Again Kade watched as Leech contemplated his father’s answer.
“Would you excuse us?” Kade asked.
When the four other men left the room, Kade addressed Leech.
“What is this about?” he asked.
“Are you certain you aren’t misleading Fatale?”
“In what way?”
“Falling in love with the woman who saved your life? Fairly classic, isn’t it? So is the downward spiral once you realize it was never love at all, merely gratitude.”
Kade sat back in his chair, stunned by Leech’s words. While it might be too early for him to say definitively that he was in love with her, particularly out loud, he certainly wasn’t confused by why he wanted to spend time with her. It wasn’t a want actually. It was a need, and that had nothing to do with the fact that she’d rescued him.
“I’ll ask you again. What is this about?”
When Leech refused to meet his eyes, it dawned on Kade what it might be.
“That ship’s sailed a very long time ago.”
“Things could be different now, though. You said it yourself, or Quinn did. It’s time to build new memories, to start over.”
“Is this why you gathered us here to say ‘goodbye’?”
Leech didn’t answer, but Kade sensed his affirmation.
“I didn’t think you’d bring the whole team with you.”
Kade guessed Leech had thought that he would bring Lena and Quinn, and the three would be a step closer to creating the happy family they’d never had before.
“It isn’t going to happen, Leech,” said Kade, as earnestly as he knew how. “Lena doesn’t want it any more than I do.”
“She’s always wanted it.”
“I don’t agree. Maybe there was a time she thought she did, but if she allows herself to take an honest look at the beginning of our marriage, she’d see, as well as I do, that the only reason we were together was for Quinn.”
“I told you, once, not to break Lena’s heart.”
“Dad,” came a voice from the doorway. “Kade didn’t break my heart. Calder did, and not because I loved him. He broke all of our hearts with his betrayal. He was evil incarnate, and now he’s gone. While I hope I can move on with my life, knowing he no longer poses a threat to Quinn or me, that doesn’t mean Kade and I can rekindle what was destroyed all those years ago.”
She walked over and sat on the edge of the hospital bed. “You heard him. The only reason we were together was for Quinn.”
“Not the only reason,” murmured Kade.
Lena shrugged, but the look on her face broke Kade’s heart. He wished he could take back what he’d said to her father, but only because she’d heard him, not because he didn’t believe it was true.
“What have you told my granddaughter?”
“Nothing yet,” answered Kade. “She asked if I was her father, but the timing wasn’t right for me to respond. Later, when I tried to talk to her about it, she wouldn’t let me.”
Lena gasped. “What do you mean?”
“When Calder was holding Quinn hostage, Mercer tried to talk him down by telling him she was his daughter. After I put a bullet in his brain, I told her that she was never his, she was always mine.”
“Does she know about…”
“I don’t think so. As I said, whenever I’ve tried to discuss it with her, she won’t let me.”
“I don’t want her to know. I’ve never wanted her to know.”
“We have to tell her something, Lena.”
“Damn that Mercer.”
“Sweetheart—” her father began.
“No, Dad. I’m not doing this.” She glared at Kade before storming out.
“Big damn mess,” Leech murmured. “I wish I could go back and change what happened.”
“But then we wouldn’t have Quinn.”
Leech nodded. “By the way, what did you do, charter a plane?”
“Yep. You cost me a hell of a lot of money,” said Kade, but with a smile on his face. “We’ll go home that way too. Although when we do, you’ll be with us.”
“He needs his rest if he wants to leave this place,” said the nurse entering the room. “No more visitors today, Mr. Hess,” she scolded.
As Kade ushered everyone to the elevator a few minutes later, his father motioned him over.
“I’m going to stay a while longer.”
“No problem, Da.”
“Did I ever tell you I met your mother here?”
“You did.” Kade smiled. He’d heard the story at least a hundred times.
“Spend time with them.”
“What do you mean?”
“You and Merrigan have a lifetime ahead of you. Right now, Quinn needs you, and so does Lena, even if it isn’t in a romantic way. Do this, son. You won’t regret it. In fact, you’ll thank me.”
Kade heeded his father’s words as he rode the elevator down with Paps, Razor, and Mercer. Lena and Quinn had gone ahead, saying there was a shop a few doors down they wanted to visit before it closed.
“Listen, I have a favor to ask. This will be hardest for you, Eighty-eight.”
“Anything, Doc.”
“I’d like to spend some time on my own with Lena and Quinn.”
“Of course,” Mercer murmured.
“No offense, but I think it will be easier for her to get to know me, and her mother for that matter, if you’re not there. She tends to look to you for approval.”
“No offense taken, and I agree with you.”
“It took her a while, but she eventually warmed up to me when Eighty-eight had to lay low for a couple of months,” said Razor.
The only person who didn’t say anything was Paps, but the scowl on his face said what words didn’t.
“What’s up?” Kade asked him directly.
“Nothing,” he muttered.
“You got something to say?”
“Hell, no. Whatever goes on with you, Barbie, and Skipper is none of my damn business.” Paps looked between Mercer and Razor. “We’re on our own tonight, boys. Where to?”
Kade made note of the restaurant they mentioned so he wouldn’t show up there tonight with Lena and Quinn. As he stepped out on the sidewalk, he vacillated between calling Merrigan and sending her a text.
Family dinner again tonight, he wrote. I’ll spare you. It was the chicken shit way out, and he knew it.
He looked up and then down the street, where he saw Lena and Quinn peering in a shop window. He walked over and stood between them, putting a hand on each of their shoulders. “How about I take my two girls to dinner tonight?” he asked, hoping Lena wouldn’t ruin this moment with their daughter because she was angry with him.
Quinn looked behind him, obviously for Mercer.
“I requested it just be us tonight. Is that okay with you?”
“Of course. Um, can we stop by the hotel to freshen up first?”
Kade nodded, and they walked the two blocks to the hotel where he’d booked several rooms.
“I meant what I said, Kade. I don’t want Quinn to know I was raped,” Lena said after Quinn exited the elevator on her floor.
He nodded. “You’re going to have to tell her something. I won’t lie for you.”
“Then don’t say anything at all.”
It took them a minute to realize the elevator wasn’t going anywhere, because neither had hit the button for their floor. “Are you staying here as well?” Lena asked.
“Where else would I stay?”
“I thought maybe…never mind. What floor?”
Kade dug the envelope containing his room information out of his back pocket. “Ten.”
“Oh,” she said, hitting the corresponding button. “Me too.”
Razor had checked them all in, apologizing that the rooms were scattered around the hotel rather than all on one floor. He’d handed out keys at the time, and Kade had stuck his in his back pocket, not bothering to look for his room number until now.
When th
e elevator stopped on the tenth floor, Kade waited for Lena to exit, hoping that her room wasn’t too close to his.
“I’m in 1014,” she told him.
Kade was right next door. Later this evening, after they’d returned from dinner, he intended to find out exactly what Razor was up to. Maybe he’d been in cahoots with Leech and hadn’t gotten the memo that neither he nor Lena had any interest in rekindling their relationship as anything other than friends, at least he hoped she didn’t.
“Should we—” she said with her hand on the door.
“Let’s meet in the lobby at nineteen hundred hours.”
“Sounds fine. I’ll let Quinn know.”
He opened the door to his room and realized they hadn’t discussed where they’d like to eat. If they were as tired as he was, they probably wouldn’t care, but still, a gentleman would’ve at least asked what they were in the mood for. Tomorrow night he’d plan ahead and make a reservation. Tonight, they’d wing it. He opened his carry-on and grabbed a fresh shirt. He’d take a quick shower and then head downstairs. He’d be early, but it would give him a chance to have a drink and maybe even enough time to call Merrigan.
He checked his phone when he got in the elevator, like he had before he’d gotten in the shower, and again before he’d left his room, but there was still no response to the text he’d sent her. Maybe she’d decided to turn in early. They hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before, and then with a twelve-hour flight, he was dragging himself.
He was partway through his beer when Lena joined him at the bar.
“What can I get you?” he asked.
“What are you having?”
“Hefeweizen.”
“That’s perfect. Quinn should be joining us shortly.”
“Cheers,” said Kade, when the bartender delivered Lena’s beer.
“Cheers. Here’s to…freedom.”
“I know how hard these last few years have been for you.”
Lena laughed, but not in the way that sounded like she found anything funny. “Last few years? How about my whole life. At least the part after the devil came to town.”
“I wish I could’ve protected you from him. I still—”
“Don’t,” she snapped. “I know I brought it up, but I don’t want to talk about anything to do with him or that night.”
He took another drink of his beer and studied her over the rim of his glass. She was looking away from him, obviously fighting back tears.
What he’d started to say was true. He still dreamed of that night, more so when he was being held by the Russians. Each time he did, he made a different decision than the one he’d made twenty-two years ago.
He turned to the elevator and saw Quinn walking toward them. She looked so much like her mother had all those years ago. Thank God he’d been able to protect her from life’s horrors. He only prayed that he’d be able to continue to do so for the rest of her life. And if not him, Mercer.
Kade stood and held his arms open when Quinn approached, hoping that hugging him would become second nature when they were together.
“Hi,” she said, accepting his hug.
“When you were little, you’d insist he give you a piggyback ride all around the house the minute he walked in the door,” Lena said. “There were times I knew you were dead on your feet, but you never turned her down.”
“I remember multiple laps, upstairs, downstairs, out on the patio, the driveway…” Kade laughed. “It was always as much fun for me as it was for you,” he said, touching the tip of Quinn’s nose with his finger. “You have the same smile,” he said, looking between mother and daughter. “It’s nice to see.”
They had the same pink hue to their cheeks when they blushed too, but he didn’t point that out. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask earlier, but what are you two hungry for?”
“Anything,” groaned Quinn. “I’m starving.”
“There’s a place called Emma’s a short walk from here. It’s casual, and they serve traditional German food.”
“Perfect,” said Quinn, and then looked at her mother.
“Sounds good to me.”
Kade motioned for the bartender, charged their drinks to the room, and then led Lena and Quinn to the restaurant. Now that he was thinking about it, he was starving too, and Emma’s had the best schnitzel—any kind a person could want—Jäger, Rahm, paprika, cream. It was one of his favorite places to eat, even though it bordered on fast food.
“Looks okay?” he asked when they walked in the door.
Quinn clapped her hands and ran over to the counter to look at what other people had ordered. “Oh my God. So much better than okay.”
“Thank you,” said Lena.
“For?”
“Tonight. Things are so…tentative between us. Your being here helps. Immensely.”
“I’m sure there will be good days and bad as she navigates through her memories. All we can do is be here for her and answer her questions as best we can.”
“Will you? Be here, I mean.”
Kade set the menu he’d been looking at on the counter and faced Lena. “Yes. I will be. Once the dust of Calder’s death settles and we get your dad back to the States, I’m retiring. Officially.”
Lena raised her eyebrows. “For how long?”
Kade smiled. “I can assure you, after what we went through for the past two years, your father will be right there with me. In fact, maybe we’ll take up fishing.”
“What about your father? Didn’t he retire several years ago?”
“My guess is there still isn’t anyone who can beat Burns’ record in terms of cleaning up well enough that no one knows the company was there.” He wondered how much help the team had asked his father for while he’d been in captivity. Had he even been aware that Calder was looking for something important enough that he’d kill for it?
“What?”
“Nothing. A work thing.”
“Retirement, huh?” She laughed and so did he.
—:—
Merrigan had her hand on the door, but instead of opening it, she backed out of the way and peered in the window of Emma’s, one of her favorite restaurants in this part of Germany.
There, in front of her, stood Kade, laughing and talking with his ex-wife. Every so often she’d put her hand on his arm, they’d nod, and look into each other’s eyes. She scanned the restaurant’s tables, looking for signs of the “family dinner” he had spared her from, but only saw Quinn when she walked up to her parents, smiling in the same way her mother and father were.
What he’d done, actually, was spare her from a very intimate family dinner. One where an outsider of any kind wouldn’t be welcomed into their family nucleus.
She continued to watch, much longer than she should’ve, as they walked to the counter, perhaps discussing what they’d have for dinner. When Kade rested his hand on his ex-wife’s shoulder and squeezed, as he’d done with Merrigan at the family dinner she’d attended, she lost both her appetite and her willingness to continue torturing herself. She turned away and walked back to the hotel. Stupid, girly tears ran down her cheeks the whole way.
She was tired. More than tired, she was exhausted. That was the only explanation for her overreaction to seeing Kade with his…family. That’s what they were. And no matter how much he thought he wanted to be with her every minute of the day, that was sex. Eventually, family would outweigh sex every time.
They’d spent one night together, and he was already sending her texts, making excuses for why he couldn’t see her, even though they hadn’t made plans.
As tempted as she was to call Rivet again, she knew he’d say the same thing he had before. She’d committed to the mission, and he expected her to see it through. The quickest way to get Doc Butler out of her life for good would be to get her arse back to the States and find whatever Calder had been looking for, herself. Once she had, MI6 could decide how to use it to their advantage. She doubted very much they’d just hand it over to United Russia,
even though they’d been the ones to help her infiltrate the Maskhadovs and eventually rescue Kade and Leech.
She shook herself as if that would shake Kade out of her head. “You know better than this,” she said out loud.
7
The struggle between wanting to keep Quinn all to himself to get to know her better, and letting her get to know the side of her mother she’d never truly seen, plagued Kade each of the last two mornings. It really wasn’t his decision; it was his daughter’s, yet he sensed she was in as much of a quandary as he was.
Mercer offered to step aside several times in order to give them time alone, but Kade hadn’t taken him up on it. Again, it was Quinn’s decision to make.
Regardless of the question, she looked to his K19 teammate for the answer before speaking herself. Mercer encouraged her to make her own decisions, but her hesitation each time was something Kade hoped she’d get past. Was it nervousness around him? Her mother? Or was that just the way Quinn was? If so, had he and Lena made her so?
Was her desire not to know whether he was her father another thing she was conflicted about? He hadn’t attempted to have the conversation with her since they’d arrived in Germany, but he didn’t want to put it off any longer. It was important that she know.
The K19 team as well as Lena, Quinn, and his father had agreed to meet for breakfast every morning so they could map out a schedule for visiting Leech. While the man appeared in perfect health, the doctors and nurses remained guarded about his condition, particularly given his age and the trauma he’d endured the last two years. If he continued to improve, they predicted he’d be able to leave Ramstein within the week.
Kade wished it were tomorrow, or even today, but his desire to get back to the States had nothing to do with Leech. Instead, it was because he hadn’t heard a word from Merrigan since he saw her at the hospital the first day they’d arrived. His countless calls and messages to her had gone unanswered. Finally, at his wit’s end, he called her boss.
“What the hell do you mean she’s back in the States?” Kade shouted through the phone.
“She left less than twenty-four hours after she landed in Germany. Of course, she didn’t go back straight away. She took a side trip to my office on her way to America,” Rivet told him.
The Return (Butler Ranch Book 6) Page 6