Something I Never Told You

by Shravya Bhinder

  How could I tell him that I had finally found the most fantastic present for the most amazing girl I knew—not only expensive but amazing! In fact, it was so expensive I could not afford it, and I intended to borrow some money from Rohit. We were just a few steps away from Nani’s house when I decided to stop beating around the bush and hit the nail directly on the head. ‘I need some money,’ I said.

  Rohit halted.

  ‘A loan, actually,’ I added.

  ‘Okay . . .’ he looked at me as if he did not understand what I meant.

  ‘I need the loan from you!’ I said it out loud so that there was no confusion in his head.

  ‘Let me guess. You want to buy a gift for Adira and have no money, is that it?’ Rohit knew my family’s financial circumstances, and I expected him to be a little nice to me when it came to money. My parents gave me only Rs 300 a week to manage my expenses, which included my transport to college, lunch, etc. I never complained about the money as I was very well aware that it was the best that they could manage. Rohit was my only hope. Then again, he might not lend me the money—this scary thought immediately crossed my mind. I had not pictured this situation and was not ready with a backup plan. Rohit had been my saviour when it came to money ever since I could recall.

  ‘Ronnie, you have been singing non-stop for the past two months about confessing your stupid feelings to her on her birthday. How could you have not thought of saving enough money to buy her a present for her birthday!’ Rohit asked irritably.

  I had no answer to his question, but I was happy as we were still discussing the matter. It is not a straight ‘no’ then—I shamelessly thought. I wondered if I was supposed to answer him but decided to skip it then. Not the right time. I looked back at him with sad, imploring eyes—on purpose. They always worked with Rohit.

  ‘Now, do not make such a sad face. How much are we talking about here?’

  ‘Rs 2000,’ I told him without meeting his eye. It was the largest amount of money I had ever borrowed from him, but without asking any more questions he handed his debit card over to me.

  ‘I want you to accompany me to the shop so that we can buy her present. Would you like to come?’ I asked him, and he readily agreed. I loved him for being the nice brother that he was.

  We reached the jewellery store in Khan Market on Rohit’s new black Pulsar. ‘This? Seriously?’ Rohit was surprised, and he managed to suppress his laughter as he parked his bike outside. I had never got a gift for a girl in my life till that day, not even for my own sister and the fact that I had decided to buy jewellery for Adira on her birthday had my cousin in stitches for at least five minutes.

  As soon as we walked in, we were welcomed by an elderly gentleman sitting at the counter. As we did not appear to be serious buyers, he did not pay us much attention post the initial greeting. ‘I want to buy something that I saw in the store this morning,’ I told him, and watched his expression turn from indifferent to eager in a matter of seconds.

  I walked farther into the store, and he followed me to the section that had delicate bracelets on display. About twenty minutes later, we left the place with a red velvet box.

  ‘When and how are you going to give it to her?’ Rohit asked me for the umpteenth time, turning his head a little as we drove back to Nani’s house.

  ‘I do not know yet,’ I replied from the back seat, and started thinking of a plan.

  On reaching Nani’s house, we hurried into the study room on the ground floor. I had not seen Adira since the morning, and I hoped to not bump into her before I was ready with my present and a plan.

  I sank into the black leather chair next to the wooden study table and started looking through the drawers trying to find a decently operational pen and some paper.

  ‘Do you need something?’ Rohit asked me just when I managed to find both things in the last drawer on the table.

  ‘Nah,’ I replied, and started recalling the words I had thought up during the ride back home to write on the note.

  ‘I will be outside,’ Rohit said, and walked out, closing the doors behind him. I knew he was giving me space and time to think.

  All by myself in the study, I started to write.

  Thirty minutes later, I was done writing the most beautiful thing I had written, read or heard in my entire life, until then. I hoped that the message was good enough for Adira to understand my feelings for her. As I folded the paper neatly and pasted it on top of the gift box with a strip of sticky tape, Rohit walked back in with a stupid smile on his face, indicating that he was up to something. ‘I have some good news for you,’ he said, rubbing his hands together and grinning mischievously.

  ‘What are you so excited about?’ I asked, placing the box carefully in the uppermost drawer.

  ‘We are going to Adira’s birthday party!’ he replied excitedly.

  I stared back at him in surprise, my eyes wide open. ‘How on earth did you manage that?’ I asked.

  ‘Tamanna was chattily inviting Piyush to Adira’s birthday party at her friend’s house. As I was with him, she had to extend the invite to me as well. I am sure you know how shameless I can be when the situation demands. So, I asked her if I could bring you along. She looked at Piyush and then reluctantly said yes. I do not like this Tamanna girl . . .’ I hugged him hard before he could say any more. This was just what I needed.

  The party was at Malviya Nagar, a South Delhi colony. Rohit, Piyush and I reached there half an hour before the set time, as Piyush wanted to help his girlfriend with the arrangements. Rohit and I tagged along with him in his car, and we had no option but to sit there and wait for the others to arrive.

  One after the other, many unknown faces walked in. Most of them were girls from Miranda House. There were a few of Tamanna’s friends and relatives, and a guy named Sahil came in with a big bouquet of red roses. He was Tamanna’s childhood friend’s brother. He worked at a bank in Gurgaon. Rohit updated me with the details of all the men who had arrived at the party without their partners. I marvelled at how much he knew about other people. Finally, at 7 p.m. Adira graced the party with her presence, along with a small group of friends—two girls and a beefed-up boy who could have passed himself off as a gym instructor. He could not take his eyes off Adira and tried to put his paws around her at every opportunity.

  ‘Who is this guy?’ I asked Rohit.

  ‘I don’t know,’ he said, shamelessly ogling a girl with long, silky hair wearing a green sweater and black skirt. Thankfully, she was busy chatting with someone on her phone and did not notice my cousin, who was already frothing at the mouth.

  I chose to ignore the crowd around me, which also included both my cousins, and focused on my plan for the night. I wanted to give the gift and note to Adira who looked angelic in a peach-coloured coat which matched the colour of her cheeks. Small golden earrings dangled from her earlobes and shone with each of her movements. Her beautiful, glossy hair fell neatly above her breasts and framed her little face. I was beyond mesmerized, just looking at her from afar.

  Finally, I managed to wish her happy birthday thirty minutes after she walked in. At that time her friends were still with her, so I could not just hand over the gift to her. ‘Thanks, Raunak,’ she said with a bright smile and then moved her attention back to her friends. After a while, her friends dispersed from her side, but Sahil and the beefed-up friend of her’s ensured that one or the other was with her all the time, giving me no chance to go near her. I envied those two well-dressed men, not only because they were close to Adira but because they could converse freely with attractive females. I, on the other hand, was the least comfortable in that department. How can I compete with them? I wondered.

  After continuously attempting and failing to go anywhere near, for one hour before as well as after dinner, I decided to quietly slide my gift into her handbag. She was too busy to notice, and I was sure that she would get the opportunity to check her bag only when she was alone in her room. To my surprise, a few minutes after I
slid the gift into her purse, she got up to go to the loo and came out beaming with the velvet box in her hand.

  Delhi was freezing that night; the temperatures were way below average, yet I felt beads of sweat on my forehead at the sight of her walking back into the room with my gift in her hand. I felt as if something blazing hot had entered my lungs and made me breathless. I was more nervous than I had ever been in my life.

  She walked into the sitting area where twenty-odd people were enjoying their drinks and music. Her high-heeled boots went clickety-clack on the marble floor and could be heard despite the loud music in the room.

  ‘What is this?’ she asked, looking at no one in particular. She was talking about the gift. No one said a word, and Piyush swiftly lowered the volume of the music system. Adira looked every bit as surprised and intrigued as I had wanted her to be. She sat down on the sofa next to Tamanna and looked at everyone in turn, as if trying to guess just by the faces who had given her the gift.

  ‘Open it and see. There is a note as well,’ Rohit cheekily told her, and my face started getting warm.

  She carefully pulled out the note from the box and took out her present—a delicate silver charm bracelet. It sparkled beautifully as the numerous lights in the room fell on it from different angles and directions. She traced each charm with her beautiful fingers as if she were kissing them, and then opened the note to read it.

  ‘Read it aloud. We want to hear what it says too,’ the beefy boy told her.

  She giggled happily and then obliged him. I looked at him in disgust but then quickly turned my eyes to my angel as she read my note. My amateur words came out of her mouth like a beautiful poem:

  Dear Adira,

  You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, and after knowing you the little that I have, I can say that you have the most beautiful heart too.

  On this birthday, I hope, wish and pray that you get all that you have ever dreamed, desired and hoped for. May this year be the beginning of the best phase in our life!

  P.S. I am not a writer, and words don’t come to me quickly. But looking at you, I think someday, I will write a love story.

  Love,

  A friend

  My breath was stuck in my lungs while she read the note, and I softly exhaled on hearing her say, ‘Love’.

  ‘Tell me now, who is it from? This is so lovely!’ she chirped, looking extremely happy with the surprise.

  ‘You moron. You did not write your name?’ Rohit hissed at me in a shallow voice.

  ‘I did not because I will tell her tomorrow. Let her guess and be impatient today. That is my plan!’ I whispered back at him grinning.

  ‘It was me,’ someone said, and the face-splitting grin disappeared from my face. It was the beefy guy.

  ‘Oh, Nitin!’ Adira exclaimed, and all her smiles were suddenly directed towards him. ‘Oh, Nitin! You are such a darling! I am blessed to have a friend like you,’ she added, and I felt as if all the blood, as well as my life, had been sucked up by the earth in one go.

  Lifeless, I looked towards Rohit who annoyingly remarked, ‘Well done, Mr Planner. What a jerk you are! You just wasted Rs 2000. Congratulations.’

  For the next fifteen minutes, we witnessed Nitin’s cheap acting and blushing skills. My head nearly exploded when Adira asked him to put on the bracelet, which he shamelessly did. The girls went ooh and aah over the gesture. Rohit and I took our leave, which no one opposed, and went back to our respective houses in autos.

  A little relief came in my direction when fifteen days later I got to know that Nitin had asked Adira to be his girlfriend a few days after the party. She, however, had thought of him as just a good friend and declined his generous offer. The last I knew, the guy had been friend-zoned for life! The bracelet however, still was with her and shone like stars on her slim wrist and, looking at it each time, my heart hummed a love song!

  MEETING ROOM NO. 5

  BACK TO REALITY

  ‘We are not interested in this job, are we?’ Rajbir’s question, dipped in sarcasm, hit me hard enough to bring me back into the training room for the rest of the day. My manager had seen me peeking in the direction of the pantry for the fifth time.

  ‘It is not that, sir . . . I . . . I . . .’ Why do words fail me each time, especially when I need them the most?

  Helplessly, I saw my manager collect his things and stomp out of the room, leaving me alone and clueless about the status of my job. Had I finally managed to get myself kicked out of the position? It appeared that I had.

  Within seconds I was running behind Rajbir. There he was! I quickly spotted him and my team, and walked up to him fearing the worst. Thankfully, he was called in for an urgent meeting and had no time to scold me further.

  Away from Rajbir’s prying eyes, I spent the rest of my day trying to understand the requirements of the client. My main aim that day was to get a new laptop from the administrative team by knocking on several doors, and to get various approvals for a permanent desk assigned to me. I did get a chance to interact with my team members as well who, just like me, were not very fond of talking and making new friends.

  I will not lie. After seeing Adira at the pantry, I did get the urge to go and look for her in the training rooms, but I had exhausted my quota of excuses as well as apologies for the day and had to give it a miss. I was unable to spot her anywhere on the floor where I was, for the rest of the day. However, I did find my eyes wandering in the direction of the door as well as the pantry more than a few times while working, in the hope of getting a glimpse of her one more time.

  That day I finished work one hour later than the usual time. The training batches left at 8 p.m., and it was 9 p.m. by the time I switched off my new laptop and was packed to head back home. The first thing that I did as soon as I sat in the cab was to dial Rohit’s number to find out Adira’s whereabouts. Rohit always knew everything about everyone.

  Quite unexpectedly, Rohit was too busy to answer my call that evening. I received a text from him five minutes after he disconnected my call: ‘Will call back in a while—at a friend’s place’. It was unlike him, but I did not stress over it.

  Who else could I call to check where Adira is nowadays? I didn’t know anyone well enough to be able to check about Adira without them asking me a zillion questions regarding my query. She had changed her mobile number three weeks ago. How did I know that? Her display picture was no longer where it should have been. It was replaced by the image of a pimpled face—an adolescent boy who reminded me of my own schooldays. This happened three weeks ago. Piyush, yes, he should know as his girlfriend is Adira’s best friend—but he is in America. I dialled his number without giving it a second thought. He picked up the call after the third ring.

  ‘Yo, Brother!’ he began in a fake accent.

  ‘It has just been a few months. Where did you pick up this accent from?’ I inquired, mainly to tease him.

  ‘What? Shut up!’ he sure was not going to let go of the accent any time soon.

  ‘So, how is life?’ I had to talk about general things before getting to the point.

  ‘Life is good, but I miss India . . .’ There was a hint of sadness which was a first. Piyush managed to stay happy and motivated no matter what the situation was. He was the star of our house, and hearing his voice stricken with sadness and worry was very confusing for me. He was in America; studying and living at the expense of his father. What else does one want in life?

  ‘But why?’ I asked. ‘Isn’t America the best place in the world to be? I thought everyone wants to fulfil their big American dream, and you were dying to go to America forever, remember?’

  ‘It is quite amazing, Ronnie. The place is lovely, scenic even. There is great infrastructure in place, the roads are good, people are nice and the weather right now is amazing. But I still feel every now and then that something is missing.’

  ‘What is missing, Bro? Power cuts? Traffic jams?’ I teased him.

  ‘No, and for your infor
mation—there are traffic jams here as well, terrible ones at certain hours of the day. America is all that I dreamt of, it is what I thought I want, but now I know that it is not what I need. How do I put it—it is not India.’ I thought I heard the big boy suppress a sob and decided to lighten his mood a little.

  ‘Do you have a gori (foreigner) girlfriend? Shall I tell Tamanna about her?’

  ‘Shut up!’ he was irked by my comment. ‘She knows that I will not think of anyone other than her. Moreover, I have something to tell you. But not now.’

  ‘So, what is she up to nowadays?’ I asked with genuine curiosity.

  He sounded thrilled to talk about Tamanna, and it also achieved my purpose, so I encouraged him to talk more. Piyush informed me that Tamanna had joined a PR company in Gurgaon. And the big news which he wanted to share was that he had decided to visit India in a few months and get married to Tamanna so that he could take her along to America. This was to be announced in a week’s time. Then he added that he was late for his school and told me that he had only a few more minutes to talk. Ask him, the voice in my head ordered.

  ‘So, do you have any news on Adira?’ I asked him, and then held my breath half knowing what was to follow.

  ‘Are you still hung up on her?’ I heard him laugh his signature weird laugh for the next few seconds while I continually rolled my eyes at his childish behaviour on the other end. He took a while to settle down and then began with his usual lecture on how I was a fool to be thinking that my one-sided love could get me anything more than pain and embarrassment. Every time this topic came up, he thought it was his duty to remind me about the difference between Adira and me, and how I was not the type of guy a girl like her would want to date. That day, too, our conversation was no different.

  How could I tell him that my love for Adira was not dependent or whether it was being nurtured by her love in return? She might or might not love me back as I was not ‘her type’. I loved her despite all odds as loving her madly, the way I did, was natural for me. She was like sunshine to me, and I, like a sunflower, was happy looking at her from afar.