by Tess Oliver
“Hey, Stormy, what’s up?”
“Hey, world’s sexiest boss, would you mind if I did a tattoo today? I know the shop is usually closed on Sunday, but this friend of mine works all week and Saturday. It should only take a few hours.”
“No, that’s fine. I’ve got some paperwork to do anyhow. I’ll meet you at the shop in an hour.”
“Great. See you then.”
Clutch called the second I hung up. “Hey, what’s up?”
“How’s that cut on your eye?”
“Still there.”
“That’s why it helps to have a face that is too high up for anyone to reach with a fist. Anyhow, I think I found the beach rental. It’ll fit all of us, and it’s right on the sand.”
I leaned back against the couch. “Yeah, I don’t know if Scotlyn and I are going to go. Things are pretty unstable right now.”
“Oh, come on. You’ve got to go. It’s a tradition. You two will patch things up. For fucksake, you’re Nix and Scotlyn, the dream couple.”
“Yeah, dreams fade when you wake up, you know?”
“This one doesn’t. Let’s head down to the coast. I’m taking the Corvette and putting down the top. We can check out the house and get some lunch at that burger hut on the pier.”
“Sounds romantic.”
“Damn right it is. I’ll pick you up in an hour.”
“All right, but make it an hour and a half and pick me up at Freefall. I’m going to go open up the shop for Stormy.”
“Stormy?”
“My new artist. I told you about her, but you always have your head in the clouds...metaphorically and literally. See you in ninety.”
***
I had paperwork to do, but my mind was definitely not in it. Clutch walked in behind Stormy. She pursed her lips and pointed up at him.
“I’ve seen you at some of the local vintage car meets. You are hard to miss.”
Clutch seemed pleased with that assessment.
“Stormy, this is Jimmy, or Clutch as most people call him.”
“Right, Clutch. You restore cars.” She looked over at me. “Come to think of it, I’ve seen you at the meets too. I don’t know why it took me so long to remember.”
Clutch grinned down at her. “Nix is far less memorable.”
She smiled and moved closer to me. Her hand rested on my arm. “I wouldn’t say that at all.”
I pulled my arm out from under her hand. “We’re going to head out, so just remember to set the alarm before you leave.”
She tucked her hands in the back pockets of her short shorts and made a point of pushing her cleavage out for view. Clutch nearly toppled forward like a felled tree in his attempt to get a closer look.
Stormy was pleased with the attention. “Got it. I won’t forget. See you both later.”
Clutch followed me out, and the door shut behind us. “That chick wants you.”
“I think the boob flash was for both our benefits, and don’t let it go to your head. Stormy seems to thrive on having all the attention in the room focused on her. She’s a damn good tattoo artist though.
Clutch climbed into the car. He’d adjusted the seat so that it would accommodate his long legs, something he’d had to do with every car, but the Corvette was just too damn small for him. If it hadn’t been convertible his head would’ve been pressed against the ceiling. “She’s pretty damn hot, but she wears too much perfume.”
“Yeah, and that’s toned down. I had to tell her it was too much. Poor Cassie kept sneezing. And that perfume got me in some heavy fucking trouble. The air conditioner was blasting in that back room and Stormy pulled on my sweatshirt.”
Clutch pulled away from the curb. “Shit, she’s wearing your stuff? Then she really wants you.”
I ignored his comment. “Anyhow, Scotlyn picked up the sweatshirt and—”
We stopped at a light. Clutch’s booming laugh frightened the driver next to us. “So, Scottie smelled perfume and thought you were banging the new tattoo artist. Classic.”
“I’m glad you think it’s classic. I was fucking pissed that she would think that. I’ve never had eyes for anyone but her since we met. Thought she knew that, but I was wrong.”
The sun was beating down on us as Clutch turned onto the freeway. “Are you fucking kidding me? What else would she think? Taylor would have nailed my ass to the wall if she’d smelled perfume on my clothes.”
I stared out at the scenery that blurred past us as Clutch shifted into fifth. The car motor quieted as he reached a level speed. “Crap, maybe I overreacted. I was really fucking hurt thinking that she didn’t trust me.”
“What the hell, Saint Nix? You must put yourself on a pretty high fucking pedestal then to think you’re above suspicion.”
“I don’t know what I was thinking. Everything just keeps getting twisted up, and we can’t seem to find our way out of the knots. You’re right. I’m a total idiot.” The freeway was crowded for a Sunday, and a trip to the beach seemed long and hot now. But Scotlyn wouldn’t be home for hours, and I needed to think of what I was going to say to erase my stupidity. “Where’s Taylor today?”
“She’s working on that wedding dress for Scottie.”
My face snapped toward him. “What?”
“It’s some final project. She has to design a summer wedding dress, and Scottie is the model.”
I nodded. “That is fucking ironic,” I said quietly.
“Huh?”
“Oh, nothing.” My phone buzzed. It was a text from Scotlyn.
“I’m going to stay at Cassie’s for a few days to take care of her canaries while they’re up north.”
I stared at the text. There was no way canaries needed a full-time sitter. “You’re not coming home at all?” Just typing the words made my stomach turn.
“I think this will be good,” she wrote. “For the both of us.”
I didn’t respond, but I wanted to throw my phone out of the damn car. Clutch sensed my mood change.
“Uh oh. Looks like things just took a bad turn,” he said.
“Holy shit, Clutch. What the fuck have I done?”
Chapter 12
Scotlyn
The orange canaries sang to themselves as I finished my coffee. Cassie’s walls were covered with her pictures, each one a perfect snapshot of a moment in time. Every emotion showed through as if I was standing in the photo with the subject, experiencing everything along with them. Of course, Nix and I were in many of the pictures, and as hard as it was to look at them, it was even harder to look away. In one picture, Nix had picked me up to carry me over a puddle. I was laughing hysterically. I could still remember the moment as if it had just happened. Aside from a glorious early childhood with two loving parents, I have never been happier than I’ve been with Nix.
Cassie had asked if I would check in on the birds while they were away. But after the gut-wrenching night with Nix, I’d asked her if I could stay at her place until they returned. She, of course, told me I could stay as long as I liked. She didn’t ask why, but her worry was evident in her tone.
I’d started this short separation, hoping it would give both of us a chance to straighten out our thoughts. But all it had done for me was make me nearly sick with missing Nix. I had no idea what he was feeling or thinking. He’d been so upset with me for not trusting him, I didn’t know if he’d ever forgive me. One thing was certain, it would change our relationship forever.
I couldn’t eat or sleep or think. After working my butt off all quarter to excel in my classes, I’d more than likely screwed up my entire grade point average by fumbling my way through the finals. I was relieved to be done with them now. I needed a little brain break. There was just too much else going on. Bad sleep and poor diet had left me feeling weak and lightheaded. But no matter how hard I tried, sleep and appetite still eluded me.
I washed my cup and grabbed my keys and bag. Cassie and Dray would be home later tonight, and I would head back home after work. I had no idea what t
o expect, but since I’d initiated the last disastrous conversation, I would wait for Nix to start it this time.
Clutch was also never one to pry. I could only assume he knew what was going on because he and Nix spoke often. He hadn’t said anything to me except that if I needed to talk, he was there. One thing was certain, Nix and I could not have asked for a better set of friends.
The true heat of summer had found its way to Los Angeles, and even early in the morning, warmth and light radiated off the sidewalks, streets and cars. I’d found a way to Clutch’s shop that was sort of roundabout, but I managed to avoid the morning traffic by going a few miles out of my way. The road traveled along the base of the San Gabriel Mountains and through a few quiet streets that bordered a ravine, which had been carved by rain runoff. It was a far more scenic route than the freeway. The houses were large, old manses with manicured lawns and massive trees that had to have been growing there since the early part of the twentieth century.
I turned on the radio, and naturally, the first song was Tom Petty’s “Free Falling”. It was exactly how I’d felt for the past few weeks, ever since Nana’s death. The ground wasn’t solid under my feet. And it wasn’t all due to problems with Nix or the proposal or the bad feelings between us. Nana’s death had triggered some emotions that I’d buried for the sake of my sanity, a sanity that sometimes seemed more fragile than I realized. Every time my words slipped away and talking became a chore, I worried that I was going to fall back into my muted state, and this time, I was sure I wouldn’t find my way back.
My dusty windshield made the sunlight extra harsh. I kept my eyes on the road and reached into the console to feel for my sunglasses. My fingers never made contact with them, so I pulled down the visor. I’d reached the stretch of road that was lined by hills on one side and an empty stretch of land on the other.
The sun was still low enough that the visor was useless. I glanced down into the console for just a second, and when I lifted my eyes, a coyote was standing in the road. It froze. I yanked the steering wheel hard to avoid it. The bottom of my car scraped the rough edge of asphalt as my front tires dove off the road. My head spun, and the sensation of falling down a cliff took hold of me. I gripped the wheel as the metal, glass and human screams twisted together. I let go of the steering wheel and covered my ears to stop the horrid noise, but it didn’t stop. It was in my head. My mom’s scream was the worst. “My babies!” she cried. “Please, God, spare my babies!” I covered my face to stop the images, the sight of my dad’s face, dead and pale, staring out the front windshield just as he had moments before when the deer had crossed our path. The radio blasted a commercial for car insurance, and I lowered my hands. My car had rolled off the road only several feet and stopped hard on a lamppost. A cloud of dust swirled around me. There was no sign of the coyote.
My throat was dry and my hands shook wildly. My car was still running. I put it in reverse and pressed the gas, but it was stuck on something. I opened the door and got out, keeping my hand against the car for support. The light post was on a cement pedestal and my front bumper was wedged on top of it. I glanced back at the road, and my heart rate sped up and my breathing felt labored. I wasn’t completely sure that I would have been able to drive even if the car was free.
I sat in the front seat and pressed my arm against my stomach to keep from throwing up. I reached into my bag for my phone. I wasn’t completely sure if words would come out, but I dialed Nix. It rang several times and went to voicemail. “Hey, Nix.” My voice sounded strange and forced. “I need you.” I broke down into sobs and hung up. I replayed my words in my fuzzy mind and realized it was the kind of message that would make anyone freak out. I called back and hoped to hell he would answer this time. “Hey, Nix, I’m all right, but I had an accident and the car won’t move.” I couldn’t stop myself from sniffling into the phone. “Call me when you hear this.”
I hung up and held the phone against my chest, hoping he would call back soon. The sun was pouring through the windshield. My coyote friend trotted across the field, smiling back at me as if he knew he’d caused the wreck.
A car pulled over and honked. “Everything all right?” a woman called through the open window on the passenger’s side.
I leaned out and waved. “I’m fine.”
It had only been a fender bender, and I felt no physical pain, but as I sat there, my nausea and dizziness intensified and a cold sweat broke out on my skin. Shock. It seemed my classes were coming in handy.
I reached into my overnight bag and pulled out my sweatshirt. It was at least eighty degrees outside and the inside of the car was even warmer, but I was shivering. I wrapped myself in the sweatshirt, lowered the seat back and closed my eyes. Forcing myself to relax only made me more tense. It was only the anxiety caused by the accident and nothing more, I told myself. For years I’d hated driving in cars, and a panic attack would usually take over on long car trips. Learning to drive hadn’t been easy, but once I’d felt secure behind the wheel, I’d realized the personal freedom that came with it, especially in Los Angeles where driving was like breathing, a necessity of life, I’d pushed my fears down. But I’d never felt completely comfortable behind the wheel, and now, I feared this would set me back further.
I lifted the phone in my hand to make sure it had service. All the bars were there, but Nix hadn’t called. I didn’t know what to think of it. My hands were still shaky, but lowering my head back had helped with the dizziness and nausea.
Clutch answered on the first ring.
“Hey, Scottie, are you almost here?”
The sound of his voice brought instant tears. I sniffled a few times before I could speak.
“Scottie? Everything all right?” It seemed I’d heard that question a million times in the past few weeks, and it suddenly dawned on me that, at the moment, nothing was all right.
“I got in a little accident.”
“What? Where are you? Are you hurt?” His genuine concern made my tears flow faster.
“I’m fine, but I can’t move the car. I’m sorry, Clutch. I tried to call Nix, but he didn’t answer.” The last words came out as a cry.
“Where are you at? I’m on my way.”
***
“Scottie?” Clutch’s deep voice woke me.
I sat up completely confused for a second, and then the lamppost reminded me of what had happened. My back was wet with sweat as I sat up and concentrated on getting my bearings. My limbs were still trembling, and my head felt filled with air. Clutch crouched down in the open doorway. His head still reached the top of the car.
The look of worry on his face made me put my hand on his arm. “I’m not hurt. Just a little out of it, that’s all.”
He stood back up and cast a big shadow over the car. He walked to the lamppost and crouched down again to see where the car was lodged. “Tore your bumper halfway off, but I can get you loose. Turn on the car and put it in neutral. And take off the emergency brake.”
It took me a second to sort out his directions. Once the car was in neutral, he reached down under it and lifted the dangling bumper up hard. Metal scraped cement, and I gasped as the car rolled backwards, now free of the pedestal.
He walked back to the car and leaned down to the window. “It’ll drive fine. Follow me back to the shop, and I can fix that bumper.”
I took a deep breath and forced a smile. “All right.”
His long blond hair bounced on his confident shoulders as he returned to his car and climbed in. He pulled out onto the road. I put the car in drive and my fingers tightened around the steering wheel. My breathing grew shallow, and it seemed my pulse was thrumming in my ears. My foot was frozen to the brake pedal. I couldn’t move. The thought of pulling out onto the road was terrifying. Clutch’s car had disappeared around the first curve. Tears spilled down my cheeks. I sat there for several more minutes trying to convince myself that I could do this, that I just needed a few deep breaths to relax, but my foot was glued to the brake. A f
ew minutes later, Clutch’s car came back around the curve, and he pulled off the road next to me.
I was completely embarrassed. I just wanted to sink into a puddle and be evaporated quickly by the hot sun. He got out and opened my car door. My shoulders shook as he lowered his hand for me to take. My legs were like wet noodles under me. He put his arm around my waist to keep me upright as he walked me to his car.
He didn’t say a word as he opened the car door. He held my arm as I lowered myself onto the passenger seat. The temperature outside was rising rapidly, but I pulled my sweatshirt tight around me and ground myself deep into the bucket seat. Shame heated my face, but I couldn’t convince myself to pull out of my funk. The accident, the silly little accident, had triggered so many emotions, I couldn’t tame any of them into a coherent feeling. And my phone remained silent. Nix hadn’t even bothered to call back. I’d pushed away the most important and most solid part of my life, and now, when I needed him, he wasn’t there.
“I’ll have someone drive me back here to pick up your car. Don’t worry about it. Do you want me to take you home?”
I shook my head. My fingers curled. I wanted a pen and paper. I closed my eyes and swallowed. Talk damnit. “I’ll work.” The words popped out, but it had taken every ounce of my energy to utter them.
Clutch was driving far slower than normal, almost as if he worried I’d jump from the car if he sped up. And I wasn’t convinced that I wouldn’t. Everything I’d gone through to bolster my confidence in a car had been rendered useless with just one stupid little accident. I hadn’t felt despair like this for a long time, and I couldn’t see any way out of the darkness.
Chapter 13
Nix
I finished up my last tattoo of the morning and gladly sent my fidgety client on his way. Stormy had been working for three hours on an elaborate dragon tattoo, but she, too, was finishing up. I’d let the store calls go to voicemail, and now there was a string of messages to listen to. Cassie was the glue that kept things together. It would take her several days to restore Freefall back to a smooth operation.