“Put your shoes on for the big reveal. Don’t turn around yet.”
I did as Taylor instructed.
“Oh my God, you look so gorgeous!” Taylor said. “He’s going to be knocked out!”
I examined my reflection in the mirror. Taylor was right – the shirt and eye makeup made my eyes stand out, and my hair had a volume to it that was just right.
We finished getting ready and hopped into Taylor’s car, both of us ready to have a fun night out.
***
When we arrived at the Dark Horse dance music was on, which meant that the show had not started. I scanned the room and noticed Cody and Peyton sitting at the corner of the bar. Cody’s back was facing me. I walked up to Cody and slid my arms around him and then kissed him on the cheek.
“Hey, beautiful,” he said as he turned his head to kiss me.
“Wow, Hailey, you look hot,” Peyton said.
“Thanks, Peyt.”
Cody spun his chair around and looked me over. “Baby, you really do.” He pulled me by the waist.
I kissed him beneath his ear and then whispered, “You should see what I have on underneath.”
“I can’t wait to wake up next to you naked again,” he whispered back.
***
JT joined Taylor and me at the bar while the rest of the band was setting up onstage.
“You look great, Hailey,” he said.
“Thank you, JT, I really appreciate that,” I replied. “You look exhausted.”
JT took a seat on the stool next to me and rested his head on his hand.
“I am; didn’t sleep well last night. I can’t wait for the show to be over so I can crawl into my bed.”
“Good luck making it through the night.”
“Thanks,” he responded. “I better get up there; we’re about to go on.”
“See you later,” I said. Taylor hadn’t noticed him approach or leave because she was too busy texting her new boyfriend, Tyler.
“Tyler is going to have his friend drop him off.” She dropped her phone back into her purse.
Taylor nodded toward the entrance.
“Wow, she‘s actually with someone other than Samantha,” Taylor said curiously.
Erin had two girls with her. She never hung out with any girls except Samantha at the shows. The girl to Erin’s left was a redhead with closely cropped hair who wore tight jeans and a white top. The girl on the right had shoulder-length blonde hair that was straight as a stick. She was dressed in a purple mini skirt and a white top that was much more modest than her redheaded counterpart’s.
“Maybe she paid them to hang out with her,” Taylor joked. “That would explain it.”
I laughed. “Let’s just keep our distance. I want to have a good night tonight.”
The first set of songs started. We stayed firmly planted in the seats we had taken upon our arrival. Cody and I continued to watch each other while he was onstage. The amount of anticipation that I had built up had my stomach in knots. During the break after the second set, Tyler arrived and Taylor introduced Cody to him. During the third set Taylor and Tyler were on the dance floor.
I made my way to the bathroom. I needed to pee, and wanted to check my makeup.
After flushing the toilet, I heard the door to the bathroom open. I could see through the gap of the stall door that Erin’s friends were now in there with me. I was about to open the door to the stall when I overheard the blonde say Cody’s name.
“Cody looks so hot tonight,” the blonde said.
I froze.
“Do you think we’ll be able to hang out with them after the show?” The redhead asked.
My heart sunk.
“I hope so. Cody is really good in bed.”
My heart had picked up such a rhythm that even a speed demon couldn’t catch it.
“So is Peyton.”
“Cody has a heart-shaped birthmark a few inches below his bellybutton.”
That was true. My heart slid to a screeching halt.
“Erin said Cody’s girlfriend is here. So, I’ll just have to wait for the next show they do in Philly,” the blonde said. “He told me I looked sexy tonight.”
Cody had gone outside earlier to smoke between sets. I remembered the blonde following behind a minute later. I’d thought nothing of it at the time.
“I’m going home with Peyton. He and Cody live together. You never know, Cody might come home without his girlfriend tonight,” the redhead said.
“Let’s go get a drink,” the blonde said as she zipped her purse. “It sounds like they are in between sets right now, so let’s go find our boys.”
My stomach felt like it was in my throat as utter disgust rang through me. The door slammed shut behind the girls, but I remained in the stall for a few minutes to collect my thoughts. I felt deceived, used, and all the magic of the prior evening disappeared into a mind that was now angered with betrayal.
After several minutes, I slid the stall door open, turned on the water, and washed my hands. After shaking my hands off in the sink, I ripped a sheet of paper towels from the dispenser. My mind raced as I dried my hands and stared at myself in the mirror. Thoughts of what I’d just overheard, the text messages I’d found on Jason’s phone, finding out Cody had slept with Erin, and all his past flings with girls bounced against one another like ping pong balls through my mind. And none of them escaped through a loophole of indifference, but plunged into everything I had feared, breathing new life into the uncertainty I used to feel when it came to Cody.
I decided to dismiss the thoughts and talk to Cody about it on the way home. I tried so hard to rationalize what I had overheard and discuss it with him instead. We didn’t have secrets like that, but I had also never blurred the lines of friendship before the day we first kissed. I knew what he was capable of with other girls; surely he wouldn’t treat me like that. Confused, I decided to make my way back to the bar to find Taylor.
When I got to the side of the stage I noticed Cody kneeling on it, talking with Erin and her two repulsive friends. I froze and then turned on my heel, quickly deciding to leave out the back entrance. I wanted no part of what was happening, I just wanted out of there.
On my way out I almost bumped into JT, who was staring at whatever was on his phone.
“Hey, where are you going?” he called to my back after I breezed by him. I kept going, ignoring his question.
Tears burned my eyes and I just wanted to get out of there as fast as I could. I didn’t stop walking until I was a block away.
The bitter cold stung my skin, but my coat was in Taylor’s car. For just one second, I considered going back inside. I took a deep breath and tried to figure out what to do. My feelings were hurt, my emotions shattered around me like I was weak. I abhorred the feeling of it.
While the weather encouraged me not to walk home, the pain in my heart told me that I needed to leave. I thought about texting Taylor, but I didn’t want to ruin her night – she looked like she was having such a good time. And quite honestly I knew it would end up with her asking me five million questions that I didn’t have the answers to instead of just listening to how I felt. Everything I used to fear when it came to Cody was now forced into my reality. Maybe I shouldn’t walk home, but I didn’t see an alternative.
Besides, my house was only a mile away and I could get there in fifteen minutes. It was supposed to be a special night for Cody and me and suddenly it was all ruined. I wished I had never gone out that night, but was glad that I’d learned the truth. I guessed it was stupid of me to think he would change because of me, for me, for us. At least I didn’t pretend it wasn’t true and wish it way as I always had with Jason. At least I had that lesson to guide me.
I made it a whole two blocks before I could feel the raw skin on the side of my foot rubbing against the inside of my shoe. It hurt so bad I wondered how I could continue going. I had felt the blisters begin to form early on in the night, which was why I’d stayed seated for most of it.
Determined, I slipped off my shoes and continued to walk home, despite the coolness of the sidewalk. The only thing I was certain of was that I would be sick for a whole week after this horrible night.
The shoes dangled from my fingers as I proceeded along barefooted. It was late, it was dark, and the street lights were few and far between. Shivering from the coldness, I picked up my pace into a slow jog. At least the shoes were no longer torturing my feet; that was the only positive thing I could note at the moment. All I wanted to do was slip into my bed, get warm, and fall asleep so I didn’t have to think anymore.
A sharp pain pierced the bottom of my foot. Within seconds, the bottom of my foot was covered with the warmth and wetness of blood, droplets of it escaping onto the concrete. I looked around for something to steady myself against so I could get a good look at the damage. There was a tree a few feet away but it was in a poorly lit area. I decided to hobble over to the light pole that was at the end of the block instead. It was at least ten feet from where I stood.
When I finally got to the light pole, I steadied myself against it, and gripped my ankle with my hand. I winced when I saw the cut. I hated the sight of blood in the first place, and my foot was soaked in it. Somehow I managed to stomach pulling the piece of glass out. The cut looked like it was about an inch long. By the way it was bleeding, I guessed it was fairly deep.
I reached into my purse to get my phone, knowing I needed to call Taylor because there was no way I was making it home with my injured foot. I paused when I saw headlights coming toward me.
The car stopped on the wrong side of the street, driver’s side facing me. The window came down. “Need a ride?”
Chapter 22 - Hailey
The lump in my throat pounded like it had its own pulse and the tightness in my chest felt as if it might suffocate me as I rounded the corner of the street. My foot was throbbing and it felt like my brain was beating against the side of my skull. I was exhausted.
Pain shot up my leg as I pressed on the brake to park. I contracted my stomach muscles as I clenched the steering wheel in response to the feeling, bracing myself in an attempt to mitigate the sharpness of the pain.
Cody’s pickup was parked in front of Mama Mary’s and the last thing I wanted right then was to see him. Not now, and maybe not ever. Last night had changed everything. The way I viewed people, the world, my life, everything…it had all changed. And it wasn’t just because of those two girls in the bathroom.
Whether things had happened because of fate or choice was no longer anything I understood. I certainly never would have chosen for Jason to beat me like he did that night in New York, but maybe I sealed my fate by choosing to move with him in the first place.
Getting in that car last night was a choice I made; maybe I would have bled to death out of my foot, but somehow I doubted that. I was so sure that Cody was my fate, and now that didn’t make sense to me. He’d cheated, and now I had a secret that I’m sure he would hate me for if he knew.
With all the grace of a newborn lamb, I exited my car, attempting to put as much weight as I could on my uninjured foot. It took every ounce of energy in me just to walk. Between my foot and my head, spears of pain occupied every inch of me, from top to bottom.
I had on sweatpants and a tank top, my shirt being completely inappropriate for the time of the year. Bitter coldness shocked my body, making me wish I hadn’t left my house without a coat. I had left in a hurry after realizing how late I was picking up Chloe. I did have enough wits about me to put on two pairs of socks over my bandaged foot. It cushioned my steps somewhat, but I still winced in pain every four steps or so.
I knew I looked like crap. My hair was soaking wet, and even though I had it pulled up in a ponytail, the middle of my shirt was damp. The moistness of it against my skin felt gross, but not as icky as I felt about myself.
If my eyes still looked like they did before I left the house (and I was certain they did) remnants of last night’s makeup surely surrounded them. The mascara made the dark circles underneath my eyes from having no sleep even worse. My skin was pale and looked both dry and dull. The rosiness of my cheeks was replaced by gray undertones. I looked like the walking dead and maybe I was. There were some things you just couldn’t erase from your mind, that would consume your thoughts if you let them, and I was certain that was about to happen to me.
If Cody had gone to my house any time before five a.m. he would have discovered that I wasn’t home. That’s not to say I cared. I didn’t want to think about anything, I couldn’t. All I wanted to do was curl up on my couch and feel just an ounce of relief from the pain in my body, and in my heart.
It took me what seemed like a full ten minutes to get to the door. I stood outside another minute while I braced myself for questions that were likely to come. I opened the door slowly, and sure enough Cody was there, sitting next to Chloe.
Cody sat there, staring at me like he had just seen a ghost. Chloe’s eyes lit up, providing me with a moment of relief from my thoughts, my pain.
“Hi, Mommy!”
“Hi, baby.” I forced a smile and avoided any eye contact with Cody, but I could feel his eyes on me.
Cody shot up from the couch. “What happened? Where did you go last night?” He walked toward me, I’m sure to hug me, but I didn’t want him to touch me.
I held my hand out to him, to force distance. “Don’t. We’re done.”
His head jerked back and his eyes widened. He took a step toward me, and all I wanted was for him to stop.
“Just don’t touch me. I don’t want to talk. I’m tired and I’m leaving.”
“We were all so worried about you, Hail.”
“Come here, baby,” I said to Chloe, forcing a happy voice.
I put on her coat and led her to the door.
Cody stepped onto the porch after us. I had only gotten to the edge of the steps.
He grabbed me by the arm, forcing me to turn around to face him. “What happened? Why are you limping?”
“Get your hand off of me right now,” I growled at him. “I mean it. Let go of me.” I snatched my arm out of his grasp.
He followed me to the car and I just ignored him. After getting Chloe strapped in, I walked around to the opposite side of the car. Cody stood there, blocking me from opening the door. I shivered and he began to unzip his sweatshirt.
“I don’t want your stupid shirt. I don’t want to go to your stupid shows. I don’t want any part of it anymore, or any part of you.”
His face contorted into a painful expression, and maybe that’s what I wanted.
“I’m freezing and I don’t feel good. Please, just get out of my way.”
He stepped out of my way and I got into my car and headed home.
Chapter 23 - Hailey
The loud banging from the roof repair happening across the street made its way into my mind, jarring me out of sleep. In the dream I had, it was another blow to my head.
Something wet brushed against my skin as I reached to turn the alarm off before it sounded. It wasn’t there. At least I could not find it with my hand.
I rubbed my temples. My mouth and the side of my face felt crusty and sticky. A pungent smell began to overwhelm me, causing me to awaken fully and become conscious of my surroundings. When my elbow hit the television stand I realized I was not in my bed. I turned my head. Lying next to me was a puddle of vomit. It covered my arm and the side of my shirt.
My head pounded when I sat up. Desperately wanting to go back to sleep, I wrapped my arms around my legs and laid my head against my knees. My heart raced and my body shook. The dizziness and dehydration made my mouth beg for water. Easing myself up so I was standing, I headed into the kitchen. Three glasses of water made their way down my throat in quick succession. I couldn’t drink it fast enough.
I went into my bedroom to turn off the alarm and then headed back into the living room and sat down on the couch. My elbows rested on my knees, and I hung my head in my hands. Chl
oe was playing contently with blocks in the living room several feet away, but I had barely noticed her. My stomach clenched and my head spun in a daze, consuming my thoughts and attention.
Guilt sunk in as I looked over at Chloe. Yesterday I had fallen asleep on the couch, leaving Chloe alone for over two hours. I never slept during the day, even when I was sick. However, the exhaustion begged my body to fully relax, and I gave in. I had only intended to rest and prop my foot up, but I couldn’t manage to keep my eyes open.
Ten minutes had passed and I wasn’t feeling any better. A pang hit my stomach and I could feel fluids rushing up my throat. With my hand over my mouth I raced into the bathroom. Vomit began leaking out between my fingers as my mouth became full.
Bending down to the toilet, I emptied the contents of my mouth into it. The heaving of my stomach seemed to go on for hours, even though it was just minutes, I thought it would never end. My stomach muscles ached when I stood up to turn on the faucet. I avoided looking into the mirror as I rinsed out my mouth. I splashed water on my face and rinsed my arm off.
Attempting to ease the pounding in my head and the feeling in my stomach, I sipped slowly on a glass of water. The dizziness had worsened and I felt like I might fall over. Beads of sweat ran down the sides of my face. The temperature of my body alternated between flushing with heat and shivering.
After minutes of trying to steady myself, the sweating stopped and my heartbeat slowed, but I still felt weak and exhausted. And my stomach was still sour.
Squatting down, I retrieved a rag and bucket from underneath the kitchen sink. The paper towel holder quickly became empty as I tugged on it. I squirted soap into the bucket and filled it halfway with water. I carried the bucket and paper towels into the living room and began to clean up the mess.
When my eyes hit the empty bottle of vodka on the coffee table I felt disgusted at myself once again. Yesterday, when I’d dropped my mother’s meals off, I took it from the refrigerator. The containers of food I’d dropped off weren’t real meals by any means. The nap I took didn’t allow me time to grocery shop, not that I would have had the energy to shop anyway. I simply took two cans of pasta and emptied them into the bowls. It was the first time that I delivered only two meals. And with the exception of the day I’d left for New York, it was the first time the meals weren’t homemade.
The Secret That Intervened Page 15