Again for the First Time

by Raven St. Pierre

  “Matt… sorry, but no,” I repeated.

  Surprisingly, his mood didn’t deflate when we turned him down. Instead, Matt leaned back in his seat and clasped his hands behind his head, a look of steadfast determination set on his face. “I knew you two would react this way… so I guess it’s a good thing Phil Glastenburg doesn’t consult you two dicks before deciding whether or not to invest in a film.”

  Nick stopped mid-chew.

  I wasn’t sure I’d heard him right. “Wait, wait, wait… thee Phil Glastenburg? As in ‘major movie producer’, Phil Glastenburg?”

  Matt breathed on his nails and casually wiped them on his shirt, proud that he’d managed to impress us.

  “You’re lying,” was Nick’s dismissive response.

  “If I’m lying, I’m flying,” Matt replied.

  A few moments of silence passed while Matt’s claim sunk in. I looked him square in the eyes and knew without a doubt, he was telling the truth. I grabbed my baby brother around his neck and pulled him in for a rough hug. He laughed and smoothed his hair back when I let him go.

  “How the hell did you pull that off?” It still hadn’t really hit me yet. This could be huge for his career.

  Matt shrugged nonchalantly. “You know how I keep in touch with Professor McNulty? I ran the idea by him, he loved it, and apparently he has more connections than I realized. If the film comes out as good as I think it will, I have a standing appointment with Glastenburg in L.A. when things wrap up. In the meantime, he has enough faith in me based on McNulty’s word that he offered me some of the payout upfront once I start filming.”

  All of a sudden Nick wanted back in on the conversation. “So we really could get rich off this thing. Like… how much money do you think we’re talking here?”

  My haunting past came to mind again when Nick mentioned the cash.

  Matt smiled and his eyes lit up at the idea of us possibly getting onboard, granting him permission to pimp out our relationship statuses to help him make his film. “Well, for starters, within a month, we’ll all have twenty grand in our hands each—the three of us, Mel, and whoever we find for Luke. But as far as how huge this could be in the end?” He shook his head, thinking of the possibilities. “We won’t really know unless we try, will we, fellas?”

  *****

  Lissette

  “She practically beat that story into our heads, bless her heart.” The sound of my sister, Aura’s, laughter filled the air when I finished speaking. Watching her, I thought deeper on the subject matter at hand: my grandmother’s cautionary tale about following your heart.

  Aura continued to chuckle, aimlessly moving her fork around her plate. “You ever wonder if she really loved Grandpa Lee? Like, what if she secretly pined over this mystery man all those years and basically just… settled?” Aura had the same uncomfortable look on her face that I did when she finished asking her question.

  My gaze drifted down to my half-eaten sesame chicken as I shrugged. I had my own theory about that—whether my grandmother was truly happy—but I didn’t necessarily want to share it. So I didn’t; I kept my thoughts to myself. I smiled, though, wondering how our dinner conversation had suddenly taken this turn. Apparently Aura and I had nothing better to talk about than our deceased grandmother’s love life. More specifically, her ‘one that got away’.

  “Remind me why we’re talking about this?” I asked.

  Aura smiled and thanked the waiter when he finished refilling her water glass. “I don’t know. Darren and I were just talking about relationships before getting out of bed this morning. One of his co-workers just left his girlfriend of three years for some chick he dated back in high school,” she explained, not hiding her distaste for the man’s plight. “Grandma’s story just kinda came up. Now it’s pretty much been stuck in my head all day—what it must’ve been like for her to lose touch with this guy she was so in love with. Maybe it’s the writer in me, but I can’t help but to wonder what might’ve happened if she’d made a different choice. I mean, admit it; that’d be a pretty epic love story, right?”

  I smiled coyly as I raised the glass to my lips. “So, write it.”

  Aura rolled her eyes and chuckled. “Ha-ha. Like I don’t already have enough half-finished books weighing down my hard-drive.”

  “Nope!” I lifted a finger into the air, ready to scold her. “No ‘negative talk’ tonight. Remember? We agreed.” That was the number one rule Aura and I set when the two of us started going out on these monthly dinner outings.

  “I know, I know,” Aura said, smiling. “But that’s easier said than done considering the fact that the only people who’ve ever been interested in anything I’ve written are you guys,” she added, referring to me and our other three sisters who weren’t currently present as we dined.

  Shocked by how bitter she sounded, I stared at Aura with raised eyebrows until she cracked a smile. “Um… you done?” I asked.

  She pushed her hair behind her shoulder and chuckled, eventually replying with a dry, “I guess.”

  “Good, ‘cause as far as I see it, with four sisters, you’ve already got four ready-made fans. That’s nothing to bat an eye at.” I reached across the table and rubbed her hand quickly before pulling away again. “And if it makes you feel any better, at least your dream isn’t putting you in the hole like mine is,” I joked, although there really wasn’t anything funny about being in my present financial situation.

  Aura smiled. “Whatever. Just watch. One of these days your handbags or a piece of your jewelry will end up in the right hands and you’ll blow up! Mark my words.”

  I appreciated the vote of confidence, but my sister’s unwavering faith in me wasn’t going to pay my bills. Still, I smiled and let her think her pep-talk had changed my perspective.

  “Your appointment about the loan is tomorrow, right?” she inquired, cutting into my thoughts.

  My stomach did a few flips when she mentioned it. I couldn’t bear the thought of getting turned down again. “Yeah… it’s tomorrow,” I confirmed. Aura saw the look on my face as my appetite slipped away, prompting her to drop the subject like I prayed she would. The remainder of our conversation was all about her upcoming baby shower, which was being planned by me, our other sisters, and our mother. While Aura and I discussed cake flavors and what words to fill in for the Baby Bingo, I offered her one of the plastic-wrapped fortune cookies resting on a dish at the edge of our table.

  “Uh-uh. That one’s yours,” she said, cutting me off in the middle of explaining the reasons why I thought a coupon book made a suitable game prize.

  Confused, I made a face at her and glanced down at the cookie. “Does it matter?”

  She smiled and nodded toward the saucer where the cookies in question rested. “The one that points toward you—the opening of it anyway—is the one you’re meant to have. I heard it on a show I watched last week, but I’m surprised you didn’t already know that. You’re the one who has all that weird, superstitious crap down to a science.”

  I stuck my tongue out at her and passed the other cookie across the table, following her instructions. “Actually, superstitions and science are blatant contradictions of one another. Just sayin’.”

  “Whatever, nerd. Read your fortune out loud,” she demanded with a smile.

  I broke the cookie in two and ate the first half before slipping the paper from inside the other. “A tall, mysterious stranger will enter your life,” I recited.

  “Ooohhh… sounds promising,” Aura sang.

  I stuck the fortune in the inside pocket of my purse. Aura smiled at that, knowing I’d be adding this to the shoebox filled with similar predictions and words of wisdom I’d collected from almost every fortune cookie I’d eaten over the past decade—one of my many quirky habits.

  “It’s about time you meet someone new,” she added.

  I was instantly assaulted by the memory of my most recent, and most painful, failed relationship. Gerard.

  “Meeting someone h
as never been the problem, Aura. Meeting someone worth keeping around is more the issue.”

  There was a deafening silence as I imagine my sister was regretting her statement. She knew how much I liked Gerard and how hurt I was with the way things ended—especially given the reason behind the split. Our breakup was intensified by the fact that we still ran into each other on a fairly regular basis seeing as how he lived in the same building as me.

  “Anyway, I need to go. I’ve got an order to fill by morning and I can’t afford to pass up the money.” Aura still wore a look of sympathy when I changed the subject abruptly. I stood and helped my very pregnant sister to her feet and pulled her purse up on her shoulder, staring at her rounded stomach as I did.

  “It’s just as well; I’m pretty beat. Plus, Darren isn’t exactly competent when it comes to getting your nephew ready for bed. Last time I went out, I came home to find them both passed out on the couch with ‘Breaking Bad’ on TV, chocolate stains on their shirts, and I still never figured out how the guinea pig ended up in the pocket of my bathrobe.”

  A laugh slipped out as I handed Aura her phone from the table. She was right; Darren did kinda suck at holding down the fort while she was away, but he meant well and she knew he did.

  At Aura’s car, we hugged and I watched her back out of the parking lot from my rearview mirror. I glanced down at the clock and calculated how late I’d have to work to fill my latest order, which consisted of a brown and turquoise, hand-beaded, hobo-style bag with a matching cuff bracelet. The handbag was nearly finished, but thanks to my innate tendency to put things off until the last minute, I hadn’t even started the cuff.

  As soon as I stepped foot inside my apartment, I dropped my purse and keys and went straight to the dining room table, which also dubbed as my workspace. While I set up my supplies, I dialed my voicemail and put it on speakerphone—nothing but a bunch of people trying to collect money I didn’t have and one message from my doctor with news I didn’t want to hear. Needless to say, I stopped listening to the messages altogether after that.

  Working on my bags and jewelry always calmed me, though, which was exactly what I needed at the moment. Keeping my hands busy seemed to numb the stress and anxiety that’d plagued me since losing my job six months back. At first, the job hunt seemed promising; I had a few leads here and there, but then those leads ran cold and the phone stopped ringing despite the fact that I was putting in resumes hand over fist. Three months ago, I decided to delve headfirst into my crafting business which had once served as a means of earning extra income. Now, it’d become my only income—well… that and tapping into my 401-K. It was quickly becoming clear to me that I couldn’t rely on my four or five orders a month to sustain me long-term. From the way things were looking, I’d be living in one of my sisters’ basements by the end of next month. I needed a financial miracle in the worst way—a way to fund my business, take it to the next level so I could be stable again. Something had to give.

  Confusion struck me, snatching me from my inner thoughts. I only found a handful of the turquoise beads I needed, not even enough to finish the detail on the strap of the handbag.

  “No, no, no!” Frantically, I searched down in my box to see if I’d overlooked them. No luck. My eyes darted toward the clock. In exactly sixteen minutes, the nearest craft store would be closing. If I didn’t get what I needed, I’d definitely miss my 9 a.m. deadline—the time my client needed to pick up her items before boarding a plane to Jamaica for two weeks.

  Like a bat out of hell, I darted down the stairs of my building, feeling too pressed for time to wait for the elevator. I reached my car with fourteen minutes to spare, turned the key in the ignition, and almost cried when the engine did nothing but sputter.

  “Come on! Not now!” This couldn’t have been happening. The last thing I needed was to add car repairs to my list of upcoming expenses.

  Thirteen minutes.

  “Need some help?”

  I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound of Gerard’s muffled voice coming from the other side of my window. Meeting his gaze, he flashed that smile, the one that added to his charm… and my heartbreak. He stood there in all his mannish glory, rocking a stylish, brimmed dress-hat, dark brown just like his eyes. His golden-brown complexion reminded me of waking up beside him, staring while he lie there wearing nothing but the early morning sunlight. We hadn’t spoken in over a month, although we’d passed one another in the lobby a time or two since then. The most communication we’d had was a smile or nod here and there. My cheeks burned like crazy and I prayed he didn’t notice how flustered I got just being in his presence.

  “Car doesn’t seem to wanna start,” I explained after lowering the window, giving a tight, nervous smile.

  “I can take a look at it if you want. Pop the hood.”

  His kind gesture caught me off guard, but I tried to hide my surprise. While I really didn’t have time for this—Gerard playing Mr. Fix-It—I couldn’t help but to entertain the thought of blowing off my clients’ needs just to have a chance to talk to him, even if it was just about my hooptie.

  Twelve minutes.

  He must’ve seen the look of sheer panic on my face as I calculated how quickly time was winding down, because he abruptly offered another solution. “Or do you need me to take you somewhere?” He asked when I didn’t meet his request to release the hood.

  I sighed. “That’d be great. Thanks. You sure I’m not disrupting your evening, though?”

  He gave a half-smile and shook his head. “It’s not a problem. If it was, I wouldn’t have offered.”

  Without thinking, I smiled back bigger than I intended to. “Fair enough. I just need to get to the store at the corner of Rosemont and Wilshire. I ran out of the beads I need to–”

  “Oh, that’s cool,” he smiled, cutting me off. “I take it you’re still doing your craft… stuff?” he asked.

  “Yeah… something like that.” I nodded, trying to ignore the unintentional patronization in his tone.

  When he stepped back, I climbed out of the car and my keys jingled, sinking to the bottom of my purse when I dropped them inside.

  The lights from Gerard’s silver, sports car temporarily blinded me as I rounded the front of it and walked to the passenger side. I’d secretly wished for an opportunity to speak to him, about anything really, since some months back when we ended things. It’d be a lie if I said I didn’t miss him and an even bigger one if I didn’t admit to wondering if he missed me too. This and a thousand other thoughts crossed my mind. Yet, of all those thoughts, none of them prepared me for what I saw when I pulled the handle to open the door. I was greeted by a set of long, perfectly toned legs.

  I took a step back. “Oh my gosh! I didn’t see you sitting there through the window tint!” I explained to the brown-skinned woman perched in Gerard’s front seat.

  She smiled back politely. “No problem. It’s fine.”

  I cleared my throat and forced my emotions into submission before closing the door back. Stiffly, I climbed into the backseat, wondering who she was and how long she’d been in Gerard’s life. Lord knows how bad I needed this ride, but at that moment if it wouldn’t have been so obvious why I was backing out, I would have. The only thing that kept me calm was texting Aura while I counted the minutes.

  “You’re with who?” she texted back when I told her what happened.

  “I’m sitting here staring at the back of his girlfriend’s big head as we speak. Not my proudest moment.”

  “What do you have on?” Aura texted back.

  I made a face at my phone screen when she asked. “The same thing I just had on when we went to dinner. Why?”

  In the time that it took her to respond, I looked over my outfit. I had on a black, spaghetti-strap tank with an ankle length skirt I’d fashioned out of clothing items I once planned to donate to my favorite thrift store. It was kind of a ‘patchwork piece’ as I liked to call it. Granted, it wasn’t couture or anything, but it was ni
ce.

  At least I thought it was.

  “It’s fine; you’re still cute,” she responded.

  “What’s that supposed to mean? ‘Still cute’?”

  She intentionally never answered.

  “Oh, my bad!” Gerard piped. “I almost forgot to introduce you two. Lissette, Robyn. Robyn, Lissette.”

  I gave him a tight smile when our eyes locked in the rearview mirror. He turned to the woman in his passenger seat as he drove through the intersection. “Lissette’s one of my neighbors,” he explained. “She’s been living in the building for a couple years now.” His eyes met mine again briefly in the mirror and I had to look away when I almost gasped aloud. My mouth did actually drop open, but I picked my jaw up from my lap quickly.

  Did he really just say that? Had our nine-month long relationship just been reduced to being ‘neighbors’? I honestly would’ve preferred that he didn’t introduce me at all.

  Robyn looked at Gerard with adoration in her eyes while he continued to talk, downplaying what we had, and it nearly made me sick to my stomach. However, it wasn’t until she lifted her tiny, manicured hand to push her hair behind her ear that I noticed it…

  …the ring on her finger.

  As if timed perfectly to deliver the most devastating blow, Gerard spoke again. “Robyn and I are getting married in a few months.” Now when he glanced at me from the mirror there was actually some real emotion in his eyes—just sucks that it was pity. During the brief moment we had one another’s attention, I believe he was remembering how broken I was when I realized our relationship wasn’t going anywhere, that it couldn’t because of things that were out of my control.

  Gerard looked away, but continued to speak. “I’ll be moving out of the building in a few weeks actually. Robyn and I found a condo not too far from here, but there’s a bit more space than what I have now; it’s bigger than her place, too.”

  I couldn’t even pretend to be happy for him. A hush fell over the car and I was pretty sure Robyn picked up on some of the tension.

  “This the place?” Gerard asked, an air of hesitancy in his tone as we pulled up to the curb in front of Caroline’s Craft Corner. He knew I was upset.