by Caz Finlay
As she stared into the saucepan of bubbling beans, a few silent tears started to fall down Siobhan’s cheeks. What the hell had her life become? Growing up poor, she’d been blown away by Jake and his money. She’d been blinded by the flash lifestyle he’d offered her and had thought it was something that once she’d had a taste of, she couldn’t live without. But now she realised that all the money in the world didn’t keep you warm at night, or comfort you when you’d had a crappy day. From the outside she had the perfect life. She was the envy of the other mums in the baby groups she frequented, and the Facebook messages from her schoolfriends always hinted at the easy life of luxury she lived, but it was all a massive lie. It was she who should be envious – and she was. She envied the other mums their adoring partners who shared the parenting. Jake had made a good show of that for a while. For the first eight months of Isla’s life he had doted on their little girl, but he was never really there for them both. Not any more.
‘Bees, Mummy!’ Isla squealed again.
Siobhan straightened her back and wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand. Tomorrow was a brand new day. Turning to her daughter, she forced a smile.
‘Yes, baby. Your bees are coming.’
Chapter Twenty-Two
Paul looked up from the newspaper as Jake walked into the kitchen. They’d got back from their job in Scotland at 1am and then had spent two hours talking about how Jake was going to tell Siobhan it was over. Paul had heard it all before, of course, but there was something about the way Jake spoke this time that made Paul think he might actually go through with it.
‘Morning, handsome,’ Paul said.
‘Morning,’ Jake responded gruffly.
‘Fancy going down to Maria’s café and grabbing some breakfast?’
‘Yeah.’ Jake sat on the chair opposite Paul. ‘In a bit.’
‘You okay?’ Paul asked softly.
Jake looked up at him and smiled. ‘Yeah, mate. Better than I’ve been in a long time.’
Paul returned his smile. ‘Are you really going to do it today?’
‘I have to, Paul. I can’t keep living like this.’
‘What about Isla?’
‘I’m still her dad. Nothing will change that. Siobhan wouldn’t keep her from me. She can’t anyway. I’ll have solicitors crawling all over her if she even tries.’
‘So, when are you telling her then?’
‘Today. As soon as I get home.’
Paul took a swig of his coffee. ‘Good.’
‘So, where does this leave us?’ Jake asked.
‘Wherever you want it to,’ Paul replied softly.
‘I want to be with you, Paul…’
‘But?’
‘I’m not ready for the rest of the world to know about us. Not yet.’
‘We have to tell Connor though. And my dad—’
‘And my mum?’ Jake interrupted with a roll of his eyes.
‘They’ll understand, Jake. Eventually. Even if they’re not happy about it. What are they gonna do? Disown the pair of us?’
‘I hope you’re right,’ Jake said as he took the mug from Paul’s hands and downed the last of the coffee.
Jake watched Paul silently as he read the newspaper. It was yesterday’s Liverpool Echo. Paul always read it from cover to cover as part of his morning ritual. Jake realised that he knew more about the man sitting opposite him than he did his own wife. He felt a pang of guilt as he thought about telling Siobhan that he wanted a divorce. He should never have asked her to marry him. There was a reason he knew so little about her daily routine, and, as ashamed as he was to admit it, it was because he wasn’t interested in it. He had no interest in her, and he knew that was unfair to her. He assured himself that leaving her was the best thing for her too. She deserved so much better than him. He was doing it for her really. He was doing her a favour. The more he convinced himself of that fact, the more the guilt ebbed away. He would miss living with his daughter, but he’d make sure he got shared custody. Well, a few nights a week at least. His leaving Siobhan wouldn’t damage his relationship with Isla – he would make sure of that.
Jake smiled to himself. He had it all worked out. This time tomorrow he’d be a free man. Free to see Paul, the man he had come to love more than he ever imagined possible, whenever he wanted. Free to come and go as he pleased. Siobhan would be upset – who wouldn’t be? But she’d get over it.
‘You gonna get dressed then?’ Paul said, snapping Jake from his thoughts. ‘I’m starving and I haven’t got anything in to eat.’
‘Yeah,’ Jake said as he stood up. ‘I’ll only be a minute.’
Jake walked through the flat into Paul’s bedroom and collected the rest of his clothes from the bedroom floor. His stomach churned as he started to get dressed and he realised he probably couldn’t eat a bite if he tried. He’d let Paul go to the café on his own. He needed to speak to Siobhan before he changed his mind.
Jake walked back into Paul’s kitchen. ‘I’m going to go home and tell her now,’ he said. ‘Before I chicken out.’
Paul put down his paper and walked over to him, putting a warm hand on the back of his neck. ‘You can do this,’ he said to him.
Jake swallowed and nodded. ‘I know.’
Paul pressed his forehead to Jake’s. ‘I love you,’ he said quietly.
Jake closed his eyes. Paul had never told him that before, and he’d never told Paul either. It was an unspoken truth between them. One they’d never dared acknowledge before.
‘I love you too,’ Jake whispered.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Paul sat at the table in Maria’s café opposite Connor and tucked into the large cooked breakfast in front of him.
‘You’d think you were starved the way you’re shovelling that in, lad,’ Connor said with a laugh.
‘I’m a growing boy,’ Paul replied.
‘So, what time did Jake go home last night?’ Connor asked.
Paul shook his head while he finished chewing and then took a large swig of his tea. ‘He didn’t. Well, not until this morning anyway.’
‘Fucking hell. Siobhan is going to go mental at him.’
‘Well, I think that’ll be the least of her worries, to be honest.’
‘What do you mean?’ Connor said as he frowned at his brother.
‘I mean, he’s planning to tell her he’s leaving her.’
Connor almost spat out his coffee. ‘Fuck! No way?’
‘Yep. That’s what he told me this morning, anyway. Said he can’t stand lying any more and he’s going to tell her it’s over.’
‘What? He’s going to tell her he’s gay?’ Connor whispered.
‘No! Don’t be fucking soft. Jake can barely admit that to himself. He’s just going to tell her he’s leaving her.’
‘And how do you feel about this?’ Connor asked, his voice full of concern.
‘Nothing to do with me really, is it?’ Paul replied with a shrug
‘Of course it’s to do with you, you knob. You’re the reason he’s leaving his fucking wife.’
‘He’d have left her anyway, Con. If it wasn’t me, it’d be for someone else.’
‘But it is for you, isn’t it? So, how do you feel about it? You’re not exactly great at monogamy, are you?’
‘Says the guy who’s fucking the married woman,’ Paul replied with a raised eyebrow.
‘Yeah, she’s married, not me,’ Connor snapped. ‘Besides, her husband is a cunt.’
Paul nodded. ‘Well, you’re right there.’
‘So?’ Connor asked. ‘You and Jake?’
Paul smiled. ‘Well, it certainly makes things more interesting, doesn’t it?’
‘You’ll have to tell me da, and Grace,’ Connor added.
‘Yeah, we know.’
‘I hope he’s worth it, Bro?’ Connor warned.
‘Oh, believe me, he is,’ Paul replied with a grin.
‘Well, just don’t fuck it up,’ Connor said. ‘Because if
you two fall out, it’ll cause world war fucking three.’
Paul looked at his plate. Connor was right, of course. His dad and Grace were going to go apeshit when they found out about him and Jake. Especially Grace. At least his dad knew they’d once had a thing together. But before he’d proposed to Grace, his dad had asked Paul if there was anything going on between them any more, and Paul had sworn that there wasn’t. It had been the truth at the time. And now they were step-brothers and everything was ten times more complicated than before. It was an incestuous shit-storm of potentially epic proportions, but all Paul could think about was how being with Jake made him feel, and sometimes that was all that seemed to matter.
And if he and Jake couldn’t make it work? If it all ended horribly? What the fuck would they all do then?
Chapter Twenty-Four
Siobhan picked up the remote control and idly flicked through the channels on the television as she wondered where on earth her husband was. He’d promised he’d be home before she and Isla were awake. He’d been staying out more and more lately and she knew he was seeing someone. She could almost overlook the occasional one-night stand – almost, but this recent thing was obviously more serious. She could tell. Woman’s intuition? The way he took extra care of his appearance before he went out. Leaving the house with a spring in his step and coming home in a mood, as though he didn’t want to be there any more. Did he think she was stupid?
Perhaps she was.
She had been stupid to think that getting him to marry her would change him. At the time, getting pregnant had seemed like the surest way to make him commit to her – to secure their future together. Now she realised that all she’d done was to tie herself to a man whom she would never be enough for. Someone who could never love her the way she deserved.
Jake’s life had barely changed since they’d had Isla. He still got to leave the house every day and run his precious club, while she was always stuck at home playing mum. While Siobhan loved her daughter dearly, she just wasn’t cut out for being a stay-at-home mum, especially when her husband was never around. She had little time to herself, and when she did dare to ask for some, Jake had the barefaced cheek to ask her a hundred questions about where she was going and who she’d be with. She felt like a prisoner. She was trapped inside a dead marriage, with a man she wasn’t even sure she loved any more. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could live like this before she lost the plot and had a complete breakdown.
Now it was time to consider her options. There was no way she was walking away from her marriage just yet, not without some decent compensation. If Jake wanted to keep his dirty little secret, then he would have to buy her silence. She knew, on paper, their assets were considerable enough – Jake had the club, and together they owned the house, and had kept their flat on near the Albert Dock. If she divorced him and claimed what she could legally, it would be plenty, but she knew that it wouldn’t even make a dent in his wealth. And she intended to take every penny she could. After all, she had earned it. She needed to plan her escape. And the first step was to get herself some concrete proof of his extramarital liaisons, and who he was having them with. Once she had that, she would hit him where it hurt.
Unable to find anything on television to hold her attention, Siobhan threw the remote onto the sofa. She would speak to Grace on Sunday when they went for dinner. Siobhan adored her mother-in-law and she was the only person Jake paid much attention to. Maybe Grace could persuade Jake to allow Siobhan to get back to work – even part-time hours would do her for now, it would at least make the next few months more bearable. It was Grace who had groomed Siobhan to take over The Blue Rooms. It was a job that Siobhan enjoyed, and one she’d been bloody good at too – until her pregnancy had made it impossible to continue. God, how stupid she was to think that having a baby would be the answer to all of her prayers. How bloody wrong she’d been. If she could go back in time and speak to that naïve, stupid little girl who believed that money was the answer to everything, she’d tell her how very wrong she was, and give her a quick slap for good measure.
The sound of the front door closing snapped Siobhan from her train of thought. She checked her watch and noticed it was 11am. Fortunately, Isla was taking a nap in her cot, because Siobhan was going to give her lying, cheating husband what for. She’d had enough of his antics. She’d had enough of him making her feel like she was the problem. It was time for him to accept some responsibility for a change.
‘What time do you call this, Jake?’ she snapped as he entered the living room.
‘Siobhan,’ he started. ‘We need to talk.’
‘Too right we do,’ she seethed at him as she stood up. ‘Where the hell have you been?’
‘I’ve been at Paul’s—’
‘Paul’s?’ she interrupted him. ‘Again? I should have fucking known,’ she shouted, not caring now if she woke Isla or not. It was a kick in the teeth. After all that time, he was still screwing about with Paul Carter. Right under her nose? They must have thought she was a bloody idiot. She bet they had a good old laugh at her expense while they carried on their disgusting little affair. God, she wanted to murder the both of them.
‘Siobhan, I want a divorce,’ he said quietly as he stared at her.
Siobhan thought she must have misheard him. ‘A divorce? You want to divorce me?’ she said with a snort.
He nodded. ‘It’s not working.’
‘Well, maybe it would if you weren’t fucking around with Paul Carter,’ she screeched.
‘What?’ Jake said as he frowned at her.
‘Don’t think I don’t know about you two and your dirty little secret,’ she hissed.
He stepped towards her. ‘You have no idea what you’re on about, Siobhan. This is the shock talking.’
‘Shock? It was a shock two fucking years ago when I first found out. Now it’s just bloody pathetic, Jake. You’re pathetic!’ she spat.
Jake edged closer to her. ‘You don’t know what you’re saying, Siobhan. So shut the fuck up before you say something we both regret.’
‘The only thing I regret, Jake, is marrying you! You lying, cheating, bastard! You’re a shite husband, and a worse fucking father.’
She saw the temper flash across Jake’s face and although ordinarily she would have felt afraid, in that moment she felt only satisfaction that she had got to him, and hurt him as much as he had hurt her. ‘That’s right,’ she spat at him. ‘You’re useless. Of course, you are, considering the role model you had. You’re just as bad as him.’
‘Don’t you fucking dare,’ he hissed at her. ‘I love Isla. I’m her dad, Siobhan, and no matter what you do or say, you will never stop me seeing her.’
‘Oh, really?’
‘Really.’
‘Well, we’ll see about that!’
‘And what’s that supposed to mean? If you even try and stop me seeing her, I’ll have solicitors tying you up in knots so fast, you won’t know what’s hit you. I’ll have you declared an unfit mother if I have to. So just watch your step,’ he said as he glared at her.
Siobhan stared back at him. This man had caused her so much pain and heartache she could barely stand to look at him, and now he was threatening to take her daughter away from her. She knew that Jake had the means to make a case against her – he knew people who would lie for him for the right price, or simply because they were too terrified not to. Well, she would never let that happen.
‘It means, Jake, that no court in the land would give you custody of Isla,’ she said to him as she walked away from him, not wanting to be in striking distance when she delivered her next piece of information.
‘Oh? And why’s that?’
‘Because she’s not yours,’ she said.
‘What?’ he said as the anger flickered across his face, confirming to her that he’d heard exactly what she said.
‘I said she’s not your daughter.’
‘You lying fucking slag.’
‘That’s rich coming fr
om you!’
‘You’re a lying fucking bitch,’ he shouted as he strode across the room towards her, kicking one of Isla’s teddy bears aside as he did so.
Siobhan instinctively recoiled from him, edging towards the door. She felt her pulse quicken. Her heart pounding against her ribcage. She had gone too far now. Her desire to hurt him, to damage his precious relationship with the Carter twins, and her desperate need to ensure that he never took Isla from her, had made her feel invincible for a moment. Now, she realised she was not. She had seen Jake angry before. She had seen him go off on people – but never at her. Not until now. She considered herself a tough woman when she had to be. She took no crap from anybody, but right now she was terrified. She shook her head as she continued to edge towards the door. ‘Jake, please?’
‘Don’t fucking Jake me,’ he spat. ‘Whose is she then?’ he snarled as he pushed his face into hers.
Siobhan’s racing heart started thundering so hard she could barely hear herself think. ‘I was just messing about, Jake. I just wanted to hurt you.’
‘Stop lying! Don’t you fucking dare try and take me for any more of a mug than you already have. I asked you whose is she. If she’s not mine, then whose?’
‘She’s yours,’ she whimpered.
He didn’t respond immediately and she thought for a second that she had convinced him to back down. At least now she would have some time to think. That was when she felt his hand around her throat, gripping and squeezing her until she was struggling for air. He lifted her off the ground with ease. Her legs scrabbled beneath her as she struggled to make contact with the floor. He glared at her and all she could see in his eyes was pure hatred.
‘I will ask you one more time, Siobhan, who is Isla’s real father and if you lie to me I swear I will snap your fucking neck.’