Mission to Love

by Kane, Samantha

  Christy looked exhausted, as if she had been the one who had the dream, not Simon. “I am not forgetting what you told me,” she said to both men. Then she yawned. “But I cannot talk about it tonight. Christian will be up with the sun. But rest assured, we will talk more about it tomorrow.”

  “Of course,” Robert agreed, as he pushed her toward the door.

  Simon said nothing, and after just a few steps Christy planted her feet and refused to move farther. She turned to face him. “Did you hear me, Simon?”

  “I heard you,” he said. “I don’t need to remind you that you have no hold over me nor any right to make demands of me.”

  “You may remind me all you wish, but unless you’d like me to make a very long overdue scene, I suggest you make the time to have a discussion,” she said firmly. She’d been blindsided, but he could already see her mind working the problem, figuring out how to handle the situation, figuring out what was required of her, as she did when faced with adversity of any kind.

  “He’ll talk, don’t worry,” Robert said. His tone made it very clear that it wouldn’t be necessary for Christy to make a scene. Robert seemed quite willing to do so instead.

  That was fine with Simon. He was an expert at avoiding them. He wasn’t best friends with Daniel for nothing.

  Chapter 20

  Christy knocked on Daniel’s front door again. She knew she was being impatient and most likely impolite, and she didn’t care. She needed to talk to someone, and Harry and Daniel seemed like the most logical choice given they were most familiar with her situation.

  Christian began to fuss in her arms and Nanny Beth reached for him, but Christy shooed her away. “I don’t mind,” she told the nanny, not wishing to upset the girl with her brusque manners. “Shhh,” she told Christian, kissing his cheek, which was damp with tears.

  She knew how he felt. Robert and Simon had left early that morning after a tense breakfast. Simon had barely spoken a word to her other than polite pleasantries. She recognized that behavior. He was trying to push her away again. She hadn’t had the time to deal with him this morning since Christian had decided to take exception to his father leaving him again when he’d barely had time to say good morning. It was all Christy could do to pull him away from Robert and hold his squirming body while he screamed and cried. Christy could see how the baby’s tantrum distressed Robert, and she knew he would have stayed if he could. Simon gave no indication at all that Christian’s tantrum bothered him. He had merely watched the drama from behind his teacup, the merest of smiles on his lips.

  As soon as Robert and Simon had gone, Christy had bundled Christian up and they’d set off for Daniel’s. Sir Barnabas’s men accompanied them. They had wanted to take a carriage, but Christy had needed to walk to give herself time to think, and Daniel and Harry only lived a short distance away.

  Daniel had inherited his father’s house, and Robert lived just down the street from him as a boy. The elderly Mrs. Manderley still lived there. After he and Christy married, Robert hadn’t wanted to move too far from his mother since he was all that she had left, even if she barely spoke to him now and she’d have nothing to do with Christy and the baby. As far as Christy was concerned that was her loss, but she did feel bad for Robert, who cared for her and felt a filial responsibility for her welfare. But Christy had got on just fine without parents her whole life, so she didn’t feel as if Robert’s mother’s desertion was a great tragedy.

  Daniel and Harry hadn’t seen Christian since they’d returned from Africa, and she knew Daniel especially was probably missing him. The two had a very special bond. Christy was quite glad that her baby would have so many strong men around him as he grew up. Role models were so important to a boy, and Robert, Harry and Daniel were some of the best men she knew. Simon was as well, whether he knew it or not.

  The thought of Simon and his sad tale last night made Christy pound the knocker even harder against the door. Where was the butler, Matheson? It was unlike him not to answer the door promptly. She could see the agents frowning at the bottom of the stoop and their concern made her nervous.

  When Matheson finally opened the door, he was uncharacteristically flustered. “Mrs. Manderley,” he said, relief in his voice. “How good of you to come.” He stepped aside, and Christy and Nanny Beth stepped in. Two of the agents followed them in and two stationed themselves outside.

  “Was I expected?” Christy asked in surprise. Now that they were inside, Christian stopped fussing, looking around in wonder at the shining gilt and mirrors everywhere. Christy passed him to Nanny and took off her bonnet, handing it to Matheson.

  “Yes, ma’am,” Matheson said. “Mr. Ashbury sent for you this morning.”

  “We must have missed the note on our way here,” Christy said, concern beginning to overtake her own troubles. “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s Mr. Steinberg.” Matheson shook his head, his lips tight with unspoken concern. “I’m afraid his leg isn’t healing as quickly as he’d like.”

  Christy’s heartbeat tripled in the space of a second. She’d teased Daniel about his gunshot wound, never imaging that it would lay him low. He had always seemed invincible to her.

  “Have you sent for the doctor?” she asked. “Where is he?”

  “He is right here and he is fine,” Daniel snapped. Christy turned to see him in the study doorway. He was leaning on a cane, obviously favoring his wounded leg. He looked pale and he’d lost weight in the last week.

  “You don’t look fine,” Christy said flatly. “Matheson, get the doctor.”

  “Matheson, do not get the doctor,” Daniel told him, a warning in his voice. “I will sack you.”

  “I will hire you,” Christy shot back, staring Daniel down with narrowed eyes. “Get the doctor.”

  “Thank God, another voice of reason,” Harry said from inside the study. “Matheson is more afraid of Daniel than of me.” He came to stand beside Daniel, arms crossed. “But he likes you better than either of us, Christy. So I thought you might be able to persuade him.”

  As soon as he’d seen Daniel, Christian had started making delighted, gurgling noises and reaching for him. Nanny looked at Christy uncertainly.

  “Bring me my nephew,” Daniel demanded as he turned back into the study.

  “I will do no such thing unless you agree to let a doctor take a look at that leg,” Christy told him. “And what’s more, I’ll tell Sir Barnabas.”

  Daniel spun around and glared at her. “You wouldn’t dare.”

  Christy just crossed her arms and smiled at him.

  “Matheson, fetch the leech,” Daniel said from between clenched teeth. “There, happy?”

  “Very,” Christy said. She took Christian from Nanny. “I’ll send for you,” she told her. “You two stay here,” she told the agents, and she followed Daniel into the study.

  “I need help,” she said a few minutes later as they waited for the doctor.

  She sat on the floor with Christian, piling up his blocks so he could knock them down. It was his favorite game. Normally Daniel would do it, but he just sat in his chair, his leg propped up, watching them. Harry was lying on his side on the sofa, leaning on one arm, helping her stack the blocks. He was pretending a relaxation he was far from feeling. Christy could see the strain around his eyes. He was terribly worried about Daniel. So was she. She hoped her dilemma would be a welcome distraction.

  “Again? Does this have anything to do with the Home Office bullies in my foyer? I can’t do much about them in my present condition.” Daniel asked.

  “I don’t need help with them,” Christy said. “What I really need is advice.”

  “You?” Daniel asked, surprise in his voice. “You usually give advice. Unsolicited, I might add.”

  “Quit being a baby about the doctor,” Christy said mildly. “I need advice about Simon. And Robert.”

  Harry glanced at her, alarm on his face. “You aren’t thinking of leaving Robert, are you?”

  “She b
etter not be,” growled Daniel. He was glowering at her from his chair. “When I let you marry him, it was with the very strict edict that under no circumstance were you to break his heart.”

  “I wish someone had handed down such an edict about my heart,” Christy said without rancor. “If you’ll pardon my saying so, I don’t think Robert needs or wants your interference in our romantic life. That having been said, I have no intention of leaving him. Your edict, however, is not the reason why.”

  “So you say,” Daniel grumbled. “In that case, what has Simon done now?”

  Christy took a deep breath in an effort not to lose her temper at Daniel’s casual assumption of Simon’s guilt in the matter. No wonder Simon walked around with guilt as his constant companion with even his closest friend always assuming the worst of him.

  “Oh, the usual,” she said. “He just been so incredibly wonderful that he’s made me fall in love with him again and apparently my husband as well.”

  “What?” Daniel said, drawing out the word, with heavy emphasis on the “t”.

  “You mean, making you fall in love with him and your husband again?” Harry asked, confused.

  “No,” Daniel answered for her. “That is not what she means.” He grabbed the cane next to his chair and stood up. “Damn that man!” he exclaimed.

  He thumped the cane on the floor, startling Christy and little Christian. The baby’s lip began to tremble.

  “I suggest you tone down your temper,” Christy told Daniel, “unless you wish to calm down the baby when you make him cry.”

  Daniel began to pace. No easy feat with his cane. He winced with every step. “I sent him to help Robert solve a murder, not to debauch him.”

  “I doubt very much there has been any debauchery,” Christy said drily. “This is my husband we are talking about.” She paused. “Although I think there was some talk of seducing.”

  “Perhaps you shouldn’t jump to conclusions faster than a squirrel up a tree, and let Christy explain what’s going on,” Harry suggested mildly, waving his fingers in front of Christian to distract him. He let Christian capture one and promptly use it as a teething toy. “Ouch.” Harry extracted his finger and substituted a block. “I don’t think that pacing is good for your leg,” he admonished Daniel.

  “Well, sitting around on my posterior for a week hasn’t done it any good, either,” Daniel snapped. He sighed and stood still for a moment. Christy and Harry let him gather his composure. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m just tired, and my leg hurts, and I feel like whatever you’re going through with Simon is my fault because I sent him to Robert.”

  He thumped a fist against his thigh and then doubled over with a gasp. “Well, that was stupid.” He straightened and made his way back to his chair. He sat down again. “If it wasn’t for this damn leg, I’d have gone to help solve that murder.”

  “Murder has now become something much more dangerous,” Christy said with a frown. “They are both working for Sir Barnabas directly, chasing down some sort of spies, and my house is overrun with agents who are there to protect all of us. Simon and Hastings are staying with us, too.”

  “What?” Harry asked. He sat up on the sofa. “Why didn’t you tell us? Why did no one come and get us?”

  “Because of me,” Daniel said flatly. “And this leg. I couldn’t do a damn thing.”

  “We could have moved them in here,” Harry said. “This house is a damn sight safer and easier to protect than Christy and Robert’s little house.”

  “I will choose not to be offended,” Christy said. She was ignored.

  “I’m sure it was much easier for Simon to cause mischief when not under my watchful eye,” Daniel said.

  “True,” Harry agreed.

  “That is enough,” Christy stated as she stood up. She put her hands on her hips and glared at both of them. “Simon Gantry is a man of virtue and integrity, and I will smite the next one of you who says differently.”

  She looked between them, daring them to contradict her. They wisely stayed quiet.

  She pointed at Daniel. “He came to help Robert at your request, when he had no business even being out of bed, much less traipsing around London looking for traitors or spies or assassins or whatever evil lurks in the hearts of men. For God’s sake, he had to jump over the side of a ship and grapple with a Turkish sailor in the water, nearly drowning, just two days ago in order to get vital information, and then could barely walk up the stairs he was in so much pain. I had to bathe him like a child and put him to bed.”

  “Turkish sailors? Who are the Turks after?” Daniel said with interest.

  “Argh,” Christy growled. “That’s the first thing you ask? Not about Simon’s welfare?”

  “Well, he must be all right. He seduced Robert, didn’t he?” Daniel asked defensively. “And that had to take a great deal of effort. Robert has always been unimpeachable to the best of my knowledge. Trust Simon to ruin that, too.”

  Christy grabbed a pillow from the sofa and threw it at Daniel, and Christian laughed and clapped his hands. “You are insufferable,” she told him. “Simon hasn’t ruined anything. What I’m trying to tell you is that he thinks he can’t love anyone because he ruins everything. He’s got some foolish notion in his head that he kills or otherwise destroys everyone or everything that he loves. So he has decided if he just doesn’t love anyone, then everything will be fine.”

  “I know.”

  Chapter 21

  Daniel’s response took the fight out of Christy. She stood there dumbly staring at him. Daniel sighed. “I know about Giselle,” he said. “Fetch me a drink, would you, love?” he asked Harry.

  “It’s tea time,” Harry said.

  “I don’t want tea,” Daniel told him. “I want scotch.”

  “I know,” Harry said. “You get tea.”

  “When I am mobile again, you will pay for your impertinence,” Daniel promised.

  “Yes, well, we shall see,” Harry said. He rang the bell. “Who is Giselle?”

  “Simon’s late wife,” Christy said, watching Daniel. He had the grace to look slightly abashed. “You’ve always known about her?”

  “Yes. He told me. During the war. He was reckless. When I confronted him about it, he told me why. He wanted to die. The damn thing was, he’s got a bit of a sixth sense, you know. He can sense trouble before he walks into it. He saved quite a few lives during the war with it, including his own. As many times as he claimed he wanted to die, he never could bring himself to do it.”

  “Because he doesn’t,” Christy said. “Can’t you see that? And can’t you see how much love he has to give? How much he cares for you and for all of his friends? He deserves a love of his own. Even if it isn’t me.”

  “And you think Robert is that love?” Daniel asked. “How does Robert feel about that? Are you willing to give them both up?”

  “Don’t be an idiot, of course not. I intend to have them both.” Christy sat down on the sofa and picked Christian up, who had begun to fuss with no one on the floor with him.

  “I feel like I’ve had this conversation before,” Daniel said wryly. “Why am I not surprised?”

  “You of all people shouldn’t be,” Christy said. “After all, you’re the one who introduced me to all your friends who enjoy such unusual relationships. Didn’t we spend weeks with the Duke and Duchess of Ashley and their lover, Mr. Haversham, last year? Really, Daniel, I’m beginning to think you had this planned all along.”

  “What?” he said, aghast. “Me? What are you talking about? I would never do such a thing. As you said I, of all people, know the hardships of such relationships. I have seen it among my friends. And it would be worse for you and Robert and Simon.”

  He nodded at her protest. “Oh, yes. You are not a duchess, my dear. And the middle classes are even more parochial about that kind of thing than the aristocracy. You would be shunned by one and all. Robert would be lucky to keep his job, much less rise above a lowly constable in the department.
”

  Christy felt a little queasy, but then she remembered Simon’s distress last night and she straightened her shoulders. “We will manage. There are other jobs. Other places.”

  “Yes, there are,” Harry agreed, cutting off Daniel’s argument. “And you know it, too, Daniel. Sir Barnabas would give them both a job. Hasn’t he already?”

  “Don’t you want Simon to be happy, Daniel?” Christy asked.

  He slumped in his seat. “Of course I do. The problem, Christy, is that I’m not sure he can be.” He looked up at her. “Simon is so afraid of being happy, so afraid of being hurt again, that he will do just about anything to avoid loving someone. I’m worried that if he really is in love with you or Robert, or both of you, that he will start running and he won’t stop until he’s dead.”

  “Oh, Daniel,” Christy said, trying not to cry. “That’s what I’m afraid of, too. How do I get Simon to understand that he deserves to be happy?”

  “What does Robert have to say about all this?” Harry asked.

  “I don’t know.” Christy threw her hands up in the air. “Both of them told me so much last night. Simon and his story about Giselle and his nightmares, and then Robert admitting that Simon seduced him, right after he and I openly talked about my previous relationship with Simon for the first time. Things with Robert are so perfect.” She clasped her hands together. “I’m finally able to be me. Do you know what that means to me? And he’s happy with me. The real me. Not the me he thought he married. And the physical side of our marriage is…”

  She paused, blushing. “Well, anyway, everything is going so well, and I don’t want to jeopardize that. But I will always love Simon. And Robert knows that. I told him that. And he doesn’t seem to care. I mean, he told me that he will always want me and that I will always have a place with him.” She paused to take a breath.