Royal Dick

by Melinda Minx

  “I had to piss,” Dash says. “So I pissed right over here.”

  He points to the corner right next to the wall.

  “Dick?” Tiger says to Stav, “Maybe you should name this guy ‘Dog!’ He’s pissing all over the house.”

  “Like you’d have just held it in?” Dash says. “Who gives a fuck, man, this is your entrance, alright? You sneak in there all quiet, then one of you can go up the ladder over here, get the high ground. The other one can sneak around the side here--”

  “Yeah,” I say, cutting him off. “It’s good. We can check to see if there’s really a hole here, and if there is, we can use it.”

  Tiger and I climb out of the back of the van with our guns holstered in our jackets.

  “Both wearing matching leather,” Dash says, rolling his eyes. “You guys look like some really gay mafia.”

  “Fuck off, Dick,” I say, shutting the van doors on him.

  I lock the doors with the key. I trust Stav to hold a gun on Dash. The only real weak point of this plan is hoping that Dash’s pizza intel is solid enough to act on.

  “You believe him about the hole?” Tiger asks me, as we walk down toward the warehouse.

  “I’ll believe it if I see it,” I say.

  We circle way around toward the back of the warehouse. It’s surrounded by a barbed-wire fence, but Tiger has wire cutters tucked away in his jacket.

  There’s no sign at all of anyone near the warehouse. There’s a slight risk that Gideon would post someone outside to warn the people inside, but that would more likely than not just look suspicious. He bet on “hiding” Elise in the warehouse, and posting goons outside makes her decidedly less hidden.

  “I think,” Tiger says, “that these dudes are not so good. Real pros ain’t gonna’ order pizza to a place where they’re kidnapping a girl.”

  “Yeah,” I say, nodding.

  He cuts the last of the chain link fence and pushes it open far enough for us to squeeze in.

  We pass into the perimeter of the warehouse. It’s covered with discarded and shredded tires and other stacks of rusted junk.

  “Such a cliche place to hide someone,” Tiger whispers. “It’s like this dude learned all his bad guy tactics from old Hong Kong action movies.”

  I signal toward the back wall, and we both move along the wall toward the corner. The hole Dash showed us should be just around the corner.

  We turn the corner and see a bunch of rotting boards with rusted nails.

  “Good,” I whisper. “There’s really a hole here.”

  “Wait,” Tiger says, holding me back.

  He leans in toward the hole and starts to sniff like a dog.

  “What the fuck?” I whisper.

  “I smell piss,” he says. “Dick really pissed here.”

  “So?”

  “So he’s not lying, man!” Tiger says. “Think about it. I worried a little that Dick’s intel was a trap, and that the bad guys would see us when we go in through this hole, but if they are standing just on the other side of this hole, then Dick wouldn’t have pissed here where they could see him, right?”

  Pizza and piss. True detective shit.

  “Alright,” I say. “Give me the wire cutters.”

  Tiger hands them to me, and I pry some of the boards off as gently and quietly as I can.

  I make very little sound, and after only a few boards are removed, there’s an opening big enough for us both to squeeze through.

  “When we go in,” I say, “you take the ladder up to the catwalk.”

  “Yeah,” Tiger says. “I’m a better shot than you. Especially with this cool gun.”

  I nod. I was thinking more that I wanted to be on the ground to get to Elise as fast as possible, but whatever Tiger wants to tell himself

  “I’m going to draw them out,” I say. “Once they are out in the open and looking for me, you pop out and do as much damage as you can.”

  “Sick,” Tiger says. “It’s like fishing, but not boring as fuck. Bait and hook.”

  We crawl in through the hole. I bring the wire cutters in with me, just in case someone walked outside and saw them. I place them on the ground near where Dash pissed in the corner--no one will want to come near there for a while because of the smell.

  I pull out my gun and point toward the ladder.

  I wait until I see Tiger climbing, and then I tiptoe my way through the hallway.

  The small hallway is lined with small offices on either side. At the end of the hall, it wraps around and opens out into the main space of the warehouse, which is where Dash marked Elise as being held.

  I move as quietly down the hallway as I can. Tiger should be in position by now, so as soon as I reach the main space, I can look for Elise and confirm that there are three guys. I figure I have a free shot on the guy closest to me, but as soon as he goes down, the other two will scramble. Tiger should be able to drop the other two if his aim is good, but—

  A man turns the corner. He’s grabbing at his belt and undoing it as he turns toward me. He must be going for a piss.

  I’m too caught off guard to react immediately, but so is he.

  He looks up and yells. “Shit!”

  He fumbles for his gun, but mine is already drawn.

  I tighten my grip and point toward his center of mass. I fire three times right into his chest. He drops to the ground in a heap, his gun falling to his side.

  Not exactly how I wanted to start things, but close enough.

  I rush toward the corner, and I suddenly hear more gunfire from around the corner and high above. From the catwalk. Tiger has opened fire.

  Moments later, more gunfire erupts in response.

  I raise my gun and sight across it, then I pop out ready to fire.

  I see another dead guy on the ground about thirty feet in front of me. But another twenty feet out is a guy with long, grimy hair, and he’s holding Elise braced against his body. There’s a gun directed at her head.

  “Let her go,” I shout, pointing my gun at him.

  There’s no fucking way that Tiger or I can risk a shot with Elise in front of him like that. I hope to God that Tiger realizes that, too.

  “Hunter!” Elise shouts, and the guy squeezes her arm until she yelps, sticking the barrel of the gun deeper into her.

  “It’s over,” I shout. “It’s two against one.”

  I hear Tiger’s voice shout down from the catwalk. “Yeah, mother fuck! We gonna’ kill you either way, might as well let the girl go--”

  “No!” I shout. “We are not going to fucking kill you. If you let Elise go, you can walk. I don’t give two shits about you.”

  “Yeah, right,” the guy says. His voice is all nerves. “Only way I get out of here is if I take her with me!”

  I hear a metal clank, and the guy pulls his gun away from Elise and points it toward Tiger.

  Moments later, Elise bites down on the guy’s forearm. Her teeth must really sink in, because I see blood start to drip down his arm.

  He yelps and--reflexively--tries to shove Elise away. He’s strong enough--and Elise is light enough--that she flies a good two or three feet before crashing to the ground.

  Tiger and I open fire.

  The guy crumbles to the ground.

  “Hu backs up his promises!” Tiger shouts down to the dead body.

  I’m already rushing toward Elise. Even with the guy dead, I need to be beside her. No one can take her away from me again if I don’t leave her side.

  “Hunter does,” Elise shouts, laughing.

  “No,” Tiger shouts. “I’m Hu! I meant me!”

  I hear his feet clanking on the catwalk, away from us.

  “Tiger,” I shout. “Keep an eye on the perimeter.”

  “Which perimeter?” he shouts back.

  “Perimeter means the whole fucking area surrounding the building, man. There’s only one.”

  Elise is struggling to her feet when I reach her. I pull her up and into me. I grab hold of her and
squeeze her tight.

  “I’m not letting you go ever again,” I say. “Fuck what anyone else thinks.”

  “Perimeter!” I hear Tiger shout. “Uh, I see some dude coming, man! He’s holding, like, a briefcase and shit.”

  “How many? Just one?”

  “Nah, three, man!”

  I grab Elise by the hand and pull her toward the hallway with the offices. “Hurry!”

  We run hand in hand, and she gasps when she sees the guy I shot earlier plopped down in the hallway.

  “Three guys?” I shout up to Tiger. “You just said ‘some dude,’ you gotta’ be more clear.”

  “Three briefcases!” he shouts back down to me. “One dude, three briefcases!”

  “Get into this office,” I say, opening a door. “Stay in here. I’m not gonna’ fucking leave this door. No one is getting through me.”

  Elise nods, and I shut the door, sealing her safely inside.

  “You think,” Tiger says, “that he’s here to pay the ransom or something? Maybe Elise’s mom sent him? Three briefcases holds a lot of money.”

  “There’s no ransom,” I say. “Gideon wants Nadine to bring the company down. He doesn’t just want money.”

  “Can you get him from the window?” I ask.

  I hear Tiger clanking down the ladder, and then he’s right next to me.

  Tiger grabs my arm. “We both just sit next to the door, man. When he comes in...pop pop pop!”

  “I just told Elise I wasn’t leaving the--”

  “Come on, man!” Tiger says, pulling at me. “You wanna’ protect her? Yeah? One guy, we both shoot at him and she’s protected.”

  I open the door up. “Stay here Elise. It’s one guy, we’re going to stop him before he gets anywhere near you.”

  “Be careful, Hunter,” she says, nodding.

  Tiger and I move up toward the door and wait.

  “Did you hear any phones ringing?” Tiger asks.

  “Huh?”

  “Like,” Tiger says, “he might be coming to back up these three we killed. If he was, he’d call first, wouldn’t he?”

  I shake my head. “I don’t know. Maybe he wouldn’t? Maybe he was here earlier and just stepped out for a bit?”

  Tiger pops open the chamber to his revolver and starts sliding in more bullets. “Either way, he’s fucking dead!”

  I nod.

  We wait. It feels like ages.

  There’s a loud knock at the door.

  “Why the fuck is he knocking?” Tiger whispers.

  “So he doesn’t get shot walking in,” I suggest.

  “Pizza!” a voice shouts from the other side of the door. “Sorry for the delay!”

  Tiger and I stare at each other with wide eyes.

  “Three briefcases,” I say. “Tiger, were the briefcases the size of pizza boxes? And stacked on top of each other?”

  “Ah,” Tiger says. “Yeah, maybe. I guess they looked a lot like pizzas, now that I think of it. You got any cash to tip him?”

  16

  Elise

  The office is pitch black, but knowing that Hunter has saved me and is still protecting me, the darkness doesn’t even scare me.

  I keep trying to spit out the metallic taste of that asshole’s blood in my mouth. I was really careful not to swallow any. As gross as it is, it felt fucking good to bite that asshole. And if I hadn’t, I might be dead. If Hunter hadn’t found me and come to my rescue, I would most definitely be dead. I’d already heard the three guys talking about how they were going to kill me as soon as Mom did what they wanted.

  The door opens. It’s Hunter.

  And he’s holding a fucking pizza. “You hungry?”

  “No. I don’t want to stay here a moment longer than I need to,” I say.

  Hunter nods. “Tiger! We gotta’ roll!”

  “I’m still eating,” Tiger shouts back from the main area of the warehouse. “But if we leave, we shouldn’t go through the door. If he has someone watching it, we don’t want him to see Elise walking outside.”

  Hunter takes me by the hand. “Out through the piss hole.”

  I scrunch up my nose. “Do I really want to know what ‘out through the piss hole’ means?”

  “This way,” Hunter says, guiding me deeper down the hallway. Tiger catches up to us from behind.

  We reach a wall through which some sunlight is leaking through.

  “Tiger,” Hunter says. “You go out first, make sure it’s clear.”

  He nods and crawls through the opening.

  “Clear,” he says, sticking his head back through the hole.

  “You go out now,” I tell Elise, squeezing her waist. “I’ll be right out behind you. And cover your nose. It smells awful.”

  “I already smell it,” I say. “Too late.”

  I duck down and jump through into the daylight.

  Tiger is crouched down behind a wooden crate. I follow his lead.

  Tiger peeks out from around the box. “Van is coming.”

  Hunter takes out his phone. “Stop at the hole we cut in the fence.”

  The van swerves around the corner and races toward the fence.

  “Alright,” Hunter says. “Move toward the fence, I’m staying right behind you. Go as fast as you safely can. It’s probably clear, but I’m not taking any chances.”

  I nod, and he nudges me forward.

  I start to run toward the fence, my adrenaline surging. I can see the cut chain-link, and the van pulls right up to it and stops before I reach the hole.

  Hunter is only one step behind me the entire way, and he pulls the cut fence back to help me through.

  I duck down and step through, then Hunter and Tiger come through after me.

  The back doors of the van open up, and Hunter tells me to get in.

  I jump inside, and I see Dash. My eyes widen, and I scream.

  I turn around, and I see Hunter and Tiger jumping into the back of the van. Tiger shuts the doors. The van starts to move.

  “Hunter,” I say, stammering, holding tight to his arm and hiding behind him. “Your friend…” I whisper into his ear. “He’s the one who took me.”

  “I know,” Hunter says, glaring at Dash. “We captured him. That’s how we found you.”

  “What the fuck kind of friend are you!” I shout at Dash. “How can you betray someone like that?”

  Dash rolls his eyes. “I was never Hunt’s friend, come the fuck on. Guys like Hunt, with that much money, they don’t have friends.”

  “You got your I.D., Dash?”

  “Yeah, why?” he asks.

  The guy driving the van turns around and nods to Hunter. “He’s all sorted, ready to go.”

  “We’ve got Elise,” Hunter says. “So you’re free to go.”

  “Wait,” he says. “Can you guys take me to the airport?”

  The van stops.

  Tiger opens the back of the van again. “If you catch a fish and it smells bad, you throw it back.”

  Hunter grabs Dash by the shoulders and shoves him toward the doors. Dash clings to the doorframe, and Hunter kicks him on the ass with his boot. He falls down onto the pavement, and Tiger pulls the doors shut and the van speeds off again.

  The guy driving the van laughs.

  Hunter and I stand silently in the elevator of my mom’s apartment.

  “We could just drop it,” I say.

  “We could,” he says. “And then Gideon would get away with everything.”

  I think about that. “Alright, yeah, fuck that. I’m just...afraid.”

  “Don’t be,” I say. “You did nothing wrong.”

  The doors open, and we go down the hallway toward my mom’s apartment.

  Hunter knocks on the door.

  I wait, my heart pounding. The door opens, and as soon as she sees me, my mom grabs hold of me, squeezing me so tight it hurts. I hear her sobbing.

  “Celia!” she says. “God, you’re safe. I didn’t think...thank you, Hunt.”

  She hugs m
e for way too long. I realize I almost died, but Mom has never really hugged me, so having the first time she does it last for more than a full minute is really awkward.

  “You’re not hurt?” she says, finally letting go of me.

  “Well,” I say. “You almost smothered me, but other than that I’m fine.”

  “What happened?” Nadine asks, looking up at us.

  “Hunter saved me,” I say. “Him and his friends.”

  “Did...did you…” Mom says, trailing off before finishing her question.

  “Gideon is still untouched,” Hunter says. “I’ve still got the recording. We can take him down, but you need my help.”

  Hunter wraps an arm around me and pulls me against his body. “I’ll protect Elise, Nadine, she means everything to me. But you’ve gotta’ accept that. You’ve gotta’ accept us.”

  Mom takes a deep breath and sighs.

  “Come on, Mom,” I say. “You don’t get to micromanage my life anymore. You missed that boat.”

  “I know,” she says. “I can tell Hunt really does care about you...it’s just…”

  “Just nothing,” I say. “What’s more important than that? We care about each other. We love each other. He’ll protect me, and I’ll support him.”

  Mom waves a hand. “Fine. It’s not like I could stop you.”

  Hunter grins. “So, are you gonna’ let me loose on Gideon?”

  “How can I get you back in as co-CEO?” Nadine asks.

  “You don’t have to,” Hunter says. “Just bring me in as a hired consultant. I don’t need to be CEO to finish this.”

  17

  Hunter

  Nadine calls an emergency board meeting first thing in the morning. I’ve been working with Elise and Hugo since well before dawn.

  “You two ready?” I ask.

  They nod.

  We walk together into the executive board room.

  “Never thought I’d step foot in here,” Hugo says.

  “Yeah, right,” Elise says. “You totally thought you would.”

  “I mean I never thought I’d step foot in here this soon,” he says. “I knew I’d eventually be in here.”

  “Don’t pat yourself too hard on the back just yet,” Hunter says. “It’s not like you’re actually on the board.”