Finding a Body (The Dark Herbalist Book #4) LitRPG series

by Michael Atamanov

“Mandrake wine! This is the best stuff made by mortals on the planet!”

  The ghastly old man’s brusque demeanor immediately turned to intrigue. Charon extended his pole and helped me up on his boat. He spent a long time twirling the bottle in his hands and looking it over, clicking his tongue in approval. But he didn’t open it and stashed it beneath the bench.

  “What do you need then? Shall I bring you somewhere?”

  “That is one thing. I need to get somewhere that’s hard to reach and you know the way. But that’s for later. First I wanted to talk business. I’ve got a big war with the undying on the horizon and I wanted to ask you a question. How hard would it be to get your divine relatives to come help me? And how much might that run me?”

  Charon thought for a long time. And when he spoke, I could sense a lack of confidence in the old man’s voice, actually more like veiled refusal:

  “They’ll never agree, Amra. I mean, you know us gods. Before they do you a favor, they make you run around the world on some wild goose chase. One day its ‘perform twelve feats,’ another it’s ‘go get the Golden Fleece.’ After that it’s something else. And it would be fine if they really needed those things. But they never do. The gods are just bored after a thousand years of life. And we mock the people who pray to us, sending them to every corner of the globe with ridiculous tasks.”

  I understood that I needed to fundamentally change tactics. I couldn’t be asking the gods for things, I needed to approach this differently. If the millennia had bored them so, maybe I could have them beg me to join in and have some fun.

  “Yes, that’s what I’m talking about! There will be a massive battle royale soon! Even the Trojan War will pale in comparison both in number of fighters and diversity. And I’m offering the gods the chance to take part. Hundreds of thousands of soldiers, overwhelming hordes of monsters! Mythical creatures, djinns, humans, orcs and elves, combat magic and all kinds of blessings on every side. And the most unbelievable pets. You won’t see that kind of variety in the best zoo! Even the Sphinx, who’s legendary for always staying in one place, couldn’t hold resist the temptation and will be there!”

  “The Sphinx is coming?” Charon was surprised and didn’t hide it. “I know that old cat. He hasn’t moved an inch in fifteen thousand years. And you’re saying he’s going to take part? That means this really will be a sight to see. But Amra, just so you know, the gods can’t just up and come to someone else’s party uninvited. It isn’t right. It just feels somehow like we’re punching below our weight...”

  “Well that won’t be how this goes at all! As Dark Sovereign, I invite them officially! I have the full right to do so! So no one will be surprised if all your relatives show up. And I can say for sure that no one will think it’s beneath them! The price for entry to the whole grand show is just one little vial of their blood each! Then they can muck about to their hearts’ content!”

  “Is that it? Just a bit of blood? Then count me in!” the ghastly old man took an old bronze knife from a gap in the boards and slit his arm. “Will this be enough?”

  I hurried to place an open flask to it, collecting a few of the thick dark droplets.

  Blood of Charon (unique alchemy ingredient)

  “That’s plenty!” I said, hurrying to stuff the rare divine blood into my inventory.

  What a treat this was for a vampire! Divine blood raised Taste Tester by fifty points in one go! And if any of Charon’s kin decided to show up, well... I was afraid to even guess. Meanwhile Charon, whose wound was already healed, started speaking:

  “My sister little Eris dropped by a couple days ago. She was very upset that I gave the ancient gong away. And she’s mad at you, Amra. She says you summoned her to do a job and didn’t pay her for it, not even as much as a simple thank you! Eris meanwhile turned all your enemies against one another in Lars. More than three thousand undying died in that little dustup! Many of them were so mad they refused to stay in the war against the Dark Sovereign! You should apologize to Eris or something, at least send her a gift...”

  I promised to fix it and curry the favor of the easily offended and capricious goddess of strife. Finally, it was time to discuss the main reason I’d come to these marshy riverbanks, and ask Charon to bring me to see Cerberus.

  “I really don’t recommend it, Amra!” the immortal geezer tried to talk me out of it. “You have just one life left, and Cerberus is a ferocious monster, the very strongest beast in Boundless Realm ! And his temperament...” Charon turned around for some reason and started looking over his old ratty chlamys. Only then did I notice that, at butt level, it had a new patch sewn in.

  “I need to go there regardless!” I kept insisting. But the ferryman of souls just waved a hand gloomily:

  “It’s your life, it’s up to you. For what it’s worth, the kingdom of the dead is just two steps from here. You can get there on your own without my help. But let me warn you, no one can keep Cerberus for long! Even Hercules,” Charon said, distastefully spitting out the hated name of the man who once bested him. “He had to let the three-headed hound go eventually. And let me warn you right now, I will not transport Cerberus in the boat! He won’t fit, and he doesn’t like me for some reason. So you’ll have to use a strong chain of some kind to lead him up the river on your own. Well, that’s if you can actually handle the fanged titan, of course.”

  Wait! I actually could get a strong enchanted chain. I got the idea to rush to my castle and have my dwarves forge me a mithril chain. It would be strong, and there was no better metal for enchanting. But I remembered the legend of another ferocious beast, Fenrir. He had broken several such chains, even those forged by the best smiths in the land. And yet that powerful wolf, who struck fear into the hearts of even the gods, was powerless against a hair rope. But I had something better. A whip made from a hair of Hel, goddess of death. That would make a fine leash! So I asked Charon to get underway.

  * * *

  THE CURSED CERBERUS was quite awe-inspiring, both his colossal dimensions and ghastly appearance. His three heads each had a set of jaws that could easily fit a sedan. His teeth were each a foot and a half long! Instead of hair he had poisonous snakes. His bark knocked me off my feet and shook me to the bone. If not for my absolute immunity to fear — a property I gained from the Fenrir’s Paws gloves — I would have just forgotten about his and run far away without looking for a road. And what a stench emanated from all three of Cerberus’s jaws! My eighty percent Poison Resistance and respectable Regeneration wasn’t enough. I constantly had to drink alchemical elixirs to restore my health and raise my resists.

  And although Cerberus was not trying to attack my Goblin Herbalist, our massive level gap was too much for me to take him under control even very briefly. VIXEN came at this importune moment to gift her master some rare prey, but the ghastly hound knocked her out of the air with a roar, then tore the one-hundred-thirty-foot-long level-430 winged snake to shreds in less than a minute together with her bounty. I didn’t even manage to see what my stunning emerald pet had brought, nor could I help her in any way.

  And the huge carcass of the winged snake wasn’t even enough for Cerberus! Seemingly there was no sating his thousand-year hunger. Whatever food I brought, the hound just snapped it up and demanded more. And although I brought A LOT of food, in the end I used it all up. I even had to feed him the Mythical Hound guard dog, may Modgud and all dog lovers forgive me. It just hadn’t found a place in the Gray Pack. It was a great shame, but the alternative was to turn around and leave empty handed.

  Time passed and nothing changed. The only thing that consoled me was that my Animal Control, Regeneration and Superboss skills were going up at least once a minute, if not faster. I actually found a way to level these abilities very rapidly. I just sat calmly next to Cerberus as he drooled profusely and fed the fearsome beast by hand all while making sure he didn’t bite off my arm and that his poison-snake hair didn’t bite me. I was really hoping that my rapidly-improving Animal Control
skill would eventually be enough. To increasing my chances, I also took all my remaining stat points — and by level 442 I had 936 of them piled up — and placed them into Charisma.

  And then, after seven hours of sitting around bored, when I was just about to doze off in exhaustion, it happened. A line in the Gray Pack control interface flickered past saying a new creature was available: Level-999 Legendary Hound. Unfortunately I didn’t react in time, and missed that little nibble. But it gave me renewed strength and, an hour and a half later, I didn’t miss my second chance!!!

  Cerberus

  Modified Chimeroid

  Level-999 Legendary Hound (unique creature)

  Hurriedly, my hands shaking in agitation, I tied the indestructible hair-whip around the middle neck. The marker on the mini-map flickered and the red became green. Not even blue, meaning ally, simply green: friendly.

  ATTENTION!!!

  You may only control this creature for a limited time

  Cerberus will break free in 71 hours 59 minutes 56 seconds

  Three days? More than enough because my enemies had already crossed the Upper Styx and mountain passes. All they had left was a day and a half or so to reach my castle.

  I didn’t take Cerberus anywhere, leaving him in his usual place to guard the entrance to the kingdom of the dead. There was no reason for my enemies to know about this little goblin’s new weapon. Cerberus should come as a great little surprise! But still, I was not allowed to leave so easily.

  Black whirlwinds gathered, and next to me appeared a ghastly old man in a black chlamys just as raggedy as Charon’s but wearing a crown of bone over his matted gray hair. He had a heavy staff raised in his bony hands.

  Hades

  God of the Kingdom of the Dead (unique creature)

  Would you look at that! Here was one of the most powerful gods of the ancient pantheon! The brother of Zeus and Poseidon! I gave an immediate deep bow and greeted the deity with all the politeness I could muster.

  “Come now, Dark Sovereign. That’s no way to behave...” grumbled Hades, lowering his staff and leaning on it.

  Seemingly this was an irritated master coming to the news that his guard dog was being stolen from his yard. But he quickly realized it was all temporary and in full accordance with the game rules, so he didn’t argue. “Just don’t make my little dog mad and try to keep him out of the light. Cerberus’s right head has conjunctivitis, so bright light hurts him. And feed Cerberus well before releasing him back. Even I sometimes forget.”

  Judging by the three-headed hound’s insatiable hunger, “sometimes” meant at least the last few millennia. But I of course didn’t say that out loud: Quite the opposite, I answered that I was a vampire and also couldn’t stand light. And so I said would be just as cautious with this astonishing creature.

  “Ah Amra, it’s good you reminded me about vampires and blood. There’s a rumor going around that you’re inviting people to a rare spectacle of combat. I myself am not a great lover of shows and wouldn’t go, but my wife Persephone has been nagging because we haven’t been out in three thousand years. She keeps saying we’re gonna grow mold down in my kingdom. So we will be coming. Here, take our payment for the ticket!”

  Blood of Hades (unique alchemy ingredient)

  Blood of Persephone (unique alchemy ingredient)

  I then trying not to reveal my extreme excitement, accepted and stashed both vials of divine blood. Cool! Another +100 to Taste Tester!!! The old man then started making excuses:

  “Persephone and I of course are no warriors. So I wouldn’t count on us doing any fighting. We’re just coming to watch and do some relaxing. But I heard that Ares and Athena are planning to have a grand old time, just like in the olden days. They’re supposedly already sharpening their swords and polishing their armor. So expect us all to drop by! See you soon, Amra!”

  * * *

  I MORE FELL than walked out of the elevator on floor 333 of the Castle. My legs were quavering and not obeying me, there were dark spots floating before my eyes. I was simply so exhausted I was in a stupor. It wasn’t enough that I had hardly slept for two nights, my next day was also just packed to the brim with events. And my game session turned out longer than ever. My only desire was to crawl into bed and collapse, dead to the world. But that was not in the stars. Kira was inside waiting for me.

  “Timothy, apologies for what happened yesterday. I just didn’t expect it to turn out that way, I wasn’t ready. But if you haven’t changed your mind, let’s go!”

  “Where?” I didn’t understand, my mind stalled in exhaustion.

  “What do you mean where? Let’s just sign the thing quick without all the pomp and circumstance. It will be safer for you if no one knows about our marriage. Let’s just have couple trusty quiet witnesses and your sister Valeria. We don’t need to invite anyone else. Your suit is on a hanger in the next room, there are a pair of rings on the table, too. The witnesses are waiting in flying cars in the parking lot, so get dressed and let’s go!”

  It was all so unexpected and spontaneous that I couldn’t find any objections. Then, just an hour later my ring finger was adorned with a prim little gold band. And Kira had the same decorating her finger, though to be honest a bit smaller.

  “Timothy, did I make your wish come true?” my glamorous wife asked cunningly on the ride home. She looked utterly incomparable in her white wedding dress.

  “Wish? When I asked you yesterday, that was an outpouring of the soul. That was sincere, not some wish. But considering the significance of what’s happened of course my wish has come true! I could never have even dreamed I’d marry a woman this pretty!”

  But for some reason that answer didn’t satisfy Kira and she looked at me in astonishment:

  “Wait, wait, Timothy. Are you trying to say that was authentic? You just spontaneously offered me your hand and heart? It wasn’t about Inessa Tyle’s will?”

  “Kira, I have no idea what’s in that will! More accurately, Andrei Soloviev mentioned that your grandma willed me two percent of the corporation’s stocks. But I don’t get what that has to do with our wedding.”

  “Two percent?!” My young wife started laughing sonorously. “You don’t want thirty-three and three tenths of a percent? My grandmother’s adherence to old-fashioned viewpoints was not limited to family matters. She was also a bigtime schemer. Clearly, she wanted to test my feelings for you. The will says that if we get married before the next board meeting, you get all of Inessa Tyle’s shares. And that is no more and no less than one third of all stocks in the Boundless Realm Corporation! It includes the eleven percent I would have gotten and everything that was going to all other potential heirs. To be honest, the will also said that if you died, my share would increase from eleven to thirteen percent. I assume that was my grandmother testing my feelings as well, just a bit on the grimmer side. But I have turned down the twenty-five and thirty billion credits in exchange for a great husband!”

  Val, sitting next to us in the flying car, was listening to Kira’s speech. Once again she couldn’t hold back her emotions and swore out loud. How many times had I told my sister off for that! But this time Kira and I both wagged our fingers, then exchanged glances and started laughing. And I answered about her losing billions:

  “All those losses are more than compensated by the fact that our family will now retain control over the richest corporation on the planet.”

  “How do you mean, Timothy? Your share isn’t enough, and even if you manage to get mine unfrozen, our combined total still wouldn’t constitute a majority at the meeting!”

  “That’s my concern now, Kira. Believe you me, we easily can win that vote. But first I have another battle that will be no less heated! And I’m counting on you to help. I need an item I asked you to get for me a long time ago.”

  Two Battles. Two Peaces

  THE BATTLE WAS already entering its eighth hour, and there was still no end in sight. It all began when thirty large enemy ships had tried t
o cross Frigid Lake in the early morning under thick fog. Despite their best efforts, the incursion did not go unnoticed, and the attackers were met by a pirate fleet of eighty galleys and triremes. And that started a pitched battle. Pirate Queen Angelica Wayward had more than twice as many ships, but the two forces were approximately evenly matched. At the end of the day, living players were just more intelligent than NPC’s and made decisions faster.

  The sea monsters loyal to the Dark Sovereign were a big help, though. They were commanded by the thirty-foot-long Oceanid Olilissa, Max Sochnier’s longtime companion. I had her brought from the ocean to Frigid Lake well in advance so she could get used to the fresh water and bring the local creatures over to my side. And the mermaids, naiads and tritons really did help, puncturing the bottom of the enemy ships from underwater, tangling their nets in the rudders, breaking oars and killing oarsmen.

  But in the end, it wasn’t the rage of the pirates or the aquatic monsters that tipped the scales of victory, it was the unexpected arrival of Hades’ brother Poseidon, king of the sea. I didn’t know how the marine god, who was thought to live at the bottom of the deepest oceans, got into the icy and freshwater mountain lake. He couldn’t have come up rivers. That path was blocked by the dam my giants and cyclopes built. And that slippery rapscallion hadn’t paid for his ticket with a drop of blood. When I cautiously mentioned that that Max Sochnier, who had a better understanding of the sea god’s nature, explained that Poseidon hadn’t come for the Dark Sovereign. Instead he was answering the call of his children and grandchildren: the cyclopes.

  Poseidon fundamentally changed the balance of forces with his devastating trident and all that remained of the enemy fleet, just two tattered ships, fled in shame. However Pirate Queen Angelica Wayward only had eleven of eighty ships in fighting shape herself.