She’s doing it. And he’s right by her side, just like he promised he would be.
Chase
“I really wasn’t sure you’d make it here after missing last week,” Cody says, sitting beside me at the hotel bar in Cheyenne with a drink in his hand.
“You’re joking, right?” I reply after swallowing hard.
He just looks at me and grins. The fucker.
“How’s Ava really doing?” He signals the bartender for another round.
“She’s okay. The headaches have stopped, we rode a few times this week, just light stuff. I don’t want to push the jarring motion until she’s been headache free for a while longer.”
“That’s good. No need to mess her brain up like yours is, she’s far too smart to have your dumbs.”
I laugh. “You’re such an asshole. But you aren’t wrong about her being smart. And we don’t want to fuck her future. Not for riding.”
He raises an eyebrow in my direction, looking at me like I really have lost my wits, and possibly my mind. “Say that again? Did you really say riding isn’t worth it?”
“Don’t look at me that way. I did say that. Do you really think I want this life for her when she grows up? Rodeo, riding, being on the road, it’s good enough for us, yeah. She deserves better. I want better for her.”
“Christ, Chase, who are you and what the hell have you done with my best friend? You love this life.”
“Damn straight I do. But I want her to have even more, Cody. I want her to grow up, find a good man—if that’s what she wants—have kids, have a career, live in one home steadily. She’s so much better than a life on the road.”
“What if she wants to live this life? Are you going to tell her she can’t?”
“I’m not going to tell her shit if she’s following her dreams and safe. But… I’m not going to sugarcoat shit, either.”
“Where’s all this coming from?”
“Allie’s…she started…she’s still not pregnant.”
“Fuck, I’m sorry.” He pushes my new beer toward me, then asks for a couple of shots of whiskey. “Why has that got you all sentimental about what Ava does for a living, though?”
“I was home this time when she started. To see the disappointment. To watch her go through the fucking calendar, marking down days, seeing if when I was home and we were together corresponded with when we could’ve made a fucking baby.”
“And you weren’t?”
“Shocker, right?”
“Because you’ve been on the road, making a living, doing what you love, you weren’t there to get your wife pregnant at the right time…”
I shake my head and toss back my shot, letting the burn of the alcohol slide down my throat and into the pit of my stomach, fueling the fires burning deep inside of me. “I wasn’t home when she needed me. I wasn’t home when Ava needed me. But I was there for the aftermath this time. To see the shit she hides.”
“That’s tough. It really is. I’m not saying you’re wrong for feeling the way you do. Hell, I can’t speak to that, because I’d rather fuck my way through rodeos with willing women, who want nothing more than to say they were with me, than settle down and have to worry about being a good man, or a good father. But, Chase, dude, I’ve known you nearly all of my life, and you are a good man. The best fucking man I know. And you’re a damn great father.”
“Thanks.” As much as I don’t feel like either right now, it feels good hearing it from him. He knows everything there is to know about our lives. He knows Allie, he knows me, there is no other person in the world I would tell this stuff, other than him. We have a history that goes back even before I met Allie. They have their own history, too. He’ll defend her as fast as he will me. He’ll protect her, too, even if it means putting me in my place when I’m in the wrong.
“It’s just the truth. As much shit as I love to give you, when it comes to this, I’d put you up against any other man and you’d win every time. Allie and the girls would agree, too. Even with the struggles y’all are having right now.”
“Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it.” It’s hard to admit, to see that throughout my time riding, my family has suffered, but it’s true. I could be a better man, a better father. And I will be. I’ll be there for them. I’ll keep my top spot, finish this year, and we will be okay. It’ll all be okay. Then we can afford any sort of treatment it takes to make our dream come true. IVF, adoption, whatever the hell it takes to add to our family—I just need to win it all this year. Bring in the big check after finals in Vegas, and we can have what we want. That’s why I’m doing all of this.
“That’s just further proof you’re the good man I’m saying you are.” He drinks his shot and looks over to my left, grinning.
“See your next la—” I look where he is and smile just as wide when I see Allie walking toward us.
“Nope, I see your forever lay. So stow the pity party shit, she doesn’t need it,” he mutters, then rises from his stool. “There’s my favorite girl!” he hollers across the bar, waiting until she’s close enough before he wraps his arms around her and lifts her up, spinning and hugging her.
Her laugh fills the room and she hugs him back just as tight, kissing his cheek before he puts her down. “There’s my second favorite bull rider,” she says easily, winking at him. “I’ve missed that easygoing smile and demeanor. You don’t visit…ever.”
“I know, I’m sorry. Texas isn’t so close to Colorado, and going home after long weekends is needed.”
“Colorado was home, in case you forgot. Then you up and left…and for what?”
“Don’t do that, please,” he replies, shaking his head. “You know why I left, and there was a damn good reason for it, Allie. Shit didn’t work out, but she was worth leaving for.”
Allie snorts. “Until she wasn’t… You could come home now, ya know? There’s land, ranches, and family, our family, for you back in Colorado…”
I should step in and stop this argument before it really gets started, but hell, she’s like a sister to him, she has every right to share how she feels. He can defend himself.
“Whatcha drinking, babe?” I ask instead, trying to diffuse things a little, even if I have no intention of stopping it entirely. They both look at me, Cody with a look that begs for me to save him, and Allie with a look that says ‘Really? You had to ask that now?’
“So your usual, got it,” I add, smirking and turning toward the bar as they bicker over Cody’s living arrangements, location, and reasoning behind me. I listen to them while I wait for her drink, smiling at the accusations and rebuttals they’re both tossing out, and risk a glance behind me once they go silent.
They’re both smiling at each other, amused looks on their faces, and Allie’s hands are on her hips while she looks at him expectantly. “So you’re going to spend Christmas with us this year, then?”
“Yes, I will spend Christmas with you this year. My God. Arguing with you is like arguing with a lawyer. And you know how I feel about lawyers.”
Allie steps closer to me and slides her hand over my back, chuckling softly at his jab. “I do, but unlike your old man, you love me.”
“Yeah, yeah. Lucky for you, I do.” Cody shakes his head in exasperation then turns back to the bar to grab his beer. “I’ve missed you too, Allie. And those girls. So where are they?”
“They’re up in our room, Mitch’s daughter is watching them for us. She wants some spending money for the rodeo this week, and she agreed to watch the girls when she’s not out having fun.”
“I’ll make sure to have cash for her,” I say, handing Allie her drink.
“I guess I’ll wait until tomorrow to see the girls then.” Cody holds up his bottle, waiting for Allie and I to follow suit. “To lifelong friendship, and the family you choose. Even if they’re a pain in your ass.” He gives Allie a pointed look then winks.
Allie and I both laugh at that and tap our glasses to his. “To the family you choose,” we add, in unison.
Allie
I haven’t been to a rodeo in a long time. I haven’t been to this rodeo in even longer. It’s even bigger and more spectacular than I remember, yet it feels like coming back to the home I grew up in. Since we arrived in Cheyenne yesterday, I have run into so many people I used to know well. Past barrel racers I competed with, other cowboys I remember from all of Chase’s events, and even from my dad’s. It’s such a jolt to the system.
They all remember me for some reason or another associated with rodeo. For some, it’s as the young up-and-coming star daughter of Rhett Bowman, Junior Barrel Racing champion two years in a row. Others remember me as girlfriend of Chase Canton, the tag-along to his and Cody’s duo, and established rider in my own right, too. And they all remember my dad and his career, God rest his soul.
None of them know my dad forced me to ride, keeping me from ever doing anything else, going to school with my friends, or experiencing life like any normal teen. None of them know I despise rodeo, as far as my riding and everything it took from me, so much that I hide the fact I ever rode from anyone I meet now. I hide it from my own daughters, because I don’t want it to put pressure on either of them to feel like they have to follow in our footsteps in order to be loved.
Aubrey has zero interest in rodeo, and if she knew she was the only one in our little family not to ride, it may make her feel like she has to do it one day, and that’s the last thing I want. I don’t want Ava to hear I rode and think she can’t ever quit because it’s in her blood. I know what that pressure feels like. It’s suffocating.
I won’t do it to them. For most of my young life, except for during the second half of December after National Finals and over Christmas—the only holiday we celebrated—I felt like the only way for my dad to be proud of me, or love me, was if I was riding, too. He put the thrill and notoriety of our family name over me. And I hated him for the longest time for it.
Only Chase, and Cody, know that. Everyone else just thinks I quit to raise our family. That’s fine with me, because once I got pregnant with Ava, I would have quit anything to be her mom, Chase’s wife, and his number one fan.
The truth is, I will support my husband until the day he decides to retire, but there is a lot about rodeo I resent, both from my childhood, and even now. It was my dad’s pride and joy, and he forced me into it so I could fit his mold. It is the mistress who keeps my husband away from home far too often.
Rodeo has stolen a lot from me. Being back here reminds me of everything I ran away from years ago. I didn’t expect that. Yet, Chase and our girls are so happy this week being here together, that in spite of everything, I’m loving being back with them.
I’m a mess. That’s all there is to my conflicting feelings.
“Earth to Mommy,” Ava says, poking my arm. “Can I have more money to get some cotton candy before we go watch Daddy?”
“I want some, too!” Aubrey enthusiastically adds.
“Haven’t you two had enough sugar today?” I respond, grinning at them both while I get more money out. “You’ll be bouncing off the walls with any more in your systems.”
Ava shrugs, then throws Chase’s words from earlier back at me. “It’s a special occasion, remember?”
“Your father is going to pay for saying that.” I chuckle and hand her some money. “Get one for you both to share, and hold Aubrey’s hand while you walk over there. I’ll wait here and watch.”
Ava rolls her eyes but takes Aubrey’s hand anyway, guiding her over to the cotton candy vendor across the walkway. They get in line behind the others there, and start talking to each other. She may hate having to hold her sister’s hand, but they’re still close as can be—sometimes—when they aren’t at each other’s throats. And it warms my heart.
“Allie Bowman, is that you?” a woman’s voice rings out amongst the crowd. I look around for it and spot the prissy, rhinestone and jean wearing blonde I could never forget, even if I wanted to.
Missy Wynkoop. She rode at the same time I did, though she was a couple years older than me, and she was absolutely obsessed with Chase. I’m pretty sure she drooled and panted like a dog over him anytime he was in her proximity.
“Missy, it’s nice to see you again,” I say with a polite, albeit forced, smile. “It’s actually Allie Canton, I was sure you knew that, though.”
“Oh my God,” she drawls out, “Yes, you’re absolutely right. I had heard you snagged Chase up for good. I must have forgotten.”
I’m sure she did…not.
“I did. We’ve been married for years now.”
“That’s so incredible for you,” she says, smile plastered on her face. “Why are you here? I haven’t seen you at a rodeo in forever.”
“We thought we’d make this rodeo a family outing. We brought our girls out to watch Chase and have some fun.”
“Your girls?” she says, looking around. “I don’t see them.”
“They’re in line for some cotton candy before we head to our seats.”
“Isn’t that nice. I’m sure they love being here to watch. And to hear the stories about how great their mom was back in her prime. It is a shame you couldn’t keep up with his career, having a family, and your own. I would’ve loved to take your title from you once you went big.”
“We try to focus on Chase’s career. I stepped away from rodeo because I wanted to be home for my family, and that’s what I’ve done. I didn’t need the notoriety that came with wins, nor did I want it. I’m more than happy to support my husband.”
“That’s so sweet of you.” Her response is sugar sweet, and fake.
“He means more to me than rodeo ever did, as do our kids. I saw you had a couple really successful years a while back though, good for you. I didn’t notice your name on the leader boards, are you riding this week?” I know she is. I also know she’s not scoring well, and her times have significantly dropped off since she was in her prime.
“I am, but you know how it is. Sometimes rides don’t go your way, especially while you’re changing up tactics and horses.”
“Mhmm,” I nod, catching the girls paying and coming back toward us with their treat. “It was so nice seeing you again, Missy, but I need to go. We need to get to our seats.”
She looks up and forces an even bigger smile. “Oh. My. God. Are these Chase’s girls?”
Ava and Aubrey stop in front of us and look between Missy and me. “They are. Missy, this is Ava, our oldest, and Aubrey.”
The girls each hold out a hand to shake hers, remembering their manners like they were raised to. “Nice to meet you Miss Missy,” Aubrey says first.
“I know who you are,” Ava adds after. “I saw you ride once.”
“You did?” Missy beams down proudly. “Did you think I was good?”
Ava nods, but doesn’t answer verbally. She’d never say no to a question like that, she knows better. “Your horse is really pretty,” she says instead.
“Oh, well, thank you,” Missy replies with far less enthusiasm. “I guess I’ll let you all get to your seats. Tell your daddy I said hi.”
Ava looks to me with wide eyes at Missy’s words, and I respond, “We’ll be sure to do that, Missy. Good luck with the rest of your rides. It was nice seeing you again.”
Missy clears her throat. “Yes, you too. Thank you.” Then she turns her back and promptly walks away.
“Who was that, Mommy?” Aubrey asks, reaching for a chunk of cotton candy.
“Daddy and I used to know her a long time ago. That’s all. Let’s get to our seats.”
Ava stands in place and watches until Missy is out of sight, then looks up at me curiously before she turns toward the arena entrance. “I’ll lead us.”
Ava guides us through the crowd of people and to our seats. Front row, right by the bucking chutes.
“I can’t wait to watch Daddy,” she says, bouncing in her seat, looking all around. “Uncle Cody is coming to sit with us, right?”
“I think he will for
a while, but he’ll probably be down with your dad for his ride. They help each other get ready.”
“Ohhh,” she draws out, looking back to me. “Does he know Missy, too?”
“He does.”
“Does he like her?”
“Why do you ask that?” I look over to her, curious.
“Because you didn’t, and she was weird.”
I have no idea what to say to any of that, so all I can manage honestly is, “I don’t know if Uncle Cody likes her. You can ask him, though.”
That’s answer enough for Ava for the time being. Hopefully, she’ll forget about Missy before Cody starts answering questions I don’t want her having the answers to.
Cody has been sitting with us for the last hour and a half or so, watching the events, playing silly games with the girls, and talking to all the women that pass by gawking at him when he’s got my daughter giggling in his lap. Aubrey has my phone and has the app open where you can do funny things with your face. Cody has his arms wrapped tight around her body, and he dips his hatless head down to hers so they can take a puppy picture together. With him here, I’m actually starting to think Aubrey is beginning to love this rodeo gig. I’m hoping he’s starting to see how much the girls miss him. This could be a double win.
Then Ava remembers Missy. Naturally she would, barrel racing is happening now, and Missy does race. “Uncle Cody,” she chirps out, leaning in to take a picture with him and Aubrey. “Do you know that lady, Mmm, um, Missy…”
I sigh out then help her finish. “Missy Wynkoop is her name, baby girl.”
Cody looks over at me with his eyes raised and I nod my head slightly, saying he can tell her, but giving him that look, too, the one indicating he better not say too much.
“Yea, I know her. Why?” He shakes his head at me then looks down at Ava.
“Well, she was talking to Mommy, and I don’t think Mommy likes her, but Missy said to tell Daddy she said hi.”
“Did she now?” Cody smirks, and I angle my head, not finding the amusement he seems to have found in it.
Hold on Tight (Cowboys & Angels Book 1) Page 11