by D T Dyllin
Everyone greeted me with a chorus of Happy Birthdays before my mom ushered us all into the dining room for dinner. Bryn and I took our traditional seats next to each other in the center of the table. “What are you doing?” Bryn whispered.
I smiled at him innocently. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”
He quirked one dark eyebrow at me. “I don’t believe that for a second.”
“What you choose to believe or not believe has nothing to do with me.” I widened my smile. “Now let’s just have a nice dinner and enjoy ourselves.”
Dinner went pretty smoothly, and I could tell Bryn was starting to relax a little. He even let me take his hand like I normally did. It was only when we were opening presents that things got more interesting.
“Kevin,” my mom said conversationally to my dad, “I was just telling P. J. earlier that I think it’s time for us to start setting her up on dates with some proper young men . . . you know?”
“Sure,” my dad agreed.
“It’s about time you started Suiridhe. Some of the other single Seers about your age started already. You better get going before you miss out on someone good,” Bryn’s mom, of all people, chimed in. It was like they were talking about going shoe shopping or something. You better hit the sale before all the best shoes are gone.
I stared at Bryn when I put my two cents in. “Sure. I’d love to, Mom. It’s not like I have any other prospects of my own to worry about, not really.” Bryn dropped my hand, and by the look on his face, I could tell that was not the answer he had been expecting from me. “The sooner the better,” I added for more effect.
“Oh, good, honey, I’ll get started right away.” My mom called over her shoulder as she headed back into the kitchen, “Anyone need anything while I’m in here?”
“I’m going for a walk.” Bryn stood suddenly.
“I’ll go with you.” I wasn’t going to let him get away that easily.
“No,” he said.
“Well, why not?” I quirked an eyebrow at him in silent challenge. He knew he couldn’t make that big a deal about wanting to get away from me without raising some questions. His jaw ticked with tension, and he turned and headed for the door without another word. Of course, he knew I would follow him. “We’ll be back in a couple minutes,” I called to no one in particular. Bryn and I going off by ourselves was a pretty common occurrence, and no one in either of our families would give it a second thought.
I struggled in my high heels to keep up with Bryn at the brisk pace he was keeping. “Hey, wait up,” I snapped.
“And why would I do that when I’m trying to lose you?” Bryn snapped back, ducking into the woods that sat across from my house.
“Bryn, please.”
He whirled back to face me, his face contorted in agony. “What the hell are you trying to do to me, Peej? Seriously, are you trying to punish me or something?”
“No, I—”
My words were swallowed up when his mouth found mine, his tongue forcefully pushing past my lips. His heady taste and raw masculine scent invaded my senses and overpowered me. His hands tangled in my hair, and just like the night before, I found myself pushed up against a tree by Bryn. The way he was kissing me was different than before though, he was being more forceful, and there seemed to be an undercurrent of desperation. All my nerve endings felt like they crackled with his energy, and a wave of pure lust slammed into me. “I can’t lose you. I just can’t,” he rumbled into my mouth.
I inwardly smiled. Had my plan worked that quickly? Had the mere threat of me being with someone else driven Bryn into my arms? Time to find out. “I wanna be with you, Bryn. I don’t wanna be with anyone else. Ever.”
He stilled for a moment, breaking our kiss and pulling back just enough so he could look into my eyes. “We’ll find a way. Somehow, we’ll find a way,” and then his lips sought mine again. That was all I needed to hear. Bryn would fight for me. Somehow we would make it work.
We stayed like that for I’m not sure how long, just making out furiously in the woods across from my house. But before things could progress much farther, Bryn pulled away, even with my protesting lips trying to ensnare his again. “Not like this. Your first time can’t be like this.”
I tried to catch my breath as I gazed up into his beautiful blue eyes. My insides churned for him. “You can’t take it back. You can’t say we’ll find a way and then take it back. That would be even worse than if you’d never said anything at all.” It would kill me, but I left that part unsaid.
He cupped my face in both of his large hands and spoke inches from me. “No. There’s no going back. I want this.” He shook his head slightly. “No. I need this. I need you. I can’t imagine my life without you. Just being your Guardian isn’t enough—it’d never be enough.”
“So what do we do?” I whispered. I hadn’t thought much beyond the getting Bryn to fight for me plan, and honestly, I didn’t think it would work so fast.
“For now it has to stay a secret. We can’t tell anyone.”
I nodded in agreement. “Of course.”
“We’ll both be out of high school in less than a year, and then they can’t stop us—no one can stop us.”
“But what about my mom and the Sudding . . .” My voice trailed off as I noticed the torment in his eyes.
“You go. You pretend. We bide our time. And we do this”—he delivered me another long, delicious kiss that left me feeling slightly dizzy—“in secret.”
“Okay.”
His thumbs circled my cheeks. “I love you, Peej—so much, it hurts.”
I bit my lower lip as I looked up at him. His eyes spoke of promises, promises of hope and love, and I wanted nothing more than to drown in those promises. “I love you, too.”
“Come on.” He interlaced his fingers with mine and tugged me away from my now favorite tree in the whole world. “We better get back before they start to wonder what’s taking us so long.”
“But wait—” I teetered on my heels, trying not to let Bryn pull me forward. “I didn’t give you your birthday present yet.” Reaching into my dress, just above my left bra cup, I produced a slim leather wallet.
Bryn’s eyes widened slightly. “How did I miss that?”
I laughed. “Well, to be fair, I had it more under the strap, and you kind of skipped over that area of my body and got right down to business with your groping. Not to mention that you were completely over my clothes and—”
Bryn echoed my laugh with one of his own. “Okay, okay, I get the point. Can I have my present now?”
I set the wallet on his upturned, waiting palm and watched him with anxiety. The wallet was something that I would give my friend Bryn, but he was more now . . . so much more. Maybe he wouldn’t like it. Maybe he would think it was stupid. Bryn was always such a hard person to shop for, and I’d noticed that he needed a new wallet. His old one was on its last legs, not to mention it had a Velcro closure. I mean, Velcro? Seriously? So I got him a nice little leather wallet with his initials on the front. I’d also added another personal touch on the inside . . .
“Is this a picture from our first birthday celebration together? What were we, like, five?”
“No, six. We didn’t start celebrating our birthdays together until we were six.” I was momentarily swept away to another time as I pictured Bryn as the tiny mischievous boy that I’d come to call my best friend. His black hair had fallen forward into his sparkling blue eyes, and he had given me his patented lopsided grin complete with dimples, just as he smashed a piece of cake into my face. Of course, I had reciprocated, and a full out cake war had ensued. That’s when my mom had snapped the picture of us that I had put into Bryn’s wallet. We were both completely covered in chocolate cake and beaming at each other.
“Peej—”
“I know it’s stupid. I guess I’m just being a sentimental girl. I don’t know what—”
“I love it,” Bryn cut me off. “The fact that you noticed my old wallet is falling apart—I don’t know, maybe I’m being girly and sentimental, too, but I think it’s cool you pay that much attention to me, that you notice the little things no one else does. And the picture . . . I love it, too.”
Warmth bloomed in my chest, and I smiled at him. “I’m really glad you like it—all of it.”
“My turn,” Bryn muttered more to himself than me as he reached into his back pocket.
When he offered me a small black velvet box, I gasped. No guy besides my dad had ever given me jewelry before. Unable to find words just yet, I took my gift from him and popped the lid off quickly. I gasped again, “Bryn, I love them! They’re just the ones I wanted—the ones I told you I saw at the mall with Jenna last month.” Winking at me in the dim light was a small pair of blue sapphire stud earrings. The dark blue color reminded me of Bryn’s eyes when they were churning with deep emotion, and sapphire happened to be both of our birthstones. They were absolutely perfect.
“Yeah, I know. I had Jenna show me which ones.”
“But how did you afford them? I mean, they weren’t exactly cheap—”
Bryn stepped forward, bringing his large hand up to cup the side of my face, and the charge of electricity that passed between the two of us shut me up completely. He stared into my eyes as he spoke. “I just wanted to make you happy.” I was left completely speechless, and in the thrall of Bryn’s cerulean eyes. “We’d better get back for real this time”—he cleared his throat, dropped his gaze from mine, and took my hand within his—“before I do something we’ll both regret.”
As I trailed along mutely behind Bryn, heading back to our party, I thought if I could find my voice, I would tell him that whatever he wanted to do—I most certainly wouldn’t have regretted it.
6
It was harder than I ever thought possible to keep things secret about what was going on between Bryn and me. Being with him all the time had become a different form of torture. Sitting so close to him, holding his hand—those things made me want to run my hands all over him, to explore the finely honed muscles that lay under his smooth, pale skin, to kiss not only his lips but his sweet, salty skin. I craved closeness to him—a closeness I wasn’t even sure I understood, being that I was still a virgin. When I was around him, it was if my skin hummed in anticipation of even the slightest touch from him, and when I looked into his dark blue eyes, I knew he felt the same. We were in love, the kind of deep, soul-changing love that happens only once in a lifetime.
That being said, I was currently waiting to go on a date with someone my mom had set me up with, someone that was not Bryn. I had chosen to wear black skinny dress pants and a black and white striped one-shoulder top, paired with black gladiator sandals. What I really wanted to be in was jeans and a T-shirt, but I had to at least look like I was trying, for appearance’s sake. Bryn knew about the date, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was cheating on him. I wished that I’d never said anything to my mom. Instead of sitting on the couch waiting for my would-be suitor, I could be off with Bryn somewhere, his full, perfect lips pressed against my skin. I shivered at the thought. I didn’t know how much longer I’d be able to keep our relationship under wraps, not with the way he made my insides churn. Every fiber in my being cried out to be with him. Surely there was some kind of physical evidence when we were near each other. Or was I the only one whose skin heated and burned like a live wire was pushing electricity into me every time Bryn was near? How had no one picked up on that yet?
When the familiar sound of the doorbell chimed, dread snaked up and took hold of my chest, leaving it tight and restricted. I fought the urge to flee out the back door and run into the strong, reassuring arms of Bryn, and the comfort I knew I would find within them. He’d seemed pretty cool about the date when I’d told him about it a few days ago. After all, he knew we had to keep up appearances, to pretend that nothing had changed between us, but a part of me wished he’d appear in a jealous boyfriend rage and demand for me to not go on this date.
“Honey, Jeremy is here,” my mom called to me, her voice much too cheery for my taste. I somehow managed to peel myself off the couch and trudge towards the front foyer. “Here she is,” my mom nearly sang. “P.J., this is Jeremy. Jeremy, this is my lovely daughter, P.J. Don’t mind her, I think she’s a little nervous.”
I glared at my mom. “I’m not nervous,” I said under my breath.
“Hey.” I looked up to meet the eyes of the boy who owned the voice. He had a pleasant enough face, sandy brown spiky hair, deep brown eyes set over a long, straight nose, high cheekbones, full, firm lips, and a square, masculine jaw—quite handsome if I was being honest with myself. I wouldn’t have been surprised to find his picture adorning the walls in one of those preppy clothing stores like Abercrombie & Fitch. Jenna would already be wiping drool off of her chin if she were in my shoes. She’d probably have him half undressed by the time they reached his car. But he’s not Bryn.
“Hey,” I replied coolly.
My mom grinned at me, obviously very pleased with herself. “Now you two have a good time.” She proceeded to usher us out the front door, closing it behind us with finality.
“So . . .” Jeremy trailed off before clearing his throat. “I know this is kind of awkward, but I thought we could go get something to eat and talk, try to make this as painless as possible.”
I hadn’t considered the possibility that maybe whoever I went out with wouldn’t exactly be thrilled to go on our date either. “Yeah, okay,” I agreed with a tentative smile. I followed him down to a dark green RAV4, probably his parents’, I guessed, since it was the newest model, and I let him open and shut the door for me as I climbed into the passenger side. I waited in silence as he rounded the car, letting my gaze settle on a patch of trees by my house. I sucked in a surprised breath when I saw Bryn standing there. As my gaze met his, he stepped back farther into the shadows. My heart twisted in my chest from the tormented look on his face. Why had he come to see me leave on my date? Why would he do that to himself? I raised my palm to the window and touched my fingertips to it, wishing it were his heated face under my skin and not smooth, cool glass.
The engine in the RAV4 revving to life pulled my mind back to the interior of the car and the date I was supposed to be on. I willed myself to look away from the dark night, and from where I knew Bryn most surely still lurked. I glanced over at Jeremy and gave him another tentative smile, to which he returned one of his own. “Music?” he asked.
“Yeah, sure.”
“My iPod is down there in the console, already hooked up. I’ll let you pick our soundtrack for the evening.”
I began scrolling through his music selection without another word. I decided on Seether’s Fake It for the first song, feeling it was oddly appropriate somehow, and Genius-ed it. Once the selection was made, I turned it up loud enough to where it would make conversation relatively difficult. Jeremy obviously took the hint, and we rode in silence—except for the music—and I stared out the window, watching the world blur by without really paying attention to where we were going. When the car rolled to a stop, I glanced up to see the warm glow of Tony’s restaurant sign shining through the windshield. Pittsburgh and the surrounding suburbs are jam packed with local mom and pop Italian places, so Jeremy bringing me to one wasn’t that odd, but it definitely wasn’t a coincidence that he had chosen my favorite. “My mom told you, didn’t she?” I asked with a frown.
Jeremy looked at me, taking in my frown, and shot me a puzzled expression. “It’s okay, isn’t it? I mean, was your mom wrong?”
“No,” I sighed, fingering the buckle on my seatbelt. “She was right. This place is my favorite.”
“Okaaay.” Jeremy drew out the word, o
bviously considering what to say next. “Look, I know this is all awkward, like I said before, but there’s no need for it to be painful. It’s not like I was exactly thrilled when my parents informed me I had a date with someone that I’d never met before. But then again, it’s not as if I’m seriously seeing anyone right now anyways, hence the Sudding.” He smiled at me. “And now, after meeting you, even though I can tell you’re less than thrilled to be here, I’m thinking this might not be that bad a thing after all.”
So much for him not being interested in me. He seemed nice enough, and I didn’t relish the thought of being mean to him, but what was the point, really? “Look,” I tugged on my seatbelt nervously, “I’m here because my mom has it in her head that it’s time for me to start dating proper young men, and I’m sure I don’t have to clue you into what she means when she says that, but—” But what? I couldn’t exactly tell him that I was in love with someone else. It no doubt would get around, and my mom would demand to know what was going on, and I couldn’t afford for anyone to figure out what was happening between Bryn and me.
“But what?” Jeremy asked. “Are you, well, are you—there’s no easy way to ask this, so I’m just going to—are you into girls or something?”
“What?” I blinked at him in total shock. I so hadn’t seen that question coming.
“Well, you’re not married, and you’re not in a serious relationship, so if you’re not a lesbian, then I don’t see why you can’t at least have dinner with me, give me a shot. Unless you think I’m completely repulsive?” He met my eyes and grinned, knowing full well he wasn’t repulsive.
An image of Bryn flashed in my mind’s eye. Heat rolled over my skin in reaction to the thought of his body pressed up flush to mine, his lips trailing down my—