia swore she’d move if they followed through with their plan. Looking back, he wished he’d sold the lawnmower.
“Oh yeah, she’d get so mad at us sometimes.”
“I bet.” Channing grabbed the remote and hit the commercial skip button. The tail end of the Gary’s automotive commercial ended, and the shadows of three figures sat ready to rip the bad fifties sci-fi movie once again. Channing and Cam focused their attention on the screen.
“Hey.” Cam broke the silence a few minutes later.
“Hey.” Channing stayed focused on the screen.
“Can I tell you something I’ve never told anyone?”
“Sure.” Channing watched as the scientist fired the ray gun at his robotic creation.
Cam turned his head towards Channing. “Dad used to do a lot of contract work back then and traveled a lot. Sometimes he’d be gone for a week or two at a time. Being a little kid, it really sucked.”
Channing nodded.
“One night I started crying. I missed him so bad.” His voice quivered slightly. “I begged Mom to let me call him, but she said it was too late and he’d be asleep. I was lying in bed and staring at the ceiling, wondering why he had to be gone all the time, and started crying again. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore, so I got up and went to his office, took a photo of me and him together off his desk. I took it to my room, crawled back into bed, and stuffed it under my pillow.”
Channing’s eyes swam with tears.
“I know it sounds stupid.” He shrugged and looked at Channing. “But it made me feel like he was kinda with me, then it wasn’t so bad, you know?” Cam struggled to hold it together. “I miss him, Chan. I miss him a lot more than I let anyone know. What I want for Christmas the most is my dad back.”
“Oh, Cam.” Channing stared into his son’s eyes, seeing that his pain ran deeper than he ever realized.
What kind of father am I to make him suffer this pain? Tears streamed down his face.
“Cam…“ Channing cried. “I…” He tried to speak, the words getting lodge in his throat.
“Chan? What’s wrong?” Cam looked at him, confused.
“I can’t do this, Cam.” He shook his head.
For the first time, Channing felt the overwhelming guilt over keeping his identity hidden from his son. Why should he have to live the rest of his life thinking his father killed himself? He asked himself.
“Can’t do what?” Cam asked, not understanding why his friend was so upset.
Channing looked away, not sure how he was going to tell his son at this point. So much had happened since his regression. He wasn’t Brandon Daniels anymore, but Cam didn’t know that. He slowly turned his head back towards his son, resolved in what he was about to do.
“Why do you hang out with me, Cam?” He asked, his voice filled with sadness. “I’m just a fourt
een-year-old gay kid who’s a nobody, and you’re the senior starting quarterback and the most popular guy in school?”
“Why are you asking me this, Chan?” Cam looked confused.
“Just answer, please, Cam,” Channing begged.
I don’t know.” Cam shrugged. “I just feel…it’s hard to explain…it’s like I know you, and trust you for some reason.”
“Have you ever felt a connection between us that goes beyond friends?” Channing stared into his son’s eyes, hoping his son felt the connection as strong as he did.
Cam looked at him, confused. “I don’t understand what you mean?”
“You told me one time that you felt like your father was still with you, watching over you,” Channing said as a tear fell from his eye.
“Yeah?” Cam nodded, remembering the day Channing helped clear out his father’s house.
“He is, Cam. He has been all this time, and he’s right here.” Another tear fell from Channing’s eye, falling to the bed.
“Chan. I don’t understand. What are you saying?” Cam looked completely confused.
“Look at me, Cam. Look in here.” Channing pointed at his eyes.
Cam stopped speaking and stared into his friend’s eyes—unblinking and unmoving. The sound of the television seemed to slowly fade away as they stared at each other, Cam’s eyes searching. Suddenly Cam felt something familiar. Something about those eyes. Memories of those eyes smiling when he made his Daddy laugh, those eyes making him feel loved when Daddy kissed him goodnight, those eyes making him feel safe when Daddy told him he’d never let the monsters under his bed hurt his little Cam-Man. Those were the eyes of his…
“Dad?” Cam gasped.
Channing nodded gently. “Yeah, buddy.”
“Oh, God! Dad!” Cam’s eyes rolled back in his head, and he collapsed on the bed.
“Cam!” Channing sat up, put his hands on his son’s shoulders, and began shaking him. “Cam! Wake up!”
It took several moments for Cam to start coming around. “Whaa…”
Opening his eyes just wide enough to see Channing’s worried face looking down at his, Cam’s eyes suddenly went wide again as the information sank in. He stared at Channing in disbelief before finally speaking.
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