Dirty Eden

by J. A. Redmerski

  “What do you two demons want with the Angel, anyway?” Her pretty eyes were slanted cautiously now.

  “Oh, but I’m not a demon,” I said.

  “No?” she replied, looking me over skeptically. “Then what are you?”

  I saw Tsaeb’s face, the way his eyes fell in some effort to hide what he knew and I did not.

  “I’m human,” I said to the girl.

  Her face was shadowed by condolences.

  I looked at Tsaeb interrogatively, but he didn’t want to cross the apparent boundary of truth.

  I looked around the room with jerky, eager movements and then got down on my hands and knees on the floor. I cocked my head sideways to look into the shiny silver coating on the leg of the chair, searching for my reflection.

  “Maybe there was more reason for you to come here than the Angel,” said Tsaeb, questioning my own mental stability.

  My reflection bowed around the thin cylindrical shape of the leg, but I was able to make out what stared back at me.

  My skin was burned beyond recognition. The left side of my jaw and the skin around the bottom of my eye hung inches lower than it should. And though the imperfect mirror helped distort my features worse than they were, I knew by what I did see that it wasn’t too far from the truth.

  Other than fear or traumatization, I felt a solitary emotion I least expected to feel: anger.

  I stood up, pushing the chair across the floor with great force. It smashed into another chair at a table behind it, arousing the attention of some nearby patients, as well as the nurse who had wheeled in the man with the filthy slit-eyed company.

  “Norman,” said Tsaeb, looking worried, “calm down.”

  “Look what he did to me!”

  The girl did not flinch. Stacking the checkers was all she cared about.

  “That selfish, self-possessed bastard!” I shouted with my fists clenched hard at my sides. “He did this to me to trap me! To make me do this for him, his dirty work!”

  Tsaeb took his hooves from the table. “Please, Norman,” he said in a hushed voice while motioning his hands. “I don’t think this is the best place for drawing attention.”

  Since when did Tsaeb ever fear anything? Since when did Tsaeb ever worry or care about what anyone else thought? Although those were legitimate questions, I knew too that Tsaeb was probably right. Slowly I calmed myself. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

  The Devil would pay, one way or another, for what he did to me.

  I moved to the window again and when I looked out into the courtyard, instinct raised the hairs on my arms.

  “She’s outside,” I said.

  “The Angel? How do you know that?” Tsaeb stepped up beside me and looked into the courtyard, too.

  “I just know.”

  I stepped away, feeling I had wasted enough time and headed toward the exit. Tsaeb followed, but wasn’t as eager as I was to leave. He stopped at the table and leaned over the girl’s shoulder. “When I’m done with this and that guy fails—because he probably will—I’ll come here and hang out with you more.” He paused. “If...well, if that’s alright with you, of course.”

  I rolled my eyes.

  The girl looked away from the checkers and smiled up at him. “Sure, I’d like that.” And she fingered two more checkers and placed them carefully on top.

  “Let’s go,” I waved to Tsaeb as I stood in the doorway.

  Beaming, Tsaeb looked back at the girl once and hurried out behind me.

  “But you don’t know where you’re going,” said Tsaeb, trying to keep up.

  “Can’t be too hard to find a way outside,” I said, “especially since you and I aren’t limited by walls and locked doors.”

  We shuffled past many rooms, some of which were open and spacious like the TV room had been. There were dozens of identical halls, so we followed a trio of nurses until one broke off from the group. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said waving her colleagues goodbye for the day. Tsaeb cured his boredom by whispering things into the nurse’s ear while we rode the elevator with her.

  “Didn’t you like that bracelet she was wearing?” he said to her, referencing one of the other nurses.

  “Naïf’s are fun to toy with,” he turned and told me.

  I just shook my head.

  The nurse looked down at her own bracelet and sneered.

  “I bet it cost more than yours did,” he continued. “And her skin! She had soft, beautiful skin. Not like yours with all those little bumps and...imperfections.”

  The nurse stepped closer to the elevator door, examining her reflection in the silver. She reached up and touched her face, feeling the sensitive skin under her eyes. “I’m getting old,” she said to herself sadly.

  “Yes,” said Tsaeb, standing right behind her, “pretty soon you’ll be a hag and no one will want you. There’s nothing you can do about it, either. Your teeth will turn to dust. The wrinkles in your face will deepen. Your tits will start to sag and your hair will turn gray and eventually fall out. You might even get fat. You’ll be hideous.”

  I was starting to finally get irritated, but still felt no reason to step in. What did a conscience matter anymore?

  The nurse sighed and lowered her head. Her hand fell and she stood there quiet and motionless until the elevator door finally opened. On the other side of it stood two more nurses waiting to trade places with her. One was much older, probably in her late sixties. The nurse beside Tsaeb stared at them long and awkwardly before breaking into tears and dashing out of the elevator. The two nurses waiting to get on looked at each other, wondering, and made the elevator right before the door closed.

  “Don’t ask if that was necessary,” Tsaeb said as we stood on the first floor of the hospital. “It’s what I do.”

  “I didn’t plan on it.”

  “Really? Why not?”

  “Come on,” I said, disregarding Tsaeb’s concerns, “I want to get this over with.”

  We wandered toward a hallway flooded with sunlight from a large series of wall-like windows on the left side.

  Sunlight?

  I felt hope wash over me again. My eyes even lit up just thinking about it, of standing in the sun and smelling the fresh Outside air and hearing the chirping of birds. I would be happy just to hear traffic, or smell the pollution of exhaust and cringe at the squealing sound of city bus brakes in my ears. But sunlight and flowers and sparrows from the Outside world, the world that I longed to see again, were such a wonderful dream I could hardly believe possible anymore.

  “Will you slow down?” said Tsaeb, running now just to keep up.

  I made it to the third large window and stopped cold, pressing my hands and my forehead against the glass. The courtyard was moderate in size, surrounded by the eerie gray walls of the hospital. The sun only shone here, warming every blade of lush green grass and every full bush and Dogwood tree. There was a giant three-tiered stone fountain in the center of the courtyard, surrounded by a round stone pond. The world outside the courtyard was the dark, gray world of my fears. Crows circled overhead, but never touched the sunlight. The dark churning clouds were thick, breaking apart only to go around the sun’s beams, and rejoining once they made it to the other side.

  And there sat the Angel, Paschar, on a stone bench underneath an apple tree.

  Tsaeb’s eyes were as wide as mine were.

  We walked slowly and deliberately through the wall of glass. I approached her and Tsaeb followed, but the sunlight proved too much for him and against his obvious urge, he remained on the outskirts, as he always seemed to do.

  Every step I took was dictated by anticipation and I valued each one. The sight of her, simply being in her presence felt like a privilege. Only three things in this perfect picture troubled me. The first was the black, see-through gown that she wore, the same one she wore while sitting at Samyaza’s feet in the forest clearing. It was the wrong color, impure and unworthy of her body. The second was, of course, the black holes i
n her face where her eyes had once been. I could never get used to seeing them.

  I reached inside my pocket to make sure the Angel’s eyes were still there, unharmed. It had been about an hour since the last time I checked.

  The third thing that troubled me was her rounded belly, more noticeable here than it was in the clearing. I could make sense of everything but that, even if my assumptions about the others were wrong. Had Samyaza defiled her? Or worse, the frightening demon that had enslaved her? I didn’t want to let myself believe that. Anything but that.

  “Paschar?” I asked cautiously, afraid of startling her.

  I stepped closer.

  “I have...something you’ve probably been looking for,” I added. I wasn’t sure how to word it and even afterwards, it didn’t feel right.

  Paschar did not respond. Her eyeless gaze faced downward, her hands gentle in her lap just under her pregnant belly.

  Two strangely colored pillars, one on each side caught my attention. I had only barely noticed them before, too drawn in by the beauty of this place and the Angel that inhabited it. They were perfectly cylindrical and painted black and red all the way up. A coating of black and then red, black and then red, each the same size as the next. It looked as though a large banner had been draped between them at one time. The dingy white ropes still tied around the top of each pillar dangled in the breeze. Probably some kind of recreational activity that took place at the hospital for the patients.

  The girl with the checker towers, I thought, had to have known more than she was letting on.

  “I came to help you,” I said to the Angel. “You spoke to me, back in the clearing.” I hesitated and then added, “Didn’t you?” second-guessing my earlier theories.

  She tilted her beautiful, fragile face.

  I thought for a second that I was seeing things, but I could’ve sworn the sun blinked off and then on again like a short in a light bulb.

  “Ma’am?”

  “I think she’s as crazy as the rest of ‘em,” Tsaeb said from behind. “The girl did say he took her mind. Remember?”

  “Yeah, I remember,” I said, agitated.

  I pulled out the Angel’s eyes and held them out to her, but still her mind did not stir. Tsaeb was trying to get a better look at what I was holding.

  “Are those eyeballs?” He was actually aghast. “Where the hell did you get a set of eyeballs?”

  “Not important,” I answered, still looking at the Angel.

  “You have gone lunatic,” Tsaeb said and a ripple of laughter followed.

  “Please listen to me,” I said to the Angel. “I came here to give these back to you. Don’t you remember anything? Don’t you know anything?”

  The Angel’s head tilted softly to the left and the sun flickered again. This time I knew I was not just seeing things. The silk of her white hair fell down around her oval-shaped face.

  “Why are you here?” she finally spoke. “Who are you?”

  “My name is Norman,” I said and then it occurred to me that maybe since she could not see, she needed more information about what I was trying to show her.

  I lowered my voice to a whisper, “I have your eyes, Paschar. I have them right here in my hand.”

  The sun disappeared for nine seconds this time. In that nine seconds, I saw that everything divine warmed by the sun had disappeared, too. It scared me, and I was all too relieved when everything flickered back.

  No, I thought suddenly, but yes, that’s what it is. I hated the truth more and more, thinking that it would never fail to devastate me. She’s a prisoner. As long as she’s blind to the truth, everything around her is a lie. I thought I was getting better at this, but that did not make me feel any better. I knew I had to make her understand, to remember and to believe, even if it meant that the beautiful lie would vanish.

  “My eyes?” The Angel struggled with those two words. Maybe she was choosing whether to be afraid. Maybe she didn’t understand fear at all, or any other emotions for that matter.

  “Yes, your eyes,” I urged, touching her hand now with my fingers. “To...help you see the truth, I took the eyes...from Lucifer.” I gasped. “They belong to you. Take...them.” It was difficult for me to get all of the words out, for when I touched her something overpowering went through my blood. I fought the euphoria, the urge to fold under the weight of her curse.

  Paschar withdrew her delicate white hands. “I remember you now,” she said raising one finger, and I felt more hopeful. “You’re the one that fills the machine with drinks.”

  “Huh?” My face shadowed by bewilderment. “No. No!” I shook my head wildly. “No, I’m Norman. I came from Creation to help you see again.”

  The sun flickered again, but that was all it did.

  My frustration was beginning to own me. Something in the back of my mind warned me about time. I had to do this quickly, I knew there was more to this and that the worst was going to rear its ugly head soon enough. I could feel it in my bones.

  And then at the end of that very thought, there was a voice behind me. It was not the voice of Tsaeb.

  “Half-dead. Your kind are not allowed here. It means only one thing,” said the dark, gruff voice that felt enormous and looming.

  I froze, unable to turn around and face this truth. This one I knew was a nightmare.

  I acted quickly, placing the eyes into Paschar’s hand covertly and whispered, “Hide these. Please. Don’t say anything about them.”

  “W-what does it mean, then,” I said aloud to the demon behind me, “that I’m half-dead and that I’m here?”

  “Like you don’t know,” the towering voice laughed. “But all of you are incompetent. I doubt you even have what you need.”

  Finally, my limbs loosened enough so that I could turn around to face him. But my body tightened again painfully once I saw the twelve-foot winged-demon before me. It took all my strength to hide my true level of fear.

  Patients banged on the windows overlooking the courtyard.

  Trying to think of something, anything to buy more time, I kept the conversation going.

  “You’re probably right,” I said, “I’m finally here and have no idea what I’m supposed to do.”

  The demon laughed and it shook the hospital windows. His enormous black reptile-like wings spread out further behind him. “Then you’ve failed,” he said as a big haunting grin spread across his hideous and terrifying black face. “Like all the others.”

  There was a familiar hiss in his voice.

  “You’re Samyaza,” I said, “aren’t you?”

  The demon smiled, proud. “Why yes I am. It’s good to know I’m so popular.”

  At least the self-possessed attitude had not changed.

  “When Man became craftier than the Devil.”

  --

  “WELL, DON’T YOU KNOW who I am?” I said. I thought Samyaza would finish chasing me as he was doing right before I ‘woke up’ in the hospital office, holding the license plate.

  Samyaza studied me, but not as if trying to remember. It seemed more as if trying to think of something witty to say. “Unlike me, you don’t look like someone worth knowing, or remembering.”

  “Oh I see,” I said, feeling a little more bold, “so that version of you in the forest clearing, back in Creation, it was just an illusion then?”

  Samyaza’s smile faded, but he did not answer.

  “I mean, sure,” I went on, “if I was ever going to create an illusion of myself, I would make him look more attractive than I really am. Who wouldn’t?”

  “Shhh!” Tsaeb hissed through his teeth. “What are you trying to do? You’re gonna get us killed, you idiot!”

  I saw Tsaeb hiding under a bench against the side of the building.

  “Trying to be funny?” Samyaza growled.

  The ground rumbled beneath me. I swallowed hard, hoping my plan, which was being put together as I went along, would not prove Tsaeb right. I stepped back just an inch, enough only to make me feel a
fraction of an ounce safer.

  “No,” I answered, my voice cracking, “Sorry, I-I was—I guess I just don’t know what I’m talking about.”

  I went further as that underdeveloped plan of mine was unfolding in spurts. “But since I’m here and there’s nothing else I can do—what was I supposed to bring?” I pretended to be thick, injecting laughter into my words. “I thought I was supposed to brush Paschar’s hair myself, or defeat you, the great Samyaza, in a duel.”

  Samyaza’s laughter almost knocked me from my feet.

  “You defeat me in a duel?” He laughed again, throwing his head back and holding his oversized gut with one clawed-hand. One of his enormous curved horns smashed into the brick building behind him, chipping away a large chunk that collapsed into the courtyard.

  “I’ve heard some ludicrous theories before,” he added, “but that one’s the most hilarious yet!”

  “Why don’t you humor me, then?”

  “It shouldn’t matter much,” said Samyaza, “when you’re about to die. I can think of several other last wishes to make the top list of any smart person.” He pursed his rubbery-looking lips. “But then you’re not very smart, so I guess I can’t hold that against you.”

  “You’re probably right.” I nodded. “But just the same—never mind, it doesn’t matter. Probably isn’t even a very interesting thing I’d have to do anyway.”

  Though I wasn’t looking at Tsaeb, I sure could feel his judgmental eyes glaring at me from the side.

  “Now, I wouldn’t go as far as saying that,” Samyaza cut in, the concern for his delusional reputation hiding in his voice. “I bet you’d be amazed. It was my idea, after all.”

  “Oh, I see,” I said, “so you think you can amaze me?” I brought my fingers to my chin. “I dun-no. Some people have tried before and didn’t get the response out of me that they wanted.”

  Samyaza seemed nervous and ambivalent now, and while he was weighing his options, a small crowd of patients in hospital gowns and matching pants emerged from the glass door behind Samyaza. Most of them wore terrified faces, refusing to step into the courtyard. Three nurses tried coaxing them, as an adult might explain to a child there was no monster in the closet. They would not budge. The other four patients were obvious naïf’s and walked right past Samyaza without flinching.