Gorgeous Gyno

by Karen Deen

We place my bags on the kitchen counter, and I turn around to pick Daisy up and kiss her in her neck and all over her face. She can’t stop giggling and squirming. Hannah is laughing at us being silly.

  “She is going to get too heavy soon for you to be able to lift her up like that.” Hannah starts to open the fridge to grab the wine we started last night. I stop with Daisy to let her know I’m not sure I should drink tonight.

  “What do you mean, no wine? Work is over for the day, what better way to relax before dinner?” Daisy is already over sitting at the little table I have set up in the corner for her. It has coloring books with pencils, books to read, and a few dolls. It was easier than her dragging everything over here when she spends time with me.

  “Today has been a shit show and I’m not convinced I shouldn’t go back and help with the function tonight. Might need to have a clear head, with only a moment’s notice.” I can see her looking at me with doubt.

  “Are you being a control freak, or did Fleur actually tell you she might need you? We both know you have trouble accepting that things can operate without you.” Hannah knows me too well.

  “We just fired our head manager, some of the staff are off sick, the speaker for the function cancelled and I had to replace him, and that’s not even the half of it. Tonight’s so important, we can’t afford for anything to go wrong,” I mumble as I fiddle with the mail that’s sitting on the counter.

  “What, and you don’t think Fleur can handle it? Did you sort all the problems out during the day?” she asks.

  “Of course Fleur can handle it on her own. That’s what we do, we run a tight ship. We both put out all the fires during the day. But …”

  “But what?” She glares at me, not prepared to let me off.

  “I just have this strange feeling I should be there tonight. Just in case. You know, so Fleur doesn’t have to carry all the stress. It’s a masquerade ball, and you know how things can get when people drink and they’re hiding behind a mask.” My mind wanders off to all the things I can picture going wrong. I’m already overthinking.

  “Oh, masks can be a lot of fun.” Hannah looks like she’s off thinking about another place.

  “Do I really want to know what you’re fantasizing about? Remember, there is a child in the room. Your child, actually.” Her blush and giggle tell me the answer.

  “Perhaps not.” She pulls herself out of her haze. “You know what your problem is? You don’t go out and let off steam and relax. You work too much.”

  “I have time off, and I go out and do things,” I protest.

  “Yes, with my five-year-old daughter as your date. I wouldn’t call that blowing off steam in the sense I’m talking about. Take it from a Navy wife. I know how wound up you can feel when it’s been too long. Nothing you do yourself can beat the real thing.”

  “Hannah,” I hiss quietly. “Daisy will hear you.”

  “She has no idea what I’m talking about, silly.” Hannah looks towards Daisy with her mother’s love shining through.

  “Daisy is one smart little girl. It won’t be long before she knows exactly what we’re saying and will be calling us out on it. I’m so not ready for that.” We both laugh together at the thought of sharing sex talk with our little munchkin.

  “Imagine Trent coping with his daughter’s impending love life. We might have to make sure he’s deployed for her whole teenage dating years.” I can see the longing in her eyes. Although she’s making a joke, she misses her husband terribly.

  “Yeah, ahh, good luck with that.”

  I fire up the Keurig just to change the conversation.

  “Look, all jokes aside. When was the last time you went on a proper date, that finished in, umm, dessert, shall we say?” Hannah is trying not to laugh at her own joke.

  I’m thinking back, and I know exactly when it was. I remember it because it was a disaster.

  “You know, you don’t need me to answer that. It wasn’t exactly something I’m proud of.”

  I put my hand over my eyes. It was a date that you never want to repeat. Nice guy, great company, good-looking, and a gentleman. The night was going well and then we went back to his place for a night cap. Things kept progressing nicely, and just as we were about to move to the bedroom, food poisoning hit us both. I spent the night sharing the toilet bowl with him, vomiting up our dinner. He tried to look after me, but he was just as sick. There was just no chance of a second date after spending the night watching each other spew in the toilet. Let’s just say we were both happy to pretend that night never happened, and neither of us bothered to get in contact.

  “That was a year ago, and you didn’t even get to dessert so that doesn’t count. When did you last have S – E – X, you know, like go all the way?” She’s laughing while thrusting her hips back and forwards. “You know, the rumba in the slumber.”

  “Mommy, what’s a rumba?” Daisy calls out.

  We both look at each other and start laughing. So much the tears are running down our cheeks.

  “I told you.” I point at Daisy. “Good luck with that.”

  After we pull ourselves together, Daisy is sitting there waiting for her answer. “It’s a dance, honey. One day when you are a big grown-up girl you will get to try it. When you are older than Mommy and Tilly, that is.”

  “But that’s like a hundred years away,” Daisy mumbles and both our egos deflate.

  Starting to prepare the coffees, Hannah shrieks.

  “Oh my god, I have a great idea.” I turn to her jumping up and down clapping.

  “Uh, are you okay, crazy lady? You’ve been spending too much time on your own with Daisy.” My forehead wrinkles looking at my friend carrying on like a child and wondering what the hell she’s talking about.

  “Why don’t you get dressed up as a guest and go to the function. You can wear a mask so none of your staff know it’s you. You can keep an eye on everything and then pick yourself out a hot-looking guy in a suit for a one-night stand. Perfect!” She grabs my hand and starts dragging me towards my bedroom before I even have a chance to answer her crazy outburst.

  “What the hell are you doing?” I ask as we stumble into my room.

  “We need to find a dress. Let’s see what you have.” Hannah starts flicking through my clothes.

  “Wait, what? I haven’t even said I’m going yet. You’re a lunatic, you know that. How will I even get in there without someone not knowing it’s me. I don’t have a ticket, and I can’t tell my staff to let me in, or what would be the point of the mask?” My head is trying to catch up with Hannah who seems to be running with her idea before I can even process what she said.

  “That’s easy. Didn’t you do the tickets? Surely you can print one out for yourself. Catch up, silly. Right, now what dresses do you have that might be appropriate. You know, hot, sexy, and showing off that body of yours.” I think Hannah is mistaken about who she’s talking to. Not sure I’m model material like she’s hinting at.

  “I don’t have one,” is all I can manage.

  “What! You attend all these functions and don’t have a gala event outfit?” She looks at me shocked.

  “Correction, I work at all these gala events. I’m not there as a guest. I’m dressed for work in a suit. When have you ever seen me dressed up like Cinderella?” I can tell what she’s thinking. “Yes, exactly. Never. Let’s just forget that plan, order pizza, and pass on the coffee. Crack open the wine and drown my sorrows over my poor dating life.”

  “Like hell we are. Let’s go.” She has hold of my hand again and is pulling me towards the front door.

  “Daisy, let’s go. We’re going over to our apartment to dress Tilly up like Cinderella.” Daisy screams out and jumps to her feet.

  “Yay, can I do her makeup? I will make her so pretty. I’m really good. It’s okay, Tilly, Mommy lets me practice on her.” The little blonde bombshell goes running past us as we make it to the door.

  “Okay, let’s just stop right here.” I stand my ground at the doo
r. “I don’t know if I can just waltz into an event that I’m not invited to, pretending to be someone I’m not, and spy on people who might recognize me. All with the purpose of getting dessert for one night!” Hannah just stares at me for a moment. Daisy is bouncing around us. Then we both burst out laughing.

  “Come on, Tilly. Live a little. All work and no play makes a very dull Tilly. Just pretend for one night that you don’t have to worry about anything. What’ve you got to lose?”

  Everything she’s saying is racing around my mind. This is the same thing Fleur told me to do today. Get out on a date. They must both think I’m so boring. When did I turn into this old lady who has no social life? My mind stops and slows. Seeing a vision of me on a porch in my rocking chair. Daisy talking to me and calling me Aunt Tilly to her children. All alone with my cat on my lap. Oh crap! I don’t want to be that person.

  “Okay, how do you propose we make me Cinderella in three hours, with no dress or matching shoes, hair and makeup need to be done, plus, where the hell am I going to find a mask? This is one ridiculous idea.”

  “Fairy godmother at your service. I have a few dresses that might work. I have attended a few Navy balls, and you and I are the same size roughly. I’m sure you have some shoes that will work. Hair and makeup, ummm derrrr. I’m a frigging hairdresser. What more do we need?” The next thing I know I’m in her room and we’re trying on dress after dress. Daisy is clapping and cheering, having me spin around each time. I’m probably making a big mistake and one of my staff will recognize me in the first five minutes. Sometimes, though, you’ve just got to take a chance.

  “Oh WOW!” Hannah just stands with her mouth hanging open as I walk out ready to leave for the function.

  “You look like a princess, Tilly. So pretty,” Daisy whispers. I’m not sure I have ever heard her speak so quietly so it makes me a little nervous.

  “Are you sure I look okay? I’m not certain if this dress shows too much of my boobs.” I look down at my girls that are up and out there more than I would normally have them.

  “Ummm, isn’t that the idea? You look absolutely stunning. Every single guy in that room will be lining up to buy you a drink. Now, here is the mask you need. It will match perfectly and hide you from the staff.” She holds up a beautiful silver mask that has feathers in both silver and burgundy color, on one side, matching the burgundy dress that I am squeezed into. I normally don’t go for such a fitted dress, but I’ll admit I do feel special in it. The strapless neckline is a worry—my girls are not little—and then it’s fitted nicely down my waist and over the hips. From my thighs it has a split that starts a little higher than I would like but it does give me the room to walk normally and show my legs, which are probably my best asset in my opinion.

  I wanted to wear the safe granny undies that would help hold all the rolls in, but Hannah insisted I needed to wear some sexy lingerie. After all, I am supposed to be going out looking to pick up. Not sure how that will go, but my Nan always said you should never leave home without being prepared for the day. So, I guess I’m leaving home prepared.

  “Have you got your ticket, your phone, and that little square foil package, or a few, that will hopefully be needed later for dessert?” Hannah elbows me in the side.

  “As if I own any of those packages.” Been a long time since they were needed.

  “What sort of dessert are you getting, Tilly? Are you having our favorite ice cream with chocolate topping, in a cone so you can have big sloppy licks?” Daisy jumps up and down in front of me clapping her hands.

  “Oh, she will be hoping for some big sloppy licks for dessert,” Hannah mumbles under her breath as she touches up my hair hanging down in loose curls.

  “Hannah!” I gasp, thanking the lord that Daisy has no idea what she’s talking about, not yet anyway.

  “What? Just telling the truth. Now let’s give you a last spray of hairspray and get you in an Uber and over to McCormick Place.”

  I close my eyes as the ozone layer loses another inch from the amount of spray she’s coating me in.

  “Now go and find a Prince Charming for the night. Then make sure you are home before the clock strikes six am for your morning wake-up alarm.” Laughing at her own joke, Hannah motions for me to smile for a photo, and then Daisy jumps in to have her photo taken, because god forbid, we get out the camera and not take one of her. Kids are the best entertainment. Especially when they aren’t yours.

  Taking a deep breath, I make my way downstairs for my chariot that awaits me.

  Who knows what tonight will bring?

  GRAYSON

  This is not how I was picturing spending tonight.

  My first night off for a week and I’m stuck in a suit and starting a night of drinking and laughing with these three jokers.

  I know it doesn’t sound like a chore, but there are times where it’s just nice to spend the night at home away from the noise and chaos.

  Gym shorts or track pants, no shirt, watching some old movie that I’ve seen a thousand times. Curled up on the couch with my little fur friend who thinks he is a human. Falling asleep halfway through and then crawling into bed for a full night’s sleep.

  For most guys, that’s an average night.

  The life of a doctor… a full night’s sleep is luxury.

  Although you have other nights that you’re off work, if you’re on call there’s never a full night’s sleep. You can guarantee there will be an emergency. It’s part of what I love about my job. The adrenaline rush of helping someone in their time of need.

  Since I moved to gynecology and obstetrics from being a doctor in the ER, it isn’t quite as bad, however no one can ever tell the babies when it’s a good time to arrive. In a way, my life is ruled by little people who haven’t even seen the light of day yet.

  When I decided to specialize and become an ob-gyn, the guys laughed at my choice.

  Mason thought he had it all worked out. Telling me he was all for a job where you get to look at women’s pussies all day long. That was until I explained that I also deliver babies. That had him changing his mind damn fast. Definitely not in the plans for Mason. He doesn’t plan on marriage or kids. For him, life will always be travelling the globe and hooking up with hot women. Doesn’t sound too hard.

  “Are you even listening to me, Gray?” Alex smacks me on the shoulder. “Since when don’t you have an opinion on basketball?” Shit, what did I miss?

  “You know my opinion is the only one that counts anyway,” Tate says as he returns to the table with the next tray of beers. “Gray is just full of shit anyway. Tell me what you need an answer on?” He chuckles as he places the drinks down.

  “Well, it’s not how big is Tate’s ego, that’s for sure,” Alex comments. “His ego’s compensating for something else. Am I right, gentlemen? After all, we have all shared many changeroom showers over the years.” The table erupts in laughter, well, all except Tate who fails to see the funny side of the comment.

  The conversation continues to revolve around sports, and of course, ribbing Mason about what he’s going to say tonight. My mind keeps drifting off to my sister Arabella. I haven’t spoken to her this week and I need to check in with her. She’s a lot younger than me at twenty-five. Clearly an adult, but I will never stop looking out for her. I made Mom a promise and I’ll never go back on that. I make a mental note to call her tomorrow and organize a breakfast date for the weekend.

  “For fuck’s sake, Gray, where are you tonight? Because you sure as shit aren’t here with us.” Mason eyeballs me across the table.

  “Sorry, man. Been a long few weeks at work and I’m needing a good long night in bed,” I mumble as I pick up my beer to chug down the last mouthful, knowing it must be close to the time to leave for the function.

  When I bang down the glass on the table, the guys are all looking at me.

  “What?” I ask a little confused.

  “It’s normally me that’s looking for the hook-up when we go out, not you. Fu
ck, you must be feeling hard up.” Tate grins, standing, ready to leave.

  “Seriously, you guys are idiots. I meant a good night’s sleep.” Although in my head the thought of a long night of hot sex is sounding mighty good. Maybe I should take on Tate at his own game tonight.

  They all laugh as we make our way out of the bar. At the curb is a town car waiting for us.

  “Which one of you lazy bastards ordered the car?” Lex shouts out above the noise of the traffic and nightlife around us.

  “The event planners for tonight offered me a car to get to the function so I decided to take them up on it. I mean, we can’t have the guest of honor turning up all sweaty from this night-time heat. I need to look my best for the ladies who will be fawning all over me and wanting my autograph.” Mason laughs at himself and takes the front seat as we all slide into the back of the car. I know they say the back seat of a sedan is made for three people, but it’s crap. There is no way it’s made for three men with broad shoulders to sit comfortably side by side.

  “Next time, can you ask for the upsize to the limo? We should never be this close to each other physically,” I comment as we’re shuffling trying to find the place where we fit , and we can all relax.

  “Tate, if you don’t move your hand off my thigh then the next issue you’ll have is the gravel rash on your ass as you hit the road after I open the door and push you,” Lex mumbles to him.

  “Sucks to be you stuck in the middle. Thought you might just need a helping hand on working out how to get him moving, ready for a bit of action.” Tate chuckles.

  “Man, if you think your hand is going to give me any type of action, other than making it shrivel up, then I have misjudged you all these years.” Shoving Tate’s hand off his leg, both Mason and I can’t help but laugh at Lex. He is the most uptight of the four of us. Hence the lawyer in the group. Always a stick stuck at least half up his ass most of the time.

  “Oh, Alexander, why didn’t you tell me you thought of me that way? We could have sorted this out years ago.” Tate’s laughing at his own jokes which is nothing unusual.