On the Edge

by Parker Hudson

  Richard looked at his watch and realized that Michael probably had another appointment coming soon. “Listen, Michael, there is one pretty serious thing I'd like to talk to you about for just a few minutes, if I might.”

  Michael leaned forward again, put his hands on the table, and said, “By all means.”

  Richard took his time and slowly unburdened the story of his relationship with Kristen and of how God had convicted him of his sin and how he had asked for His forgiveness the morning of the prayer breakfast. Michael listened without saying anything. Richard went on to describe how Bob and Anne Meredith had volunteered to pray for him when he met with Kristen to break off their relationship. When Richard finally finished, he continued, “But, Michael, here's what I want to ask you. I know my relationship with Kristen is completely a thing of the past. I know I'm now a new man, and I pray that with the help of the Holy Spirit inside me, I'll be able to fight any temptation in that area again. I truly love Janet, probably more now than I ever have. And I just want God's best for her and our whole family.

  “But what do I do about either telling or not telling Janet about my affair with Kristen? On the one hand, as a believer, I feel that I should come clean not only with God but also with her. I guess I still feel guilty about what I did. I feel I should tell her, in order to get rid of my guilt and to start our relationship over again with a clean slate.

  “But on the other hand, I know it would hurt her terribly to find out what I was doing. That's no longer me, I know. But it was only weeks ago, and she may feel she can never trust me again. I'm just caught in the middle, and I so much want to do the right thing…to do what God wants me to do. And, frankly, I'm still living in fear that Kristen, the other woman, will just up and call Janet one day and tell her all about us. How will I appear to Janet then? Can you possibly help me?”

  Michael briefly looked down at his hands, folded in front of him on the table, then looked up again at Richard. “You've really got a dilemma, Richard. I know. It seems to both of us that there are merits in both paths, yet there are also risks in both paths. I agree with you that it's a very difficult situation.

  “The first thing to do in a situation like this is to pray about it, seeking God's wisdom and His guidance. The second thing is to really put your affair with Kristen and the guilt you have from it behind you. If you have truly confessed this sin to God and asked for His forgiveness, then you are forgiven. And, as I think I said in one of the first sermons you may have heard, you need to close that chapter on yourself and to go on. That's the one good thing about sin. We can be washed spotlessly clean by God's Holy Spirit when we really repent and turn away from it. So either pray again, if you feel you must, to ask God's forgiveness for this sin. If you have done so, then that's enough. Stop. Don't do it again. It's gone, and as the hymn says, ‘Jesus took my burdens, and he rolled them in the sea.’” Michael smiled.

  Turning serious again, he continued, “It's my strong advice that you should not tell Janet these things, unless she has a really strong, mature faith. We do think we can handle a lot, but the actual reality is then more difficult than we first appreciate. She may not be able to accept it, and your marriage could be damaged. If it is really behind you, then let it go.

  “But if you pray earnestly and still feel led to tell her, and you believe her faith can withstand the terrible shock, then as you seek God's guidance, you might consider something I have recommended to several men—and unfortunately not a few women—in similar situations, people who had mature Christian spouses. You might consider finding a quiet time with your wife and simply reminding her of how you feel about her and of how much your marriage means to you. You might then remind her of what happened to you after the prayer breakfast and how you know you are a completely new person, through God's grace.

  “Then simply tell her that there are some things you did before God found you and remade you, but while you were married to her, of which you are not proud. You can be general, but let her know that these were serious things. Tell her that they are completely behind you, that you know you have been forgiven by God, and that they will have no impact on you in the future. But they happened.

  “Then give her the choice. Tell her that if she wants to know about them, you will tell her and ask for her forgiveness as well. But if she wants to leave them buried with the old man, which you hope she will, then you will do that too. I of course can't predict how she will answer, and that is the danger, but she should recognize your honesty and your desire both to be open with her and to protect her. Whatever then happens, the choice will have been hers, and she will know that. We both hope she will let those events die with the old man, but even more important will be your willingness to be vulnerable.”

  Richard listened intently to Michael and thought that his suggestions sounded good. He honestly did not know which course to take. But he also knew he had to pray before making a final decision.

  “Thank you so much for your words of advice, for the lunch, for this church, and for the prayer breakfast,” Richard said, as Michael's secretary knocked on the door. “Our whole family now looks forward to attending church and youth group on Sunday, and that in itself is a miracle,” Richard smiled in conclusion.

  The two men shook hands and Richard left, wondering how he had ever lived before knowing God.

  The reports that night at the cabal over the city were mixed, but in Nepravel's and Zoldar's cases, they were almost all negative. It had been a bad week for the demonic forces where the Sullivans and their friends were concerned, and Nepravel and Zoldar knew it was all Richard's fault. Amy's canceled abortion and Janet's confession of faith, both in less than twenty-four hours, had almost been the fiery end of Nepravel on Saturday night. Then there were Amy and Susan. And now Janet was beginning to intervene on “911 Live,” and Richard was seeking a permanent healing for their marital problems. It was a mess, and Nepravel expected to be blasted again by Tymor at this night's meeting.

  But to his surprise, when it came Nepravel's turn, Tymor was unusually calm. “You need not report tonight, Nepravel and Zoldar. Lord Alhandra is quite aware of what has been going on with Richard Sullivan, his family, and his friends. With my help, he has devised a plan that you will carry out to destroy Richard Sullivan's faith. We cannot tolerate his meddling anymore. He is becoming very troublesome, and he is upsetting other plans made long ago. Tell me, Nepravel, what would you say is Richard Sullivan's greatest weakness?” All of the other demons were as silent as their persistent hissing would allow.

  Nepravel, hoping that he was not being set up for a fatal trick, thought for a moment, and then said, “I…it seems to me, master, that in the past his greatest weakness has been the Holloway woman.”

  “Very good, Nepravel,” Tymor agreed. “And what would you say is now his greatest desire?”

  Nepravel again thought for a moment. “To tell other people about his faith?”

  “Exactly! Very good, Nepravel. You may survive this one yet. We have devised a plan, which you will carry out, to utterly confuse and disillusion him. It may take several weeks, but we're confident that you will carry it out correctly, Nepravel. Unless you are tired of your time here on earth.”

  Nepravel received the clear message and listened intently as Tymor explained what he was to do.

  FRIDAY, JUNE 2 – Amy had been able to dodge Billy's phone calls on the Friday of her abortion appointment, and then she had been out of town with her parents over the weekend. On Tuesday evening when Billy finally caught her, she simply told him that she had “missed her appointment” at the clinic, but she confirmed that she looked forward to their dinner date on the coming Friday evening, as he had suggested sometime earlier.

  Amy convinced her father not to say anything to Billy when he picked her up that evening, because she felt she should be the first to tell him of her decision. Tom Bryant reluctantly agreed and remained politely civil to Billy for the few minutes when they were together before Amy came down.
Billy assumed that it was his imagination, but it did seem to him that Mr. Bryant was looking at him quite a lot.

  Now Amy and Billy were sitting in Austin's Restaurant. They gave their waitress their orders; when she left, Billy finally said to Amy, “Well, if you missed your appointment last week, did you make it today?”

  Without answering at first, Amy reached into her purse, which was beside her in the booth, and pulled out the $350 in the envelope Billy had given her the week before. She slid it across the table to him. He immediately knew what it was and said, “What is this? What are you doing?”

  “To put it as simply as I can, I didn't have the abortion, and I'm not going to have it. Instead, I'm going to have the baby.”

  “What?!?”

  Amy continued calmly, “Yes, Billy. I told you back a long time ago that this was going to be my decision, though I certainly sought your input. I know you wanted me to have the abortion, but I decided it was wrong to do it. So I'm going to go through with bearing our child, God willing; and I even paid the fifty-dollar abortion cancellation fee myself, because I knew it was not what you wanted.

  “By the way, my family knows what we've done and knows of my decision….”

  “You mean your father knew when I was there this evening that I'm the father of this child?”

  “Yes, Billy. He had some things he wanted to say to you, but I asked him not to. And I know he'll be all right, as the weeks go on. In fact, since we've been working through what all this means, I really feel closer to him and to my mother than I have in a long time.

  “I'm not going to ask you to do anything else or to be involved in any other way. I know you're leaving next week, at the end of the term, and going out West to take that job on the ranch. As far as I'm concerned, you'll have nothing else to worry about, nor any further part in this.”

  She could see his facial tension relax a bit. She continued, “But there is one more thing you have to do.” The tension returned.

  “For an adoption to be legal in this state, apparently the father as well as the mother has to agree. Do you remember Susan Sullivan, who double dated with us that night? Well, her father is an attorney, and there's a nice-sounding lady attorney in his office. I've talked to her on the telephone, and she's going to try to help me. But you have to sign a form. In fact, she said it would be best if we signed it together, in front of witnesses. So here is her telephone number.” Amy slid a piece of paper across the table to Billy. “You need to call her on Monday and set up a time to pick me up; then we'll go down to their office and sign these papers. Since we all get out of school for summer vacation next week, we ought to be able to do it before you leave town. OK?”

  “So all you want me to do is sign a paper saying that it's all right for someone to adopt this child? That's it?”

  “That's it. Between the adopting couple and my family, I think the medical costs will be covered. You can go on out West. In fact, you can go on with your life as if none of this ever happened. I just hope you'll think about me and your child the next time you're tempted to do what we did. And I'm going to make it through the next months by believing that God has some purpose for this child inside of me, whom you and I have conceived, which will make all the pain and all the trouble and all of the cost worth it.”

  Billy, chastised by Amy's statements and frankly amazed by her strength, was nevertheless pleased that his role in all of this could end with his signature next week. “Yeah, sure, I'll call this Miss Thomas next week, and we'll set it up. Listen, Amy, thanks. And I'm just as sorry that all this has happened as you are.”

  “Sure, Billy. I'm sure you are.”

  Tommy and Brent opened the back doors of Mr. Festa's car, and thanked Taylor's father for the ride to Brent's house that Friday evening. Their baseball coach had hosted an early evening cookout for the boys on their baseball team, now that their season was over, and Tommy was returning to Brent's home to spend the night as their school year wound down to its last couple of days.

  Walking up the front steps of the Holcombes’ home, Tommy suddenly stopped and asked, “Hey, isn't that Derrick's car?” He pointed to the single car parked in the turnaround at the side of the house.

  “Yeah, I guess it is. I told you our folks went to the lake with some friends tonight. I guess Zane must have invited Derrick over.”

  “But I told you I don't want to get involved in all of that anymore. At least not now.”

  “What's the matter, Tommy? Don't you like the videos?” Brent asked, a little sarcastically.

  “Yes, you know I like them. But I don't want to be involved with those guys any more. I don't think it's right.”

  “Well you sure thought it was OK just a few weeks ago! What's the matter? It's fun. Nobody gets hurt. Hey, we could be doing a lot worse things!”

  “I know, Brent. I know. But I just don't feel good inside about it. Maybe I can't really explain it to you. But when I was doing it with them every weekend, it got to the point where that was all I was thinking about, almost all the time. It sort of took me over, and I really didn't want to think about anything else, or do anything else, and that scared me. I still want to see those videos as much as ever. How couldn't I? But I have to believe that God—yes—God, has more for me—and for you—to do with our lives than to get so involved with these guys and those videos all the time.”

  “Well, I like watching them and enjoy what we do. I don't think it's any big deal,” Brent replied.

  “Brent, you're my best friend. You can obviously do whatever you want. More than anything, I'm mixed up about all this. Maybe I can't explain it correctly to you, but I just have this feeling I shouldn't be doing this. That God has other and better things that he wants me to do. I'm sorry, but that's how I feel.”

  “So, then, are you coming inside?”

  “Not if I'm going to be sitting alone watching television or something while you're in the basement with those guys. I'd be happy to do something with you as long as you don't try to push me to go into the basement.”

  “Well, I'm going to watch the videos. They've got some new ones which sound fantastic.”

  “Well, I…I guess I'll just go home. See you tomorrow.” And Tommy picked up his overnight bag, turned, and walked toward his home in the dark.

  Tom Spence was moved from the ICU to a private room in the hospital on Friday. Officer Higgins was still in the ICU, but his prognosis improved after the second operation, and the prayer vigil was called off at noon, after fifteen of the participants assembled in the small chapel to thank God for His mercy and His blessings.

  Late that Saturday morning, Richard and Janet drove down to the hospital to visit with Tom. Sandy had told them on the phone that he was still very weak but that he would enjoy their visit very much, if it were not too long.

  Tom's right eye, half of his nose, and his mouth were the only parts of his head that were not bandaged. Still, he managed to smile when the Sullivans walked through the door.

  “It was nice of you to help protect the city's police car with your body,” Richard quipped, as Janet first hugged Sandy and then took Tom's right hand in hers.

  “I guess it was the least I could do for all that I was being paid,” Tom replied in a soft voice, returning their smiles.

  “We hear good news about Officer Higgins.”

  “Yes, Sandy and I have asked that he be moved to this room just as soon as he can leave the ICU.”

  “Tom, we're so glad to see you sitting up and smiling! I know you're in no shape to hear much of this,” Janet said, “and you may not believe it, but Connie, Phil, and I met with Bill Shaw and Bob Grissom on Tuesday, and Network has already decided to go ahead with ‘911 Live.’”

  “I haven't seen the tape and don't really remember what happened after I was shot. How bad was it?”

  “Pretty bad. We'll bring you a copy of the tape when the doctor says you can stand it. Network's one concession to the close-up violence you suffered is a thirty-second delay, to de
lete or to mask really nasty parts. And a commitment to cut away if they feel they are being set up on purpose, as a stage for violence.”

  “But who makes those decisions, Janet?” Tom asked. “So long as the same people produce the show, it will probably take something far beyond plain gruesome to provoke a black-out or a cutaway.”

  “I know, Tom…At least you would have been proud of me. I told them exactly what I thought about the show. I may be fired before I even have a chance to join the group opposing it!”

  “I hope not, Janet. I hope we can stop or modify it without anything like that ever happening to any of us.”

  “I'm going to do a little quiet investigation myself,” Richard added. “I was there in the studio, Tom, and I saw it all. Once you have your strength back and I've got some facts, we'll sit together with your group and see what perhaps we can do to put some pressure on Network. But for now, you need your rest, so Janet and I had better go.”

  “Thank you, Richard. We would really appreciate any help you can give us. Sandy, could you lead us in prayer before Richard and Janet leave?”

  29

  MONDAY, JULY 17 – The families on Devon Drive had made a smooth transition into a summer vacation routine. Susan picked up the job which she had started the previous summer at the frozen yogurt shop, working part time four out of seven days each week. Bobbie worked hard at an inner city camp, and Amy's schedule of nearby babysitting jobs was perfect for her special situation.

  Tommy and Brent mowed lawns together to earn money, but their relationship suffered somewhat from their differences on the videos. They enjoyed all sorts of other activities together, from tennis to swimming; but on the nights Brent elected to “do videos” with the older boys, Tommy would not participate. Tommy continued to believe that he was doing the right thing, but he also didn't want to upset his friendship with Brent; and he wanted to see the pornography. He was fourteen. But he had decided, thanks to the input from Glenn and his father, that “doing videos” was wrong; and he was trying his best to live up to his decision, despite all the pressures on him to go along.