by Rita Hestand
"You like her, don't you?"
"Yeah, I do."
"And what about Jennifer?"
"I don't know. She can't just waltz back into my life and say it doesn't matter, Dad. It does. She walked out. Without a word. That's not love..."
His father smiled strangely. "And are you now an expert on love?"
"Hell no! I'm not even sure what it is, anymore." He downed his second glass of milk, and wiped his white mustache as Cal gave him a grin.
Cal twisted his head. "You know, sometimes people need some space to see what they really want."
Rusty glanced at him again. "Or don't want."
"Or don't want." Cal smiled, and stood up, putting his hand on Rusty's shoulder.
"Just make sure you know what you do want." Cal said starting to leave.
"Dad, can I ask you something?" Rusty hesitated, looking at his father closely.
"Sure," Cal said returning to the table and glancing down into Rusty's solemn face.
"Have you ever wanted a woman so bad...you sorta lost control? Of yourself?" Rusty asked his voice low and thoughtful.
"Many times." Cal chuckled.
"What makes a man that way?" Rusty asked. "With me, it was your mother, son. She could make me want her in the strangest places and at the strangest times." Cal nodded, as though it was a mystery to him too, as though he could conjure his beautiful dead wife up at a moment’s notice.
"Really, was it just Mom, or was it others too?" Rusty asked.
Cal shook his head, "No, no one could do that to me, but your mother, son. She had a fire about her that I never saw in other women."
Rusty nodded. "A fire. Is that what it is? Was Mom beautiful?"
"Beautiful?" Cal's head twisted and he sat down in the chair opposite Rusty and looked at his son, and then a slow, sad smile lit his face. "Son, maybe against other women, she wasn't exactly cover girl material, but when I looked into her eyes, and saw the light there, I just didn't see other women anymore. There was something about her. Whether it was her smile, that was slow and burning, her eyes that danced when she talked, her voice, kinda throaty, I don't know what it was, but I never wanted another woman after I met her. So yes, I guess she was just about the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen."
Rusty seemed completely spellbound by his father's words. He listened and then stood up and grabbed his father's shoulder. "Thanks Dad. It's nice to hear you talk about Mom, again."
"Maybe I should have talked to you more about her, son. You didn't get a chance to know her. I know you've been carrying the guilt all these years. It wasn't your fault you know. I never blamed you. She wanted you more than her own life. If she could have chosen, she would have chosen your life over hers any day. That's the way she was, the kind of woman she was."
Rusty listened intently, soaking up the information like a sponge. Then he laid a quick hand on his dad's shoulder and stood up.
Cal stared at his son then nodded. "Night son."
"Night dad," Rusty called watching his father walk away, a new and deeper understanding of the man he called Dad suddenly on his shoulders…
*****
The next morning Rusty knocked on Hannah's door and there was no answer. Slowly he turned the knob and peeked in. Hannah and her bag were gone.
Rusty stomped loudly to the kitchen. "Hannah's not in her bedroom."
Emma nodded as she stirred the gravy. "She went home, Rusty."
"Home?" he boomed.
"Said she just fired her foreman and was needed. Sounded reasonable to me. After all, she does have a ranch to run."
"Reasonable? She's gone!" He repeated as though his brain was still fuzzy and he couldn't quite think.
"Did you know she fired her foreman?"
Rusty glanced away from the all-knowing look on Emma's face. "Yeah, that's my problem, I know a little about a lot."
"Maybe it's for the best, hon. You don't need an audience when Jennifer comes, do you?" Emma's sympathy was showing and Rusty realized she only wanted to help.
Rusty looked around the table at all the questions on everyone else's faces. "I guess not. But she could have at least told me she was leaving."
"I guess I put her in an embarrassing position." Deke admitted as he sipped his coffee and didn't quite meet Rusty's glance.
"You sure as hell did that, bro." Rusty frowned. He wanted to slam his fist on the table, he wanted to break something. He wanted out of this mess. He'd never felt out of control before, but right now, he wasn't sure what to do about it.
"For that, I'm sorry. But doing it behind her back didn't seem right either. Better she know up front, then...later."
"Know what?" Rusty demanded.
"Well, everybody knows you're going to go back to Jennifer, after you forgive her." Deke said almost grudgingly, as though he didn't particularly cotton to the idea, but accepted it as fact.
"Yeah? Who said?"
"Well....aren't you?" Deke's eyebrow raised a hair as he stared at his brother in disbelief.
Rusty stood up from the table, glanced at them all, one by one. "I don't know..."
Chapter Eight
The north wind whistled through the barn door like a siren from a police car, it's cold and lonely sound ripping at Hannah's heart. Hannah tried to ignore it. She pulled her gloves on, and began distributing the hay about the stalls. Methodically she groomed the horses, till their coats shined and they neighed their approval. Hannah hardly noticed.
She heard Pepper barking from the doorway, where she had deliberately left him. At least he wanted to console her. He'd been by her side since she arrived, as though he knew there was something troubling her.
She hadn't warmed up a bit. The wind's song was little comfort, one she wouldn't dwell on, she told herself. Pulling her coat tighter she stomped her booted feet to get some feeling back into them. Pulling her jacket closer about her, she tried not to shiver from the invading cold.
She'd spent an hour chipping ice in the watering holes. Even though she'd worn gloves her hands were raw and freezing. Hard work was good for what ailed her, she decided. Maybe if she froze, she'd numb the feelings running through her now. Feelings she tried to squash in every other way, and failed.
She couldn't help reliving that moment on the horse with Rusty. It scared her, and yet the feelings that had swamped her still made her swoon. Never had any man affected her that way, so intently. So much so she forgot who and where she was. Every fiber of her being had wanted to be one with Rusty. Perhaps she should be ashamed of that, but for some reason she couldn't be. It had felt as though God Almighty had put them together. As though it was meant to be. How could anything that wonderful be so wrong?
And yet so right!
She'd just have to file it away in her heart as a precious memory, because that's all it would ever be for her.
Reality told her Rusty was going back to Jennifer.
She should be cussing the Travers bunch for involving her in Rusty's reunion. Yet, it was better knowing what was going on, and not being shocked later. Although him going back to Jennifer shouldn't be such a shock, her mind tried to reason. She had thought all along he would do just that. So why did she feel so lost all of a sudden? So surprised at her own heartache?
She shook her head vehemently. How could a woman fall so hard?
She wasn't going to think about Rusty any more. She couldn't. Truth be known, she'd come to like Rusty a little too much for comfort. A lot too much! And despite the marriage that never happened, Hannah couldn't stop the feeling of loss that had swamped her on her return home. It was utter nonsense to miss someone she barely knew. And yet, despite the amount of time she'd spent with Rusty, she felt she did know him. He was a rancher, much like herself. He knew his work, spoke his mind, and lived the true life of a cowboy. Even went as far as living by the cowboy code of ethics.
She thought she'd feel better when she was surrounded by her home and land, but this time, she felt empty. As empty as when her father had died
and she'd come home to a barren house. The stark reality of being alone again sent another shiver through her.
She pulled the flop hat down and grabbed the pitch fork.
She'd never forget that forlorn loneliness that hit her when she walked through the door of the ranch house and realized finally that her father was truly dead.
Leaving the ranch and her father had been hard, but her reasoning behind it solid. She had to make some money, somehow. She had to help her father keep this ranch, it meant too much to them. However, her leaving for Vegas nearly broke her father's heart. She'd never stepped foot out of Texas before. She'd witnessed the heartbreak in his eyes. Still, she had to help him keep his dream and Jimmy's too.
Pepper stood up on the door and it opened enough for him to slip through the crack. He ran up to her and nudged her leg for a pat. Hannah smiled and felt the tears welling. Even Pepper wasn't hers, and she had come to love him too!
She scoffed at herself, and flung a big teardrop away as she continued working. Tears! She couldn't remember the last time she'd cried. She hadn't cried when she buried her father, she couldn't. She was too empty. She hadn't cried when she found Vic in bed with her roommate, again only emptiness. But now...a tear!
"You forgot something, didn't you?" A sultry voice from behind her made her shiver.
Dear God, it couldn't be him? How could she face Rusty? She'd just flicked a tear away. He'd see she'd been crying. But pride held her still for a moment as she gained control. She stood ramrod straight, willing a calm she didn't feel. Hannah stopped pitching hay and slowly turned around to face Rusty staring hard and not too happily at her.
Pepper nudged him for a pat.
"At least someone's glad to see me." Rusty chuckled as he bent to pet the dog.
Puzzled by his question and wondering why he'd come here, she frowned. Why did he have to come back, her mind screamed. She hadn't wanted to say goodbye. She wasn't sure she could. Looking so damned handsome standing there with that big frown on his face, she had an urge to run into his arms and hug him close. Still, she would have gotten over him in time. "So what did I forget?" Was that her voice that quivered so?
He stuck the ring out in front of her, and she gazed at the beautiful diamond that beckoned her attention. She'd left it on the pillow in the room she'd slept in last night. She loved that ring, had dreams about it. It was perhaps the only material thing other than her land that she had come to cherish. But it wasn't hers, and she knew it.
"That's not mine and you know it, Rusty." She said moving to turn away from him.
Rusty was having none of that, he followed and stepped in front of her. He grabbed her hand, and slid it on her finger, even though she tried to resist.
"You're freezing, what are you doing out here this time of night?"
"This is a ranch, we work 24/7 here, and you know that." She declared glancing at the ring momentarily, and wishing with all her might that she didn't love the feel of it on her finger. "The water froze up, I had to chip it. Things have to be done. I'm doing them."
"As I recall we had a wedding to attend."
Hannah dropped the pitch fork and looked up at him. A big mistake. Her heart leapt at seeing his face, but she quickly masked her reactions. It'd be foolish to fall for this man, she scolded herself silently.
She put her hands on her hips, and frowned instead. "Now look, Rusty..."
"No....you look lady." He came closer his eyes were trained on her but his voice softened. "We're engaged, officially, in front of witnesses. In case you've forgotten. And no matter what my brother thinks about my past. He's forgotten one thing."
"And what is that?" Hannah snapped.
"I said I would help you keep this place, Hannah, I meant it." Rusty said eyeing her as though testing his own words. His face was solemn.
He did mean it. And damn if she didn't love him for that!
Hannah stared at the man in disbelief. What had happened between him and Jennifer? Had she rejected him, again? Or was this some noble gesture on his part to keep his word? She knew his ethics were unquestionable, yet, his reasons might hold concern.
"Under the circumstances...."
"There are no circumstances, we're getting married, Hannah. Tomorrow, so get yourself a dress, and whatever else you need and let's do it."
Hannah didn't like his assertiveness. Why was he suddenly so set on marrying her now? Perhaps Jennifer had dumped him and he wanted revenge. That made sense.
"I'm not wearing a dress, and I'm not getting married." She said determined to make him see sense.
"Fine, don't wear a dress. I don't care if you get married in your birthday suit, but come morning, at ten o'clock we are gonna be married."
He turned then and started marching toward the barn door.
She ran after him, trying to pull the ring from her finger, but it seemed stuck. Giving up with that, she began pulling him around by the arm.
"Wait just a minute, I don't know what happened back there, with you and Jennifer, but this is insanity. Under the circumstances, I won't marry you."
His eyes narrowed on her, his stance was that of a gunfighter facing his enemy. But his face was all smiles now. "Little darlin', we better get one thing straight, right now. I'm the straw boss around here and what I say goes. The animals respect it, the men have learned it, and you...my little lady will too. And I say we're getting married—tomorrow!"
Perhaps she needed to take a new tack with him. "But what about Jennifer? There's no reason to torture her so. I'll find another way..."
"There is no other way. Now," his eyes seemed to soften on her now, as though he suddenly liked looking at her.
What that gaze did to her heart beat was frightening. She couldn't fall for a man that was in love with another woman...not again. She couldn't be that foolish...again!
His finger reached to gently stoke her cheek, creating a hot flush to her face. "Be ready at ten, in your living room, we have guests coming."
"Guests? Who...?"
"My family for one, some of the locals around here and the ranch hands and their families. And the banker."
"But how..."
"I've been on the phone ever since I packed and left the house. I'll have one helluva phone bill, but it will be worth it."
Hannah stared with huge brown eyes up at him. "But we can't do this. Rusty you aren't thinking straight right now. Not that I blame you. You've had a shock."
"I'm thinking very straight. And we can, and we will."
Then he was gone, and Pepper followed barking with obvious joy to see his master.
*****
Rusty went into the ranch house, turned on the heat, lit a fire, and went to shower. He was dead tired, but glad he'd come. Hannah had all but given up on him, and so had his family. Hell, he wasn't sure why he was doing this, himself. He wasn't sure why seeing Hannah's face made him so happy either. But it did. The strangest part was why he'd sent Jennifer on her way. Only, he'd realized as soon as he saw Jennifer that whatever he'd felt for her, whatever they had once was gone.
It was a relief to know. Jennifer had toyed with his affections for too long, and truth be known, he'd fallen for her for the wrong reasons. He knew that now. When she drove up in his drive with her sporty new Porsche, got out in her fancy clothes and beauty parlor hair, he suddenly realized how shallow a man he was. It hit him like a tornado. He hadn't loved Jennifer. Love wasn't a pretty body and curves. It ran deeper than that. At least he thought it was. It had to do with liking a person...a lot. It had to do with enjoying the small things in life, not the big things.
Love was about feelings, honesty, knowing someone so well that you could second guess them. Love was all that and more.
Strange how at home he suddenly felt here. He smiled and whistled as he showered, knowing the floor was gonna be cold when he stepped out. But that fire he'd lit in the fireplace would feel good.
He thought about how surprised Jennifer had been when he didn't kiss her. Surprised when
he didn't act glad to see her. And how he almost felt an odd pity for her now. Beautiful yes, but not for him. He wanted more than a package, a pretty figure. He wanted a woman. He wanted a woman who would stand by his side, through thick and thin. Like Emma had with Deke, and Abby had with Clint. Jennifer was still the little cheer-leader he'd grown up with. She hadn't matured. And he suddenly realized—he had!
He smiled and whistled as he shaved and combed his hair, then wrapped a towel around himself and headed for the bedroom. His bedroom! At least the one he'd picked out as his.
Just as he came through the door, Hannah nearly ran into him.
He reached out to grab her and she bolted away when she realized he wasn't wearing his jeans.
"I...I'm sorry. I didn't know...I mean." she stammered and her face flushed again.
Her hands were still cold, but she'd moved as if he'd burnt her. He smiled.
"Thought I'd get in there tonight as I'm sure you'll need it in the morning, right?"
She shook her head, as though clearing it. "We need to talk."
"Mind if I get some clothes on first, it's a little chilly this way." He glanced down, and she flushed again. He liked that flush. Yes siree, there were a lot of things he was beginning to like about Hannah.
"Of course, I'll make us some hot chocolate." She began backing away.
"How about a big bowl of popcorn to go with it?" He suggested with a wink.
She gulped and nodded, but not before her glance took him all in. The slow rate her eyes traveled over him, made him grin.
Rusty smiled at her hasty retreat too, knowing full well she was embarrassed at being caught gawking. Again thoughts of whether she might be a virgin flitted through his mind, this time he didn't dismiss them. This time he pondered about Hannah even further. He didn't know much about her life, but he intended to find out.
He threw on a pair of red checkered pajama bottoms. He was tying the pajamas as he walked into the living room. Pepper had already found his place by the fire and was nearly asleep.
Going to the fire, he waited for her to join him, and then he sat in the recliner and put on a pair of socks to keep his feet warm. He had put his hat on, force of habit he reckoned, and let it lie.