by J. A. Kerr
He was regretting his words. Furious, he knocked back his drink. Where was her loyalty? She had cheated on her husband and now it felt like she was cheating on him. Maybe she couldn’t change. Maybe that’s how Anna got her kicks. He ordered another drink, oblivious to his surroundings. The ache was getting stronger. He tried before to live without Anna and it had been hell; done everything he could to forget her…but fate had intervened.
Sighing, he knocked back his second drink. Did he have the strength to be alone? He knew the answer as did his heart. Could he compromise? He didn’t know, but he wanted to find out. His emotions conflicted, he turned and walked out the bar. With no plan in mind, he found himself back at the club. He rang the intercom and gave his name. He recognised Adam’s voice and felt relief surge through him. The door opened and taking a deep breath he stepped inside.
Chapter 43
The Braille Club Undone
The Braille Club, London. Two Years On. Swingers Zone Trial. Guy’s fingers trembled as the suit tightened and the Assignee sighed. The sensory suit was moulded to her body. He watched as her heavy breasts rose and her nipples sprang to attention. His gaze shot over to the masked Patron and found naked lust reflected in the eyes beneath the mask.
Anna
Anna stared at Nightshade and felt nothing as he moved towards her. Distracted by his presence, she took a second to realise Guy was gone, and with him, her desire. Nightshade smiled at her. She thought he looked predatory. With Guy no longer there to protect her, Anna was suddenly nervous. What was wrong with her? She had to speak to Guy. As she decided to leave, Nightshade blocked her path.
“I can help you if you’ll let me.”
Anna stepped to the side. “I don’t want your help.”
“Think about it. You want something I can give you,” he said smiling
“I want to learn but...”
“Trust me,” he said seductively.
Anna’s instincts told her to leave. She knew a bad boy when she saw one and Nightshade was ticking all those boxes.
“Trust you? I don’t even know you.” she retorted angrily.
He grabbed and pulled her closer. “Let’s get acquainted then.”
She shoved him hard. “Don’t touch me,” she snarled.
He laughed and pulled her closer, squeezing her waist painfully. “I like a fighter,” he murmured against her ear.
Anna could not believe she was being manhandled in such a public arena. She felt violated. “Get off me,” she shouted, outraged, but no one paid any attention. Her struggling seemed to excite him. He held her with an iron grip. “You disgust me,” she breathed. Adrenaline was pumping through her and just as suddenly, he released her.
“I know you like it rough...”
Shaking, Anna backed away but he smiled and stepped towards her. “I see you need persuasion.”
Horrified, she pushed him away but he grabbed her, the smile no longer on his face. “I’m going to enjoy breaking you.”
“Get away from her.”
Anna jumped and swung around to see a thunderous Guy striding towards her. Nightshade stepped away quickly.
“Guy.” She threw her arms around him and gripped him fiercely. “Never leave me again,” she said into his chest, and meant it.
His arms felt wonderful as they held her close; his scent familiar as she nuzzled against him. She could hear the erratic beat of his heart. A vein throbbed in his neck.
“Thank you,” she whispered, clinging to him.
“Let’s get out of here before I knock that bastard’s head off,” said Guy angrily.
Still smarting, Anna was disappointed not to see Nightshade. She wouldn’t have minded Guy hurting him. Shaking, she reigned in her temper.
“Let’s go,” she urged.
Guy held her close as he guided her out of the social area and into the hallway.
“I’m sorry,” she said as her face grew hot.
“We need to talk, Anna,” he said gravely.
“Come back to mine,” she said nervously. Her heart was beating wildly. She didn’t want to lose Guy. She was such a mess. Somehow she needed to explain her behaviour, but how could she when she didn’t understand it herself?
“Okay,” said Guy quietly.
They said very little in the taxi and it wasn’t until they were in her flat that Guy spoke.
“Anna, I want you to be completely honest. What is it you want?”
“You. I want you, Guy. Not just snatches of you but all of you. I want us to be together properly, like a real couple.”
Guy stared at her. “What about tonight? You didn’t seem keen to be a couple then.”
Anna sighed. “Guy, I have these desires and they seem to take over sometimes. I can’t seem to separate them from me, but you’re wrong; I wanted us to explore as a couple.” Anna emphasised the word. “I just thought we could learn from others too.” She saw him stiffen.
“I don’t want that, Anna. We can get lessons...together. I’ve been thinking. We have Grace from the Braille Club. I’m sure I could find someone like her to teach us what we need to know. We can’t be the first couple to want private lessons.”
“Do you think it will work?” asked Anna seriously. “I wouldn’t blame you if you walked away.”
“Tried that already…it didn’t work,” said Guy grimly.
“I’m messed up,” said Anna. “I’m a freak.”
Guy put his arms around her and drew her to him. “We’re better together. I want to be with you, Anna. Do you want to be with me?”
“Yes,” said Anna firmly. “Guy, I barely know anything about you. Our time together seems more focused on sex. A relationship needs more substance.”
Guy’s face was impassive. “I see nothing wrong with focusing on sex,” he said, “but I hear what you’re saying. What do you want to know?”
“Everything,” said Anna simply.
Guy looked surprised and then thoughtful. “I like walking. I bet you didn’t know that.”
“Walking as in rambling?” asked Anna, cocking her head.
“Hill walking mainly, not done it for a while but I enjoy it.”
Finally, Anna thought, they were having a normal conversation.
“What do you like?” asked Guy.
“I like to read, watch movies, go to the theatre and, if I’m in the mood, opera.”
“Ah, an acquired taste. I’m not into opera,” said Guy ruefully.
“Doesn’t matter. What are you into?” asked Anna, moving closer to him.
Guy leaned over and whispered, “Our games.”
His words went straight to her core.
“Do you want to play?” she teased.
“Always,” he replied.
Their kiss was raw. Anna wove her hands into his neat hair and pulled hard. She was rewarded by his sharp gasp.
“Let’s go there now,” she said.
“The Club?” asked Guy. His fingers pinched her nipple and her legs almost buckled.
“Our zone,” she clarified as his hands pulled up her skirt.
“Taste me,” she commanded.
Guy dropped to his knees. Her skirt was bunched around her waist and she was naked below. She could feel his hot breath against the apex of her thighs.
“Anna,” he breathed.
She smiled. The waxing of her sex had been more painful than expected and she had lapped it up finding the whole experience arousing. Thoughts of Guy’s reaction only made it sweeter. She wondered why she hadn’t done it before. Tess’s remarks had made her curious. His tongue licked at her still tender skin and then sensation took over. She buried her hands into his hair to steady herself. Her climax was building with each touch of his tongue; his mouth hot and insistent. Anna swayed, closed her eyes and moaned. Seconds later they flew open. Guy had stopped.
The bulge in his trousers and the strain on his face told her everything.
“Get your coat. We’re leaving,” he said gruffly.
Confus
ed, it took a moment for Anna to respond because she was no longer in control. Her desire was. She wanted him. She held eye contact before she turned and bent over.
“Fuck me first,” she commanded.
“No, Anna. I don’t reward bad behaviour,” he said, an edge to his voice.
A spike of anger travelled through her and cooled her desires. She straightened and pulled down her skirt.
“I want you. Now,” she hissed.
“You need to learn, Anna; you cannot always get what you want.”
She blinked. Her anger flared as heat rushed to her face.
“Did you think after what happened tonight we could just carry on?” asked Guy.
“Why did you come back if you don’t want me?” she retorted.
“I never said I didn’t want you, Anna, quite the opposite.”
She stared at him. Could she let go? Could she let him dominate her?
“What do you want me to do?” she asked at last.
“Join me and find out,” he answered.
Anna’s inner battle raged within her. Guy’s face was wary. She wanted to bend him to her will. Was their relationship over again before it began? Her gut twisted.
“Fine,” she snapped against her better judgement. As she reached for her bag she ignored Guy. Anger, longing and fear surged through her. When she looked up he was gone, leaving Anna no choice but to follow.
Chapter 44
The Braille Club Undone
The Braille Club, London. Two Years On. Swingers Zone. Guy had switched off the cuff’s motion sensor, breaking all the rules but this was just a trial, he reasoned. With a glance at his watch he knew it was time. With a nod, he changed places with the masked Patron.
Noor
The next days and weeks passed in an exhaustive blur for Noor. Her father was transferred to a rehabilitation ward. The journey to the hospital in the evenings was the highlight of her day. No longer in his hospital bed, he now sat in a chair. Slowly but surely he was recovering: not only his physical health, but his mental health too. Unable to visit her father during the day because of work, Virinder offered to check on him. She felt warm when she thought of Virinder. His compassion towards her father melted her heart. Virinder was a good man, she knew that, but her priority was her father. Noor noticed his gaze seemed more focused. He smiled at her when she walked into the ward and for a moment she faltered, her heart beating so rapidly she was sure everyone must hear it. She didn’t want to get her hopes up; this had happened before where her father had brightened only to be lost again in the blackness a few weeks later.
She had come to rely on Virinder and hated herself for doing so. Yet, his kindness seemed to be genuine. He only hoped she might love him. The demand gentle and earnest, a little like Virinder himself. Her father was putting on weight, the change in medication perhaps, Noor didn’t care, she was just grateful. She was also aware of a growing attraction to Virinder. He was so kind and caring but sometimes...sometimes, Noor wished he’d kiss her. Crush his lips on hers. She wanted a physical relationship but Virinder always kept his distance.
Recently, she’d caught him looking at her and was surprised to see longing in his soft brown eyes. However, when she moved towards him, he’d turned away from her as he often did. Noor remembered his omission and wondered if he’d overcome his shyness. She wondered what her true feelings for Virinder were? Her emotions were tangled with gratitude and relief but his words haunted her, “without love, Noor, we are lost.” She didn’t want to disappoint him, but love...she wasn’t sure. Surely with love there must be passion. Virinder acted more like a brother towards her than a lover and it bothered her. She craved his attention more every day as his relationship with her father deepened.
There was a connection between them that excluded her. Her father’s face lit up when he saw Virinder; their conversation easy like two old friends. She often found herself tongue tied when alone in his presence. He was changing before her eyes. He’d continued to lose weight and as his waistline shrunk he seemed to grow taller, his frame straightening as he lost the excess bulk. His face had defined cheekbones and a strong jawline, all previously hidden. Noor noticed how other women responded to Virinder. Smiles and attention. She was sure one nurse in particular had a crush on him. Virinder collected her every evening and was always the perfect gentleman. Noor wanted...what? Did she want Virinder? This evening she planned to test her theory. She wanted to kiss and be kissed by him. Without passion there could be no love.
Virinder
Virinder had never been so happy. He took the large plate of food his mother gave him and packed it carefully in tin foil for his visit to the hospital later that day. At first he had gone to reassure Noor. However, he soon found himself looking forward to seeing Anwar, they were on first-name terms now. The food had broken the ice. Anwar had been hesitant but when he took his first bite, his eyes closed. He smiled. A real smile. When he opened them again they were shining with pleasure. He had eaten everything and apologised to Virinder for being so greedy. Virinder laughed and pointed at his own body, he understood only too well the seduction of his mother’s cooking. Anwar was more alert and improving every day. They formed an immediate bond. Virinder found talking to him effortless. He was a good listener and they talked about everything and nothing.
His mother was thrilled to prepare extra food, and things between them improved but he was wary. He was giving the love she poured into her food to Anwar. He doubted this would please her. When Virinder confessed his battle with food, Anwar had understood. He told of his battle with depression. Together, they helped each other. Noticing how thin Noor looked he asked for more food to give to her in the evenings. He would drop Noor at the hospital entrance and give her the packed food to share with her father. This was their time together and Virinder was happy to wait in the hospital hallway. He’d sit with his laptop and work, his imagination on fire. The new game he was developing was all about using the senses and both he and Cara were excited. At first she’d been unhappy about Virinder leaving the office every afternoon to visit Anwar, but when he told her the background, she’d simply nodded. Virinder continued to seek out the Braille Club. In his sessions it was Noor’s breath on his skin, Noor’s touch on his body and Noor’s lips on his.
Alive in sensation, he pounded the running machine until exhausted. He still felt out of control around Noor. Although he kept his distance, the desire to touch her, feel her, was overwhelming. He needed to be more disciplined. He’d noticed Noor looking at him and it took all his self-control not to grab and devour her. Instead, he made do with her company at an acceptable distance, but he knew he was weakening. Thoughts of her consumed him. Throughout this period, Maalik had made his displeasure known but Virinder ignored him. Things were very strained between them. As soon as Virinder arrived home he could see his father was unhappy; he was waiting on Virinder and cornered him as he entered the house.
“Virinder?”
Virinder went up the stairs, ignoring him, but his father caught his arm at the top of the landing.
“Virinder, I’m unsure of this marriage.”
That certainly got Virinder’s attention. He stopped and looked at his father.
“If Noor hid her father’s illness…what else is she hiding?” asked Maalik sourly.
“I don’t care,” Virinder snapped.
“Well, I do. We have our family’s reputation to consider.”
“You’re interested in our family’s reputation. The only person who has a reputation is you,” Virinder accused.
Maalik took a step closer. “This is my home, Virinder, and you will not disrespect me in it.”
“You disrespect my mother every day,” said Virinder furiously.
“Your marriage is off, Virinder,” said Maalik coldly. “I’ve informed Noor myself,” he told Virinder with a small satisfied smile on his face.
“What?” Virinder shouted. “You had no right to do that.”
“I have every ri
ght,” Maalik hissed. “I’ve watched you run after her pathetic father. He’s a failure and a burden and as for her...”
“Shut up,” Virinder interrupted, but Maalik’s accusation hung in the air between them.
“So it’s true.” Maalik laughed in disbelief. “You are the only one who doesn’t know.”
“Know what?” spat Virinder.
“Your precious Noor is a dirty whore. She’s opened her legs for everyone…apart from you.” Maalik laughed cruelly. “Was that why you lost the weight? Even a whore like Noor drew the line?”
Virinder punched his father. Suppressed rage and hatred from years of abuse at his father’s hands accumulated in this one act of violence. His father staggered backwards. Blood was beginning to ooze from his lip. He leaned on the hall table for support. Shocked, Virinder looked at his bleeding knuckles.
Maalik wiped the blood away. “Finally, you find some balls. It’s taken you long enough. No more fat to hide behind? You and your mother are the same. You both disgust me.”
“Enough,” screamed Virinder threateningly.
“It wasn’t hard to uncover the Chaudhry’s dirty secrets and believe me, they had plenty.” Maalik winced as he touched his lip. His face contorted in rage. “I could have had Noor. The little slut was all over me in the beginning. I should have fucked her for you, son; tested her out.”
Virinder let out a yell and charged at his father. When the vase crashed over his head it was completely unexpected. He went down. Dazed, he tried to get up but collapsed onto the ground. He turned to see his father smiling, the bloody vase still in his hand.
“Since you were born you’ve been a disappointment; weak and spineless. You let your mother protect you; hid behind her skirts, instead of being a man. You turned to food instead of standing up for yourself.”
Virinder could feel his father’s rage building. He knew what was coming. Unable to get up he began to crawl away.