Screw

by Atlas, Lilly

  Watching him gain confidence in himself these past few days had been nothing short of a beautiful experience. With Screw’s—and she hoped her own—acceptance and desire for him and who he was, he’d seemed to realize there wasn’t a goddammed thing wrong with him.

  But how could it last? Hell, maybe she was the only one who wanted it to last. She had no idea, because she’d been far too chicken to ask and neither of them seemed to want to rock the boat either.

  Adding to all the personal drama was the ever-looming Chrome Disciples Motorcycle Club. The other undiscussed issue. Sure, Jazz knew something was going down. She still had a babysitter at work or whenever she was without Screw or Gumby. And the men, Gumby included, had daily meetings at the clubhouse where something was being planned, but she hadn’t wanted their bubble of happiness to pop so she’d pretended that problem didn’t exist.

  Now, for the first time in the past few days, she had prolonged alone time. Hours to sit around and obsess. So many minutes crawling by at a snail’s pace where her mind drove her insane with what-ifs and worry.

  After ninety minutes, she’d grown disgusted with herself and sick of the freaked-out voices in her head. Those ninety minutes had been spent stress-cleaning her already spic-n-span kitchen. Finally, revulsion with her own company drove her to leave the house in search of an understanding and non-judgmental sounding board.

  And that’s how she landed on Cassie’s doorstep, uninvited and unannounced.

  She pushed the bell as she cursed herself for not calling ahead. How selfish could she be? Here she was ready to unload relationship drama on a woman fighting for her life. Maybe she should just leave. Cassie could be sleeping for all she knew.

  As she contemplated leaving, she glanced over her shoulder where Monty, who’d driven her over, was chatting with Thunder. They’d been assigned to watch over both women while the men were in church. The door opened, making Jazz’s head whip back around.

  There stood Cassie, Mamma V, wearing sweatpants and a fuzzy red robe. Both hung on her tiny frame made smaller by months of battling cancer.

  “Jazmine!” she said, eyes lighting. “Come in. Come in. It’s freezing out there.” With a wave for the guys at the curb, she pulled Jazz in by her puffy jacket. “You’re just in time. I brewed a fresh pot of coffee. It’s decaf, but it’s hot and if you want it bad enough, you can almost feel a caffeine buzz.”

  Jazz chuckled. “Thank you. I’m so sorry I didn’t call first. After I rang the doorbell, I wanted to kick myself.” She shrugged out of her jacket and pulled her woolly hat off, smoothing down her wild hair.

  “Please, honey, you are always welcome anytime and without notice. Plus, you caught me on good day, so you won’t be subject to me vomiting. Lucky you.”

  How she could stay in such high spirits despite all she’d been through over the past few months would always remain a mystery to Jazz.

  “Just drape your jacket over the chair there, honey, and come get some coffee.”

  Cassie padded into the kitchen as Jazz did what she’d requested. She entered the kitchen to find Cassie doctoring up two steaming mugs of coffee.

  “So,” Cassie said as she turned from the task. “Want to tell me why your eyes are sad and you’re at an old lady’s house when you should be out enjoying your day off?”

  Tears immediately prickled the corners of Jazz’s eyes and clogged her throat. “Can’t a girl just visit her surrogate mom because she loves her?” Oh, God, even to her own ears she sounded choked up.

  “Yes,” Cassie said with a patient smile. “She sure can. And she has, many times. But today, she’s here because she needs a little mothering, am I right?”

  That was all it took for the floodgates to open. A few kind words from someone who’d never judge her. Water erupted from her eyes, falling down her face in big, fat ugly tears. Jazz’s shoulders shook as the first wrenching sobs tore from deep in her gut.

  Cassie immediately embraced her, wrapping her thin arms around Jazz’s shoulders and rocking her side to side. “Oh, honey,” she said, in the most soothing tone. “Promise you, whatever it is, it can’t be as bad as you fear.”

  Jazz hiccupped out a laugh. “It’s w-worse.”

  With a soft chuckle, Cassie rubbed her back then guided her into a chair. “Here, sweetie.” She handed Jazz a tissue she seemed to pull from thin air.

  “T-thank you.” As Jazz dabbed her eyes and nose, Cassie set the coffee mugs on the table.

  “Okay, sweetie. Spill it. What’s going on?” She sat, scooting her chair so their knees were pressed up against each other, then she reached out and captured one of Jazz’s hands in her soft ones. They were much gaunter than they used to be but still so loving and exactly what Jazz had been looking for that morning.

  A new round of waterworks kicked up. She covered her eyes with her free hand as she said, “I think I’m in love with two men.”

  Cassie’s eyes widened and her mouth fell open before she shut it again, but those were the only indications of shock she’d given. Of course, the news came as a shock. Jazz had kept her…thing with Screw and Gumby completely quiet from everyone she knew.

  “Oh, honey.” She stroked her thumb over the back of Jazz’s hand. “I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what kind of pressure you must be under trying to make a choice like that.”

  “Oh, God.” Jazz sniffed. She stared at their joined hands, face hot as she said, “That’s not even the issue.”

  “What do you mean?” Though her tone was full of compassion and acceptance, Jazz couldn’t lift her eyes and meet Cassie’s gaze. She’d die if she saw disapproval in Mama V’s eyes when she admitted the truth.

  “It’s not a love triangle. It’s more of a love…circle.”

  Silence fell, and finally the curiosity got the best of her. She lifted her head, staring straight at Cassie.

  “Do you mean the three of you are in a relationship?” her friend asked carefully.

  With a hiccup and a nod, Jazz whispered, “Yes. Though I think I may be the only one who considers it an actual relationship.” She looked down again. “This is so embarrassing.”

  “Honey,” Cassie said, voice firm. “Look at me.”

  Jazz glanced up, feeling like her face might melt right off.

  “I’ve spent more than thirty years around motorcycle clubs. Child, I’ve seen and heard everything. And I mean everything. There’s nothing you can shock me with. You think you’re the first woman to be in a triad?”

  Jazz blinked. Huh? “You don’t think it’s weird?”

  “Honey, if cancer has taught me anything, it’s that life is so very short. I am not going to spend my precious minutes judging anyone else’s life. I have much better things to do with my gift of time.” Her smile was full of acceptance and love.

  Jazz sighed out a small laugh. “Mama V, you are truly my favorite person in the whole world.”

  “Of course I am, dear,” Cassie said as she patted Jazz’s hand. “Now drink your coffee and tell me all about it. Leave no details out.” She winked.

  Jazz could only hope to be half as amazing as Cassie when she grew up. As instructed, she sipped from the Harley Davidson mug. As the warm liquid slid down to her stomach, it heated her from the inside out, chasing away the chill of fear she’d been combating all morning.

  “Ooh, can I guess who it is?” Cassie asked, eyes sparkling. She waggled her eyebrows.

  Damn it was good to see her zest for life returning.

  “Seriously? I come to you in crisis and you’re gonna sit there and get all hot and bothered.” As the heavy weight lifted from her shoulders, Jazz grinned.

  “I sure am. I need to live vicariously through your spicy young life.” She winked.

  “Please, I’m sure Viper still gives it to you pretty damn good, Mama V.”

  “That he does, my dear. That he does.” Another wink. This one followed by Cassie fanning her face.

  Jazz laughed and a lightness entered her heart. “You old do
g, you.”

  With a girlish giggle, Cassie actually blushed. “Enough about me. It’s that young man who came to visit you, right?”

  “That’s one of ’em.” Her comment elicited another round of giggles. Damn, it was nice to talk to someone about this. Keeping secrets may have been a prime contributor to all the stress. She had a close relationship with her girlfriends. The women of the MC were more of a sisterhood who typically told each other everything. Hiding her activities from them felt deceitful and left her without a cathartic outlet.

  “Screw. He’s the other, right?” Cassie clapped her hands. “That boy has had his eye on you for quite some time.”

  “Pretty sure it wasn’t his eyes that wanted me,” Jazz muttered before taking a long sip of coffee.

  “Who’s the dog now?” Cassie asked as she raised a gray eyebrow.

  They looked at each other for a quiet moment then blurted, “Screw!” at the same time before cracking up.

  “Oh, God, thank you, Cassie,” Jazz said, wiping tears for an entirely different reason. “This is exactly what I needed.”

  “I take it none of your girls know anything about this.”

  “They do not.”

  “So you’re in love with Screw and Gumby. Both of them.” Cassie wrapped her hands around the mug, probably trying to absorb the warmth into her thin digits.

  Not a question.

  Jazz sighed. “It didn’t start that way. I had…difficulty dealing with some things from my past. They were around to witness my meltdown. Both men said all the right things after I poured out this long, sordid story I’ve never shared with anyone. One thing led to another and the next thing I knew…” She sipped her coffee with a shrug.

  “Jazz sandwich?”

  As she laughed, coffee slipped down her windpipe. Jazz coughed while Cassie just sat there with her mischievous twinkling eyes. Finally, after a good thirty second coughing fit, she could speak again. “Seriously? You trying to kill me?”

  “Sorry,” Cassie said, not looking an ounce repentant. “Couldn’t help myself.”

  “Well, since you’re right, I’ll let it slide. Anyway, it’s continued, and we’ve all grown…close.”

  With her mug held between her two hands, Cassie said, “I’m guessing you don’t mean only in a physical sense.”

  Jazz propped an elbow on the table, letting her head fall onto her hand. “No. In every sense. Whatever it is we’re doing has become so much more than I think any of us anticipated or even wanted, to be honest. We’ve bonded, connected. We’ve made love,” she whispered. “I sound like I belong in a cheesy rom com, but it’s true. When we’re together, it’s…it’s deep.”

  A smile broke out on Cassie’s face. “Not cheesy at all, sweetie. I completely understand.”

  “What do I do, Mama V? Pretty sure a day hasn’t gone by where Screw didn’t let the entire world know what he thinks of relationships and Gumby not only lives in Arizona, he can’t even admit out loud he’s bisexual. I don’t think he could even entertain the idea of a relationship that involves a girl and another dude. Christ, how did I let this happen?” She lightly banged her head on the table.

  Cassie caught her head on another downward trip. “First thing, a brain injury will not help you at all, so either grab Viper’s helmet or strop trying to break your skull.”

  She straightened up. “What do I do?”

  “You know what to do, honey. There’s only one answer here and you know what it is. You don’t like it, which is why you came here. So, I could be the one to say it for you. But I’m not going to do that.”

  Jazz groaned. “Now you’re really acting like you’re my mom. Can we go back to the sex talk?”

  There went another of those patient smiles. “Sure. After you say it.”

  “Damnit.” She was right. Cassie was dead right. Jazz knew exactly what had to be done, but the thought alone had her insides twisted in knots. Her shoulders drooped. “I have to talk to them.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” Cassie said before crossing her legs. “Jazzy, you need to be honest with them. Their reactions might surprise you.”

  With a snort, she said, “Screaming and running from me as fast as they can? Nah, I’m pretty sure that won’t be a shocker.”

  Cassie stayed silent, watching with sympathetic eyes.

  “Ugh!” She threw her arms up. “I know you’re right.” Then she shook her head as her stomach rejected the idea. “I know you’re right,” she said softly. “I’m just afraid I’ll lose it all and have less than I do now. I’m afraid they’ll both walk away.”

  “Honey,” Cassie said, leaning forward. “Any man who walks away from you is an utter fool. If that happens, you send them my way and I’ll deal with them for you. But I really think they might surprise you.”

  Once again, she was near tears. “Thank you.”

  At the sound of the front door opening, Cassie straightened.

  “Cas?” Viper’s voice sounded from the front of the house. “Got a few men here with me claiming they’re supposed to have a late lunch with Jazmine.”

  “We’re in the kitchen,” she called out before dropping her voice. “All right, girl, fix your face, straighten your wig, and hike up your tits.”

  The moment her men entered the kitchen, Jazz’s stomach flipped, and her heart fluttered as though it’d been months instead of hours since she’d seem them. Each sought her out immediately. Screw’s eyes zeroed in on her face and with a frown, he tilted his head as though to ask, “You okay?”

  She nodded at him with a smile.

  They stayed for a few moments chatting with Viper and Cassie before heading back to Screw’s house.

  As soon as the three of them were alone in the privacy of Screw’s kitchen, he said, “Jazzy, we need to talk to you about something.”

  Shit. This was it. Her stomach lurched and she nearly had to dash for the sink to lose her coffee. “Uh, about what?”

  About what?

  Way to take Cassie’s advice. At no point did she recommend playing dumb.

  Gumby walked up behind her, slid an arm around her waist, and drew her against him. He dropped a kiss on her cheek as though the sweet gesture was the most natural thing in the universe.

  Screw sighed as he leaned against the counter with folded arms. “We haven’t talked about the CDMC since the disastrous night of the party, but they’re still out there and they won’t go away unless we take action. We can’t just sit around hoping they’ll disappear or waiting for them to make a move against us.”

  Wait…they didn’t want to talk about their relationship?

  Maybe later, she’d feel ashamed of the staggering relief that coursed through her, but at that moment, she embraced the ability to keep her head in the sand a bit longer. Not that the CDMC was a more welcome topic of conversation.

  “Uh,” she cleared her throat, finally finding her voice. “Yeah, I know you guys have been working on something. Guess I was just kinda hoping it’d all vanish. Stupid, right?”

  Gumby tightened his arms. “Not stupid. Think we’d all love that.”

  “You ain’t kiddin’,” Screw said. He walked over to them, ran his hand through Gumby’s hair, then kissed her.

  God how she wanted this every day of her life.

  “We’ve got something going down tonight. I can’t give you details. If I could, I would.”

  Stomach twisting with newfound worry, she held up a hand. “I know, Screw. Don’t worry about that. I know how the club works.”

  He tilted his head, giving her a half-hearted smile. “You’re too good to be true, Jazzy.”

  “She sure is,” Gumby added before saying, “We’ll be gone most of the night.”

  Screw nodded with his mouth set in a serious line. Oh, God, he was worried. Very worried. And that only served to terrify Jazz. “Um, okay,” she said. “What’s the plan for me? Tex gonna hang at my house or something?”

  “Girls are gathering at Copper and Shell’s. Slumber party sty
le from what I hear,” Gumby said. “We’ll come get you when it’s all over.”

  “Sounds like a plan.” Could they hear the false bravado in her tone? The feigned confidence?

  Screw cupped her face between his strong palms. “Baby, it’s okay to not be happy about this.”

  Apparently, they could sense it.

  “Yeah,” Gumby said in her ear. “No one expects you to be strong for us and hide your fear.”

  “Tell me, baby,” Screw said. Then he kissed her again, softly and with so much care she wanted to cry. Did they really not see it? Not see how wonderful they worked as a three-lover team?

  She almost laughed. A three-lover team. Was that even sustainable in the real world where people knew about them?

  “I’m scared,” she whispered putting a voice to so much more than just the club’s activities.

  “We’ll be all right. This isn’t as dangerous as you’re thinking.” Screw looked straight into her eyes as he spoke.

  “But it is dangerous?”

  “Fuck, Screw,” Gumby said. “Not helpful.”

  “I’m not gonna lie to her,” he said with a scowl for Gumby as he released her face.

  “No,” Jazz cut in, patting Gumby’s hands where they rested against her stomach. “It’s okay. I don’t want to be coddled. I’m strong enough to handle it.”

  “Yeah, you are,” Screw said. He kissed her again. As she sank into the pleasure of his mouth melding with hers, Gumby’s lips landed on her cheek. Then Screw’s. Then hers again. Before she knew it, they were engaged in a three-way kiss.

  They held each other tight as their lips and tongues performed an unsophisticated and somewhat sloppy yet utterly perfect dance.

  Jazz’s clenched her eyes shut as she absorbed the fulfilling sensation she only felt when the three of them connected in this way. When they said with their bodies what they couldn’t voice.

  When she could pretend this would last forever instead of leaving her with a shattered heart when it ended.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  “LJ’S GONNA CUT the security cameras in forty-five seconds. They will be out for exactly five minutes. Not a second more.” If the security officer didn’t check in with the alarm company within five minutes of losing camera footage, the authorities were automatically notified. Screw spoke into the comm unit Rocket had seemed to procure from thin air. Rocket, the man with black ops history who should probably be the one running this mission.