by Natalie Ann
“Muffins. I’ll bring some over to your patient in a bit. Is she up and moving around?”
“She was sleeping, but I woke her quick, checked in on her, and let her go back to sleep. Give her an hour or so, I’d say.”
“I should get some kind of a system where they can page me if there is an emergency, don’t you think? At least the main house?”
It hadn’t occurred to Celeste before to do that. There were still so many things they were working out.
“It has merit, but remember, you aren’t a medical professional and we aren’t providing them medical care over there. The only people staying on site are those that would have been released to go home. This is no different than if they were staying in a hotel. Dena and I stopping in is just a perk the first few days to see if they have any questions, which isn’t much more than if they called the office. It’s really more of a personal touch.”
“I get that. And I understand they know they can’t ask me anything medically related.”
“And,” Amber said, “we’ve got a direct line for them to call the office if anything serious is going on.”
“I know,” Celeste said, sighing. “It’s just I want to make sure they’re comfortable.”
“They are. Most likely more comfortable, at least mentally, then if they were at home. They know we’re just a call and short drive away. This cottage is providing some pampering and a hideaway for people to recover. In some aspects, you could say it’s a mini-makeover vacation for them.”
“That’s a good thought to have. Still, I’d like them to be able to reach me if need be.”
“They can the same way your other guests can. You live on the premises, they have your number to call if they need you, or they can walk over. Relax, Celeste. Why are you so edgy right now? I’ve never seen you this way before.”
She’d known Amber most of her life and wasn’t surprised she couldn’t hide what she was feeling. “Do you know if my results are in yet and Max just hasn’t had a chance to look them over?”
Amber smiled, then leaned in and gave her another hug. “No, they aren’t in yet. You know we’d call you ASAP if we had them.”
“Why’s it taking so long?”
“You know how these things are. Try not to worry, please. The lab could be backed up; they could have made a mistake and need to retest the sample. It could be anything. I’ll make a call myself this morning.”
“Don’t go out of your way,” Celeste said.
“It’s not out of my way. Especially if I can calm you.” Amber reached for her hand. “Listen, don’t stress. You’ve been down this road before so you know it could be a few days or a full week.”
“And the longer it takes, the worse the results,” Celeste said.
“Don’t think that, okay? Even if it’s not good, it’s still not bad. You know that.”
Amber reached out and gave her another hug and held on tighter this time. “I’ll let you know if I find anything out today, more so now that I’ve got some muffins. I love being the hero of the office.”
Celeste laughed. “Thanks, Amber. For everything.”
Amber winked at her. “No. Thank you. I’m going to tell Max these are only for estrogen-bearing humans. I can’t wait to see his reaction.”
“That’s cruel, Amber. He is so outnumbered there.”
“He is, but secretly he loves it. Between us, I can’t wait until he’s married. I’ve never seen him this happy before and I’m hoping once he’s married we can hit him up for raises.”
“You girls are awful,” Celeste said, grinning.
“He loves us that way.”
Celeste watched Amber walk to her car, then she made her way back to the main house to get breakfast ready.
***
An hour later, Celeste walked back to the cottage with more muffins in a box along with French toast that she’d just prepared.
She unlocked the back door and set everything down in the kitchen and then made her way quietly to the living room to see if her one guest was up.
When she heard the water running in the bathroom, she decided to turn the one-cup coffee maker on and get everything ready.
A few minutes later, she heard footsteps down the hall. “Good morning, Stacey, it’s just Celeste. I don’t want to scare you.”
“I’ll be there in a minute.”
Celeste took a seat at the island. There were only three stools, as the house only accommodated that many. It was small and quaint, but set up to offer comfort at every turn. A tall stool or a small table to sit at. Reclining chairs in the living room along with a huge sectional. All the beds had remotes to help a person get out of bed, too.
“Something smells wonderful,” Stacey said a minute later.
She was dressed in yoga pants and a big button-down flannel shirt, her upper body a bit stiff.
“I’ve got blueberry muffins and some French toast. Take your pick.”
“Not sure my stomach is up for much, but I’m dying to at least try the French toast. If you aren’t busy, do you mind keeping me company?”
“I’d love to. The three people in the main house just left, so I’ve got time on my hands. How are you feeling?”
“Stiff and sore, but otherwise fine. I’m hoping to stop the narcotics today and just take some Motrin.”
Celeste was trying to figure out what she’d had done. Stacey didn’t look to be that old, maybe early thirties, if that.
“Is there anything I can do for you while I’m here?” she asked.
“Just keep me company. I’ve got everything set up so I’m not lifting my arms too much. This was a pretty easy surgery. I’ve had it before, but it’s been five years, and I still forget how much the anesthesia knocks me out.”
“Can I get you some coffee or tea?” Celeste asked, thinking Stacey must have had breast augmentation but it was hard to tell.
“Tea would be good. Do you know what I had done? Or are you just too polite to ask?”
“I only know if the guests choose to tell me, or I can figure it out by looking. I can’t really figure it out, but please, you don’t need to tell me.”
“Oh, it’s not a secret. I had my implants replaced.”
Celeste figured as much. “Why? I thought they lasted a long time?”
“I’m a breast cancer survivor. I had a double mastectomy five years ago and the implants should last up to ten years, but unfortunately one shifted out of the pocket and it was painful. Max did my original surgery and I wanted him to do this one, too.”
“I’m so sorry to hear about your cancer. So young, too,” Celeste said, knowing the feeling.
“I was twenty-seven, so yeah, young. Not what I wanted to hear when I found the lump. Nor did I want to lose my breasts, my hair, or my husband.”
It seemed like Stacey wanted to talk so Celeste made herself a cup of coffee. “Now I’m really sorry, but I understand. I’m a two-time cancer survivor. Not breast though. Leukemia when I was a teen and melanoma a year ago. I get the no-hair reference.”
“In the long run, that was the least of my issues. It’s just surface, really, the first thing people notice when you’re going through it. And the only thing they can really relate to.”
“I understand that completely.” It was bringing back the images of sidelong glances of sympathy.
“It had to be so hard as a teen. I thought it was hard in my twenties, but most people understood and were good about it.”
“It was the same in school. I’m still surprised to this day how accepting people can be once they understand what is going on, but it’s hard when you stand out from the crowd.”
Stacey sighed. “Yeah. Now I’m single with implants and tattoo nipples. Dating hasn’t been fun or easy, I can tell you that much.”
“Can I ask what happened with your husband?”
“He couldn’t handle it. Max’s office told me that there are a large percentage of marriages that fail due to cancer. I just never expected to be one of
those statistics.”
Exactly what Celeste had dealt with on a smaller scale while dating. She couldn’t imagine how much worse it would be to have your physical appearance altered, or how self-conscious it would have made her.
“I’m sorry. That’s horrible.”
“It was. But it’s life. I thought he was stronger than that. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he loved me and cared for me during that time when I was having treatments. Did everything that I needed and wanted. He never said a negative word to me about my appearance, either. Never even gave an indication it was a problem. It was a complete shock to find out he cheated on me years later.”
“So it didn’t have to do with your cancer?” Celeste asked, confused.
“Partially. He said he was stressed. It changes you when you have cancer, don’t you agree? I mean, I look at life differently now. Every appointment, every test, every lump or bump, I panic. I can’t get it out of my head if it’s coming back.”
“I think all cancer patients feel that. I’d have to say I still do myself fifteen years later.” She wasn’t going to say much more; it wasn’t about her.
“So you get it and he said he did, too. But it still bothered him. There were times I just wanted to be left alone. I know part of me withdrew too, but he could have stood by me. He knew I was self-conscious of my body. Sure, clothed, I looked great, but naked I still think I look like a freak with the scars. They aren’t big or bad, but in an intimate setting, it feels off to me. I don’t even remember what I looked like before. It’s like that is wiped from my mind.”
“Do you think that is why he cheated? Because he didn’t like the new you?”
“He said that wasn’t it, but I don’t believe it. He said that he needed more affection than I could give him. It was only two years after my cancer diagnosis. Reconstruction takes more than a year from start to finish. It was nonstop surgeries and though they were outpatient, I still needed to recover. It seemed we never got a break.”
“Cancer is an endless lifestyle, even when you’re in remission.”
“It is, and it was one he didn’t want. He just wanted to go out and have fun like we used to. Go out and be with our friends and drink. But I was tired a lot, weak at times. Our lifestyle just changed and he wasn’t ready to give it up. He ended up finding someone he could enjoy that time with more.”
Celeste reached her hand over to Stacey and rested it there. “It was his loss because you’re beautiful. There is someone else out there for you that won’t treat you that way.”
“I know. I’ll find him. I’m sorry to put a downer on your morning.”
“No. You didn’t. You actually helped me see things a bit clearer.”
For the Best
Amber sent her a text that she’d left a message with the lab, but they said they’d know in a day or so. Since Celeste was due to get her stitches out in two days, she figured she’d let it go.
In the meantime, after her talk with Stacey that morning, she knew what she needed to do.
She wasn’t thinking rationally, but didn’t care. She was only thinking about doing what was right in her mind.
Caleb talked about burdens and those she carried, along with the ones he had. The last thing she was going to do was be a burden to him.
Would she find a mate some day in her lifetime? Maybe. And maybe that mate was Caleb, but if that was true, she had to stop it. Fate be damned.
She wouldn’t do that to him. She wouldn’t put him through an ordeal similar if not worse than what he went through years ago with Adam. What he was still going through now.
It wasn’t fair to him, and her conscience couldn’t take it. She’d never be happy knowing she could cause that much anxiety in his life again.
He was just starting to live again. He was healing; she saw it and she felt it from him. He needed to continue, and being with her could only cause him to step backwards. No one should ever have to go backwards when they’d made so much progress.
She took a deep breath and pulled into his driveway, preparing herself for the best acting gig of her life. Stay strong, she told herself. Don’t show any signs of weakness. Don’t show any tears, and keep it light. She was a master at keeping things light.
Friendship. She told him months ago that if nothing ever happened between them, she’d at least be his friend, and that was exactly how she wanted to end it with him. To go back to how it was in the beginning. Before he kissed her that first time.
Her eyes started to well up, but she pushed the tears back, knowing she needed to do this.
He opened the door before she placed a foot on his step and she felt her stomach clench, remembering the first time she walked to the door. How she had to knock so many times only to have him yank the door open, agitated.
Here he was today, smiling at her, welcoming her into his house. He was a completely different person, and it only reinforced she was making the right decision in the long run. The right decision for him.
Whether it was the right decision for her remained to be seen, but after spending so much of her life putting others’ feelings first, she knew no other way.
“What brings you by?” he asked, reaching for her and pulling her in for a hug.
She wanted to step back fast, but didn’t, savoring the feeling of being in his arms, knowing it would be the last time.
“I was hoping you’d have time to talk.”
“That word again. What is it with you and talking? I was hoping you were going to shove me in the door and tell me to lift my loincloth again.”
She smiled faintly, remembering that time, too. The memories were going to be hard to forget, almost choking her now. Deep down, she knew she’d never forget what she had with him these last few months. That she’d lost her heart to him from the very beginning.
“Not today, sorry.”
“Did you hear from the doctor?” he asked, looking concerned. “I’m trying not to ask. I figured you’d tell me when you did.”
“It’s all good,” she said, smiling again, not really answering his question.
“That’s great. See, you were worried over nothing.”
She pushed aside the fact that he took her answer another way. It was probably best anyway. “I wasn’t that worried.”
“Now who is lying?” he said, teasing her. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“No, this won’t take long.”
He walked with her to the living room. “I’m not sure I like the look on your face. Are you sure everything is okay?”
She took a deep breath and started with, “Caleb, I’ve been thinking.”
“Nothing new there.”
She pushed past his teasing tone. “Maybe we should take some time away from each other right now. I’m busy with my bed and breakfast, the cottage is booking up left and right, and the holidays are coming in like a steamroller. I’m already booked up solid for the month of December.”
He sat back and eyed her steadily, his jaw clenched. “What’s this about? What did I do?”
Crap, she hadn’t thought about that. How he said his relationships never lasted and he always did something wrong. He always took the blame for it.
“Nothing,” she rushed out to say. “It’s exactly what I said. I’m busy right now and I know you are. I don’t feel right not being able to devote as much time to you as I’d like.”
“I’m not asking for more time,” he argued.
“No, you aren’t, but I don’t feel right knowing how busy I’m going to be and that we won’t see much of each other. It’s probably best to just step back a bit. I still expect Sparky to come visit me, but with winter coming, I’m sure he won’t be running down in the snow. It would be too cold for him.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll keep my dog away from you,” he said, standing up. “I get it. You need space and time, and you can have it.”
She stood up too, not liking the look on his face. He was angry, she knew, and she really didn’t expect that. She h
onestly didn’t know what to expect from him, but it definitely wasn’t anger.
“No, please, I’d like to see him. We’re friends, and I hope we can still be friends.”
He snorted. “I get it, Celeste. I’ll give you your space, but that includes my dog. We’re a package deal. You want space, you’ve got it.” He turned and walked away. “I’ve got work to do myself. You can let yourself out.”
She watched him climb the stairs to his office, fighting back the tears. She didn’t make it to her car before they were pouring down her face.
What did she just do?
***
Nothing ever changed, Caleb thought to himself. It always had the same ending.
The few true relationships he’d ever had ended with him being selfish and not devoting enough time to someone. That’s why he gave up on relationships years ago.
Here he was, for the first time in his life, feeling like he’d fallen in love with someone. He’d done all the things in the last month that he’d been accused of not doing before, and it still didn’t matter.
He still wasn’t good enough for someone. Somewhere, something in him was lacking and there was no use even trying at this point. Or trying ever again.
It just reiterated that he was best left alone. He never should have been pulled into her from the start. He should have remembered he compared her to the Pied Piper. Just like children, he foolishly followed behind her, putting his heart in her hands.
Sparky came up to his side and rubbed his furry head against his leg. Caleb dropped his hand down, needing the contact of his dog right now. The one constant in his life for the last few years.
He needed to redirect his focus at the moment. He didn’t want to think about what happened, didn’t want to let it bother him, even though it did.
Pulling his screen back up on his computer, he looked at what he’d been working on for the last month and frowned over the waste of his time.
Screw that, it was never a waste. He’d use it for something, sell it, or scrap it for something else. It didn’t matter. In the meantime, he’d finish what he’d started that morning.