by S. M. Shade
“And Talbot and Montgomery?”
“I’m still looking into them. Playing the long game.” He squeezes my hand. “I don’t want you to worry about any of this, Ayda. I’ve got it handled.”
“Just don’t get yourself in any more trouble over my problems.”
His grin tells me he has no intention of agreeing with that. “Let’s just hang out tonight, okay? I want to watch TV with you, then fuck you until we both forget everything.”
“What about your ankle tracker? How far can you go?”
“Can’t even step out the damn front door. I was hoping my beautiful neighbor would get my mail for me.”
“You tell that bitch that’s my job.”
Dare puts our dishes in the dishwasher, then pulls me into his living room. We snuggle on the couch, his bulging arms holding me close. “You’re going to need more than just your mail, you know. If you can’t leave the house, you need groceries and stuff.”
“I just need you.” A rush of warmth spreads through me, and the words fall from my lips before I can stop them.
“I love you.” Instant regret fills me, and I scrabble to sit up. “I’m sorry, you don’t have to say it back, it just…slipped out. It doesn’t have to mean anything,” I babble. After all this I’m going to lose him from dropping the L bomb on him too early.
Soft lips find mine in a firm kiss as I’m pulled back and rolled underneath him. His wide body barely fits on the couch, and the pressure of his weight on me feels amazing. When we break apart, his eyes sear into mine. “It means everything.”
He doesn’t say it back, but he shows it in every tender, affectionate kiss he leaves on my skin. We don’t last long on the couch before he scoops me up and carries me to the bedroom for hours of sheet clawing, mind numbing sex.
I don’t care that he’s a criminal.
I don’t care that he didn’t tell me he was researching my past.
I don’t care about anything but being with this hard man who softens at my touch.
* * * *
As the days wear on, being cooped up inside takes a toll on Dare. Though he does his best not to take it out on me, he wants me with him every minute. I know he’s bored and not used to being alone, so I bring my laptop to his place to work on my graphic art orders. I also run his errands when I do mine, the grocery store, post office, and bank. It’s the least I can do for the guy who beat the shit out of my attacker.
I know he’s still working on something when it comes to Talbot and Montgomery, but he never gives me a straight answer, so I quit asking. If it’s hacker stuff, I probably wouldn’t understand anyway. I just have to trust him.
“I’m working at the studio tonight,” I tell him, “so I’ll be back late.”
Looking up from his computer, he gives me one of his devastating smiles. “I want you naked as soon as you come through the door.”
“I could just strip in the parking lot and make it quicker,” I tease.
Stalking over to me, he backs me up against the wall, his hand slipping behind me to squeeze my ass. “Nobody sees this body but me, darlin’” I tilt my head back giving him access to my neck, and let out a moan as he takes advantage, sucking and licking. My neck has always been my weak spot and it didn’t take him long to capitalize on it.
His huge palm slips between my legs, caressing me. “This is mine.”
“Mmm.” That’s not enough of an agreement for him.
“Say it, babe.”
God, if he keeps massaging me like that I’ll never get out of here. “My body is yours.” I reach down to stroke the hard on being held back by only a pair of sweat pants. “And this is mine.” He groans and thrusts his hips forward.
“But,” I add, stepping away, my voice light and teasing. “I have to go, so you have my permission to play with it while I’m gone.”
I’m out the door before he can grab me and he chuckles, shaking his head. “You’ll pay for that later.”
“Looking forward to it.”
I feel sorry for him when he closes the door. Being trapped at home sucks, but there’s nothing we can do, and it could be so much worse. All this time we’re spending together, I know he wants it for the same reason I do, because we may not have much time left. He could be taken away from me for years.
It’s too painful to think about, so I’m happy to head inside the studio where I can lose myself to the music. It’s late when I finish my last lesson with a pre-teen girl, and the school is empty after she leaves with her mother. Just as I’m turning off the lights, I hear the front door open and close. I really have to remember to lock it behind my last student.
Sliding my coat on, I walk to the lobby, expecting to see a student who has forgotten something, or maybe Lisa coming back to work on the books. The lobby is empty. Confused, I glance around. Maybe someone just opened the door, then walked back out? There’s no way they made it past the lobby without me seeing them.
My voice bounces back, echoing down the hall when I call out, but no one answers. I’m getting a little creeped out, but it’s probably just being alone in a dark place that’s usually filled with light and life. Scooping the keys from the counter, I make my way toward the door, smiling as my thoughts turn to Dare and what he’s promised to do to me when I get home. He’s turned me into a sex fiend.
The room shifts and a croak escapes my throat as I try to draw a breath. Fingers tighten around my neck, and I’m on the floor with no idea how I got there. I’m pinned, a heavy body on top of mine. “Not one fucking word, you ugly bitch, you hear me? Don’t say one fucking word.”
Talbot. The flash of headlights through the windows briefly illuminate his face. No wonder I didn’t recognize his voice. His jaw is wired shut and he’s talking in a mumble that’s hard to understand. Fading bruises still stain his cheeks and forehead.
My chest is on fire, my lungs crying out for oxygen, and the room starts to look watery. He loosens his grasp, and I pull a painful lungful of air, then another, terrified at how close I just came to never breathing again. “Look at me. Are you listening to me, bitch?” Spittle flies out of his mouth in a fine spray, landing on my face.
When I nod frantically, he smiles, and there isn’t an ounce of sanity in it. “Good. I could have your boyfriend locked up until you’re both old and gray, you know that? It’s all up to me. If I don’t show up in court, the case gets tossed like nothing ever happened. So, let me tell you how this is going to go. You stay the fuck away from him.”
Why does he give a shit who I’m with? “W-why?”
His palm connects with my face, splitting the edge of my lip. “Because I fucking said so! You fuck up everything. From now on, you don’t get to have shit unless I say so. That includes your neighbor. If I see you together, I’ll get my father involved. He’ll spend the next ten years staring at gray walls. Do what I say, and I’ll forget to be in court that day. Understand?”
These aren’t empty threats. He’s fucking crazy. “Yes,” I whisper.
“Remember, I’ll be watching.” With a chuckle, he gets off me and walks away humming “I’ll Be Watching You” by The Police.
Dare wasn’t the only one spying. How else would Talbot know he’s my neighbor? My throat burns as I stumble to the door, turning the lock before sliding down the wall, my head in my hands. I thought all of this was behind me. Victoria, Talbot, his father. They haven’t bothered me for years. I moved away. I thought I got away.
I don’t know why he wants to hurt me now. Back then, he did it to give his girlfriend a chance at a scholarship I won, but I have nothing she wants now. Is it as simple as revenge? If he and Dare had never crossed paths this never would’ve happened. Now, I don’t know what to do.
I love Dare. I’m so in love with him, and I can’t imagine my life without him now. Even though he hasn’t said it, I know he loves me too. Either I break both of our hearts, or risk Dare going back to prison. I can’t do that to him. It’s better to end things now, maybe get him off the C
oulter’s radar while he still has a chance.
Dare breaks the law every day, but he does it to help children. No matter how well ISH covers their tracks, a senator looking into them could blow apart the whole operation, send them all to jail, and leave the children they’re helping unprotected.
There’s no real decision to be made here. I have to love him enough to keep him away from me, so he isn’t brought down by the same monster who ruined me. Curled up in a ball, I don’t know how long I sit on that floor, grieving what Dare doesn’t even realize we’ve lost. I can’t even go to him to tell him. I don’t doubt for a second Talbot or one of his lackey’s is watching.
My phone dings with a text message from Dare.
-Running late?-
I don’t know what to do. I can’t tell him the truth. He’ll just go after Talbot and get himself locked up again.
-Staying at a friend’s house tonight. Don’t wait for me.-
I should tell him we’re over, but I can’t make myself type the words. I also can’t go home. I can’t bear him trying to talk to me through the walls, or even breaking his house arrest to come get me.
My phone rings and Dare’s face smiles at me. Tears stream down my face as I swipe to send him to voicemail, then text Sadie.
-Can I stay at your place tonight?-
The phone rings again almost instantly. “Ayda? What’s going on? Are you okay?”
“Yeah…I just can’t go home tonight. Do you mind if I stay with you?”
“Of course you can stay with me. What happened? Did Dare do something? I’ll tear him a new one, you know I will.”
Sadie can always make me laugh through my tears. “No, but I don’t want to see him right now. It’s a long story.”
“Well, I have wine and ice cream, so get your ass over here and tell me.”
“On my way. Thanks, Sade.”
When I arrive, Sadie takes one look at my tear streaked face and yanks me into her house. “I’ll kill him,” she says, assuming it’s Dare who has me so upset. I argued with myself all the way over whether to tell her or not, but I know Sadie. She’s a hardass and she isn’t going to let me take any shit. She’ll go right to the cops, and then Dare.
“It’s not him…well, not really,” I mumble.
“Ayda, you have bruises on your neck that look a hell of a lot like fingers and your lip is busted. Are you telling me you did that to yourself?” she demands, leading me to the couch.
Sobs rack my body as Dare rings my phone for the tenth time. I have to tell her. I need to tell someone. The whole story pours out, starting from Dare’s fight with Talbot, and ending with Talbot’s threats against Dare. The only thing I leave out is ISH and Dare’s cyber-stalking. Sadie brings me an icepack for my lip and a glass of cold water to soothe my throat.
“We should get you checked at the hospital,” she says.
“I’m okay. My throat is sore, but I can breathe. There’s nothing they can do.” I grab her hand. “And we can’t call the cops.”
“Clearly,” she sighs, and I look up at her in surprise. “I’m not naïve. I know how this shit works. If this psycho is related to a senator, who used to be a judge, I don’t doubt he can make things go his way. Is there any security video of the fight?”
“No.”
“So, it’s just his word against Dare’s.”
“A senator’s son versus an ex-con,” I agree.
“Fuck.”
“Yeah.”
Dare rings my phone again and I decide I have to say something. “What the hell is going on, Ayda?” he demands before I can say hello.
“I’m spending the night with a friend.”
“Something is wrong. I can hear it in your voice. What happened?”
“Nothing, I just…need some time. I don’t think we should see each other for a while.”
“What? What the fuck? What did I do?”
Tears threaten again, and I try to swallow the lump in my throat. “Nothing, you’re perfect. I just need some time. Please, stop calling me. I have to go.” I hang up before he can respond and he instantly rings back. A text appears after I send the call to voicemail.
-Talk to me, whatever is going on, we can figure it out.-
-Ayda, damn it.-
A few minutes pass before his last message.
-This isn’t over.-
But it is. It is over, and the sooner he accepts that, the safer he’ll be.
* * * *
“Just make me a list of what you need,” Sadie says while we sit at her kitchen table the next morning. “You can stay here as long as you want.”
I’m so grateful to have a friend like her. “Shit. My laptop is at his place.”
“No problem. I can get it. I’ll stop by after work.”
I hand her a list of things to grab from my apartment. Maybe I’m being dramatic, but I can’t bear to go back and listen to him next door. I know he’ll never let up trying to talk to me through the walls like we used to, and I just can’t take it right now.
“I have to be at the studio this afternoon, but I’ll be back around seven. I’ll pick up dinner. Tacos?”
“Sounds good. One of my patients today is a hopeless whiner, so if he drives me too crazy, I may return with alcohol.” She grins at me from the door. “See you tonight.”
“Thanks for everything, Sadie.”
“Anytime, bitch.”
Silence fills the house and I let myself cry for a few minutes. I’m trying to keep my shit together. I’m used to physical pain, but this is different. For the last few months I’ve felt something I didn’t even recognize until now. Hope. Emily Dickinson called hope the thing with feathers. I guess she’s right, since it can up and fly the fuck away, leaving nothing but the memories of how it felt.
I was happy before. Well, content at least. I was satisfied with my solitary life, my dancing, and an occasional day out with Sadie. Then Dare came along and made me want things I knew I couldn’t have. He gave me hope for a different future, with love and maybe even kids. Even with the pain of losing him and that future shredding my heart into tiny scraps, I wouldn’t change a thing about the time I spent with him.
He changed me, gave me confidence to crawl out of my hole and face the world. No matter how badly I want to curl up and bemoan my fate, I won’t let myself go back to that. I may have lost the most important thing in my life, but I still have a new job I love, and friends who care about me.
Chapter Thirteen
Dare
Ayda just broke up with me. One second her hand is on my cock, teasing me, and a few hours later, she needs some time away from me. I’m not buying it. Something is going on that she isn’t telling me. I need to get to her, but I’m stuck in this stupid fucking apartment like a dog in a pound. Every fiber of me wants to say fuck it, and go after her, but I won’t be able to help her if I’m locked up.
Landon, Justus, and Jeremy show up an hour after I call them, laptops in hand. “He must have got to her, threatened her,” I tell them as they settle in my living room. I was worried that she may have even been taken against her will, but her friend, Sadie, answered her phone last night after Ayda was asleep. She told me the same thing, to give her some time to think. It’s not what I wanted to hear, but at least I know she’s okay.
Justus’s fingers fly across the keyboard. “Talbot left the hospital yesterday, against medical advice. No hits on his credit card, but the senator just transferred a quarter of a million dollars to someone.”
“A bribe?”
“Give me some time. I’ll try to track the money.”
I don’t have time. I meet with my lawyers in a few days and I’ve made it clear I won’t be pleading this down. I want to go to trial. I have a plan to bring both of those assholes down, but if it falls through, I could be going away for a long time.
“I’ve got Sadie’s address,” Jeremy says, smiling up from his computer. He texts it to my phone.
My gaze darts to the door. “No fucking wa
y, man,” Landon says, glaring at me. “If you leave, you’ll be in jail by tonight. They’ll hold you until trial and that could be months away.”
“Fuck!” My hands run through my hair, and I feel the need to hit something. “I know! I can’t just sit here and do nothing!”
“Then get your ass online and find out who the senator’s cronies are. He was a judge. I’m sure he has a few others in his pocket. You can bet he’ll be calling in a favor for your trial. You messed up his son’s pretty face.”
He’s right. I need to focus. I can’t chase my girl and bring her back, but I can fight for my freedom so I don’t lose her for good.
The guys spend a caffeine fueled night at my place, except for Landon who has to be home before dawn. The shit we manage to put together on the senator and his son is nothing short of devastating. They’re going to be sorry they fucked with my girl.
Late in the afternoon, I hear Ayda’s door slam, and I’m a second away from being out mine when Justus grabs me. “Your ankle, dude. You can’t.”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I don’t have long to brood before Sadie knocks on my door. “Hey, Ayda left her laptop here and she needs it for work,” she says, entering without waiting for an invitation.
“Where is she? Is she okay?” I demand, following her into my living room.
“She’s hanging in there. Thinking some things through.”
I’ve had it. “Cut the shit. I know something happened. She didn’t just change her mind in the two hours she was gone. Did Talbot contact her?”
Sadie gives me a look. She isn’t going to tell me, but her expression says it all. “Fine. Since she won’t talk to me, give her a message. I’m going to fix this. Whatever he did or said to scare her away from me is bullshit. Tell her I’ll give her a couple of days, then I’m coming after her and this damn anklet isn’t going to stop me.”
Sadie suppresses a grin. “Maybe I was wrong about you.”
“Were you wrong about me?” Justus asks, sidling up beside her with a smile.
“Never really gave you any thought.” She dismisses him, which just eggs him on.