A Dame to Die For

by Jamie Sedgwick

  “There’s a situation down below...”

  “So fix it! What’s wrong with you morons? You can’t even handle the simplest-”

  “People are winning,” the goblin said.

  Zane paused. “Winning? Well some people have to win, don’t they? Otherwise, everyone’ll know the joint’s crooked.”

  “I know, Boss, but this ain’t just some people. It’s a lot of ‘em. A lot.”

  “What are you... that’s not possible. House rules, only five percent-” He turned his head to look at me. A look of understanding began to dawn on his face. “You had something to do with this, didn’t you?”

  A grin came to my bloodstained lips. Zane snarled. He let out a string of curses and started throwing a tantrum. He picked up a ceramic statue and threw it across the room. He tipped the table over. He caught the goblin by his collar and lifted him off the ground.

  “I’m sorry, Boss,” the goblin stammered. “I didn’t know what to do... I told the cashier not to pay anyone ‘till I talked to you!”

  Zane snarled. “All right... get on your radio and tell the cashier to pay out the winnings. All of ‘em, and then close the floor and get everyone out. Do it, now!”

  “Yes, sir!”

  Zane dropped him, and the goblin was on his radio before his little black sneakers hit the floor. He relayed the orders to the men downstairs. We all sat there in silence for a little while, waiting for the response. Finally, the radio crackled. A voice said: “Boss, we need more men!”

  The goblin put the radio to his mouth. “What are you talking about? Just pay off the winners and close up!”

  “We can’t,” came the breathless response.

  “Why not?”

  “Cause they are all winning. The bank says the casino is out of funds. They’re starting to riot down here. Send more men, now!”

  Zane’s jaw dropped. He slowly turned to stare at me. “What the devil did you do?”

  I chuckled. Zane yanked one of the tommy guns from the hands of the hobgoblin next to him, and shoved the guy back a few steps. “Get downstairs!” he shouted at the top of his lungs. “All of you, move it. Now!”

  “But Boss,” said the hobgoblin, motioning towards me. “What about him?”

  “You leave these two to me,” Zane snarled. “Get down there!” He pulled back the cocking lever and flicked the switch on the side, putting the rifle in automatic mode. The guards and Peacekeepers fled as Zane came towards me, swinging the barrel, the round magazine loaded with enough forty-five caliber bullets to cut me in half. He stopped a couple yards back, staring down at me as the room cleared out. Half a minute later, it was just him, me, and Talia. She was still unconscious in the chair next to him.

  “I’ve gotta admit,” Zane said. “I didn’t expect it to end this way. You really had a few surprises up your sleeve.”

  “I’m just getting warmed up,” I said. Truth was, I didn’t have any more surprises. Zane’s problem with the bank, courtesy of Tas, was the only ace up my sleeve. I’d played it, and now I was staring down the barrel of a tommy gun. I would have liked to have a full force of allies charging the building right then, but I didn’t. I wasn’t ready to give up just yet, though. Zane went on:

  “I always figured I’d have to kill ya. I mean, you and me... we’re like oil and water. And after what you pulled here yesterday, well... let’s just say that swan was my favorite statue. Once you tore the place up, it was only a matter of time until I killed you. But to be honest, I thought it was going to be a lot more fun. Now that we’re down to the nitty gritty, it’s really just kind of... disappointing.”

  He snorted. He lowered the barrel as he looked around the room. “That must sound horrible, huh? Knowing that you’re about to die, and that it’s probably the most boring thing I’m gonna do today? That must be hard on a guy, facing down his own frail mortality with the sudden clear understanding of his own insignificance.”

  I glared at him, silent, unmoving. His eye widened a little. “Then again,” he went on, “you always were the last of your kind. No more ogres, no more Stewards... I guess you’ve always known that, in a way. It must be rough now, though, facing the idea that when I pull this trigger it’s all over.” He patted the rifle stock. “Just one Pow! And that’s the end of ogre-kind.”

  “Oh, well,” he said with a shrug. He raised the barrel and put the end of the stock against his shoulder. His finger went inside the trigger guard and began to squeeze-

  “Wait!” he said, lowering the weapon. “Hold on just one second... There’s one more thing I have to know before I kill you, Hank. How’d you do it? How did you make all those people win? What exactly did you do to my casino?”

  I couldn’t help grinning. “It wasn’t me,” I said. “It was us.”

  He frowned. At the same moment, Talia threw off her cuffs and leapt out of the chair. Zane saw the movement in the corner of his eye, and he turned just as she hit the floor. Talia snatched up a stray taser off the floor -one of the guards had left it behind- and she jammed it into his thigh. The gun came around, and Zane’s finger reflexively squeezed the trigger as Talia electrified him.

  The ear-shattering brat-brat-brat of machine-gun fire filled the room. Zane lurched and shook, his body going rigid, his eye dancing erratically in the socket. Talia kept the taser going as long as she could. The entire time, he kept squeezing that trigger. The first burst hit the ceiling, knocking down plaster and breaking the chandelier. The next burst hit the wall, finishing off what was left of Elfis and destroying a few more paintings at the same time. Another spray of gunfire hit the windows along the outer wall, instantly turning the safety glass into a sheet of white.

  Zane was already on his way to the ground by the time I found my footing and tackled him. We went down together, crashing through an antique chair. We landed in a pile near the windows. I pushed to my knees, straddling him, and started throwing punches at his face.

  Zane fought back, throwing his hands up to protect himself. I pushed them out of the way. I landed a couple of good blows before he started to lose consciousness. Even then, I kept swinging. I probably would have kept going until there was nothing left but a smashed pumpkin for his skull, except that Talia caught me by the arm. I became aware of her voice screaming in my ears:

  “Hank, stop! Stop, you’re going to kill him! Stop it, Hank!”

  I stopped, not so much because I didn’t want to kill him, but because I didn’t want Talia to see it. She had already been through too much because of me. She caught me by the sleeve and dragged me off him, helping me back to my feet. I straightened up, dusting myself off. She settled on the couch and started unlocking the handcuffs around her ankles. She glanced up at me.

  “That was good thinking, giving me a key for the cuffs,” she said. “How did you know?”

  “The video,” I mumbled, wiping blood from my face. “In the video Zane sent, I saw that he had you cuffed. I figured you still would be when I got here. Nice job, playing along with me,” I added with a grin.

  “I got the hint. I knew you’d never touch my bare skin like that.”

  Zane moaned on the floor next to me. I retrieved the tommy gun and traded it with Talia for the cuffs. She gave me a suspicious look as she handed them over. “Are you really going to arrest him?”

  “Why not?” I said with a shrug. “It’s either that, or I’ve gotta kill him.”

  “What about the Peacekeepers? We’ll never get out of here.”

  “They’ve got other problems,” I said. I walked over to the windows, and gazed down through the broken panes. The rioting had spilled out into the street, where the Peacekeepers were trying to fend off hundreds of angry gamblers. Talia joined me. She started to laugh.

  “I guess you’re right,” she said. “Let’s get him out of here while we can.”

  I turned away from the window just in time to see Zane come hurtling over the sofa. I reached for him as he plowed into me with his full weight. I stumbled back, turning
to the side. We slammed into the window together, and the force of our combined weight shattered the glass. The cold, humid air of the city hit me in the face as we went tumbling head over heels down the side of the building.

  I got a glimpse of Talia staring down at me as I fell. The tommy gun slid from her grip, and a look of sheer horror washed over her features. Then I lost sight of her.

  Chapter 17

  My hat went swirling away on the wind as Zane and I plummeted toward the street. He still had me by the lapels, and he pulled me close, slamming his forehead into mine. I saw the blow coming, and lowered my head, trying to protect my already broken nose. Our foreheads met in a mind-crushing blow that knocked us both silly. Zane’s one eye blinked, and I saw stars floating through my vision.

  I pushed away, bringing my arm up for a right hook that caught him on the temple. Zane reeled. He released his grip, trying to push away, but I pulled him back towards me. I hit him again. This time, his nose smashed under my fist with a satisfying crunch! Blood spurted from his nostrils.

  “We’re even,” I snarled and released him, letting him drift away.

  A grim smile came to my lips. We were both about to die, but I’d done what I had come to do. Zane’s reign as Governor was over. I had the satisfaction of knowing that when I died, I was taking him with me. I’d even landed a couple of good blows on the way down. When it comes to dying, you can’t ask for much better than that. By morning, Zane and his casino would just be a hazy memory. I would be, too.

  Perhaps, I thought in the back of my mind, Gen would find some way to reactivate all those heartstones. Wouldn’t that be something? Two thousand stones... an entire village worth of ogres brought back to life. Now that was something to live for. Too bad I’d never see it.

  We landed at the same time. Lights exploded all around us, and I heard the sound of arcing electricity and groaning metal. I started to roll and I caught a glimpse of the inside rim of the golden chalice. I caught my breath. It seemed my entire life had flashed before my eyes, but in reality, I had only fallen fifty or sixty feet. By the sheerest chance, we’d landed inside the rim of the goblet. It was a rough landing, but the soft aluminum structure had absorbed much of the impact. I felt relatively intact.

  That was the good news. The bad news was that the chalice was moving, and it was about to pour us out onto the street below.

  I twisted over onto my belly, struggling to get to my feet. The chalice was made of aluminum framing with a thin aluminum skin, anodized to look like gold. The surface was damp with the humidity of the cavern, and slicker than snot. I managed to get up on one foot, but the second I started to rise, it went out from under me. I went down, flat on my face. I glanced over at Zane and saw him struggling in the same manner. As I saw him, a horrifying thought struck me: There was a very real chance he might come out of this thing alive, and I might not! Everything I’d done would have been for nothing.

  Zane must have had the same thought, because as I was staring at him, he managed to get his feet under him and then leap for the rim. It was too far out of reach, and instead he hit the wall and came sliding back down. I twisted around, hunched over with my legs compressed and my feet on the ground. Using my hands for balance, I pushed forward and started skiing in his direction.

  Zane’s eye went wide as he saw me coming. He dove off to the side, towards the inside of the cup. I missed, and went sliding past him. I rose, turning, reaching for him, and instantly lost my footing. I went sprawling. I landed on my shoulder with a grunt. I was just about where Zane had started. I twisted, getting my hands back under me as the chalice continued its downward movement.

  I was on my hands and knees about ten feet from the rim. Zane was off to my left, near the center of the cup. For a moment, we were level. I crawled to my feet and took a cautious step in his direction. Zane threw a glance around, looking for any possible escape. When he realized there wasn’t one, he lowered his center of gravity and broke into a run straight for me. I hesitated. I knew what he was planning. He was trying to use his momentum to force me over the edge.

  I dove to the side, trying to avoid him. Zane predicted this movement, and adjusted his stride as he dove at me. Our shoulders met with a crash. I rolled sideways as I hit the ground and Zane rebounded back towards the center of the chalice. I was sliding towards the rim, which was now tilted slightly down towards the street. I rolled onto my belly and threw my hands out, looking for a handhold, trying to dig my fingernails into the slick aluminum shell. I kicked at the metal with the tips of my shoes, thinking I might pierce the aluminum. No such luck. I couldn’t even slow down.

  The chalice continued its downward movement, perfectly timed as it dumped me out onto the street. I couldn’t do anything as I went over the rim. I threw my arms out, and my hand closed on a thin section of framing around the lip of the cup. I latched onto it with everything I had. My fingers locked on the narrow piece of metal as I swung over the edge and disappeared from view.

  I found myself hanging there by both hands, but just by the fingertips. Above me, Zane rose to his feet and started stumbling around. I couldn’t see him and he couldn’t see me, but I could hear him thumping around as he tried to find his way over the rim without losing his footing. He was moving forward, trying to get to the edge of the cup without sliding out like I had.

  It was about then that our extra weight began to take a toll on the chalice’s drive motor. It made a grinding sound and suddenly lurched, dropping the edge of the cup several inches. Zane dropped to his knees.

  “No,” I heard him saying. “Please, no. Not this way. Not this way!”

  I heard him thumping around again, moving from side to side. The motor gave another jolt, and I almost lost my grip. My full weight was beginning to bear down, and I realized that I couldn’t hang on much longer. The lip was too narrow, and my fingers weren’t strong enough to hold my weight.

  I raised my gaze, looking up the side of the chalice. Just out of reach I saw a grid of framework that had been invisible moments before. I swung my legs, reaching for it with my left hand. As my weight shifted, the chalice framework creaked. I missed the mark, and came swinging back. I frantically put my left back on the lip.

  “What’s that?” I heard Zane say up above. “Is that you, Mossberg?” He shuffled around, getting down on his knees, working his way cautiously up to the lip. A few seconds passed before I saw his big blue eye peering over the rim.

  “Mossberg, you son of a-” he reached out with one arm, batting at me, trying to loosen my grip. As he moved, the chalice shook.

  “Stop it, you moron!” I shouted. “You’ll bring the whole thing down.”

  Zane ignored me. He dropped to his belly, grasping at me with both arms. Frantically, I swung my legs toward the building, struggling to reach the framework. The combination of Zane’s shifting weight on the rim, and mine swinging back and forth was too much for the poor motor. It gave out a shriek, and a cloud of black smoke went drifting up in the air. The chalice lurched again, dropping all the way down in one swift movement.

  Zane’s eye went wide as the chalice spilled him out. He reached for me, trying to grab me with both hands. He caught me by the lapel, just for a moment, and his hand slipped free. Unfortunately, that momentary extra weight was too much for me. I lost my grip. My fingers slid free, and I started to fall. The momentum of the chalice’s movement swung me back toward the building, and I instinctively threw a hand out, grasping for anything that might save me. My fingers grazed a piece of the framing, but slid free. There was nothing to hang onto. I knew then that we were both done for.

  The second I had that thought, something caught me from behind. My coat went tight around my shoulders, and I slammed back against the glass. Zane went hurtling past me, plummeting towards the street. He turned as he fell, giving me a momentary glimpse of his face. He shot me a look of raw hatred, and I heard him shout the words, “Mossberg, I’m going to kill you!”

  A second later, he hit the s
idewalk. I heard the concrete collapse under his weight. The sound of screams came drifting up to me on the wind, and along with it, the musical clatter of magical coins raining down around Zane’s body. The crowd parted, staring at him, watching the spell go off as Zane let out his last breath.

  I craned my head around to catch a glimpse of Butch leaning out through a broken window. He had me by the shoulders. He shouted for somebody else in the room to help him pull me. I heard muffled shouts. Tas, Gen, and the others appeared, reaching for me. They pulled on my coat, tugging me up over the windowsill, dragging me back into the room. I landed unceremoniously on the floor amidst a pile of broken glass. They helped me to my feet.

  I stood up, straightened my coat, and then frowned as I saw them all staring at me. Their faces fell.

  “Is something wrong?” Gen said with a worried tone.

  “Please,” I said in a low voice, “somebody tell me you found my hat.”

  They all gave out a cheer. Butch threw his arms around my waist and lifted me in the air. A line of fairy creatures came streaming into the room, shouting, cheering, and popping champagne bottles. I wasn’t sure where the champagne had come from, but I didn’t ask. As soon as Butch put me down, Gen threw her arms round me and gave me a big squeeze. She stepped back, looking up into my face.

  “It worked, Hank. Your plan worked.”

  I scanned the room. “Is everyone okay? Nobody hurt?”

  “Just the Peacekeepers,” Tas said, shoving through the crowd to join us. “The smart ones have already stripped off their uniforms.”

  “And the not-so-smart ones?” I said, raising an eyebrow.

  “The gene pool is better off without them.” He handed me a champagne glass. Someone turned up the music in the building’s sound system, and all around me people started dancing. Tas held up his champagne glass and toasted me. Everyone in the room screamed.

  Butch and Talia stood next to me, holding hands like two school kids with a crush. Butch smiled up at me and said, “I knew you’d fix everything, Boss.”