Giving In

by Maya Banks

  Fire blazed in his eyes, heat that she could feel. Desire. Satisfaction. Relief.

  “I meant just that,” he said. “If you want this—me—then what happens is you tie me to the bed, both hands above me, and I’ll be yours to do with as you please. And by that, I mean as much or as little as you want. We take it slow. You see what you can handle. And we go from there. But baby, don’t put pressure on yourself and don’t get upset if you can’t handle a lot right away. I’m in no hurry. We have all the time in the world so I want you to take it slow and only do what you’re comfortable doing.”

  Her shoulders sagged with relief. He sounded utterly sincere.

  “Then let’s do it,” she whispered. “I want to try. I don’t want to make you promises I can’t keep, so for now let’s just see what happens.”

  His smile was achingly gentle and understanding. “I’m yours to command, Kylie. And I don’t make that offer lightly. Only for you. Always for you.”

  “So what do I do next then?”

  He rose, extending his hand to hers, a gesture of support and solidarity.

  “What we do is take this to the bedroom and I’ll get the necessary rope for you to tie me to the bed. The rest is entirely up to you, baby.”

  SEVENTEEN

  KYLIE watched in abject fascination as Jensen calmly stripped himself of his clothing and then reached into one of his drawers for a length of rope.

  He was beautiful. Raw masculinity emanated from him in waves. He was utterly perfect and he didn’t seem at all abashed by his nudity. Or his huge erection straining upward to his abdomen.

  No matter how hard she tried to look somewhere—anywhere—else, she couldn’t force her gaze away from his jutting erection. And oddly it didn’t terrify her. She was fascinated by it. It—he—was a thing of beauty.

  She blushed over the idiocy of considering a penis beautiful, but it belonged to a beautiful man so how could it be anything else? This man was without fault. He was physical perfection.

  He turned to her, extending the rope. She took it nervously, unsure of what the hell she was supposed to do with it. But he took the lead, thank God. She may have supposed she was in control, but she was anything but. She was following his lead gratefully.

  He crawled onto the bed and turned on his back, stretching as gracefully as a cat, his entire length exposed and vulnerable. Then he brought his arms over his head, placing his hands close to the spindles of his headboard.

  “Tie me, baby,” he said in a husky voice that sent shivers dancing down her spine. “And then I’m yours to do with as you wish.”

  Oh my. This delicious alpha male was hers for the taking. To do with whatever she wanted, and God did she want. She wanted so badly that it was a physical ache.

  She crawled onto the bed and began coiling the rope around one wrist. Then she pulled it toward his other hand and secured that one as well. She tested the tautness of the rope even though she had no fears of him hurting her. But her mind needed reassurance. Her brain needed to know she was safe.

  When she was finished, she sat back and let her gaze wander hungrily down his body. There was so much to look at. To touch. And taste. And suddenly she wanted it all. At the same time. He was a veritable feast laid out in front of a starving woman.

  She touched his chest first. It seemed the safest place to start, and she let her hands roam over the wall of muscle, exploring the hair-roughened hollow and his taut abdomen.

  His breath hissed out in a long exhalation the moment she touched him. He jerked and she yanked her hands away, worried she’d done something wrong.

  “Don’t stop, baby. God, you feel so damn good. If you only knew how long I’ve waited for you to touch me like this. Don’t stop. I’m yours to touch and explore however you want. It’s all in your hands. I can guarantee there isn’t a thing I won’t love.”

  Encouraged by the raw intensity—and honesty—in his voice, she returned to his body, this time roaming over his shoulders and then back down his sides, growing closer to the place she most wanted to touch.

  His erection was straining upward, resting against his belly. All she had to do was slide her fingers an inch closer and she’d be touching him.

  She shifted her weight so she could face him, wanting to see his reaction when she finally circled his huge cock with her hands.

  She trailed one finger up the underside where the plump vein was distended. He let out a moan and arched his hips upward to meet her caress. Growing bolder, she wrapped one hand around the base and gently tugged upward. When she got to the head, moisture beaded and slipped from the tip, coating her hand.

  “You’re so beautiful,” she whispered. “I love touching you.”

  “I love you touching me,” he said huskily. “You’re beautiful touching me. I keep wondering what the hell I did to deserve this. A goddess pleasuring me when I should be pleasuring you.”

  She smiled. “We’ll get there. I hope.”

  His gaze was serious. “We will, baby. We will. There’s no hurry and I don’t want you to ever feel pressured to give me something you can’t. I’ll wait because the end result is worth it. You’re worth it.”

  Her chest swelled, knotting with emotion. He made it sound so easy, and she supposed it was. Time. They had all they needed. He’d been very clear about wanting her and waiting for as long as it took. Did he realize the enormity of such a gift?

  She leaned down and pressed her lips to his belly, just an inch above where his cock rested. He flinched and let out a gasp, giving her courage to touch him intimately with her mouth.

  Carefully, she kissed the tip, just as she had his belly, but then grew bolder, flicking out her tongue to lick the head.

  “Jesus,” he choked out. “You’re killing me.”

  Feeling powerful, she took more control, sucking the tip into her mouth, holding him there for a long moment while she lapped at the precum seeping from the slit. Then she sucked him deep, enjoying his instant reaction.

  She had no experience whatsoever, but her instincts took over and she let her hands roam as she continued her sensual assault with her mouth and tongue.

  His chest heaved, his hips arching upward again, guiding his cock deeper into her mouth. His arms strained against the ropes securing his wrists and his face was twisted in beautiful agony.

  “Put your hands around me, baby. I’m about to come,” he said raggedly.

  She wrapped both hands around him, feeling the thick, rigid strength of his cock. Velvet over steel. She stroked up and down, tightening her grip. Then she leaned down to lap at his balls, liking the rugged feel of his sac on her tongue.

  His cry split the silence. He erupted, his release spurting onto his belly, marking the tan skin with creamy ropes of liquid. She watched in fascination as the jets of semen spilled onto his flesh and she gently continued stroking him until at last he began to soften in her grasp.

  Watching him come had been heady, unlike anything she’d ever experienced before. It left her restless, edgy and unfulfilled. She ached. Her breasts tingled and her clit pulsed between her thighs. But she had no idea how to gain her own release. Now that she’d taken the leap, she was uncertain of what to do next. Or if she should do anything at all to assuage the edge of unfulfillment.

  “Take off your clothes, baby.”

  She yanked up her gaze in surprise.

  “You’re still in control,” he reassured gently. “But you need relief. And I want to see your beautiful body. Remember, I’m still tied. Now take off your clothes and get back on the bed with me. I want to see you come.”

  Shakily she got off the bed and did as he directed. Keeping her gaze averted, she slowly slipped out of her clothing, hesitating when she got to her bra and panties. It was almost as if she thought the bruises from decades ago would still show on her skin. She felt intensely vulnerable, but at the same time she was driven to follow his dictate.

  She snuck a peek in Jensen’s direction only to find warm understanding burnin
g in his dark eyes. If he’d looked at her any other way she likely would have chickened out. But it was that understanding that enabled her to go the rest of the way.

  He saw to the heart of her. Knew how hard it was for her to bare herself in front of him. It made her all the more determined not to let her fears win.

  Before she could back down, she yanked off her bra and pulled off her panties. Then she crawled back on the bed, kneeling beside him before finally meeting his gaze again.

  “Touch yourself,” he murmured. “Pleasure yourself. Let me watch you make yourself come.”

  Her eyes widened. For a moment she was at a complete loss.

  “Cup your breasts. Hold them up for me and then touch your nipples. Figure out what feels good to you and then do more of that,” he encouraged.

  Seduced by his husky tone and his eagerness for her to be pleased, she slowly slid her hands up her belly to cup her breasts, plumping them outward. She brushed her thumbs across the sensitive peaks, gasping at the electrical shock that seemed to jolt through her body.

  “Now imagine me sucking them,” he said in a low voice. “My mouth around them, my tongue licking them.”

  She closed her eyes and moaned, getting into the spirit of his seduction.

  “Now put your hand between your legs,” he directed. “Spread your folds, show me that pretty pussy. But keep your other hand on your breast and play with your nipple.”

  Keeping her eyes closed, not wanting to break the spell, she slipped one hand down her belly and in between her thighs. She shivered as her fingers slipped over her clit, and then, as he’d directed, she spread herself, pulling upward so he could see.

  “Beautiful,” he murmured. “Touch yourself, baby. Make yourself come. Come for me.”

  She let out a soft moan as she began to touch herself, finding the perfect rhythm. She arched upward, unable to sit still. She undulated her hips as she continued to exert pressure on her clit, rolling it beneath her middle finger.

  “That’s it,” he encouraged. “Make yourself feel good, Kylie. God, you’re beautiful. So beautiful.”

  His voice was smooth and sensual, heightening her pleasure, taking her higher and higher, closer to the edge of bliss.

  She could feel the stirrings of something truly wonderful. Her body tightened. Her breasts grew even more sensitive. Every touch. Every breath. Her womb clenched, her pussy clenched. And still she climbed even higher, getting closer and closer with every touch, with every word that came out of Jensen’s mouth.

  She threw back her head with abandon, feeling wild and exotic. This wasn’t her. She’d become someone else entirely. Someone sexy, a seductress. Someone in control of her sexuality.

  Never had she felt so . . . free. Unburdened. Here, nothing could touch her. Nothing could hurt or frighten her. There was only her and Jensen. And her deepest, most intoxicating fantasies.

  “So fucking beautiful,” Jensen murmured.

  She opened her eyes and locked gazes with him, suddenly unafraid and uninhibited. She wanted to share this with him.

  “Come for me, baby. Show me your pleasure. Let me taste it.”

  She slid her fingers inside her, capturing some of her moisture, and then she held out her fingers to his mouth. He sucked her finger inside, tugging at it with the suction. He licked her finger clean and let out a growl of satisfaction.

  She quickly returned her fingers to her clit because she was close. So very close. And she didn’t want to lose the edge.

  Faster, harder. She exerted firmer pressure and then threw back her head again, finally reaching for it. Embracing it. Letting go.

  She cried out, shivering violently as her orgasm rose and broke like a huge wave. She fell forward, panting, her palms bracing her on the bed.

  And suddenly she wanted Jensen’s arms around her. Wanted him touching her. Wanted his strength. Wanted to feel safe.

  She tugged at his bonds, nearly too weak to untie the knots. As soon as one hand was free, he turned and worked the other hand loose, seemingly as desperate as she was to get his arms around her.

  She dove into his embrace, uncaring that they were both naked. He wouldn’t hurt her. He’d made the ultimate sacrifice. For her. He’d never hurt her. She knew that.

  “Just hold me,” she whispered. “Please. I need you.”

  “I won’t let you go,” he vowed. “I’ll hold you as long as you want, Kylie. As long as you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

  EIGHTEEN

  JENSEN lay awake, Kylie snuggled tightly against his body, content and as relaxed as he’d ever been. He knew the enormity of what had happened tonight and he couldn’t contain the thrill coursing through his veins. Kylie was his. He didn’t fool himself into thinking this was a cure-all and that they didn’t have plenty of obstacles still to overcome. But for the first time, he was at peace, and hope was alive in his heart and mind.

  He stroked a hand down the length of Kylie’s body, simply enjoying the feel of her in his arms. Naked, beautiful, warm and sated.

  “Thank you,” she whispered. “For what you gave me tonight. I know it couldn’t have been easy for you, for a man like you, I mean. But I’ll never forget this, Jensen. I can’t even put into words what this meant to me.”

  His chest tightened and he struggled to find the words around the knot in his throat.

  “It was the easiest thing I’ve ever done,” he said. And it was the absolute truth. Giving up control to this woman had been a no-brainer. She was worth every sacrifice. “Giving control to you was worth every bit, Kylie. I don’t want you to ever worry that I’ll regret it or grow to resent you for it. I’m willing to give you control for as long as you need. Forever, if that’s what it takes for us to be together. If the end result is having you in my arms just like now, then I’ll do whatever it takes to achieve that.”

  “I love you,” she whispered, shocking him to the core with her declaration. “I know it’s too soon. I’ve battled with myself over whether what I was feeling was love. I’ve made myself crazy worrying, but I don’t want to worry anymore. I just want to feel, and my life has been a study in not feeling anything at all. Not risking being hurt by allowing myself to feel. But what I feel when I’m with you is love. I’m certain of it. It can’t be anything else. Nothing else could feel this wonderful. I’ve never loved anyone else. Not like this, I mean. Just Carson and Chessy and Joss, of course, but what I feel for you in no way compares to how I feel about them. It scares me but at the same time it just feels . . . right.”

  He gathered her more tightly in his arms, closing his eyes at the sudden swell of emotion that punched a hole in his chest. The courage it must have taken for her to say those words, especially after taking such a huge leap by trusting him to be intimate with her, was mind-boggling.

  He was awed by the precious gift lying in his arms. Overcome by the fact that this brave, courageous woman loved him. He didn’t feel worthy of her love or her trust, but God, he wanted both. He wanted her with every breath in his body. He needed her like he needed air to breathe. She was the air he breathed. She’d so quickly become his reason to be. And he knew he’d never feel complete again without her. That he loved her unreservedly. That what he felt for her in no way came close to what he’d felt for anyone else in his life.

  He stroked her hair, trying to compose himself. He didn’t want to mess this up. It was too important. She’d placed her trust, her faith and her well-being solidly in his hands and he wouldn’t fail her.

  “I love you too, baby. So much. If you believe nothing else, believe that. I think I’ve loved you from the very first moment I laid eyes on you.”

  She turned her face up from where it was buried in his chest and met his gaze, tears shimmering in those beautiful eyes.

  “What are we going to do, Jensen? I know tonight was a huge step, but I know we have so many other issues to face. I don’t want to ever cause problems between us. I want your love. I need it. I never thought I’d want or need this conne
ction to a man and it caught me by surprise. I was blindsided by you. You snuck up on me when I wasn’t looking and suddenly you were there—here,” she amended, placing her hand over her heart. “I don’t want to mess this up.”

  He kissed her furrowed brow, trying to ease the strain that was so evident. Her words and expression were so earnest. So heartbreakingly vulnerable. He never wanted her to feel fear when she was with him, but some things were out of his control. He, who was used to absolute control in all aspects of his life, had to accept that when it came to this woman he was in no way in control of anything at all.

  “It won’t be easy,” he said truthfully. “But nothing good or worthwhile is ever easy. We’ll work at it together. United, we can conquer anything. I want you to have faith in that. And the other thing you need to know is that I’m not going anywhere. No matter how hard it gets, no matter how difficult things may be, I’m here to stay and I’m never giving up on you or us.”

  Tears glittered more brightly, clinging to her eyelashes, and finally slid soundlessly down her cheeks. He thumbed one away with a gentle touch, his heart aching at the fear and uncertainty in both her eyes and words.

  “I won’t give up either,” she quietly vowed. “Don’t let me run, Jensen. Don’t let me hide from you—us. It’s what I do best. When things get sticky, I retreat, I run, and I stick my head in the sand where I know it’s safe. Don’t give up on me. I’ll try never to hurt you. I need you to believe that I want this. I want you and I want there to be an us.”

  He smiled, contentment ever growing in his soul. “If you run, I’ll just come after you and drag you back to me. I won’t let you get away, baby. Not unless that’s truly what you want. I want you to be mine, but more than that, I want you to be happy and for you to feel safe. Always.”

  She closed her eyes, visibly collecting herself, and when she reopened them they burned with earnestness. “I love you.”

  The simple statement with such a wealth of emotion behind it was staggering. He felt humbled by the love and trust burning in her eyes. Never had he felt more unworthy than right here and now but he wasn’t going to turn down such a precious gift. Ever.

  He squeezed her tight, savoring her softness against his much harder body. “I love you too, Kylie. We’ll make it, okay? We’ll get there. Just give us time.”

  Her gaze lowered but not before he saw the flicker of pain in her eyes.

  “I feel like such a failure,” she admitted. “I know I can trust you and yet I couldn’t even be intimate with you without tying you up. It sounds so ridiculous. Here I’m saying I love you and I trust you and we didn’t even achieve penetration. How does that not make me a huge hypocrite to say one thing and do something altogether different?”

  His heart turned over at the consternation in her voice. He nudged her chin up with his fingers, forcing her to meet his gaze.

  “Baby, this is a huge leap forward for us—you. There is no hurry and I don’t want you beating yourself up over this. I’m happy and you’re happy. Nothing else matters. In time you’ll trust me enough to let me make love to you. You’ll trust yourself. Until then, you’ll tie me to the bed each time until you feel confident enough to take the ultimate plunge.”

  Her lips turned down into a grimace. “I wish I were as confident as you.”

  “I have enough confidence for both of us,” he said gently. “We will get there, Kylie. Rome wasn’t built in a day. This will and should take time. It’s not something we can take too lightly. You have to absolutely feel safe with me, because if we jump the gun, we can do far more damage by trying to rush things. I’m perfectly content to leave things as they are until you’re ready to take that final step. You don’t have to apologize nor do you have to justify your fears. Not to me. Never to me. I love you and love is about doing whatever it takes to safeguard the one you love.”

  She leaned up, pressing her soft mouth to his. “I love you so much,” she whispered against his lips. “I don’t deserve you or your patience but I thank God for both. I never imagined feeling this way about anyone. It’s scary and beautiful all at the same time.”

  He kissed her back, slow and sweet, his tongue tasting her, lapping tenderly at her lips and tongue. Then he leaned back, simply savoring the connection between them. This moment when they both laid themselves bare. He didn’t want this moment to end. Didn’t want the outside world intruding on something so new and beautiful. Fragile and vulnerable.

  “Not to change the subject but we didn’t talk about my conversation with Dash and I promised you full disclosure. And I can’t think of a better time to talk to you than when you’re in my arms all soft and sweet.”

  She smiled. “What does it say about me that Dash and my job were the absolute furthest things from my mind?”

  “I think what it says about you is that you were too focused on me and, while that may make me an egotistical bastard, I like that you aren’t thinking of anything else when you’re with me.”

  She kissed him again before settling back so she could see him. Her hair spilled over the pillow like satin. She was nestled on her side, her legs entwined with his. He was already sporting another hard-on, but he didn’t try to hide it. He wanted her to know how much he wanted and desired her. How beautiful he found her.

  “So what did Dash have to say? And what exactly did you tell him?”

  He stroked his hand down her body, unable to keep from touching her as they conversed. There was something decidedly intimate about talking about even mundane topics in bed, wrapped around one another, a barrier to the outside world.

  “I told him to start looking for another office manager because your talents were wasted in that area. I told him I wanted you to have the rest of the week off. You need rest, but admittedly that’s me being selfish because I like having you all to myself and I’m not ready to let you go just yet or share you with anyone else.”

  She looked pleased with his statement and not at all angry that he was