“Why did he do it?” I asked him “I didn’t intend any of that to happen.”
“Patrick has always had a bad temper ever since you disappeared. His father beat him when you were stolen away. The doctors were surprised he lived through it. My uncle said it was his fault for not watching over you. My aunt said it was his fault that he needed a tutor to teach him because he wasn’t applying himself enough. I think he is just taking it all out on you, even though I know he loved you very much when you were little. I loved you too!”
Gavin rose from the bed.
“Lay still,” he said. “I’ll be right back.”
A few moments later he returned with a jar of something in his hands. I was still lying on my stomach and he pushed his hand under my nightgown and started smoothing an ointment over my bottom. It felt soothing and he was being so gentle I was grateful for his administrations. When he was finished, he pulled the sheet up over my body.
“I’ll come to check on you tonight after everyone is asleep.”
I nodded. Perhaps Gavin was the only friend I had here, even if he was to blame for what had happened, I told myself.
I fell asleep again. If Megan had brought me any food while I was asleep, I didn’t notice any trays left behind. I wasn’t hungry anyway, I told myself. It hurt too much to move, and my head was aching. I remained on my stomach and went back to sleep again. When I woke next, it was to Gavin coming through the door.
“Patrick is fit to be tied. Loretta insisted the maid be let go. I think it was her way to get revenge on Patrick. If he insisted they keep the maid, it would indicate a deeper interest in the girl.”
“That is why no one has come to my room all day,” I mumbled. “Megan was supposed to bring me something to eat.”
“Patrick said he would do it,” Gavin said. “I think he is trying to punish you still.”
“I wasn’t hungry anyway,” I told him.
I was still lying on my stomach, because it hurt too much to lie on my back. Gavin pulled my nightgown up and started working the ointment into my skin again. I liked the feel of his hand because it was distracting me from all my worries.
Patrick, the one who claimed I should put on weight, was now withholding food from me as a punishment because his wife insisted Megan needed to go. Apparently, no one knew I was not getting fed and if Gavin said anything, Patrick would know Gavin had been to see me, then I wouldn’t have him here with me either.
“How is Bandit?” I asked.
“I took him out of the kennels and put him somewhere else, so no one would use him to try and punish you more.”
“Don’t tell anyone you know Patrick is not bringing me food,” I said. “They will know you have talked to me.”
“Yeah, you are probably right. I’ll bring you some food the next time I come,” he promised.
“I am glad I have you as my friend,” I said, reaching up to touch his cheek.
“Don’t worry, Helen. I will make sure nothing happens to you.”
“Did you talk to Patrick yet?” I asked.
“I haven’t had a chance to. He left, right after they sent Megan away. I think he is securing her a place to stay.”
“That is why I haven’t seen him, and he hasn’t brought me food. He probably forgot about someone needing to feed me.”
“No. That might be why he hasn’t come up here today, but I heard him say he would arrange for someone to feed you since he was going to be out. I doubt he bothered to do it.”
“How long do you think he will be gone?”
“I’m not sure, but if he doesn’t come back, I will bring you food. In a couple of days, you will be feeling better and will be able to be up and around. Patrick will have returned and will let you out of the room.”
“Why is it up to him? “ I asked. “Doesn’t my mother or father have a say about this?”
“Patrick says because it was his fault that you were taken in the first place, he wants to be fully responsible for you to show his parents he is capable of looking out for your welfare. I can’t say anything or all hell will break lose. The servants won’t say anything because it is not their place. They are under the assumption you are not feeling well and Patrick has everything under control.”
“I’m afraid, Gavin. I thought Patrick would never stop spanking me! Bring me some clothes to put on, Gavin! I refuse to stay here any longer!”
“No! You are not in any condition to ride your horse, and that is your only means out of here without anyone knowing. You are safe enough right now. Patrick isn’t even here! Later, when it is safer, and no one will suspect it, I will help you escape if you still want to leave.”
“I don’t know if I can deal with all of this, Gavin,” I whimpered.
Gavin turned me to him and put his arms around me.
“I will keep you safe, Helen. Do you want me to remain with you tonight?”
“No!”
I pulled away.
“If Patrick comes home and discovers you are here, then he will prevent you from coming in the future somehow.”
“You are probably right, only I don’t want you to do anything stupid. Promise me you will remain in your room, and not try to climb out the window, or something.”
“If you promise to help me escape later,” I insisted.
“For right now, you need to get better.”
I noticed he hadn’t promised, but he had offered it earlier, so I felt I could trust him. He turned me and started putting more ointment on me. His gentle hand felt reassuring to me. I wanted the feel of his hand working the soreness out of my skin.
I fell asleep to the feel of Gavin’s hand caressing my bottom. I started to dream about Wawee’ne touching me in his gentle way. I fell into the dream willingly, confusing the feel of Gavin’s hands with the feel of Wawee’ne in my dream.
“I love the way you are touching me,” I whispered to Wawee’ne, thinking I was actually with him.
“I love touching you this way,” he responded in a low voice.
I kept remembering how wonderful Wawee’ne had made me feel in the past. I wanted that feeling all over again, and in my dream, he seemed to want to give it to me. I was transported in my dream back to the banks of the Platte River. I thought I had never left. Every touch was drawing me into pleasure. I forgot about how much it had hurt when Patrick was hitting me. The touch I was feeling now engulfed me in wanting to block all of that out. All I wanted to feel was that touch. That wonderful, gentle touch of a man making my worries melt away and causing me to focus on something else.
It seemed as though I could feel Wawee’ne’s lips, soft upon my body. I liked the way his lips touched me, so tender and seeking, drawing away the hurt and the pain, allowing something else to take its place. I welcomed that feeling. It was something I had experienced before and wanted to experience it again. I heard myself whimpering at the touch, wanting more of it, begging for more of it. I was immersed deeper into my dream until it was all consuming and that was the only thing I wanted to focus on, Wawee’ne being there with me, showering his love on me, causing my soul to rise in an effort to capture that memory even more vividly.
The vividness overtook my senses. Those soft lips quenched my longings until I was caught between dream and reality, the reality trying to break through as my dreaming-self welcomed it, yearned for it, prayed for my dream to become the reality. On some level, I believed it had, as my breath caught, and my heart pounded, and all those old feelings raced through me for the second time in my life. That coveted feeling waking that inner part of me that relished the dream and the memory, which would be held in my heart forever.
The dream seemed never-ending as it repeated itself, while I strived to relive that glory again. I willed it to repeat itself, so I could remain in the safety of it even longer. I felt as though I was actually trembling inside. It seemed too real to me, maybe because I wanted it to be real, so I accepted it as real when my soul soared and flew to a higher level of awareness. I could
hear Wawee’ne murmuring against my skin, his mouth caressing me with more intent, chasing away my fears, coaxing my thoughts to be focused on him. I swam through sparkles of hoped and love, astounded at the magnitude of what it could bring if I could only return to that day beside the river. I heard myself crying out for him and Wawee’ne promising always to be there for me. I knew he would be there for me even though he was hundreds of miles away.
When I woke, later that night, Gavin was no longer in my room. I went back to sleep. I wanted to have the dream again.
I was woken up abruptly when someone lit the lamp on my bedside table. I thought it was Gavin bringing me some food. I turned to look and met Patrick’s eyes. He didn’t look apologetic. He looked a little irritated.
“Megan was sent away,” he said flatly. “It’s your fault she is gone. I told you she would be sent away. Now, in order to see her, I will have to make excuses to go into town.”
He gave me a scowling look.
“Get out of bed,” he demanded. “I assume you have been there all day.”
“You never sent me any food to eat,” I complained.
“Megan wasn’t here to bring it to you, so I wanted you to discover the result of your selfish act of bringing your dog in the house. As a matter of fact, she will not be replaced. You will have to take care of yourself from now on. You managed to do it before I brought you here, so I am sure you can manage.”
“I would rather take care of myself, but what good is it to get dressed? You have locked me in my room,” I complained.
“I can’t trust you. No telling what you will do next. My parents want to find you a suitable husband. Once that is accomplished, I will wash my hands of you. Until your welcome home Ball, you will remain in this room. If you don’t wish to get dressed, that will be up to you.
“When you were born, I knew things would change, but I didn’t know how much they would change because of you. Now I wish I had never found you, but I thought it would change the way father treated me, once I brought you back. Therefore, I want to make sure you will be prepared when your Ball comes, so you will not discourage any young men our parents will approve of, and not disappoint them. Once you have accepted a marriage proposal, you will be his problem to deal with, not mine. Then maybe things will get back to normal again.
“Only the truth is, they have never been normal ever since that crazy school teacher took you away. In the beginning, I was sort of glad she took you because then I didn’t have to compete with you for our parent’s attention. However, once you disappeared all their attention was focused on finding you and any attention they gave me, was to scold me for being a terrible brother.”
I thought maybe Gavin was wrong. Patrick had never loved me, not even as a baby. His doting on me was most likely born of responsibility our parents made him feel. Patrick grabbed my hand and pulled me up out of the bed.
“I told you to get out of bed,” he growled.
I was holding the sheet about me, but he pulled it from my grasp.
“I need to look at you and see where we can make improvements,” he stated, walking around me and exploring my body with his eyes, through my thin garment.
“You are a pitiful sight. I told you, you were too skinny!”
“Starving me is not going to make it better,” I pointed out.
He merely chuckled, as he ran his finger over my ribcage through the sheer material.
“I can feel every rib in your body,” he said.
Then he ran his hand over the other side of my ribcage.
“And those breasts! They barely exist! I don’t see how you can claim you are a woman. You made a better boy when I first laid eyes on you.”
He put his hands against my breast and flattened them.
“Yes, maybe we should just pass you off as my little brother, and say we made a mistake in the gender when you were born,” he laughed. “I don’t know what man would ever want to touch you while the lights were on? Do you actually have anything between your legs that is worth it? Are you actually still a virgin?” he asked. “Maybe I should check.”
“It is none of your business if I am a virgin or not,” I hissed, trying to move away from him.
“Of course it is my business. We can not pawn off someone who has lost her virginity to an unsuspecting suitor. We would never hear the end of it, and your husband may divorce you on the spot!”
“I can assure you, I am a virgin,” I muttered between gritted teeth.
“Can you? You expect me to take your word for it? Maybe I should bring in a doctor to make sure unless you wish me to do it.”
“I don’t’ know how you would discover it, even if you tried,” I said in a shaking voice.
“If I have to employ a doctor, everyone will know your virginity is in question.”
“What if I am not a virgin?” I asked, hoping that it would discourage my family in trying to find me a husband.
“I don’t think you would want that to be the outcome, but it would complicate matters.”
“What do I have to do if I was tested?” I asked quietly.
“Nothing. All you would have to do is relax and let the doctor examine you. Should I set up an appointment?”
“How does he conclude I am a virgin or not?” I wanted to know.
“He has to discover how tight you feel. There are two kinds of tests, you know. One is called the one finger test and the other is called the two finger test.”
“You mean he will have to…to…”
“How else do you think it could be done?”
“I refuse to allow it. You will just have to take my word for it,” I cried.
“Very well, but if you prove to be a problem, I will give you the examination myself! What that means, is I need complete cooperation from this point on. I will be instructing you in whatever I deem necessary to turn you into the woman who would not only attract her future husband but please my parents when they believe the perfect match has offered for you. I will inform, whoever offers for you, that you are a virgin. However, if I receive any trouble from you, I will take it upon myself to hold you down in order to prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt. Now it’s time to get to work! First we will work on your posture.”
He handed me a book and placed it on my head.
“I want to watch you walk across the room, balancing that book until I am satisfied with your performance.”
“Can’t this wait until morning?” I asked.
“Why? You have been sleeping all day. No time like the present to get started.”
I started walking across the room, but he would do little things to distract me, and I would end up dropping the book.
“Straighten your shoulders,” he insisted, and came forward, pulling against my shoulders and patting my stomach. Holding me in that position, until he was satisfied with it, and then told me to start walking again.
I felt weak because I had not had anything to eat except for a biscuit I had found in the corner of the room that Megan had missed. I was wondering why Gavin had never come with more food, but he probably knew Patrick was back and didn’t dare come.
After about a half hour of parading back and forth in front of Patrick with the book on my head, he stopped me.
“Do you know how to dance?” he asked.
“A little,” I told him.
I didn’t want to tell him Gavin had tried to teach me.
“Let me see,” he said.
He too went and wound up the music box in my jewelry case and let it start playing. He took my hand in his, placing his hand on my waist, and started to guide me around the floor. Each time he turned me, he pulled me closer to him, clasping my back as he held me firmly against him.
“If you weren’t my sister,” he mumbled, “I would have no problem taking your virginity myself!”
“Perhaps the lessons should end,” I suggested.
“It is a shame Megan is not here to tend to me in a situation like this,” he whispered. “You know i
t is your doing I don’t have her services any longer.”
“I am sure you will find someone else to entertain yourself with. Or maybe you should try your wife if you are in need of a feminine touch.”
Patrick laughed. “She would be as eager to appease me as you would,” he said. “The difference is I could probably persuade you easier than her.”
“I think not!” I said stepping back. “I won’t continue to be your puppet if you insist on abusing my sensibilities. I have stood for all I am going to stand for, so get out of my room!”
“Very well. I don’t wish to upset you beyond repair. The better you do with your lessons, the sooner you will have me out of your life for good.”
“I would like that immensely!”
“I’ll bring you something to eat, and afterwards, you can take a bath. However, I will be right outside the door since I don’t trust you. I am going to keep you in my sight as long as it is necessary. When I can’t keep my eye on you, you will be locked safely in your room.”
CHAPTER NINE
Now, Patrick made sure I had all the food I desired. There was little to do in my room except to read and practice all the things Patrick was trying to teach me. Because I was so bored, I ate everything Patrick brought me and asked for more. Each day, I would look at myself in the mirror to see if I was putting on any weight. I noticed my breasts were starting to fill out, and I felt Patrick would be pleased.
At night, Gavin would come to my room, and we would sneak down to the stables where I would play with Bandit, whom I could tell was starting to get anxious. Gavin said he growled at everyone who came near him, except for himself. I knew Bandit did not like being cooped up in the kennel all the time.
“There is a full moon tonight. Let’s take a moonlight ride on the beach,” I suggested, while we were down at the stable. “I am sure Fire Cracker misses me as much as Bandit does, and then we could let Bandit run along with us.”
“A fabulist idea! I wish I had thought of it,” Gavin laughed.
Gedi Puniku- Cat Eyes Page 12