A Beautiful Disaster

by Marguerite Labbe

  “So what, you’ve been spending all the years since then believing you were a pervert creeper who took advantage of his younger foster brother?” Brenden looked away, unable to meet Dakota’s eyes, and Dakota drilled his finger into Brenden’s chest, drawing his gaze back. “Put a fucking cork in that. I would’ve kissed you back then sober or lit up. I would’ve kissed you a hundred different times since then if I’d thought you would’ve been down with it. So just don’t.”

  The thought that Dakota had also entertained thoughts of kissing him when they were teenagers blew Brenden’s mind. He couldn’t have been more awkward then if he’d tried. He’d showed up at the Nyes’ door with shattered confidence and a broken heart. The funny thing was, fighting with Dakota had taught him how to have a spine again and defend himself.

  “But please tell me how far it went. And if you say all the way, I’m going to sit here and cry for my sixteen-year-old self. That’s not a memory I should forget.”

  Brenden stared at him in horror. “No… no, for fuck’s sake. As soon as we got excited, I came to my senses and extricated myself. You passed out five minutes after, and I somehow managed to get you back to the car.”

  Dakota fell back against the pillows, groaned, and covered his face with his hand. “Only you would use extricated.”

  Brenden shrugged and lay back beside him. “When the word fits.” He’d thought back on that night so many times, going over all the different ways he could’ve handled it better. “I had a very difficult time saying no to you back then.”

  Dakota turned his head toward him. “You seem to have discovered a wealth of noes since then.”

  Brenden’s survival instincts had finally kicked in. Those instincts came to a screaming halt in Kent Island and now again today. Clearly, he should never go onto an island with Dakota Nye. Being surrounded by water reduced his willpower to zero. “It was necessary.”

  “If you say so. I wish you’d have said something before. It explains a lot. So much about the way you’ve acted.” Dakota shook his head at Brenden. “All those times when I questioned why you were so damn testy about a little kiss.”

  “If you think about it, you’d understand why I didn’t. If I told you before….” Before they’d gotten naked and spent an entire night loving each other. Brenden couldn’t help but wonder if they were going to do it again tonight despite Dakota’s vow. This was Dakota, who hadn’t had sex in a month. That might be a record for him.

  “Before what? Go ahead and spit it out,” Dakota said in irritation. “Before we gave in to every damn urge we’d ever had and stopped pretending that brotherly was the last damn thing we felt toward each other? Dammit, Brenden, you should’ve. We’ve wasted a lot of time, wondering, wishing, second-guessing everything. We could’ve been boning each other for years.”

  Brenden had been all ready for that, well, maybe not the boning at first, but he’d been full of dreams of talking to Dakota, telling him, sharing secret kisses with his best friend. Then Trev and Evelyn had caught the way he looked at Dakota, and that had been the end of those teenage dreams.

  “Be realistic, Dakota. Come on. We can’t have it all. We can’t. And if I’d said something to you, you would’ve hounded me to death for another kiss. You wouldn’t have been able to take not remembering. You would’ve wanted to experience it for yourself.”

  “Was the thought of kissing me again that damn bad? Jeez,” Dakota muttered in an offended tone.

  Brenden shook his head, a heavy weight settling on his heart. Dakota didn’t get it. He never would. He only saw their immediate desires, not the full truth. “We can’t have it all.”

  “What’s this damn all you keep harping about?” Dakota glared at Brenden, and in a crazy way, that lightened Brenden’s heart. He’d missed their wrangling. What did that say about their relationship when he missed arguing with Dakota? But the expression of disgruntlement always made his heart beat faster. “Because I told you I wanted to give you and me a real shot. What more do you want?”

  Brenden scrubbed a hand over his scalp. How the hell should he tell Dakota about his promise to their foster parents?

  “Hey. What other secrets are you hiding from me?” Dakota demanded. “Is there anything else you’re not telling me? How the hell am I supposed to navigate a relationship if I only have half the fucking story?”

  Relationship? The thought blew Brenden’s mind. They were in a relationship, and Dakota did need the whole truth. “Fine, I’ll tell you, but don’t kill me, please.”

  “I won’t kill you,” Dakota grumbled, “but I might seriously make you pay.”

  Brenden was already paying, because this brought back all the mortification and disappointment of that time. “You know how Evelyn and Trev seemed to always freaking know when something was on our minds or when we were up to something we shouldn’t have been?” Brenden plucked at the comforter, not quite meeting Dakota’s eyes.

  “They had an unnatural sixth sense,” Dakota agreed. “I never figured out how they did it.”

  “Yeah, me neither. I’d love to have that trick. After I’d brought you home that night, I couldn’t get that kiss out of my head. I was both desperate to talk to you about it and terrified you’d laugh at me when you were sober. I’d just about worked myself up to the point where I thought I could tell you.”

  Dakota cupped Brenden’s cheek. “I wouldn’t have laughed, not about that. What happened?”

  “Evelyn and Trev pulled me aside for one of their heart-to-hearts. They’d picked up on how I looked at you. And they asked that I promise to let it go because boyfriends come and go and brothers are forever. They said we’d both been through too much to give our all to that kind of a relationship and we needed to focus on being a family.” Brenden could still hear their voices, so earnest and caring. They really had wanted what was best for him and Dakota.

  They hadn’t tried to make him feel guilty. They hadn’t tried to scare him by saying he could be taken away if Social Services found out, though Brenden had figured that was a risk. He’d been disappointed, but in reality, he’d been far more concerned with pleasing them and staying in his new home than he’d been upset about missing an opportunity with Dakota.

  The regret for making that promise came later, as each damn time he fell in love with Dakota, he fell harder.

  “Well, hell, that explains a lot.” Dakota gave Brenden a shrewd glance. “And you’ve been beating yourself up over it. Really laying it on thick ever since we kissed the second time.”

  Dakota knew him so well. Brenden sighed. “I go back and forth. On the one hand, yeah because a promise is a promise, on the other hand, the entire situation has changed. We aren’t traumatized teenagers in need of a stable environment. So their reasons don’t apply anymore.”

  “There you go, I’m glad you recognize that at least,” Dakota muttered.

  “But—”

  Dakota groaned. “I hate it sometimes when you decide you have to examine every side of a situation. Can’t we just go with the promise isn’t valid anymore?”

  Brenden would love to. “But the circumstances have changed in other ways, and I would bet my chances for a successful con that in their minds, we’re even more off-limits because in their heads we’re both their sons. In Aden and Zach’s eyes, we’re their brothers. So for them, they’d probably still consider it a promise broken and not look at the changing circumstances. They’d be mad, and after everything they’ve done for us, I don’t want to do that to them.”

  “Aden figured it out,” Dakota said with a wry smile as Brenden felt a sick weight of horror settle in his stomach. “And before you freak out, he’s on our side. Actually, no, he’s on your side. Because if I break your heart, I’m a dead man. He’ll support us, Bren, when we’re ready to take that step.”

  Brenden sat up, his thoughts whirling too fast as fear and hope clashed. With everything that was going on with the con, with Dakota, it felt like his life was spinning out of his control and he didn
’t know whether he should wrest it back in place or enjoy the ride. Dakota gave him such hope that he could have his dearest wishes.

  Dakota reached for Brenden and pulled him closer. “So this ‘all’ you believe we can’t have… not only are you skeptical of me keeping to a commitment, and I can’t blame you there, you’ve also been worrying that if we do go down this road, we’re going to have to end up choosing between each other and the family that became ours.”

  The cynical side of him believed that. He’d had family disown him before. But Evelyn and Trev had worn the sharp edges off that cynicism.

  “I don’t think Evelyn and Trev would kick us out of their lives over it. But it would hurt them and cause a lot of angst I don’t want.” Brenden laid his head on Dakota’s chest and closed his eyes. It felt so good to be held by him, and Brenden refused to feel guilty tonight.

  “So you hurt yourself instead,” Dakota said softly and kissed the top of his head. There didn’t seem to be anything Brenden could say to that truth. “Any more secrets I should know about?”

  “I think we about covered them all tonight.” Brenden ticked them off on his fingers. “One, I’m in love with you. Two, we kissed as teenagers. Three, I’d promised you were hands-off. That’s enough for one night.” Brenden lifted his head and met Dakota’s gaze. “When did you figure out I loved you?”

  “When you were so pissed off at me that morning in Kent Island. It changed everything. Screwing around was one thing. Getting you hurt was another. So I convinced myself that letting you go was the best thing for us both because I wouldn’t be able to give you what you wanted.” Then he grinned, a wicked smile that lit up his eyes. “Then you sang to me and I realized there was no way in hell I was going to let you run off with some schmuck.”

  “I knew you’d run.” Brenden threaded his fingers through Dakota’s hair and tugged his head down for another kiss. Dakota was his, at least for now, and he was going to wallow in every moment of it. “I didn’t expect you to come back.”

  “Neither did I,” Dakota admitted. “But it’s always been me and you. I can’t imagine going through life with anyone else.”

  Brenden’s heart ached. He wanted to believe so damn bad that Dakota would stay. It had always been them, and no matter where Dakota drifted off to, he always came home.

  “When did you realize you were in love with me?” Dakota asked.

  “The first time?” There had been so many moments over the years. And he’d fallen again today when Dakota had danced with him. “When you admitted you were gay. You were so damned scared. You looked so fucking lost. The fact that you trusted me to keep your secret, the secret you were so scared of, I fell hard.”

  “You were always good at keeping a secret.” Dakota brushed his lips over Brenden’s mouth, then shut off the light. Brenden’s heart quickened in anticipation of touching Dakota again and feeling his naked body against him.

  “No more secrets. Not from you,” Brenden promised as Dakota curled around him, making no other effort to get in his pants. Brenden waited to see if Dakota would kiss him again or if his hands would wander. He waited until Dakota’s breathing evened out and Brenden knew he’d fallen asleep.

  Dakota was serious. Holy fuck.

  In typical Dakota fashion, he’d zagged in a completely different direction and caught Brenden off guard again. The side of him that was afraid of being hurt wanted to lay the blame on Dakota’s capriciousness. But Brenden knew the man too well. He didn’t make life-changing decisions like this without solitary brooding until his epiphany hit. Then he’d give it his all. If there was one thing Dakota did it was throwing his whole heart and energy into his new direction until it either panned out or was clear that it wasn’t working.

  Brenden had to trust him and do no less, even if it meant laying his heart on the line.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  DAKOTA STIRRED and nestled closer to the warmth beside him. It smelled like Brenden. He nuzzled his nape and slid his hand down his side to his ass. Fully clothed, sweet, sassy ass. Yep, definitely Brenden. The snores should’ve clued him in, but the ass definitely did it.

  He spooned Brenden, his cock stirring to aching life. It was grossly unfair to be in bed with Brenden and the man still have his clothes on. There ought to be a law that said Brenden had to be naked in between the sheets, always.

  Bits of memory slipped through his fuzzy thoughts, and he smiled. They’d talked. They’d danced. And Brenden was his again. He’d missed out on the chance of waking up Brenden with lovemaking in Kent Island, but he could make up for that now.

  Dakota slipped his hand under Brenden’s nightshirt with a soft murmur of contentment. He loved touching Brenden, loved feeling him stir as his snoring ceased. Waking up to this was the only damned reason to ever get up in the morning. But first, he had to get Brenden naked.

  Brenden made a sleepy groan of protest as Dakota sat up. Then reality hit. He was clothed too. “Fuck me,” Dakota groaned, falling back against the pillows. No seducing Brenden. He could touch him and kiss him all he wanted, but that was it. At least until Brenden believed in them and a future.

  At least Dakota thought that was the plan. It was seriously muddled this morning. Knowing Brenden lay right next to him and would be receptive to morning sex did not help his state of mind. Dakota sat up and scraped his hands through his hair. He needed a run. That would help.

  “Dakota?” Brenden murmured, his voice heavy with sleep. The husky sound begged for kisses. Dakota gritted his teeth and stood up before he gave in to temptation. “Where are you going?”

  “For a run,” Dakota replied shortly. He made the mistake of looking down and found Brenden watching him with heavy-lidded eyes. He claimed a quick, possessive kiss from Brenden’s soft mouth that elicited another tempting groan from Brenden. “When this is all settled, pajamas are banned from our bedroom.”

  He changed into some running shorts, warmed up, and jogged out into the early-morning misty air. It was cool, and that helped his fevered body. The first run around the length of the island didn’t do a damn thing to ease the need gripping him, so he pushed for another loop. Sweat dampened his body and a stitch formed in his side, slowing him down. It also helped him to focus on other things, like what he was building with Brenden, which was a life together.

  Brenden had blown his mind last night with his reveal. It disgusted Dakota that he’d gotten so shitfaced he couldn’t remember kissing Brenden before. But there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about his past except make sure he was fully aware of every other kiss he gave Brenden from now on.

  Then there was the promise he made Aunt Evelyn and Uncle Trev. That was a sticky problem. This was Brenden. He took things like that so seriously. When he made a promise, a commitment, he meant it. Unlike Dakota, who could give or take it depending on the circumstances. Which was how he’d landed in his current state of serious blue balls. He had to show Brenden he meant his commitment to him, not just use words.

  When Brenden believed him. Hell, when Dakota believed himself, then they’d tackle the rest of their family. It came down to Evelyn’s and Trev’s desire to see all their boys happy and secure. It wouldn’t take much to convince them that they belonged together. Just some time and adjustment.

  Dakota couldn’t believe Brenden had held on to that secret all this time. In a way, it was fascinating to discover they could still learn new things about each other even after years of friendship. How many more hidden pockets would he find in Brenden? How many more mysteries?

  He slowed down to a walk as he turned the last curve toward the little house. The last thing he wanted right now was sex. First thing, the biggest damn cup of coffee he could find. Then a long, hot shower to soothe the ache in his knee. Then he’d see if he could find Brenden and steal another kiss from him before the rest of the house woke up.

  He stretched out his muscles as he caught his breath and walked around to the backside of the house. Brenden sat on the screened-in porch, h
is laptop on the low table in front of him, his phone in his hand, and a cup of coffee by his elbow. He was still in his pajama shirt, which meant he hadn’t showered yet.

  Dakota grinned as a sudden urge for mischief hit him. Well, if Brenden didn’t want romance, maybe he missed the shit Dakota loved to pull. Brenden glanced up as Dakota climbed the steps and came through the door. “Hey, how was your run?”

  “You look too put together for the morning,” Dakota said as he advanced.

  Brenden’s eyes widened as he realized Dakota’s intent. “Get your stinky, sweaty ass away from me!”

  Dakota laughed and pounced, enveloping Brenden in a hug and rubbing his face against Brenden’s neck as he squealed loud enough to set the neighbor’s dog barking. “What the hell is wrong with you, man?” Brenden laughed as he tried to shove Dakota off him. “Gross.”

  Dakota cursed the presence of Aden and his girlfriend because he wanted to kiss Brenden until he wiggled underneath him for other reasons. “It’s your fault,” he said as he straightened and caught sight of Julie in the kitchen. “I needed to work out certain issues. Excuse me, I’m going to go make Julie shriek. Then I’m grabbing a shower. What’s for breakfast?”

  Brenden sat up and straightened his shirt, flushed and torn between amusement and exasperation. One of Dakota’s favorite expressions on him. “Hey, this was your plan. I fully expect you to deliver on all meals.”

  “Okay, eggs and toast it is.” One day soon, Dakota would use tactics like this as an excuse to get Brenden naked in the shower. This morning he’d have to go at it alone.

  Julie spun around as Dakota came into the kitchen and waved a spatula at him. “Don’t even think about hugging me. I can yell louder than Brenden.”