Crushed

by Marie Cole

  "Hey!" Kurt chuckled, the sound deep and rumbly, as he grabbed two burrito plates and put them on his tray.

  Merit smiled, "I call 'em like I see 'em."

  I grabbed a taco plate and a bottle of water and handed over my dining card as we reached the end of the line.

  We took a seat away from the mariachi band and started to dig in. When I looked up I noticed that Merit was looking around, avoiding my direct gaze. I narrowed my gaze at her and waited for a few minutes to see if it was a fluke. Apparently it wasn't.

  "Merit, what's eating you?"

  Merit coughed as Kurt mumbled, "I wish I was."

  After taking a large gulp of her water she answered. "Well.. I um...man! This burrito is the bomb!" I raised my eyebrows, unimpressed as Merit tried pitifully to change the subject.

  "Uh-huh. What else? I know there's something. You can't even look at me!" To try to prove me wrong Merit glanced at me, held my gaze for a split second and then shifted her eyes to something behind me.

  She sighed and put her burrito down. "Alright, fine. I saw Neil earlier." The cheese I had scooped up with my fork shook causing a mess on my lap but I couldn't look. I was not sure I'd heard her correctly. She stared at me, and Kurt glanced between us, not sure what was going on.

  "Who is Neil?" My fork was still mid-poised towards my lips. She did... She'd said Neil.

  I set my fork down slowly and calmly, as calmly as I could muster, spoke to Kurt. "He is...was... is my ex."

  Merit chewed slowly and looked at me as she spoke to Kurt. "And he left this time last year without a word to anyone about where he was going or when he'd be back."

  Kurt made a gruff noise. "What an asshole. You deserve better, Claire."

  I nodded, suddenly feeling numb. Numbness was something I hadn't felt for awhile but I knew that feeling. I was trying to protect myself. It was my mind's way of trying to protect my heart from aching inside my chest. Not really to prevent it from aching, because it was, just to prevent me from feeling it. "Did he ask about me?"

  "Well, yeah. But..." She glanced at Kurt and then back at me. "I kind of yelled at him and told him to go back where he came from."

  My eyes widened and I felt something burning bubbling up in my throat but I pushed it back down. If Neil could be deterred by Merit's simple threat then Kurt was right, Neil wasn't good enough for me.

  I nodded and started to pick at my taco, to pretend like I was eating it. "I see. Well, it's done. And it's probably for the best that he left."

  Kurt got up out of his chair and moved around to sit beside me. He put his large arm around my shoulders and pulled me against his equally large and rock hard chest. "He's the dummy if he didn't know what a great girl you are." I closed my eyes and tried to pretend that he was Neil but they smelled very different and it wasn't the same. The fantasy I wanted to happen wasn't happening. Before I could move back to tell him I was alright I felt his body move away from mine and there was some growling.

  My eyes popped open and I saw Neil's back turn towards me as he hauled Kurt out of his chair. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

  Kurt growled gruffly in return, "I'm comforting..." He didn't finish his sentence because Neil's fist clocked Kurt right in his jaw after pulling his shirt far enough down for his fist to reach its target. I gasped and stood up quickly, grabbing Neil by his arms, trying to pull him back.

  Kurt seemed rather unaffected by the punch but he certainly looked angry. "Let me guess... you're the asshole, Neil." Kurt spit his name like it left a putrid taste in his mouth.

  Neil tried to shrug me off but I held on tight. "Neil, lets go." My words seemed to make his muscles tense and then release. He turned away, glaring daggers at Kurt until his head was facing the exit. He didn't say anything until we were outside and then he was practically yelling.

  "He was groping Merit's ass, Claire! He's not good enough for you!" It took me a minute to follow what he was getting at but when I did I frowned at him.

  "It's not your call to say who is and isn't good enough for me. You gave up that right when you left." His anger was still there but it was fading slowly.

  He looked down at the ground, guiltily, "I had no choice in that, Claire. If I could've stayed here with you I would have."

  "A goodbye would've been nice." His head snapped up and he opened his mouth to interrupt so I hurried along, I'd been waiting for what seemed like forever to confront him, "You had time to say goodbye to your roommate, but not enough time to say goodbye to me. I mean... its fine. We were together for all of like two weeks."

  He grabbed my shoulders and lowered himself to my level so that he could look me in the eyes, "I gave you a letter. I slipped it under your door. I..." He closed his eyes tightly and turned his head to the side, cursing under his breath. "For fuck's sake, Claire, I forgot to give you the letter!" He let go of my shoulders and immediately I felt the loss of it. I reached out to pull him back to me but checked myself. He wasn't mine. "I don't deserve you either."

  I was about to open my mouth to contradict him but he continued on, his hands pulling at the roots of his blonde hair. "You thought I'd just run off, you must have been worried... hurt, angry..." He looked up to me and shook his head. "That wasn't right. I'm a right asshole for doing that to you. I'm going to make it up to you." He looked away and cursed again, "I don't even deserve to look at you. But I will." And with that he turned on his heel and stalked away. All I could do was blink at his outburst and his retreat.

  Chapter 36

  Neil

  Bloody hell! She'd gone a whole year thinking that I'd run off to God knows where. I couldn't help but wonder if she'd been with anyone since me. If the tables had been turned I would've slept with every girl on campus at least twice. I loosened my fists when I realized they were clenched at my sides. How could I have been so daft? I may have lost the girl because I'd forgotten to give her a little piece of paper that I'd poured my heart onto.

  Whatever I was going to do to win her back was going to be good. It had to be. I'd royally fucked up. When I got to my room I slammed the door and fell backwards onto my bed in a growl.

  I had time to think. Lots of time to think. If I'd have known how much I'd fucked up I'd have had a whole year to think. Most of the year I'd spent apart from her I'd been thinking about being inside her, kissing her, making her laugh...I put my arm over my eyes and tried to block out the churning thoughts. It wasn't helping anything. I needed a plan. And then I needed to act. First thing was first I needed to get Kurt away from Claire. He was... okay, so he wasn't worse than I'd been, but I was a changed man now. And I would never do that to her.

  I had my plan in my pocket and the next morning it was time to execute it. I pulled on my coat and headed to the sorority house, which I'd learned was where she was staying, and waited outside until I saw her. She was bundled up against the cold air, a couple of books against her chest. I met her at the sidewalk and smiled, hoping it would soften her towards me. Apparently it didn't, she scowled at me.

  "Good morning."

  "It would be better if you smiled at me, love." She still didn't. "What can I do for you this morning?" I walked beside her and motioned to her books, "Can I carry those for you?"

  She looked down at her books and then back to my face, puzzled. "My books? Why do you want to carry my books?" She narrowed her eyes, obviously suspicious.

  I chuckled, "I just want to be helpful, the bloke who carries the girls books. So...can I?" She shook her head slowly, still looking at me as if I had three heads. "Alright then. Would you like to chat or just walk?"

  "Walk." I nodded and walked with her, per her request. She stopped once we reached her classroom and turned to look at me. Her lips pursed and it was all I had not to press mine to them.

  "This is weird, okay? Don't like...make a habit of this. I don't need you walking me to class."

  "I just want to protect you. And I'm trying to show you that I'll protect you like this if you give me another go.
"

  "Really? You're going to smother me like this until you finish school and go on your way? That sounds like fun."

  "That's just it, Claire. I'm not going to leave you here. I-" She didn't let me finish.

  "You already did. I need to get to class, Neil." And she turned and walked in the classroom, not giving me a backward glance. I sighed and walked down the hall, deflected but not yet defeated.

  Chapter 37

  Claire

  After my weird run-in with Neil I was half expecting him to be outside the classroom when I stepped out an hour later. Luckily he wasn't. I rushed across campus to the library to meet Kurt for the study session for his art history class.

  It wasn't until I reached behind Kurt's chair after I'd dropped my pencil that I realized that Neil was there, watching us. He didn't hide the fact either. He had big balls. As if it was his business.

  I sighed and turned back around. Kurt noticed my sigh and looked around. His eyes fell on Neil, the only other person around and looked back to me.

  "Want me to get rid of him?"

  I flipped in his text book to find the chapter we needed to look at next. "Nope. He thinks we're dating."

  "Me and you?" Kurt grinned after I nodded and moved his seat closer to mine. I didn't move away, even when he put his arm over my shoulder. I turned my head after hearing the sound of plastic crunching. Neil was behind us, what used to be a cellphone on the table in front of him. I rolled my eyes and turned back around. Kurt leaned into me and whispered against my hair.

  "He is definitely still taking possession of you. Why don't you put him out of his misery?"

  "Because he left me without a word. He can suffer for a little while just like I did."

  He chuckled and brushed some of my hair back softly, "Do you want to go out for real?" I couldn't help it, I laughed at the ridiculous question. "Come on now. You're hurting my feelings. Why not?"

  "Because you have the hots for my friend. I'm not looking for more heartache. Besides I have a terrible track record with guys."

  "Doesn't look that way to me. He likes you, you like him. He left you, but he came back." Kurt shrugged his huge shoulders.

  I shook my head, "He's leaving again. I don't want to feel that pain again when the time comes. I'll just keep my distance."

  Kurt abruptly grabbed his things and stood up, making lots of noise. He scowled down at me. "I can't believe you didn't tell me about that guy before. Keeping it from me is just like lying. We're done." I stared at him shocked, and while his back was to Neil he winked at me and then whispered, "You'll thank me later. I claim best man at the wedding."

  I sighed and grabbed my things, leaving him standing there before he could pretend to stomp away. I was the one who was actually angry at his scheming. I heard footsteps behind me and was almost to the elevator when a warm hand grabbed my elbow. I knew by the reaction to my lady parts that it was Neil. I stopped and whipped around. He wasn't phased in the least. "Hey, you okay?"

  I considered lying to him but I just couldn't do it. It was time to clear up the misunderstanding he'd let fester the other night. "Fine. He pretended to break up with me."

  "Why the hell would he do that?"

  "Because we were never together." I watched as Neil's jaw clenched. He was fighting something back, probably anger.

  He nodded curtly. "I see. Well that's good news for me. Unless you have feelings for him. Do you?"

  "No. I gotta go." I left him standing there, letting what I'd said sink into his attractive skull. I wasn't sure how I was going to make it for the next two years without getting laid. He brought out the sexual beast in me and I hated it.

  I knocked on Merit's door and went right to her desk when she opened the door for me to come in. "Am I crazy for not forgiving him, living in the now, going with the flow?"

  She shut the door behind me and got comfy on her bed. "Only you can answer that Claire. It's your heart and your feelings."

  I groaned and rubbed my throbbing forehead. "So not helpful."

  She chuckled softly, "Sorry. So tell me what happened. Why all these wonderings?"

  "He has been stalking me today. He crushed his cellphone when Kurt pretended to put the moves on me." I sat up straight and looked at her, "He asked to carry my books."

  Merit laughed out loud and then tried to cover it with her hands. "I'm sorry I just... wow... I never would have thought the great and powerful Neil Begley would be stalking a girl and asking to carry her books."

  I grumbled as I looked at the floor, "It's probably just because no girl has ever said no to him before."

  "Maybe." I shot Merit daggers and she laughed again. "Come on, Claire. What do you want from me? Do you want me to tell you to forgive him?"

  "I don't know!" I whimpered and slumped over her desk.

  Merit let out a sigh. "Claire, what is your head telling you?"

  "To stay the hell away from him. He's going to hurt me again."

  "And what is your body telling you?"

  "That it misses him. It misses the way only he could make me feel."

  "So fuck him and get it out of your system and then reassess. Or you can finally go on your rebound date and fuck -him-."

  I looked at her and shook my head. "This is the best advice you have?"

  She nodded and shrugged.

  I sighed sadly. "Dammit."

  Chapter 38

  Neil

  I had decided to stop stalking Claire for a little while anyway, after she slammed me with the info that she hadn't been messing around since I'd left. But I guess I was jumping to conclusions, she'd never actually said that.

  After a long jog and hot shower, I lounged in my room, listening to music. I was still trying to figure out the right thing to do with Claire to win her back. As I was stewing I heard a knock on my door.

  "Go away," I growled, I didn't need any old lovers coming around. If I answered the door and they threw themselves at me it wouldn't look good at all. Word could easily get around to Claire that something had happened even if it hadn't. There was another soft knock. I ignored it this time and closed my eyes willing whoever it was to go away.

  The fourth knock was too much and I got up and stormed to the door, ready to give whoever it was a piece of my mind. But when I opened the door and saw Claire standing there those thoughts passed. I couldn't help but smile, I grabbed onto the door above my head and let my body lean to one side. I wished I hadn't put on a shirt yet. "Hey."

  She swallowed hard, standing still as a statue in the doorway. I was going to ask her what was wrong when was suddenly wrapped around me, her hands in my hair, her lips against mine, her breasts pressed against my chest. I groaned loudly and gently put my hands on her, walking us both backwards. Once she was clear of the door I pushed it shut, never breaking our kiss. I was afraid that if I made one wrong move she'd bolt out the door.

  Her hands moved down the front of my shirt and I felt it tighten before I heard the thin fabric rip open. My dick twitched. So fucking hot. My hands explored her shapely back, her round ass. When the backs of my knees touched the end of my bed I moved one of my hands to the back of her head and then I turned us suddenly so that she was beneath me on the bed. I broke the kiss to discard my shirt. And while we were apart she peeled off her own shirt and tossed it aside. I opened my mouth to say something but she stopped me by pulling me down and kissing me again. I didn't protest, how could I? I'd missed her so bloody much.

  I tore my lips away from hers so I could taste the rest of her. I kissed her neck, her collarbone, and made my way down to her exquisite breasts which looked larger than I'd remembered. I pulled her offending bra down, and as I took the first taste of her pink nipple she squirmed beneath me, her hands tight in my hair, her legs wrapping around my waist. Her hot center was undulating against mine, but I pushed it aside as I tortured her, teased her, marked her with my tongue as mine. Only mine.