by Maya Banks
She gave a soft sigh and let her eyelashes flutter closed only to fly open when she heard a noise at her office door. She whipped her head up, instantly regretting that action. The room spun dizzyingly around her as she drank in the sight of Jensen standing in her office door, a grim expression on his face.
Her heart sped up and it shamed her, the surge of utter relief she felt that he was back. A whole day early. She was positively weak with relief.
“What the hell have you done to yourself?” he asked, his voice hoarse with concern. “Jesus Christ, Kylie, have you even slept at all while I’ve been gone?”
She rose defensively, standing straight up, her fingers clenched into tight balls on her desk.
She started to say she was just fine and that it was none of his business, but the room seemed to blacken around her, and she had the sudden urge to sit back down.
She heard Jensen’s biting curse from across the room, seemingly a mile away. And then strangely, she found herself on the floor with no recollection of how she got there.
Her last conscious thought was Jensen’s worried calling of her name. But blackness surrounded her, lulling her with its soft embrace, and she reached for it, because within it she found peace. Finally. Jensen was here. She was safe. She could let go now.
JENSEN quickly gathered Kylie into his arms, pulling her close, checking to make sure she was breathing. He suspected she’d merely worked herself into exhaustion and probably hadn’t slept the entire time he’d been gone, but he couldn’t be too certain.
The soft puffs of her exhalations, the slow rise and fall of her chest, soothed the raw edge of his temper—and his worry.
She looked like hell, and yet she was still the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Dark smudges seemed permanently imprinted below her eyes. Her face looked thinner, drawn. If he thought she looked fragile before, she looked even more so now.
She’d reached that breaking point. The one he’d feared so much. And now it was up to him to go in, take over, and make damn sure she got the care she needed.
He stood, bearing her slight weight with him. Uncaring of leaving the offices unlocked, he carried her into the parking garage and gently laid her in the backseat of his car. When he was sure she was comfortable, he stalked around to the driver’s seat and roared the engine to life. He peeled out of the garage going as fast as safety allowed him.
He had only one direction in mind. His home. Not hers. Not this time. He’d take her where he knew he could keep her safe, where he could be certain she got the rest she needed as well as the care. And she damn well wasn’t going back into work for the rest of the week.
He could work from home and put out any fires that arose. If he knew Kylie, ever efficient Kylie, she’d made certain that everything else that had cropped up had been taken care of. The rest could rot. Dash would be home this weekend and he could take over Monday morning. Kylie wasn’t doing a damn thing for a long time if Jensen had any say. And he would.
Kylie had reached her breaking point and goddamn it but he’d pushed her solidly over the edge. It horrified him, was still an ache in his gut, that he’d reminded her of past hurts. It set his teeth on edge. He only wanted to make it right, however that had to be done. And he only knew one way to do that.
It meant pushing her, but in a different way. He only wanted to take care of her. To allow her to lean on someone else, something he was certain she’d never done. She was a solitary figure, a reflection of himself in many ways. Two lonely, scarred souls. Maybe together they could heal.
Somehow he had to break past her barriers, follow the path to the very heart and soul of her and prove that she could trust him. That she could rely on him, that he’d never willingly hurt her. Nothing in his current thoughts even alluded to sex. That could wait. Forever if necessary.
This wasn’t about sex or making love. He couldn’t very well lie and say that he didn’t want her, that he didn’t lie awake at night aching with need to make love to her. But she wasn’t ready. And when the time did come, he knew he was going to have to do something he’d never done with any other woman.
Relinquish control.
It wasn’t an entirely comfortable thought. It made him feel . . . vulnerable. But however vulnerable he felt, the emotion was tenfold for Kylie. For her he could and would make the ultimate sacrifice. She was worth it. He knew it to his bones.
Some things were just meant to be and he and Kylie were one of those things. He’d recognized it the moment they’d met. She’d been unable to meet his gaze. She was understandably skittish around him. But something about her fragility and the iron core he saw, the resolve and strength in her even as fragile as she’d seemed, just struck a chord with him.
Here was a woman who was meant for him and he hoped to hell he was meant for her.
He’d never been a big believer in fate or destiny, but the moment he’d laid eyes on Kylie he’d realized that she was his destiny. The hell of it was whether he would be hers.
He pulled into his drive and quickly got out, opening the door to the backseat where Kylie still lay unconscious. He wondered if she’d slept at all during his absence. He needed to call Chessy. He’d touched base with her only once, the morning after when Chessy had told him she’d spent the night and Kylie had awakened screaming from nightmares.
He closed his eyes briefly as the pain of that phone conversation hit him all over again. The knowledge that he’d done that to her. Had pushed her too far too fast too soon. He’d been remiss in not checking in more frequently with Chessy, but guilt had kept him from making another call. He’d been a fool. It wasn’t a mistake he’d make again. Ever.
Not again. This time it would all be up to her. She was in the driver’s seat except when it came to matters of her health. That he would solidly take over and he felt zero remorse for what he was embarking on. Kylie needed someone. And that someone was going to be him.
He gathered her gently in his arms and carried his precious bundle inside, kicking the door shut behind him. Bypassing the living room, he walked into his bedroom and eased her down on the bed.
She never even stirred when he pulled the covers from beneath her and then repositioned her so her head was resting on a pillow. He slipped off her shoes but left her clothed. He was in no way taking advantage of her weakened state and she’d be freaked-out enough when she woke in a strange bed. He wanted no question in her mind that he’d not so much as touched her.
He slid the covers up over her body and then tenderly pushed the strands of hair from her face, tucking them behind one ear.
For a long moment he simply stood there staring down at her, filled with the sense of rightness. She belonged here. In his bed. In his home. She didn’t know it yet, but this was where she was the safest. Where he could protect her from whatever threatened her. He’d move heaven and earth to ensure she felt protected.
Had she ever truly felt safe with anyone except her brother? He knew she had good friends, a tight circle of people, only a handful. But he wondered if any one of them ever truly saw to the heart of her. If she ever confided her darkest fears and secrets.
Everything he’d learned about her had been from a third party. But he wanted her to trust him enough to share her past with him herself. Not because he had any morbid curiosity. What he did know sickened him. He simply wanted her trust and knew it wouldn’t be given easily.
But she’d already said that she trusted him on some level. Had said somewhat in bewilderment that she seemed to just blurt out things to him she wouldn’t ordinarily confide. That had to mean something, didn’t it?
Only time would tell. He was a patient man when the reward was worth it. He hadn’t become the success he was by being impulsive or impatient. And he knew that Kylie would present the biggest challenge of his life. Be the ultimate test of his patience and endurance.
He’d have to be strong enough for the both of them because she needed that above all else. And perhaps she would chase his own demons a
She required special handling. He knew this, acknowledged it. It was new territory for him and he didn’t try to delude himself into thinking it would be easy. He needed control. He didn’t just desire it. It wasn’t some kink he enjoyed. It was a necessary component of his existence and yet he’d give it up without a moment’s thought for this fragile woman lying in his bed.
It was unnerving. He could admit that. Tendrils of fear clutched at him, because for the first time in his life he was contemplating giving up the one thing he held dear above all else. Control. It wasn’t something he’d ever do lightly. It wasn’t something he’d even ever considered until now.
Love was sacrifice. It was making the ultimate compromise.
Love? Was that what he felt for Kylie?
He shook his head in confusion. He wasn’t at all sure what his feelings for this woman were. It was certainly too soon to be in love with her. Their relationship was tenuous at best. They had only a fledgling trust that had begun to build and that may have all been ruined on their last night together.
He certainly felt more for her than he’d ever felt for another woman. That much he could acknowledge. But he’d never considered himself in love with a woman before. To be so would have meant relinquishing control over his tightly held emotions. And he’d never entertained such a thing. Until now. Until Kylie.
“Fuck me,” he muttered.
He was in deep. Way deep. And this was by far not a slam dunk. The path before him was long, winding and uncertain at best. It would be the biggest risk of his life. And it all came down to his earlier question. Was she worth it?
Even as he posed the question again, his answer was still the same.
Yeah, she was worth it. God only knew why but there it was. He couldn’t simply walk away from her, no matter that it was the path of least resistance.
He was stuck, for lack of a better word. In between a rock and a hard place no doubt. His fate, his future, was in the hands of this delicate woman and the hell of it was she had no idea. No inkling that she had him so tied in knots.
He massaged his nape, weariness assailing him. He’d wrapped things up in Dallas a day early, eager to be back, to see for himself how Kylie was faring. Now he realized he never should have left, no matter that this contract was huge for his company. She’d needed him and he’d failed her. Just as he’d failed her their last night together.
That would all end now because going forward she was his primary concern.
THIRTEEN
KYLIE climbed through the heavy veil of sleep, realizing at once that something was very different. Oddly, no panic registered. Just a sense of . . . well-being. She felt warm and safe.
She emitted a contented sigh and snuggled deeper into the strong embrace that surrounded her like the thickest blanket.
“Hey, you with me?”
She blinked in surprise, her eyelashes slowly fluttering open. Only to collide with a very familiar, very warm gaze.
Jensen?
She struggled to remember all that had happened. For that matter, where the heck was she?
“Don’t panic, baby. You’re safe. I’ve got you.”
His murmur of reassurance calmed her but her brow furrowed in silent question.
“You collapsed at the office. Do you remember?”
More came into focus, and she blinked, realizing they were in bed. Together. And not her bed.
She pushed herself upward, surprised at the strength it took to perform such a simple function.
“Easy. Don’t move too fast,” he cautioned. “Take it nice and slow. Breathe for me, okay?”
“I’m okay,” she whispered. “Just confused. Where are we?”
“My house. I brought you here. You worried the hell out of me, Kylie. When was the last time you slept? You were obviously running on fumes. Thank God I got there when I did.”
She glanced around, taking in the masculine feel of the room. The furnishings. The colors and the huge bed they currently occupied. She was nestled up close to him, their legs entwined.
Immediately her gaze shot downward, and she was relieved to see she was fully clothed. Surely she’d remember if they’d had sex!
He nudged her chin upward with a gentle finger, his gaze sincere.
“Nothing happened, baby. I wouldn’t take advantage of you that way. You passed out at the office and I brought you here and put you to bed. You’ve slept sixteen hours straight.”
Her eyes widened in shock and then horror. “Oh my God. I should be at work! What time is it?”
His eyes narrowed and his lips turned down into a frown. “Don’t get any ideas. You aren’t going near the office any time soon. What you’re going to do is stay here and catch up on much-needed rest. You aren’t going to so much as lift a finger for the next several days and that’s not negotiable.”
She had absolutely nothing to say about that. What could she? She stared at him in bewilderment. Why was she here? Why hadn’t he washed his hands of her?
“What are you thinking?” he murmured, his brow furrowing in concentration.
“I’m wondering why you’re here, or rather why I’m here,” she blurted. “I can’t imagine why you didn’t run as fast and as far away from me as possible after what happened.”
His expression softened and he stroked a hand down her arm to rest on her hip. “I’m not going anywhere, baby. And neither are you for the time being.”
“You can’t possibly want me after what happened,” she whispered.
“I can and I do,” he said simply. “You’re going to have to work a hell of a lot harder than that to scare me away. You and I are inevitable, Kylie. I’ve accepted that. Now you have to as well.”
Warmth rushed through her veins and with it, relief. Overwhelming, mind-boggling relief. She sagged against the pillow, her strength leaving her. Why was she so relieved? Shouldn’t she be pissed? Shouldn’t she be arguing the point? Convincing him that they weren’t possible and that he should leave her alone?
What did it say that the only reaction she could conjure to his autocratic demand was . . . relief?
“I seem to do nothing around you except freak out,” she muttered. “You have to be some kind of a masochist to sign up for more.”
Humor glinted in those dark eyes. “We’ll get through it, baby. Together.”
Longing like she’d never experienced flooded her heart. And hope. Genuine and unfettered hope. He wasn’t giving up on her. He was sticking it out, and he’d seen her at her absolute worst. If he could get past that, he could get past anything, couldn’t he?
She hadn’t realized just how much she’d hoped for such a thing until now. She’d braced herself for the inevitability of his rejection. She’d known with absolute certainty that he’d drop her like a bad habit after the ass she’d made of herself on their date. And yet here he was, resolve shining in those beautiful eyes.
“Together,” she whispered.
Hope flared in his own eyes. Had he been as convinced that she’d reject him as she had been that he’d reject her?
“Are you hungry?” he asked. “It’s obvious you haven’t slept since I left, but have you not eaten either?”
She struggled to remember, to get through the fog of the last few days.
“I’ll take that as a no,” he muttered. “Okay, you stay put. Don’t even think about getting out of bed. I have a T-shirt you can change into and some sweat pants too. But that’s it. Get up long enough to change if you like but then you get your ass back in bed and wait until I bring you something to eat.”
“Yes, sir,” she said crisply.
He grinned and tousled her hair affectionately. “I like that attitude, baby.”
Then he pushed off the bed and she saw that he too was fully dressed. She was touched by the knowledge that he’d taken such care to make sure she had no doubts as to what went on when he’d brought her here.
The man had to have the patience of Job because God knew he was dealing with a complete head case.
She watched as he walked away and then glanced down to the end of the bed where the clothing he’d set out for her was. She felt grubby and wanted a shower, but that might get her into trouble since he’d been adamant that she stay in bed. And, well, the idea of going through the motions of taking a shower exhausted her. She was still tired and the idea of staying in bed certainly appealed. Breakfast in bed? Even better.
She hurriedly changed, not wanting to chance him returning and seeing her naked. She tossed aside her work clothes and slid into the much more comfortable shirt and sweat pants.
They smelled of him. It was almost as good as having him wrapped around her. Almost but not quite. She slid back underneath the covers and inhaled deeply, savoring his scent on the pillow next to her.
It was a ridiculous thing to do but she quickly exchanged her pillow for his, glancing guiltily at the doorway to make sure he hadn’t seen. But she wanted his pillow. Wanted his scent surrounding her.
She settled back down, closing her eyes, savoring the warmth and comfort of his bed, his pillow and his clothing. Him.
A few moments later, he came back into the bedroom carrying a tray. She hastily sat up, plumping her pillow behind her back as he set the tray in front of her.
Waffles and bacon. Perfect.
“This looks wonderful,” she said huskily. “Thank you.”
He scooted onto the bed beside her so they were shoulder to shoulder.
“Eat up,” he encouraged. “I don’t want a single bite left over.”
She grinned as she swallowed a scrumptious bite. “Admit it. You love getting to boss me around. It’s that whole dominant thing you have going on.”
He looked surprised at the ease with which she spoke of the matter. It surprised her as well. It should freak her out. Certainly everything else had. And yet she knew to her soul that this man would never willfully hurt her. She might not know much else, but she did know that. Maybe it made her a trusting fool, but she felt safe with him. He’d seen her at her most vulnerable and he didn’t lord it over her. He didn’t try to press his obvious advantage. He treated her like she was precious. Breakable. With tenderness she didn’t fully comprehend but that she savored wholly.
“You’ll learn in time that you have all the power where I’m concerned,” he said in a serious tone. “And that I have none.”
She swallowed hard, the food stuck in her throat as she processed his declaration. Everything about him radiated authority and yet he was saying she had all the power? How was that even possible?
“What does that mean?” she asked in a low voice.
His gaze was intent, unfaltering, stroking over her face like sunshine. “What it means is that you’re in the driver’s seat, baby. Whatever happens from here on out is up to you. It means that when or if we make love, you’ll be in complete control and I will be at your mercy. It means that when it comes to you, I’m not dominant, nor do I have any desire to be. I am, in effect, at your feet.”
Whoa. How the hell was she even supposed to respond to that? Emotion knotted and welled in her throat and suddenly she felt like crying. Not because she was sad but because she was utterly overwhelmed by the magnitude of what he was offering her. This was not a man who made concessions like this lightly. Everything about him screamed dominant, alpha male. And yet he was willing to suppress what made him who he was for her.
She didn’t deserve this kind of gift. She wasn’t worthy of it. And the fact that he was offering it to her destroyed any wall she would have erected between them. She was defenseless against such unselfishness.
“I don’t know what to say,” she choked out.
“The first thing I want you to say is that you’ll stay here with me for the next several days. Let me take care of you. Let me work on building trust between us.”
“And the second?”
“I want you to give us a chance.”
“Is there an us?” she whispered.
“I want there to be,” he said sincerely. “But you have to want it too. If you only want it half as much as I do it’s a starting point.”
She held her breath until she was light-headed and then, before she could chicken out and tuck tail and run, just like she did in every other aspect of her life, she took the plunge.
“Yes and okay,” she said, the words tumbling out.
He blinked. “Be a little more specific, baby. I need to know what you’re saying here. This is too important for me to make assumptions or to think you’re saying something you aren’t.”
She sucked in a breath and blew it out, steadying herself before inevitable meltdown occurred. “Yes I’ll stay with you, and okay, I’ll give us a chance.”
The relief was so stark in his eyes that it was like a punch in the stomach. She hadn’t realized how much he wanted this—her. It was mind-boggling that they’d gone from antagonists to potential lovers, or something more than just acquaintances. She couldn’t quite make the leap to lovers in her mind because that night was still too bright in her mind.
He gently framed her face in his hands, turning her to face him. He stroked her cheekbones with his thumbs and then lowered his head, tenderly touching his -->