by Natalie Ann
By time he was done, it was dark out and he was starving. He grabbed some food and went back to his computer, eating his sandwich at his desk.
He started to scroll around the web, checking out different locations and places, seeing if anything caught his eye.
“I know you like it here, bud, but I think it’s time to move on,” he said, then tossed some bread to Sparky.
He refused to acknowledge the hollow pit in his stomach or the burning in his eyes.
Sparky looked up at him and nudged his head under Caleb’s hand again. “Yeah, it sucks, but it’s for the best.”
Sparky let out a howl, one he’d never heard before, sounding deep from the dog’s belly and full of pain. “I feel the same way,” he said, dropping his forehead to the dog’s.
All Good
“Morning, Celeste.”
“Hi, Max.” She didn’t like the fact he came in before Amber or Dena. Normally the girls were in first, removed her stitches, and Max came in to chat at some point, but he was never the first one in the room.
He pulled a stool up and sat down so they were eye level. “Take a deep breath and relax.”
Yeah, saying that first was a surefire way for her body to react the opposite. “How bad is it?”
He smiled gently and patted her thigh. “It did come back as a carcinoma, but it’s stage zero melanoma. That’s less troublesome than your last one a year ago.”
Her heart was still racing, but not quite as much. After waiting this long, she was expecting bad news. “So you need to go back in and remove some tissue, I’m guessing.”
It was standard to do that with her even if it was just pre-cancerous cells.
“Yes. I really wish it wasn’t called melanoma for stage zero, as it makes it scarier than it is. I know you looked up everything you could last time, so you know the course of treatment is excision. I’ve removed all of the cancer cells already, but I’m going to go back in and clean up to the margins.”
“How soon can you do it?”
She really wasn’t lying when she told Caleb she was busy now and would only get busier. The thought of slowing down wasn’t appealing.
She wouldn’t be out of commission by any means, but since it was her right arm, she would be limited for a week or so. No heavy lifting or movements, so she’d have to get some coverage.
“I’d like to wait a few weeks for you to heal more before I reopen the site. It’s not going to make a difference, since the cancer is gone.”
She was calculating her schedule in her head and trying to figure it out. Anything to get her mind off the news Max just delivered.
A few weeks from now would put her close to Thanksgiving. It might work. Though her house would be full, most of her guests were visiting with family and wouldn’t be having many meals with her.
“Can I have it done the week before Thanksgiving? Then I’d have more range of motion by the time things get busy.”
“I’m sure we can work it out. Quinn can take over all the cooking for the cottage if there is anyone even scheduled at that point. Chances are there won’t be until after the holiday, so you might luck out there. And she’d gladly give you a hand at the house, too, so please don’t hesitate to ask.”
“I’d appreciate her help at the cottage, but I should be set at the main house. Thanks, Max.”
Celeste turned when Amber came running in and rushed over to pull her up and hug her. “I’m sorry.”
She tried to bring herself back to her happy place. The one she’d lived in for so long as a teen. “Its okay, Amber. I know it’s not a big deal. Just a few more stitches. It’s all good.”
“It will be, and you know it, but I know it’s hard, too.”
The thing about small towns, sometimes you couldn’t fool everyone. “It is, but again, I know it’s not a big deal. Nothing like I’ve gone through before. And I’ve got the best plastic surgeon around, so he won’t mess my scar up too much.”
Max laughed and stood up. “Let me see it now.” She pulled her sleeve up and watched as he removed the steri strips. “It’s going to heal nicely, but we know it doesn’t matter at this point. In the long run it doesn’t matter at all how it looks.”
“What matters is the cancer is gone. I know that,” Celeste said. “So what are my chances of this happening again? It’s been just over a year since the last one.”
As much as she hated to broach the subject, she knew she needed to. “That would be a question for your oncologist. In all honesty, if we catch them like this, it’s still all good, just like you said.”
She knew he was right, but it didn’t quell the anxiety she felt right now.
“I’ll call him tomorrow.”
“The results were sent to him this morning, so I’m sure he’ll be expecting the call.” He turned to Amber. “Why don’t you take these stitches out? Celeste, make the appointment that works for you. The earlier we do it, the tenderer it will be, but it’s your call.”
She watched him walk out the door, then turned to Amber and had to fight back the tears when Amber’s eyes started to water. “Don’t you dare get upset.”
“I can’t help it,” Amber said, sniffling. “It’s not fair. Why does this keep happening?”
Celeste knew Amber meant well, but she wasn’t helping. “Who knows? Life’s not fair. Maybe it’s that old saying that bad things only happen to people who can handle them.”
“I don’t believe it. It doesn’t seem like justice to me if that was the case.”
“Like Max said, what’s another scar? It’s all good.”
“Stop saying that. It’s your go-to saying, and I get it…you don’t want sympathy. You always were so strong. I’d be bawling my eyes out right now, even though from a medical perspective it’s nothing to be overly concerned about. Not like anything you’ve had before.”
“Thanks, Amber,” Celeste said, shaking her head. “If you don’t stop those tears I’m going to be consoling you.”
“I’m good. I promise. Let’s talk about something else while I remove these stitches. Maybe when it’s all done you can treat yourself to something here in the office.”
Celeste laughed. “There you go all saleswoman on me again.”
“It’s worth a shot. Besides, you’d get one hell of a discount now.”
She perked up, hearing that. “Really?”
“Yeah, it’s the same as being an employee. I mean you’re business partners with Max. I’ll make sure he gives it to you. You tell me what you want.”
Shaking her head, she said, “Right now I just want to go home and have a glass of wine and a little time to myself.”
***
Unfortunately, the wine had to wait. So did her guests, who thankfully were entertaining themselves right now.
Instead she drove to her mother’s house and prepared to deliver the news. She wouldn’t keep it from them knowing the results now.
When she saw Cole’s truck there she almost turned around. She wasn’t sure she was ready to deal with him right now. The last time she told them she had melanoma he freaked out and wouldn’t leave her side. It drove her insane.
Opening the back door, she yelled out, “Hi, Mom.”
“Celeste, darling, we’re in the living room.”
She took a deep breath and made her way to the front of the house where Cole was pulling the air conditioner out of the window for her mother. It was a little late, but Celeste kept that to herself. Cole helped out all the time, but he had a life and was busy, too.
“What brings you by?” her mother asked.
“I’ll wait until Cole is done. Since you’re both here, I’ll talk to you together.”
Cole easily lifted the air conditioner out, set it on the floor, shut the window, and turned to her. “Talk, now.”
“Nice to see you too,” she said to her twin.
“Don’t play games with me. You know I know there is something wrong.”
Being a twin did have its disadvantages, so th
ere was no use trying to put this off. “I just came from Max’s office. I had a mole removed last week.”
“And,” her mother said, the worry covering her face like it had more times than Celeste cared to remember.
“It’s stage zero melanoma. Not even cancer, really. Even Max said he wished it wasn’t called a name that panicked people.”
Her mother’s eyes teared up. Cole hadn’t said a word, just continued to stare at her. “So what does that mean?” he finally asked.
“The cancer is all gone.” She lifted her sleeve up. “Just a tiny spot. Max is going to go back in a few weeks from now and clean up the tissue, but there is nothing remaining. This is actually less worrisome than the last one. See, no need to get upset.”
“Why do you always keep these things to yourself?” her mother asked, coming forward and hugging her.
This was why, she thought, because the sympathy, the worry, and the emotions were too hard for her to handle. It made it hard for her to stay cheerful and keep up a good front. It wasn’t just for other people that she did that, it was for her own sanity. Letting herself slide into depression wasn’t healthy either.
“There was no need to worry you, Mom. Or you, Cole,” she said turning to him.
“But you know I’ve been worried anyway,” he said.
It was the first he’d voiced it in front of other people, that he’d felt things that were going on in her life. “There was nothing to worry about.”
“So that’s it. It’s gone. And he’ll remove more tissue around it and you go on like nothing happened again?” he asked sarcastically.
She ignored his tone. “Exactly. There is no reason to do anything differently. Its fine, but I wanted you to hear it from me.”
“Did you tell Caleb?” her mother asked.
She hadn’t expected them to bring Caleb’s name up.
“He knows I had the mole removed,” she told her mother.
“How did he react to it?” Cole said.
She didn’t get all the questions. “He was fine. I told him it wasn’t a big deal when I had it removed over a week ago.”
“What about now?” Cole asked, reading between the words she was carefully using.
“There’s no reason to tell him.” She took a deep breath. “We’re taking a little break right now. Just giving each other some space.”
“What the hell?!” Cole yelled.
“Calm down, Cole,” their mother said. “It’s Celeste’s life and you need to stay out of it. What happened, honey? I thought things were going well.”
She started to tear up. This was worse than finding out the results from Max earlier. She never had a chance to explain, though, before Cole started walking toward the door.
He opened it, stopped, and turned back. “He’s nothing but a Goddamn coward to walk away from you during this. I knew he was bad news.”
Cole yanked open the door and slammed it behind him.
Celeste turned to her mother, wrapped her arms around her again, and held on tight. She didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t want to even think about anything and wished the last forty-eight hours had never happened.
Make It Right
Two days later, Caleb had had enough. Sitting around moping wasn’t doing him any good. Trying to keep Sparky from leaving the property hadn’t been easy, either. So he did the only thing he could do…he started to pack.
First he went to see Nick. He owed it to Nick to let him know he’d still work with him, but he didn’t know from where. For now he just needed time to search out a new spot, but he’d be in touch.
He expected Nick to balk, but he didn’t, just said he understood and that the door was always open, and for Caleb to take the time he needed. It made him wonder if Nick knew about Caleb’s past since he was being so accommodating.
Then he came home and just started throwing food from his fridge into the garbage and clothes in boxes. Anything he couldn’t fit in his truck was just going to stay. It could be sold with the house for all he cared.
He was carrying his last box to his truck when another truck pulled in behind him. It was the last person he wanted to see right now.
“Going somewhere?” Cole asked him, his stance hard and his glare like steel.
“What’s it to you?” Caleb said back. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with any of this today. He just wanted out of this town as fast as he could and didn’t want to look back.
Only deep down he knew that would never happen. His heart broke in California, but here it just bled. At times a slow bleed could be worse… prolonging the suffering.
“I knew you were trouble the minute I found out about you. You just proved me right.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about and don’t really care. I don’t have time for you, so move.”
Caleb walked around where Cole had come to stand by his truck and threw the last box in there.
“Don’t turn your back on me when I’m talking to you,” Cole said.
“My property, my choice. If you don’t like it, leave.”
“Like it’s your choice to ditch my sister when she needs you,” Cole snarled.
Caleb had no clue what came over him. He’d never been aggressive before, especially with someone much bigger than him and carrying a weapon. But he grabbed Cole by the shirtfront and slammed him against the side of his truck.
“I didn’t ditch your sister. She ditched me.”
“Get your hands off of me now,” Cole growled.
“What are you going to do? Arrest me? You aren’t here on official business. You’re just being a prick.” Sparky raced over at full force, growling and snapping at Cole. “Heel!” Caleb shouted, thankful Sparky sat back on his haunches, but the dog still growled low in his throat.
“A prick with a gun. If you were smart, you’d back off,” Cole said again. His eyes were ice cold, but it wasn’t strong enough to freeze out the fire burning deep inside of him over Celeste breaking things off. “Get that dog away from me, or he’ll be the one I shoot.”
“Just try it,” Caleb said.
Cole stared at him, but didn’t make a move, so Caleb released his shirt and backed away, then turned his back on Cole again, knowing it would annoy him.
“I could cuff you right now for assaulting an officer.”
“I repeat, you aren’t on official duty. I’ve got nothing but time and money. I’ll have your badge faster than you can lift that toy of yours in the air.”
“What did you do to piss her off? Act all high and mighty like this?”
“Beats the hell out of me,” Caleb said before he could stop himself.
“So that’s it? She just ends things and doesn’t tell you why?”
“Why do you care? You can’t stand me, never did.”
He’d spent days thinking about what he could have done wrong, what he could have done different, but nothing came to mind.
Cole just continued to stare at him, not moving and not speaking a word. Then, he finally said, “I don’t know why I’m going to say this. I should just walk away like you said. I shouldn’t even have come here.”
“Just spit it out, Cole. I don’t have time for this,” Caleb said, getting frustrated. He didn’t want to talk to Cole and sure the hell didn’t want to talk about Celeste.
“I think she needs you right now.”
“She has a funny way of showing that. Last I knew, saying she needed space meant back away, not come see me.”
Cole took a deep breath, looked up to the sky, then back at him. “She isn’t in her right mind right now, regardless of what she says or how she acts.”
“Do you want me to throw you against the truck again? Just say it or leave.”
“I’d like to see you try again. I gave you a pass because you look like hell, but you won’t get a second one. She has cancer again.”
Caleb felt the blood drain from his face. “Her leukemia is back?”
“No. She said you knew about the mole being
removed…?”
“Yeah, she also told me everything was fine right before she said she needed some space.”
Caleb remembered the entire conversation, as much as he wished he didn’t.
“She didn’t know her results at that point. She found out two days ago.”
“So she lied to me,” Caleb said.
Cole shrugged. “I told you she isn’t in her right mind.”
“Move your truck before I run it over.”
Cole walked back to his truck and climbed in, but before he shut the door he said, “If she isn’t home, try the cemetery.”
***
“I wasn’t wrong to do it, was I, Daddy?” Celeste said, sitting on the cold ground next to her father’s tombstone.
A bird cried out in the sky, causing her to shed a tear.
“I didn’t know what else to do,” she said. “At the time it felt right, but now it feels like shit.”
Another bird cried out.
“Yeah, I know, I just swore. I think I’m entitled at the moment. My heart is breaking and it’s my own fault. I guess I’ve always been too stubborn for my own good.”
She lay her head against the stone like she had so many times before. It was hard and cold, just like she felt inside.
A few more tears fell while she tried to figure out what to do. As much as she wanted to seek Caleb out, she decided it was best to give him a few more days. She knew he wouldn’t be able to keep Sparky back much longer, and when they showed up she’d sit down and talk to him.
It was the coward’s way, waiting for him to come to her, but she also didn’t want to crowd him.
Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and wondered what he was doing. She hadn’t heard even a peep from him and wasn’t surprised.
Was he upset or relieved? She didn’t miss his anger that day, or his cold stare. It was forced, she knew it, but it hurt just the same that he didn’t show much of a reaction. That he didn’t even try to ask her what was going on, that he just accepted what she was saying and walked away from her.
Maybe it was for the best. Maybe he just didn’t feel as strongly for her as she did for him.