Heart of Hope: Books 1-4

by Williams, Ajme

  His blonde brows shot up to his hairline. “What are you talking about?”

  “Your friend Joyce.”

  This time his brows narrowed. “You’re jealous.”

  I leaned forward to keep our voices from being heard. “You fucked me last night and today you’re flirting with a patient.”

  He leaned in too, until we were nearly nose to nose. “You’re the one that keeps saying we can’t be together. I’d hate for you to lose your job. When the hospital fires me, will that change or will you be repulsed by the man who killed Ms. Mason?” He stepped back, and I hated the look of anger and resentment on his face.

  “Why is it wrong for me to want to keep my job?”

  “It’s not. It’s what you do. Job over me. I know the drill.”

  I knew he was talking about four years ago. “I didn’t see you choosing me back then.”

  He lifted his hands in surrender. “Touché.”

  “And me telling you to get a lawyer is my way of helping you keep your job.”

  “So, the answer is no to you’d want to see me if I no longer posed a threat to your job. Does that mean you think I’m to blame for Ms. Mason’s death too?”

  “Nick …” God he could be so exasperating. “No. I’m treading a thin line here. I’m trying to tell you the hospital’s position is human error.”

  He scoffed. “Have you even checked the system?”

  “I have an appointment with an IT person, but—”

  He held up his hand. “I get it. You’re going to do whatever you have to to protect the hospital.”

  “It’s my job.” A job that, at the moment, I hated. But I’d come this far, I kept going. “You flirting with patients or walking out on patients isn’t going to help. You were shaky the day the man accused you of making a mistake. Are you getting help for that?”

  His blue eyes turned hard. “I knew you’d use my private life against me. Tell me, Mia, are you also going to tell them I fucked you? Or maybe I should hold on to that to protect my own ass.”

  A whirlwind of emotions whipped through me. Fear. Anger. And surprise. Nick wouldn’t do that, would he? Maybe he would if the hospital tried to blame him for Ms. Mason’s death. If I was his lawyer, I’d hold on to that tidbit for leverage.

  I swallowed all that down. “You do with that what you want. I’m telling you that if you continue to look like you lack confidence in your job, it will come out and the hospital will have evidence that can look bad for you.”

  He stared at me like he didn’t know me. “I should have listened to my gut and not my dick all those years ago and stayed away from you. All you do is make my life miserable. It’s not enough that you broke my heart four years ago. Now you’re going to help the hospital ruin me.” With one last head shake, he said, “I’m going back to work while I still have a job.” He passed me and went through the door.

  Me? I took a minute to wonder about the woman I’d become to hurt a man I cared about once. Cared about still.

  19

  Nick

  How could my day go from annoyingly bad to worse? First, I had some sort of panic attack while treating a patient, which Mia caught me working my way through. Then I had to deal with Joyce’s advances. And then Mia told me she was going to blame me for Ms. Mason’s death.

  Fortunately, it looks like you have a soft place to fall. Someone to comfort you.

  She had some fucking nerve to be jealous. The asshole part of me nearly took a lunch break to make a home visit to Joyce’s. Mia and the hospital could all go to hell.

  Fueled with anger and resentment, I headed back to work. My bedside manner was lacking the rest of the day, but what did it matter? It was only a matter of time before I was fired and blamed for Ms. Mason’s death. I’d have to move. What hospital would hire me if I was accused of medical negligence? What other job could I get where I could continue to pay my student loans? I had over a hundred thousand left to pay.

  I wondered how much the lawsuit would require me to pay? What was a life worth? I had malpractice insurance, but still. This situation was beyond fucked up. My lungs seized, and I felt the now familiar signs of anxiety. Fuck off, I told it. There was no way I was going to let Mia or anyone at the hospital see how much their betrayal was killing me.

  I finished my twelve-hour shift and immediately headed to the woods, needing to get my shit together and figure out what the fuck to do. It was dark, but I’d been coming to this spot since I was a boy, usually with Eli.

  The first thing I needed to do was protect myself and my job. I’d get a lawyer, but I also had to get down in the muck and figure out what happened that day. Did the EMR fail? Did the lab or radiology fail?

  Next, I had to have a backup plan. I wasn’t the type of man to kiss and tell, and so turning Mia in for letting me fuck her wasn’t an option to retaliate. It wouldn’t matter anyway. They’d just fire her, and while I was beyond pissed and deeply hurt, I knew she needed the job. She was here for her father, and he deserved to have peace and happiness, even if his kids didn’t.

  So, plan B … perhaps I’d move down to San Diego. I could be the clichéd kid that moved back in with his parents. I laughed derisively. How many of those kids had medical degrees?

  I looked out over the view of the lake, and the way the moon shone over it. It would have been romantic if I was there with a woman. As teenagers, I’d sometimes bring a girl up here to neck. I’d lost my virginity here at the age of sixteen to a twenty-year-old CNA. I’d never brought Mia here, but I’d wanted to.

  Fuck! I scrubbed my hands over my face, wishing I’d never touched her. It was bad enough that my employer was prepared to toss me under the bus, but to have her helping them was killing me. That wasn’t a good sign. It meant my feelings for her were deeper than I’d admitted to. That somehow in the short time she’d been back, I’d let myself start to fall for her again.

  Hell, who was I kidding? I don’t think I ever fully got over her. But what did it matter? I cared for her and she didn’t give a shit about me. Well, maybe she cared a little bit, but not enough to choose me over her job. Just like four years ago.

  I didn’t see you choosing me back then.

  That wasn’t completely true. I remembered the night she ended things. Feeling panicked about losing her, I’d mentioned I could look for work in southern California, but she was shaking her head before I could finish getting the words out.

  “I think it’s better if we just focus on our careers right now,” she’d said. So, I did. And now she held it against me.

  I left my place of solitude not feeling very settled, but at least I had the start of a plan. That night, I called another doctor to ask him to cover my shift the next day. I agreed to take on two of his in return. I didn’t mention that it was possible I’d be fired and wouldn’t be able to hold up my end of the deal.

  The next day, I drove the hour to Reno to the law office of Victoria Manning for the appointment I’d made that morning. She was licensed in both Nevada and California. There was an attorney in Goldrush Lake who could do medical malpractice, but the chances were good he or someone he knew had Ms. Mason as a teacher, and I didn’t want to have that clouding the judgement of the person I hired to look out for me.

  “Dr. Foster, come in,” Victoria Manning greeted me with a firm handshake.

  She was tall and thin, with dark hair and light blue eyes. She was the type of woman, smart looking and sexy, that I’d ask out for a drink, in the hopes that it would lead to bed. That was, before Mia.

  “Can I get you a drink? Coffee?”

  “I’m good, thank you.” I sat in the chair she’d indicated.

  “How can I help you?” She sat at her desk.

  I went over the case about Ms. Mason. She nodded, took notes, and asked questions. “So, the hospital isn’t considering the EMR?”

  I shrugged. “I was told there was going to be a consult with an IT person, but my sense is that they want it to be human error.”

 
She studied me. “Does that mean if the EMR was to blame, the hospital would hold all liability?”

  I nodded. “Yes.”

  She shook her head. “It should have negotiated for shared liability.”

  “Too late now. The thing is, the possibility that there was nothing that could have been done is there too. She died within an hour of arriving at the hospital, and I’m not sure we’d have been able to stop that even if we did figure it out sooner.”

  “Is the hospital considering that?”

  “I don’t know. I’m not privy to that information.” I thought of Mia and how much I’d shared with her that she could use against me, and yet she’d told me nothing except that I should get a lawyer. “The hospital lawyer did tell me I should get a lawyer of my own, which I’ve interpreted to mean the hospital is focusing on me being the error. Can you help me, Ms. Manning?”

  “Please call me Vic, and yes. I’d be interested in taking your case.” She went over her fees, which made my gut clench. More money down the drain. But it had to be done. “Does that sound acceptable to you, Dr. Foster?”

  “Call me Nick, and yes.” I stood and we shook hands. Despite the cost, I felt some relief at having someone on my side.

  “I’ll be out to Goldrush Lake tomorrow to start investigating and gathering information. Anything you can pull together for me in advance would be helpful.”

  I nodded. “I work a twelve-hour shift tomorrow so I’ll be there.”

  I headed back to Goldrush Lake. I rolled down my windows when I finally left the desert of Nevada and entered the wooded mountains of the Sierras. I sucked in a deep breath, wondering how much longer I’d be able to call this area my home. Even if I won my case, I wasn’t sure I wanted to work for a place that would so easily abandon me. That would toss me to the wolves to protect their own asses. Maybe I could move to Colorado or Montana.

  Because it was just after lunch when I got back, I picked up some sandwiches in the deli, ignoring the looks of the locals wondering if I killed Ms. Mason. Then I drove to visit Jim. He was a good friend. One I wished I could share my troubles with, but since they involved Mia, I didn’t feel I could. Instead, I put on a happy face, as I held up the bag with our lunch.

  “Nick. Reuben sandwich?”

  I nodded. “With extra mustard.”

  He grinned, and I wondered how a man who suffered the loss of his wife, and progressively his motor skills, could be so jovial while his kids who had so much seemed to wallow in misery. Okay, so I wallowed too, but it seemed like I had a good reason. Then again, I hadn’t lost my wife or have Parkinson’s. I could learn a lot about life and attitude from Jim.

  We sat at the dining room table. “I wanted to ask you how you were doing,” he said. I knew he meant Ms. Mason.

  “I won’t lie, Jim, it’s been tough.” Then remembering that he could tell Mia anything I said to him, I decided to keep my comments brief. “But I’m doing what needs to be done. How about you? Did you catch the nature show on the bongos of Africa?”

  He grinned. “I did. Beautiful beasts. I never made it to Africa.”

  I felt bad that his ailment would probably keep him from going.

  “I think they have one at the San Diego Zoo. Maybe we could go.”

  He smiled wide. “I’d love that, but I know you’ve got a lot on your plate.”

  I waved a hand pushing his comment away. “Even doctors need to take a break every now and then. Let me check my schedule.” I wondered what Mia and Eli would say to my taking Jim on a road trip. Or maybe we should fly. It was an hour and a half non-stop from Reno to San Diego. He looked well enough to make that flight.

  Jim reached out and put his hand on mine. “You’re a good man, Nick.”

  His comment sent a swell of emotion that took me by surprise. “Thank you.”

  “I’m not your dad, but since he’s not here, I like to think of you as my son. Looking out for you.”

  I laughed. “I do need looking out for.”

  He shook his head. “Nah. I’m just returning the favor. I know you look out for me too.”

  “You’re important to me.”

  “And Mia? Is she important too?”

  I flinched. “At one time she was. Not that I don’t care for her …” Shit. How did I explain my relationship with her? “We work together now.”

  “I’m sorry things didn’t work out. Jane and I always hoped you two would. The idea of you as a son-in-law appealed to us.”

  “Really? Even though Eli would be against it?”

  He made a face. “Eli’s issues are his own. He focuses on you because that’s easy, but it’s not about you.”

  “I forgot you used to be a shrink.”

  “I prefer therapist, but yes. I can’t give you therapy, but if you ever needed a friend, Nick, I’m here for you.”

  I sat back and studied him. “Has Mia been saying things about me?”

  His brows knitted, letting me know she hadn’t been. “Is there something for Mia to say?”

  I shrugged and turned my attention to my food, acting like it wasn’t any big deal. “She thinks I have PTSD or something ridiculous like that.” I took a bite of my sandwich, casting a quick glance at Jim to see his reaction.

  He seemed to ponder that. “She hasn’t said anything, but PTSD is underreported in doctors.”

  I shook my head. “We don’t work in combat zones or have our lives threatened.”

  “PTSD isn’t limited to war or violent trauma. Daily experiences in hyper-tense moments that cause prolonged stress can cause it. In the emergency room, you’re confronted daily by life and death situations in which you have only seconds to react. I understand that during your residency you were threatened with a weapon twice.”

  “Mia told you about that?”

  “She did. The point is, PTSD is a rewiring of the brain and fight or flight system due to stress. That system is what keeps you alert and ready for anything in the emergency room. And sometimes things go wrong, in which guilt, I’m sure, gets added to it.”

  I swallowed. “What you’re saying is true, but doctors need all that to be effective and human.”

  “Yes, but it takes a toll. Do you have bad dreams?”

  “On occasion,” I said not wanting to give away my recent nightly visits from his wife and Ms. Mason blaming me for their deaths. “Everyone does.”

  He sighed. “Well, if you ever want to talk, I’m here for you. Between us only.”

  I was glad he seemed to be letting the conversation go. “I appreciate that Jim. You know, what’s stressful for me is how you always kick my ass in chess.”

  He let out a bark of a laugh. “No mercy in chess, son.”

  20

  Mia

  When Nick didn’t show up for work the next day, I worried he might have quit. I hated the way things were left between us. Why didn’t he understand what a difficult position I was in? I could lose my license to practice if I didn’t represent my client, the hospital, to my full ability. That included Nick, but only to a certain point.

  I didn’t want to use what I knew against him, but legally, I might have to. If his work was compromising patients now, I’d have no qualms about it, but I didn’t like that I might have to betray him. Then again, he could just as easily betray me, and let the administration know I’d slept with him.

  God, what a situation I got myself in. I could only hope that he’d get a lawyer and that he and I could keep our secrets about each other to ourselves.

  On the next day, he was back at work, which was a good sign. In the afternoon, a striking woman about my age entered my office and introduced herself as Victoria Manning, Nick’s new lawyer.

  I should have guessed he find a lawyer that was beautiful. In some ways, she had similar features to me. Dark hair, blue eyes, and smart. She was also a few inches taller and several pounds thinner.

  “I’m representing Dr. Nicholas Foster in a malpractice suit and am here to gather information.”

 
; “We don’t just hand over documents,” I said, feeling annoyed and yes, jealous that this woman got to do what I couldn’t: protect Nick.

  Her brow arched. “My representation of him gives the hospital extra protection. I’d think you want that.”

  I studied her, and couldn’t help but wonder if she’d seen Nick naked. Was that part of his payment for her services? Good golly, Mia, stop going there.

  “Unless you decide to put the blame on the hospital,” I said.

  “It sounds like you’re sure there is a case.”

  I tried not to wince as I realized my mistake. “There doesn’t have to be a case for you to cast doubt elsewhere in representing your client.”

  “So, are you going to make me file with the court to get the documents I need to represent my client? As you said, there doesn’t have to be a case for this to look bad. What would the community of Goldrush Lake think if it looked like the hospital was trying to cover up or perhaps toss one of their doctors under the bus?”

  “We will cooperate, of course. The hospital values Dr. Foster’s work.” I wanted to say more to defend Nick, but didn’t want to give her something to use against me if this went to court. I could see it already. I’d be on the stand and she’d ask me, “Did you tell me how much the hospital valued Nick’s work and didn’t feel he did anything wrong?” That’s what I believed, but I couldn’t let her use my personal beliefs against my client.

  “I’d like to have everything in his HR file, along with a transcript of the EMR, and Ms. Mason’s file.”

  “I can get you everything but Ms. Mason’s full file at this time. You are an outside party, so I’m not able to release those. In fact, I’ll need to check on whether or not I can give you the EMR.”

  She frowned. “What are the hospital’s intentions with my client?”

  “Like I said, the hospital values his work.”