by D T Dyllin
“Please, I don’t want this. I’m not lying—I’m a virgin.” I whimpered as his hands skimmed up and over my underwear. Bile rose in my throat. I didn’t want to lose my virginity this way—it just wasn’t fair.
“Get the fuck off her!” Suddenly the guy was pulled from me and thrown to the ground. I was so happy to see Bryn I could have cried, and as soon as I was out of this mess I probably would. “I should break your face. I should break every bone in your body,” Bryn snarled.
I’d never seen Bryn look so—so dangerous. His long black hair had fallen forward into his face, and his dark blue eyes raged with violence. He reached forward and picked up the wanna-be rapist by the neck with one of his large hands, holding him a good few inches off of the ground. A low growl emanated from the back of his throat, and I could have sworn, for the briefest of moments, his eyes sparked an even brighter blue, as if they glowed.
“Please. I’ll leave,” Wanna-be Rapist sputtered while gasping for air. Bryn released his grip and let him drop to the ground with an audible thud. “I’m leaving,” Wanna-be Rapist said, with an edge of panic in his voice. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who thought Bryn looked dangerous. He scrambled up and ran off faster than I’d seen anyone run while intoxicated. Or maybe that was just me?
Bryn watched him go, and then he turned to look at me, his face softening. “You okay, Peej?”
I blinked up at my savior—Bryn. Bryn, who I’d known practically all my life—suddenly he looked like a stranger. He really was becoming a Guardian—my Guardian—and for some reason, in my current state, that upset me. I didn’t want things to change; I didn’t want to lose him. I could no longer hold back the flood of tears that had been threatening to escape my eyes. I slid down the tree, sobbing hysterically.
Bryn dropped down on one knee and tipped my face up with his long fingers to look at him. His face was contorted with some emotion I couldn’t read. “He didn’t—he didn’t—I thought I got here in time.”
“No. He didn’t,” I croaked. “But he would have; he was going to.”
Bryn exhaled one long breath and, wrapped his arms around me, hesitantly at first, but when I sank into him, his hold grew fiercer. “What were you thinking? Going off with him? I told you to stay put.” His voice was harsh, making me cry harder.
“I don’t know. I wasn’t—thinking, that is. I’m sorry, Bryn, so sorry.” My apology, like my thoughts, was slow and muddled.
He let go of me and tipped my face up towards him again so he could look into my eyes. “Hey, why are you apologizing to me? I was just worried is—” He stopped talking as I brought a hand up to caress the side of his face. I’d never really realized how truly beautiful Bryn was. I mean, I noted on some level he was hot, but I didn’t actually take notice. I studied the face that had been one of the most important ones in my life since I was the age of five. I let my gaze roam from his dark blue eyes that were currently churning like a storm at sea; to his high sharp cheekbones; to his full, perfectly shaped lips. The contrast between his strikingly blue eyes and his black hair was nothing short of perfection. Bryn had the most beautiful face I had ever laid eyes on, I decided.
“Do you think I’m pretty, Bryn?” I whispered. His brows furrowed as he looked down at me. “Because I think you have the most beautiful face I’ve ever seen.” Did I actually just say that out loud?
“Peej—”
I brought my index finger up to his lips slowly, as if my hand weighed more than it normally did. “Shhh . . . No, really. Do you think I’m pretty?”
He swallowed, causing his Adam’s apple to dance up and down in his throat nervously. “No—I think you’re beautiful.”
I frowned at him. “You’re just saying that so I don’t feel bad, you know, because I said you’re beautiful.”
“No. I mean it.” He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, his hand lingering a moment too long. “So beautiful.” His lips met mine with an undercurrent of electricity. The kiss started out soft and sweet but began to gain momentum quickly. I gasped as his tongue slid in to deftly take control of my mouth. An unfamiliar feeling of liquid heat pooled in my middle, causing a moan to escape from me as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders in an attempt to pull him closer. It was like my body was on fire, and Bryn was the only one who could bring me relief.
And just as suddenly as it had begun, the kiss ended. Bryn stood quickly, leaving me on the ground to stare up at him in a daze. He swore under his breath, turning away from me to run his hands through his hair. “That shouldn’t have happened.” His voice broke an octave lower than normal, causing my stomach to do a little flip flop.
“Bryn.” His name, carrying an unsaid plea, felt new and unfamiliar on my tongue. I wanted his lips on me again, so much so that almost being raped didn’t even feel relevant anymore. Following my duty didn’t seem relevant anymore either. Nothing but tasting Bryn’s lips again mattered in that moment. “Bryn,” I said again, bringing the fingertips of my hand to touch my lips, imagining his were still locked with mine. It didn’t matter that he was a Guardian and I was a Seer; he was Bryn—my Bryn.
Bryn turned back towards me, acknowledging my silent plea with wide eyes. Tension was etched into every line on his face. “You’re drunk, and that shouldn’t have happened.”
Maybe I was buzzed, but I wasn’t drunk. And for the life of me, I couldn’t remember why kissing Bryn was such a bad idea. I might have had the memory a moment ago, but it was now buried beneath the fog in my brain. I’d never imagined kissing someone could feel so—right. So there was no reason why it shouldn’t have happened or why it shouldn’t happen again. “Why?” I whispered. “Why shouldn’t it have happened? I want—I want you to kiss me again.” When Bryn didn’t move, I felt my cheeks heat with embarrassment. Again, how could I be so stupid? Of course Bryn didn’t want to kiss me again, we were friends—best friends. He obviously didn’t think of me in a sexual manner—like I had told Jenna earlier in the day.
Bryn’s dark blue eyes held so much sadness, I thought it might be possible to drown in them. “I’m a Guardian, Peej. That’s why it shouldn’t have happened.”
“Oh,” was all I managed. How could I have forgotten? Maybe I am drunk. Of course—there was no possibility of a future for us. I would marry a Seer descendant or a Gatekeeper one day, not a Guardian. I brought my fingertips back up to touch my lips—they yearned to be pressed up against Bryn’s again—and suddenly none of that mattered anymore. “I don’t care,” I whispered, gathering my feet under me and pushing off them to stand. I swayed for a second, dizziness temporarily tilting my world, before Bryn caught me in his big strong arms. “I don’t care,” I whispered again as I looked up into Bryn’s beautiful face from only mere inches away.
“You should care,” he replied.
“I want you”—even as I was saying it I could hardly believe the words that were coming out of my mouth—“to be my first time.” Not stopping to get a reaction from Bryn, I took a step back and tugged my tattered dress from my body. I stood in front of him in only a little black thong and matching lace bra. Goosebumps erupted over my skin in response to the cool night air.
“Peej—” Bryn’s voice cracked, and I averted my eyes, not wanting to see any kind of rejection there. I was hoping I hadn’t misread what he had just said. He didn’t say he didn’t want me, just that we couldn’t be together because I was a Seer and he was a Guardian.
“Don’t you want to? Be my first? I thought you said you think I’m beautiful.” Still not wanting to meet his eyes, I watched his fists clench and unclench.
He strode forward and took my face in his hands. “I want it so much it hurts.” There was a fierceness in his eyes that I’d never seen before, and I realized I liked him looking at me that way. We had somehow found our way back to the same tree that the wanna-be rapist had been trying to take advantage of me
against, but none of that mattered once Bryn claimed my mouth again. I eagerly welcomed the taste of him on my tongue, the feel of his callused hands on my skin, and the press of his body against mine. I gasped into his mouth as he ground himself against me, feeling that part of him pressed so intimately against me was a shock—even if it was a good one. When I instinctively wrapped my long legs around his waist, I felt Bryn freeze. “We can’t,” he protested against my mouth as he pulled away from me. “We just can’t.”
“Bryn, no—,” I started to protest, but he didn’t let me finish.
“No, we can’t,” he growled. “God knows how much I want to, how long I’ve thought about it. That’s why Tammie and I broke up—because it wasn’t right; I couldn’t get you out of my head. It wouldn’t have been right to be with her when I was thinking about you the whole time. But it doesn’t change the fact that you’re a Seer and I’m a Guardian. You’re too good for me, out of my league.”
I blinked at him in surprise, letting his words fully sink in. I was the reason he broke up with Tammie? He wanted me? Like really wanted me? “You can have me.” And I meant it, I realized as I said the words, that I always had—and always would be—his for the taking.
“Be careful, Peej.” His voice was low and husky. “If you keep offering, I might just take it.”
I stepped into him, resting my hand on his arm. “I wouldn’t offer it if I wasn’t willing to let you have it.” His sea storm eyes threatened to pull me under, to wash away any thoughts of anything but him. “Don’t you see? I’m not too good for you; if anything, it’s the other way around. You’re always watching out for me, taking care of me—what have I ever done for you except be a major pain in your ass?”
A slight smile curled the corners of his lips up. “You don’t even know how great you really are, which is part of why I love you.” As soon as he said the last part, he clamped his mouth shut, his face going taut with tension again.
My mouth dropped open, ready to catch any nearby flies. “You love me?”
“Yeah, you know that; of course I love you,” he said gruffly, not meeting my eyes.
“No—you love me?”
Bryn stood still and silent, hardly breathing.
“How long? Just—how long?”
“I don’t know.” His voice was so low and soft that if I hadn’t been standing so close, I never would have heard it. “Maybe always. It just took me awhile to figure out what my feelings really meant.”
As his words sunk in, it made me question my own feelings. Could I be in love with Bryn and not even know it? I thought about all the times I’d gone out of my mind when he’d been with Tammie, even though I thought it was because he was my best friend, and I was just jealous of his time. But maybe not, maybe it had been more. Next, my mind flipped through all the times when I’d gotten petty with girls when I felt like they were trying to flirt or make a move on him. Again, I had thought it was just because I was jealous of his attention. But it was more than that, I realized—much more. I had always thought of Bryn as mine. He belonged to me. His smile, his eyes, even the mix of his deodorant, soap, and individual scent that made him—home; I’d come to think of him as home. Everything about Bryn was home for me. “Every time I’m with you, it’s like coming home,” I murmured.
“What does that even mean?”
I stepped closer into Bryn, pressing my body tightly against his. “It means I love you, too.” Why did it take almost being raped for me to figure it out? Now I understood why I’d thought of Bryn when the wanna-be rapist had his hands all over me. It was because his was the face that I loved, the one I truly longed for, the one I wouldn’t have been able to look at again, if he hadn’t arrived in time to stop it from happening.
He opened and shut his mouth as though he didn’t know what to say, before his face hardened with determination. “You’ll get over it when your mom starts setting you up on dates with guys you can actually be with, guys that a real future is possible with.”
I began to feel my thoughts sharpen, the effects of the alcohol finally beginning to wear off. I let out a strangled cry of frustration. “But I don’t want other guys—I want you.” If only I’d figured it out sooner.
“I won’t be strong enough to watch another guy walk away with you once I’ve had you. It’s just better for me not to know.” His voice turned pleading. “Let it go, Peej. I’m going to be your personal Guardian one day. I won’t be able to handle it if we have some kind of thing like you’re suggesting. I know I’m a guy, but I want more than just sex with you.”
“I’m not trying to suggest that we have some little thing that’s just about sex. Didn’t you hear me? I love you, too.”
“Put your dress back on. Now,” Bryn said between clenched teeth. Instead, I unhooked my bra and let it slip from my arms. I loved him, too. I wanted him. Why couldn’t he see that wasn’t something someone like me would just throw away?
Bryn groaned, his eyes locking onto my nearly naked body. “You’d put it all on the line for me, give it all to me, wouldn’t you? Because you think you have a choice.” His voice came out sounding strained to the point that it almost hurt me to hear it. “But you don’t have a choice. We don’t have a choice. Put. Your. Clothes. Back. On. Now.”
“No.” I raised my chin at him defiantly. “There’s always a choice. We’ll find a way. You’re not going to run away from this—from me.”
“Put. Them. Back. On. Now.” Bryn snarled at me. He’d never talked to me like that before, and even though I wasn’t afraid of him, it still made me back up a few steps. Unfortunately for me, my balance wasn’t what it should have been, because even though my thoughts were clearer, I was still buzzed. The ground came up to meet me so fast that I banged my head on the hard dirt.
“Ow,” I grumbled, suddenly feeling nauseous. “I don’t feel so good anymore.” I rolled onto my side just in time to throw up everything I had in my stomach. Fabulous. I closed my eyes and wished the ground would open up and swallow me whole. “Go away, Bryn. Just leave me.” My humiliation is complete.
“I’m not leaving you. Don’t be stupid. I’m going to give you my shirt; it should cover you better than Jenna’s dress did, anyways.”
“Why can’t I just put the dress back on?” I mumbled.
“Because it’s ripped, and you just threw up on it.” If I didn’t know better, I’d swear Bryn was laughing at me. No. He wouldn’t dare.
“Okay. But you can tell Jenna what happened.” My world was spinning, and all I wanted was to go to sleep, until a thought occurred to me. Bryn would be walking around with his shirt off in front of everyone—everyone as in all the other girls at the party. Jealousy spiked through my fuzzy, probably concussed brain. “No. I’ll wear the puke dress,” I mumbled, my eyes still shut. I had no desire to see whatever was swimming in his beautiful sea storm eyes. But I felt Bryn lift me up in his arms, already bare-chested. When did that happen? “You can’t walk around without a shirt on,” I stated with annoyance. Why did he not understand this?
He chuckled. “I think me walking around without my shirt on is going to cause less of a stir than you doing it.”
“I said I’d wear the puke dress,” I grumbled. What did I have to do to make him understand? Geez.
“What’s your problem with me being shirtless?” I could hear the amusement in his voice.
“Because you’re mine.” I snuggled in tighter to his muscular chest. “And I don’t want the Jennas of the world to get a good look at what they’ve been missing and steal you away.” I inhaled deeply, letting Bryn’s scent surround me in comfort—home. As I began drifting off to sleep, I heard Bryn whisper something that I’d never forget.
“There’s never any danger of that. I’m yours. Always.”
4
At first I thought it was a dream. Something pulled me up and out o
f my body—an invisible power—not a completely unpleasant feeling, just different than anything I’d ever experienced before. Off in the distance, a weird purple light pulsated, and the draw of it made me feel like I was caught in a tractor beam. I focused my mind completely, and the light drew closer to me—or I drew closer to it; I wasn’t really sure which. I arrived at the origins of the purple light, and I found myself so completely riveted that it was as if I were mesmerized.
The air around me felt cool, and yet it was charged with an electric current, almost like static electricity. All the hairs on my body stood on end. In front of me, it appeared as if a piece of sky had been ripped into the side of the forest, the jagged edges swaying in time with pulsating shades of purple and blue. The shape of it was irregular, moving as I imagine pure energy does, with a kind of pattern that no naked eye could pick up on—even a Seer’s naked eye. It was absolutely beautiful, and a sort of pity washed over me for all of the Regs that would never get to see such a magnificent sight.
As I stood, or hovered, or whatever; shapes began to emerge from—the gate. Yes—I realized I was seeing one of the gates for the first time; truly seeing it. But my elation was short-lived as the shapes took form in front of my eyes. They looked human, and yet were other. There were so many of them—too many to count—and I couldn’t tell any of them apart; they all appeared uniform in appearance to me. Huge eyes bulged out of their too tiny, pinched faces. Luminescent, dewy skin glowed with a soft light that picked up on the gate’s hues, making them all appear to pulsate with their own lights. They glided out of the gate slowly, their thin bodies levitating inches off the ground. As I stared at them, a chill ran up my spine. I couldn’t shake the feeling that these creatures were dangerous, and they were creeping into my world completely unnoticed. Where were the other Seers? Why weren’t they here watching this with me? Where were the Gatekeepers to shut the gate on these pesky humanlike creatures? And where were the Speakers and Guardians to tell them to return to whence they came or they’d get some major smackdown laid on them?