Ice

by Stephanie Rowe

  But first he had to ask the question. “Are you coming back?”

  She didn’t avert her gaze from his. “I love you.”

  He waited.

  “I’ll come back.”

  But he heard the hesitation in her voice, a reluctance that was so deep in her soul that she might not even have known she’d voiced it.

  But he’d heard it, and he knew what it meant.

  When Kaylie left, when she got back into her safe little world, promises meant nothing.

  Tonight was all they had.

  Cort was going to make tonight last forever.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  The night hadn’t lasted forever, and Kaylie had left Alaska with the bodies of her parents and a brother on the edge.

  Cort had offered again to go, and again she’d declined.

  So he’d let her leave, alone, to face that hell by herself.

  A month since she’d left, and she’d called once to say the surgery had gone well and it was looking good for her brother’s leg. She hadn’t called since and hadn’t returned his calls.

  He’d stopped calling two weeks ago.

  Instead, he’d buried himself in his work to try to forget about her. He’d tried to distract himself from the aching loss in his soul, the hole that had formed when she’d boarded that plane and left. He’d done six search and rescues, which had been successful. He’d been flying about twenty hours a day with clients.

  And it hadn’t been enough.

  Two days ago, Cort had been flying six inches above a black river, searching for missing boaters, knowing he was one gust of wind from getting sucked into the water, and the near-death moment hadn’t been enough to fill the gaping hole in his chest.

  Not anymore.

  Flying simply wasn’t enough anymore, no matter how many risks he took.

  So he had finally given up and taken the day off. Handed his clients off to another pilot so he could make the trip he’d been needing to make for seventeen years.

  The twin towers blocking the end of Devil’s Pass appeared, bright sunlight making the rocks sparkle.

  Cort almost smiled, and he didn’t hesitate as he flew right past them. No more fear. No more hesitation. Just a place he needed to be.

  The plane was smooth in the perfect weather. The blue sky such a contrast to the last two times he’d flown in here.

  Cort landed easily in the clearing and then hiked the distance to the crash site.

  He’d barely noticed it when he’d been here with Kaylie, but now…

  He paused when he saw it.

  The shiny metal corpse was glistening as if it were brand new. Seventeen years of Alaska weather had stripped the carbon from the frame, leaving it pristine and untouched.

  Slowly, he walked over to it and laid his hands on the corpse.

  He closed his eyes and let the memories in.

  But this time, he didn’t see the crash.

  This time, he heard his mother’s lighthearted laughter and his dad’s infamous chuckle. Cort saw himself sitting in the back of the plane, grinning at his parents’ happiness. He felt their joy. Breathed in their love. And he knew that they’d been happy, truly happy. That they’d flown for the sheer joy of it, not to run away from demons.

  A sense of peace descended over him, and he raised his face to the sunshine, breathing in the scent of fresh air, of spring vegetation, of new life, and he knew his parents were at peace.

  Seventeen years of tension slipped away, and he felt his muscles unknot.

  And then he opened his eyes and knew what he had to do.

  “God, I’m going to miss you.” Kaylie hugged Mason fiercely, unable to stop the tears.

  He squeezed her tightly, then released her, wiping his finger across her cheek. “I’ve got some stuff to figure out.”

  She nodded, clenching her hands by her sides to keep from holding onto him. “I know. But I’m still going to miss you.”

  The last four weeks had been amazing. He’d stayed at her place so she could take care of him, giving her more time with him than she’d had in the last fourteen years. She’d grilled Mason on her family and had learned more about her parents and him than she had in a decade. The stories had made her laugh, made her cry, and most importantly, turned her family from strangers to friends. After all this time, she had found them again. Bittersweet, because her parents were gone, but at least she had Mason back.

  They’d talked for many hours about Bill and what had happened in Alaska. Based on comments Bill had made, Mason had figured out that their mother had died in the climbing accident that Bill had caused. Her death had snapped what remaining sanity Bill had. He’d fixated on Kaylie, and he’d used Mason to get to her. Sara had died because she had figured out that Bill had caused the accident, and he’d needed to silence her before she could warn Kaylie. Jackson had just been an aside because Bill knew the Alaskan would have hunted him down for killing his wife.

  So many deaths, for no reason. And now Mason was leaving. “I just got used to having a brother again.”

  Mason gave her a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah, well, this time don’t cut me off when I leave.”

  “I promise. I’ll call and e-mail. Often.” She hugged herself, watching as he slung a heavy backpack over his shoulders, deftly maneuvering the crutches. The large backpack was the only luggage he was taking, for a duration unknown and a location undisclosed. Kaylie had argued until her throat hurt, trying to get him to stay until his rehab was finished, but the minute it was deemed safe for him to leave, he’d started packing. “You really don’t know where you’re going?”

  “Nope. I just need to go.” He gave her a look. “No lectures on my leg. I’ll take care of it.”

  But she didn’t believe him. Despite the hours of talking they’d done in the last four weeks, she knew he was holding back. Something heavy was weighing on him, and she had no idea if it was what had happened in Alaska, or if the issue predated that experience.

  She had a feeling he wanted to get away from Kaylie so he could just stop fighting, and that worried her.

  So much.

  “Kaylie. Stop. I’ll be fine.”

  She managed a smile and told herself to stop worrying. She’d learned her lesson. The fear, the worrying—they wouldn’t change anything. And she understood Mason in a way she never had before Alaska. Before Cort. “Do what you have to do. I respect that.”

  Mason’s eyebrows went up. “I believe you actually mean that.”

  She brushed a piece of lint off his heavy waterproof jacket. “I do.”

  He cocked his head, studying her. “You’ve changed.”

  “I know.”

  “I like it.”

  Kaylie couldn’t stop the grin. “That’s just because I’m not riding your butt anymore about being safe.”

  “No.” He smiled slightly, and this time, there was the faintest hint of life in his eyes. “It’s because you’re finally happy.” He touched her cheek. “I would never have wished that psychopath on you, but if that experience helped you finally find a way to be happy, I’d almost say it was worth it.”

  Ah, her family. Still the same. Believing that a little suffering was good for the soul.

  Except this time, she agreed. “I wouldn’t change a thing.”

  Mason cleared his throat and dropped his hand. “Gotta go. Don’t be safe.”

  Her throat tightened. “Back at you.”

  She watched him all the way to the elevator, and he never looked back.

  When the doors shut behind him, she had a sudden feeling she would never see him again. “Be safe, Mason. Please.”

  Then she forced herself to turn away and go back into her apartment.

  And what she saw made her smile.

  The melancholy lifted, and she walked into her apartment tracing her fingers over a cardboard box.

  The time had finally come.

  Oh, wow.

  Then, just as quickly, her excitement faded, replac
ed with a trepidation that made her heart start to hammer. What if she was making a mistake? What if—?

  “Going somewhere?”

  She whirled around at the sound of a familiar voice, her heart lifting when she saw Cort standing in her doorway. “Cort!” She started toward him, then stopped when she saw the grim look on his face. She paused, suddenly unsure. “What are you doing here?”

  “Where are you going?” His voice was hard. Not friendly. He was wearing jeans and a lightweight black coat. Wellworn boots. His eyes were the same beautiful eyes she remembered, and he was clean-shaven for the first time. He looked amazing and beautiful, and her heart ached for him.

  “Trying to slide out of town without leaving a forwarding address?”

  She looked around at the stacks of moving boxes, regret hammering at her. It wasn’t supposed to have been like this. With him angry. “I’m sorry I haven’t called you back, but I had some things to sort out.”

  Cort walked into the apartment, his bulk and raw masculinity filling up the small living area. He looked so out of place next to the inlaid wood floor and pale yellow walls. “I have one thing to say, and then I’m gone,” Cort said. “I’ll let you go wherever you were planning to go.”

  “I was going—”

  “I love you.”

  Kaylie stopped, her heart starting to pound.

  “You were sort of right. When you said I was running from something.” He rubbed at his jaw as if not used to being clean-shaven. “I wasn’t running from it. I was trying to run to it, but I didn’t know what it was.” His eyes were dark, hooded, and so intense. “I was trying to find something to light a fire in my heart. I thought it was flirting with death I needed.” He looked right at her. “Turns out, it was you.”

  Her throat tightened. “Cort—”

  He held up his hand. “I still love to fly. I’m still going to do it. I’m still going to do search and rescue. But I don’t…” He made a small noise of irony. “I’m just going to have fun with it and not try to kill myself.”

  She couldn’t help but laugh. “Well, that’s good, at least.”

  He went still at her comment. At her laughter. Then slowly, he went down on one knee and pulled a ring box out of his pocket. “I am what I am, and if you can live with that, I promise I’ll cherish you and love you every day of my life. You never have to fly. You never have to climb. You never have to do a damn thing but love me. I’ll buy a place in town, fix it up nice for you, whatever you want.” He hesitated. “Damn it, Kaylie, I’d move here for you if I could—”

  “No.” She stopped fighting the need to go to him, rushing across the room and throwing her arms around him.

  His arms snapped around her waist, and he pressed his face into her belly. Holding her so tightly she could barely breathe. “Shit, Kaylie, I’m lost without you. Come back, please.” He pulled back, his hand closing around the blue velvet box. “You don’t have to marry me. Just hang out. See how you like—”

  She held out her hand.

  He faltered in his speech, then wordlessly, he set the ring box in her palm. “It’s not a diamond,” he said gruffly.

  All her excitement faded. After all that, he still couldn’t accept her? No diamonds even for this moment? Tears blinking at her eyes, she opened the box…then saw it was a ruby ring.

  Like the one she’d wanted for her sixteenth birthday and never gotten.

  She stared at him, her hand starting to shake. “You remembered.”

  “I remember everything you’ve said.” He looked as uncertain as she’d ever seen him, his hands clenched on her hips. “Shit, Kaylie. Don’t leave me hanging.”

  She took the ring out of the box, dropped the box on the floor, and then handed the ring back to him.

  His face darkened, and a shield closed over his expression. “I get it.”

  “No.” She caught his arm as he started to stand up, her heart racing. “I want it.”

  He hesitated, confusion evident on his face. “Then what—?”

  “If you still want me to have it after I tell you something, then I’ll take it.”

  His eyes narrowed, and he waited.

  Nervously, she twisted her fingers. “I faced the worst with you, watching you die, as you know. It made me realize how much I loved you, but it also really scared me.”

  He said nothing.

  “I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to deal with that, and I used my brother as an excuse to get away and get some space.” She gestured around the apartment. “But being here isn’t the same anymore. It feels closed in, and tight. I missed Alaska. I missed you.” She met his gaze. “I already knew I loved you, but I realized that it was more than that. You’re a part of my soul, and I need you.”

  A faint edge of tension eased off his face. “Okay.”

  “But then…” She licked her lips. “I remembered Valerie. How the final straw was when she became pregnant and was forced to think about what kind of a father she wanted for her son.”

  His face went hard. “And?”

  “I made myself evaluate that decision, to make sure how I knew how I felt about it. What it would be like to have my child have a daddy who’s a bush pilot. Could I live with it?” Kaylie managed a smile. “I decided I could. That’s when I started packing. To move to Alaska, if you’ll have me.”

  His jaw was tense. “If you had to debate about whether you could deal with me as a father, then you can’t. It’ll be a thousand times more intense when you have a baby. When you’ve got someone to protect from me.” He stood. “I won’t go down that road again.”

  She caught his arm, drew him back to face her. “I already know how I’ll feel when I face that situation, Cort. I’m pregnant, and—”

  “What?” His hands dug into her arms, a look of such intense pain and joy on his face, her eyes immediately teared. “You’re pregnant?”

  She nodded and gestured to all the boxes. “I was packing to move to Alaska. To you. I know it was awful with Valerie, and I’m still going to wear my jewelry and demand you’re home for dinner as often as possible, and if this is too much for you to handle, I understand.”

  “Kaylie.” He was kissing her before she could finish, and she smiled when she felt him slide the ring onto her finger.

  And she knew she’d been wrong.

  She hadn’t died in Alaska.

  She’d finally come alive.

  Acknowledgments

  Thank you to my wonderful and brilliant editor, Leah Hultenschmidt, for believing in this book and going above and beyond in support of it. And a huge thank-you also to all the folks at Dorchester for all their hard work and their support: Tracy Heydweiller, Renee Yewdaev, Cindy Johnson, Alissa Davis, Tim DeYoung, Brooke Borneman, Tanya Reynolds, Erin Galloway, Alicia Condon, and John Prebich. I am also supremely appreciative of Lisa Jackson, JoAnn Ross, and Cheyenne McCray for taking the time out of their busy schedules to read this book and to graciously offer their words to support this book. I owe special thanks to former Alaskan bush pilot Mort B. Mason, the incredibly talented author of The Alaska Bush Pilot Chronicles, who patiently answered countless questions on Alaska and flying, while still maintaining his sense of humor. Thank you also to the City of Newton police department, especially Bob Hill and Ed Boudrot, for teaching me about guns and police work, and for not carting me off to jail the first time I walked up to them in the parking lot and said, “I need to know the best gun to use if I wanted to shoot someone and cause really severe injury, but not actually kill him.” All the mistakes in this book are mine, and mine alone. And finally, I owe my heart to my family and friends, whom I treasure so dearly, without whose support I never would have made it through the toughest period of my life. Ariana, Vern, Mom, Bill, Ben, Sarah, Judi, Kara, Guinevere, Pete…I love you all! My future and life shine so brightly because you are a part of it.

  Praise for Four-Time Rita Award Finalist Stephanie Rowe!

  “Rowe is a paranormal star!”

  —J. R. Ward, #1 Ne
w York Times bestselling author of Lover Avenged

  ICE

  “Ice, by Stephanie Rowe, is a thrill ride!”

  —Lisa Jackson, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Malice

  “Passion explodes even in the face of spiraling danger as Rowe offers a chilling thrill-ride through a vivid—and unforgiving—Alaskan wilderness.”

  —Cheyenne McCray, New York Times bestselling author of The First Sin

  “Ice delivers pulse-pounding chills and hot romance as it races toward its exciting climax!”

  —JoAnn Ross, New York Times bestselling author

  “Stephanie Rowe explodes onto the romantic suspense scene with this edgy, sexy and gripping thriller. From the very first page, the suspense is chilling, and there’s enough sizzling passion between the two main characters to melt the thickest arctic ice. Get ready for a tense and dangerous adventure.”

  —Tanzey Cutter, Fresh Fiction

  IF THE SHOE FITS

  “[A] delightful take on life [and] love.”

  —Romantic Times BOOKreviews

  “If the Shoe Fits is a well-written character study. The main and secondary characters are well developed and provide fullness to the overall story. This is a well done addition to the chick lit genre. Try If the Shoe Fits on for size, you won’t be disappointed.”

  —Romance Reviews Today

  MORE PRAISE FOR STEPHANIE ROWE!

  UNBECOMING BEHAVIOR

  “Unbecoming Behavior is true chick lit.”

  —Affaire de Coeur

  “Stephanie Rowe’s Unbecoming Behavior is a fantastic new novel! Once you start this book, you won’t be able to stop.”

  —Romance Junkies

  “Stephanie Rowe’s writing is casual and conversational.”

  —A Romance Review

  “Rowe has some serious things to say about love, work, family and expectations, but it’s nicely coated with laughs and a frantic pacing.”